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She is incontinent and smells of urine but she can't smell it. We tell her about the odor but she doesn't believe us. She get very stubburn and refuses to get in the shower.

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Marilyann, I do not want be so hush.... she must/have to take a shower by someone professional caregiver!!! Ooooh yes she will scream the her head off but she will forget about all terrible event after shower is done!! Way to do this "don't explain to her what you are going to do", where is your Mom live, own home or with you? In case you would hire private nurse or caregiver, they know how to give bath or shower very quickest way so you could watch and learn from them. Sometimes you bring someone from outside could be a good solutions for your type of problems.... Your mom should wear disposable diapers ( don't say to her "diaper"). Other wise your mother need a lot of care when she start having UTI or Sepsis.
Sorry my English is not well,hope you do understand what I'm trying to say.
Good Luck to you and your Mom
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There are many, many posts on this topic. Peruse through and you'll get a dozen or more helpful ideas on how to accomplish this now seemingly impossible task. When I first came here I was both stunned and comforted by what a common problem this is with the elderly population. Best of luck!
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STP is right, a professional who is experienced working with this group would be ideal. Many times our elders know they can tell us what to do and have us obey, because we are good children. However, when a professional comes in and *tells* them what they are going to do and backs it up with actions - our elders are used to taking orders from authority figures and often will protest but allow the action to occur. You probably won't be able to be in the line of sight because your elder will demand you come to her defense!!

Hospice sends an aide to get my mthr up, bathe and dress her, and put her down to bed at night, as well as her weekly nurse. I have no luck getting mthr to go back to her bedroom even, but when any of the aides come, they tell her it is time for bed, get up, and she obeys. It is unlike anything I have ever seen with her!
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