My mom has been diagnosed with dementia and has been living in a nursing home for about a year. She was living in squalor (still is, she is a hoarder) and she has NPD. I am trying to sort out her finances while working and taking care of my family (husband only at home on weekends). My in-laws have never offered me a word of support or comfort, but they have recently told my husband that we were doing a poor job taking care of my mother (and my husband felt that he has to justify my actions, which makes me furious). They say that my mom should not be in a nursing home and that her only problem is that she is a bit "messy" (condescending tone). I know that my mother plays the victim whenever anyone visits her and I suspect that she and my mother-in-law discuss me a lot. I feel completely stressed out, even though I am not a caregiver, and it is now taking a toll at work and at home. What can I do?