In home caregiver cannot sleep at night. Any suggestions?

What about a cup of chamomile tea before bed? Drink about 1/2 hour before you're ready to go to sleep. There are also some good natural supplements out there as well (Nature Garden has a good one).
If you don't want to or can't take herbals, have you thought about a noise machine (you can get this on a smartphone as well)? My son when little liked to go to sleep listening to nature sounds (and still does). You can listen to those kinds of sounds or what is called "white noise"- the sound of a fan, etc. It might help!

[[[[[[[ HUGS DEBBIE ! ]]]]]]]]

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

I don't know what really to do but if I sleep in the room with her she would sleep a little better on her good nights. But there is noway no one can stay awake. If you have a hospital bed maybe that would help. My mother never tried to climb over the rails because they were too high. But she didn't want them up either. So good luck and hope you can get some sleep some time

Have you tried beer?

My tried and true methods for sleeping:
- write down what you need to do for tomorrow so your brain can relax
- turn off or cover up devices emitting bright or blue lights
- turn down the temperature
- don't eat after 7 pm
- take a relaxing bath or shower
- play soft music

Can't blame Mom. Sounds like your plans are working.

You need a great big hug to start with, so here's a virtual hug.
I hate to say it but it seems they've talked their way out of the responsibility of taking care of Mom; which is a crying shame!
It seems; to me at least; they've seemed to coerce you; probably thru a guilt trip of their own about how they're way too busy and such. A load of crap since you've retired and have Earned some time to relax...plain & simple.
If you cannot turn off your brain, it's obvious they need to take a more hands on approach to caring for Mom on a Daily basis. trust me I was there 5 years ago and I'm still doing it because they Won't. BTW, I'm only 53 and still work 5 12hr days at the rail yard on swing-shift (6pm-6am). I finnaly have some help; 9am-1pm 4 days a week, from a P.D.N., so I can Try to sleep but even that's hit or miss.
You need to be blunt with your 2 siblings about them taking 1/3 of the responsibility each in caring for Mom or have them pay 1/3 each for a P.D.N. or caregiver to come to Your house and give you some time to enjoy your retirement.
I know I'm coming off a bit harsh but 2 months ago; after more than a year of having to go to work with 2 hours sleep every 2-3 days; I Had to start seeing a psychologist weekly for 3 hours to try to get my head screwed back on straight and get my BP down from a scary 153/95 to 141/86 (so far it seems to be dropping every week) and costs me $300/mo.
Don't end up like me, feeling 10 years older than you are and despising your siblings.

I believe that you need respite. I agree with Countrymouse that you should do a review of the caring as the one year anniversary is this month. Good luck and prayers sent.

I allowed my siblings to talk me into doing everything too. It doesn’t work out well. It’s exhausting!

Tell your mom and siblings that this arrangement is not working out for anyone.

I hope that you find the right solution for your family. Best wishes.

My wife was in stage 4 kidney failure and I thought she had dementia. Kidney failure has the symptoms of dementia as the kidneys can not clear the toxins. I had to help her out of bed help her change her clothes help her back in bed about every hour and a half all night. I was in the service during wartime when I had to spend many sleepless nights so I knew my body could keep going with only short bursts of sleep. Rest can help without sleep. She passed last Oct/

Working out does wonders for the mind and body.  If you're not likely to do that, I find that reading when I get in bed helps.  It has to be something to really get and keep your attention though...otherwise the reel to reel worrying takes over and you can't even remember what you read. LOL

I talked with a dementia doc about my insomnia and he said never take a med that shuts your brain down.  He said exercise and read until you finally sleep.  Just to give you some history here...we believe my moms dementia is caused by years and years of taking Benadryl and other "bad meds".  My mom had horrible allergies.  Many of the over the counter drugs she took are now linked to dementia.  So I guess that's my biggest advice is to not take a pill to sleep.

I had the same problem, quiet time was filled with regrets, resentment, etc. I then downloaded podcasts (essentially radio & similar programs) onto my iPod Touch or onto my phone - some are humor programs, history, gardening advice, etc and I fall asleep listening to them. I find that cooking programs made me hungry so I had to skip those. Good luck!

I understand how stressed & exhausted you are as I took care of my mom for many years @ her home & have other suggestions other than the many wonderful ones already given. Try yoga to help work out the stress. Contact your local Alzheimer's Association for help with respite care, a support group for you ( & your family), and they may even come up with some other suggestions. If she or you have a church family, ask for volunteers to sit with her so you can get out of the house in order to decrease your stress level, gardening may help while you're out. Go to the gym while she's being watched. Have one of your siblings stay overnight with her a few nights/week. May also try a bed alarm so that if she does get out of bed you will hear it. If she has the finances you should be paid. You could use her finances to hire an aide for overnight or ask siblings to share the cost. Try taking her to an adult day care 2-3 times a week. Try muscle tightening & releasing techniques @ night. Most of all take care of yourself & keep up with your family activities & outings!

Well, as you're conveniently approaching the one year mark since your mother moved in, this seems like the ideal moment to call a family conference and care plan review.

You didn't take early retirement so that you could become a 24/7 caregiver to a lady with Alzheimer's disease. And that is also not the retirement your husband is looking forward to.

You say in your profile and repeat in your post that your siblings said that you should take your mother in. When did your siblings come to be in control of your and your husband's decisions?

Do the two of YOU want to be your mother's primary caregiver?

Retirement after nearly 40 years' service and the loss of your father are also two major life events which you have had no opportunity to adjust to, because of being ambushed by caregiving. I'm sure that stress is the obvious culprit in your inability to relax and sleep, but I think these two big factors should be taken into account as well.

What other possible arrangements would YOU consider for your mother's care? - I stress the you, because there's no point making a proposal to your family if you're not happy with it yourself.

I refused to use Zoloft or any Sleep-aids - but an Holistic friend recommended Gaia Ashwagandha and I started sleeping again. My DH woke me hourly to help him void and the Ashwagandha allowed me to return to sleep.

Just a thought.

me, too...on some weekends my sibs will take her so I can get one night adjusting, one night sleeping and then back to it

Your body is telling  you are doing too much.   If your mom is no longer, you need to be appointed her guardian, and set up a caretaker agreement.  If your siblings will not help, you should use her money to get a part time aid.  You are doing too much

I got a cloud cam for my dads room. I turn the volume to low (it’s very sensitive so I can still hear if he tries to get up but not his snoring) I leave my phone plugged in and the ap open all night. This way I know if there is a crisis I’ll wake up. He is the same way, stays in bed till I wake him. I did get a sleeping pill from my doc that helped when he first arrived but I don’t need to take it anymore. Hope you can iron this out. Sleep is so important for caregivers!

This is stress. There are lots of relaxation techniques that you can use. One that I have tried the "The Tapping Solution." It's an app that you can put on your phone. Using body tapping around the face and upper chest and guided meditation, it can reduce stress. Also, not one for medications, I learned that a glass of milk with a magnesium tablet (250 mg) also helps and unlike other meds, won't leave you feeling groggy in the morning. The suggestion of a baby monitor is also good, so that you are assured that you will wake up if she does. Last, if you just plain need to check in on her during the night, my mom taught me a trick when my kids were sick and I was worried that I would sleep too soundly to check in on them. Have a BIG glass of water before bed. You will be more likely to wake up to use the bathroom at a better point of your sleep cycle. While up, you can check on mom, then, go back to bed. Hope this helps.

have you tried a baby monitor they help so you can hear if they get up at night etc. it helps also you need a break yes have sibling help neighbors. You are going to get burn out if you try and do this all your self. Good luck

Great big warm hug!

I can't even imagine that your siblings made the decision and you agreed. I would say that you were grieving and not able to really understand what you were doing. Now that the 1st year has passed and emotions are not so raw, it is time to look at the situation.

It has been a year, how much help are your siblings providing for their mom?

They need to step up and take their fair share, like taking mom on their weekends and rotating between themselves so you get 2 days a week minimum for your life or you all need to find a place that mom can receive professional care. I think that with 6 of you, there are plenty of eyes to ensure that she is receiving good care. She will also have peers around her that she can talk to and do activities with. My dad was popular because I brought homemade goodies in that he could share. Great ice breaker for making new friends.

I bet being the oldest you did your share of assisting them as a mini mom growing up and they take you for granted now, they see you in that role. Now you are in that role and it is too much for 1 person to do. And it is unfair that they are placing all the responsibility on you.

Your body is obviously telling you that it is to much, please listen. Statistically 40% of caregivers die before the person that they are caring for. Would your healthy mom put you in a position that you have such high odds of dying because you care for her? I don't personally believe that any loving person would put you in that position. The spirit is willing but the body is weak. Time to ensure that you get to watch your grandbabies grow up, your mom got that.

Best of luck dealing with your siblings, don't let them push you into keeping things status quo.

It sounds like you don't have to worry about her getting out of bed and wondering.
Has she reached a point where you may have to change her at night?
Have you tried..
White noise machine, personally I don't like the white noise but I do like the sounds of a spring night with frogs and crickets and once in a while the thunderstorm is nice (cat hates it though)
Melatonin. Should help you sleep it in natural and will not have you wake with a foggy head like the "nitetime" sleep stuff does. Anything like Benedryl gives me foggy brain.
Start turning off all your electronics an hour before you want to go to sleep. Reading..a book that thing made with paper that you hold in your hand...and a bedside light if you need to do something then start to relax.

Lastly..if you are exhausted, stressed maybe this is something to talk to your doctor about. If you try all the suggestions that have been given there is noting wrong about talking to someone about what is going on and do not discount the possibility of medication to help you. This is a stressful job not to mention that you are a "child" watching her mom decline, watching her slowly die, and there is nothing you can do about it. No matter how good of a job you do.

We purchased an alarm mat with a portable alarm for my mom, and I keep it by my bed. When she steps on it (we have it next to her bed), the alarm rings in my room. We got it on Amazon, and it's well worth the cost!!

Debbie31, others have made good long-term suggestions here, but an immediate short-term solution which you may find useful is to look for Youtube self-hypnosis videos which are specifically designed to help you fall asleep. They involve binaural beats and isochronic tones (soothing musical notes at particular frequencies) combined with a voice gently suggesting that you can relax, sleep, feel good etc. I found Thomas Hall's recordings very useful, but there are other experts doing similar things. They usually list all the suggestions and subliminal messages made throughout the recording, on each recording's webpage, so you know what you are feeding into your subconscious mind.

My mother died four days ago and I was so strung out and over-exhausted that I simply couldn't relax enough to sleep, and had a rapid heartbeat as well which worried me as I couldn't slow it (all due to stress). I finally started playing one of his recordings, and next thing I knew it was seven hours later and I was waking up feeling a LOT better, with a normal heart rate. I can thoroughly recommend this as a quick way to relax and refresh yourself.

Debbie, if Mom is waking you up and you are confident in the monitors then stress and/or your own pain must be what's keeping you up. A long soaking bath with a good book and cold drink is my favorite at home stress reliever. An evening walk with your husband might help. During the day you need to find some stress relievers that work for you like maybe enjoying a cup of coffee on a porch or looking through the latest pictures of your grandchildren.

When I read how your siblings nominated you as Mom's care giver, I thought "how nice" and wondered if you really agreed, especially with those young grandchildren, or got guilted into it. Unfortunately, ALZ is a disease where the road only goes downhill with the care demands significantly increasing. Eventually almost every ALZ patient reaches a point of needing 24/7 care and support almost no single person can provide, even with "some" help. At some point, dementia patients become unpredictable and even dangerous, to themselves and others, without a controlled environment and constant supervision.

Perhaps one reason you are having problems sleeping is some resentment over having your life, retirement, and enjoyment of your grandchildren disrupted. If that's the case then I encourage you to consider finding a placement for your mother, in a continuing care facility if possible. If your mother only needs AL at this point and is still functioning you can visit often and maybe take her out for lunch. As the disease progresses, Mom will be less able to cope with trips and need to stay at the facility. When you have some acceptable facilities in mind, you can have a family meeting and discuss the options with your younger siblings.

I believe no child has a duty to provide direct care for their parent; they do have a duty to be an advocate for a parent with diminishing capacity. Your parents had a life and you deserve to have one too. I say this as a person who supported by mother for over 20 years as she cared for my father with vascular dementia; petitioned for guardianship of my father when my mother's health began failing and placed him in an MC, and took my mother with MCI and mobility challenges into my home where she still resides. I completely understand wanting to make sure your mother has good care, but you also need to consider the impact you want and need to have in the lives of your husband, children, and grandchildren; they need you too.

I think your body and your mind are telling you that this situation is not working. Personally, I would not have let myself be told that I had to take my mother in to live with me simply because I took an early retirement. What about your own life? 38 years at a job is a long time and I’m sure you looked forward to your retirement and this is not how you planned it would be.

Have a conversation with your siblings and tell them what’s going on with you. They’re going to have to step up and offer more than “some help”. They may need to come stay with Mom while you have a getaway weekend. Or, take Mom to their homes for respite. If Mom has dementia, things will not get better, only worse.