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My roommate has had both knees replaced. Since I moved in with her in March of 2018 she has almost never taken a shower, she has 3 cats that aren't properly taken care of the litter boxes ×2 get cleaned maybe once a month, my apartment smells like cat p1ss and I'm allergic to cats. I do my best to clean the house but she doesn't do anything to clean. There is cat hair and puke everywhere, I would move out but I can't afford to. Is it right for me to call a welfare check on her?

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Can you live alone if APS takes over and moves her out?
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
We live in income based housing so my rent would be lowered if she were to move out I can't afford anything that's not income based housing by myself I get ssi and im looking for a part time job as well
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That sounds terrible, Daniegirl. She sounds like a nightmare roommate unless one is also, just being totally blunt here, a crazy cat lady.

Is there a way to request another roommate, specifically one without pets, since you are allergic?

If you think she is mentally unwell or mistreating the cats, then yes I think you should ask APS or Animal Welfare or both to check on the situation, regardless of whether you move out or not.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
I unfortunately can't request a new roommate and the place where I'm living won't put me into my own place. Before I moved in back in march of this year her husband had passed away 7 months prior. He has anxiety and depression along with other medical issues she also did just have her second knee replacement around the time I moved in.
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You moved in with her. Right?
Are things significantly different now than then?
Im not familiar with how this housing style works but did she have a choice about you moving in? Did she have to take you? Now you want her out?
I don’t mind cats but my husband is severely allergic and it seems that many cat lovers grow ‘nose blind.
I don’t think you’ll get anywhere with a welfare check but if you haven’t been able to make her understand how disgusting living like this is to you, then maybe this will make a difference.
To me. You need to move since she had the cats when you moved in. A preexisting condition so to speak. But believe me I do understand how awful it can be for cats not properly cared for. I’ve bern there with daughter.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Yes she had a choice about me moving in and at the time I was looking for somewhere close to my work and that had a bus available close by for me to get around and she was looking for someone to move in cause her husband had passed away 7 months prior. At the time that I moved in the smell was bad but my allergies weren't effected to badly by it now I can barely leave my room without my allergies acting up. My sister is my next door neighbor and the smell is so bad that my sister can smell it through her walls in the basement and into her dining/kitchen area where she prepares food.also I don't want her to move out if possible I am not that cold hearted I just want her to keep up on taking care of herself and animals which she isn't doing. If I could afford to move out I would but I'm on a fixed income and can't afford anything but income based housing which have no openings for me to get my own place so I'm stuck.
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Your roommate must have had both knees replaced at her comparatively young age for a reason. What are the main reasons, do you know?

Unless you're confident that she is already getting all the support and benefits she is entitled to, I'd have thought that a welfare check would absolutely be appropriate. But unless it's really impossible, I'd do it with her knowledge and co-operation rather than make her feel I'd gone behind her back.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
She did have both knees replaced just before I moved in back in march and her husband had also passed away 7 months prior to me moving in. She has mentioned that she has anxiety and depression as well. The smell is at the point where I can't have people at my house, my sister (my neighbor) can smell it through her walls and she doesn't own cats, her son lives in the area but only calls about money and his marital issues
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I think I would start with the landlord - cat urine can quickly destroy an apartment and make for very expensive repairs so they should be interested in getting that under control.
I've never heard of shared tenancy in an income controlled apartment - are you on the lease or is this a side deal with your room mate?
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
The office knows and has written her up for it and she kinda cleaned up but not well enough she has since gone back to letting it stink and get right back to where it was before the write up. I am on the lease I moved in cause I needed the bus system to get to work which wasn't available where I was and her husband had passed away 7 months prior to me moving in and she needed me to move in so she could keep her two bedroom apartment cause technically a single person can't have a two bedroom unless they have a roommate, are pregnant or have a kid
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Well. With bereavement in the mix, and the fact that she's made no progress but actually got worse over the last 6-8 months, then yes by all means see what you can do to bring in some kind of intervention from social workers. The lady needs help and it doesn't sound as if she's able to reach for it herself.

Please stay in touch, let us know how you're getting on.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Thank you so much and I certainly will I feel bad for doing this to her but I don't know what else to do
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Daniegirl,
The woman is depressed, suggest a counselor for her. Contact any family she has to come over.

Hire a housekeeper, or pet service to come in as much as needed. Deduct that from the rent.

It would not hurt, that for a few months, you step up and clean more than your 50%. imo.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
I can't afford to hire a housekeeper and I do my 50% because I'm always busy I'm at my dr appointments and counseling appointments, out looking for another part time job cause I lost mine or I'm out trying to find small side jobs I can do in the meantime to supplement the income I don't have. I don't have time to clean up after her animals or her mess and I'm fed up with it I'm embarrassed to have people over my boyfriend won't even come in my house and if he does he holds his breath until we get to my room where I constantly keep my wax warmer going. I understand she is depressed but that's no reason to just not take care of yourself or your house and animals. I have anxiety and depression but I've never let things get this bad I still at least cleaned everything really good at least once a week
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Same money....a housekeeper in lieu of the rent. Sorry if I was not clear. Are you paying rent?

I totally agree with you Daniegirl, that just because a person is depressed, ill, or poor is no reason to be living in filth, or not to keep oneself clean.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Housekeepers aren't included with rent we are expected to keep our house clean on our own and we have housing inspections every 3 months here to make sure things are clean and working I do pay my half of rent and all the other bills every month (gas, electric, half on her cable bill etc)
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Call animal welfare get the cats out of there, they deserve better.
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Sendhelp Nov 2018
Yes, the cats do deserve better.
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I think the woman needs a well check but...I would not be surprised if your told she can live the way she wants, You may want to call the Health Dept. You r in an unsanitary enviroment. Are you or both of you on HUDD? If so, you are entitled to have a sanitary place to live. And HUDD has a responsibility to the Landlord to make sure those getting HUDD are keeping the house up.

I think you may have to bite the bullet and move out. As a person collecting SSI the Social Service Dept should be able to find you a place. You are entitled to foodstamps, help with utilities etc.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
When I got my ssi dhs took my food stamps away and I would move out if social security gave me enough to even possibly pay rent and live off of so I could get something other than income based housing which has no one bedroom apartments open and in order for me to get my own 2+ bedroom I have to have a kid, be pregnant or have a roommate
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No matter what, you will probably lose your apt. share rental if you call any agencies for help. imo.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Im not trying to lose my place to live just trying to get my roommate to understand that the way she/ we are living is not healthy I've tried talking to her myself more than once, her son tried once and nothing has changed I'm at my whits end i don't know what else to do, I've attempted talking to management too and all they did was write her up once I'm not sure what else to do except call for a welfare check on her. I can't live like this anymore I'm at the point where I do everything in my power to not be home as much as possible
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You will be having another inspection soon? You said every three months.
Can you let the (management) inspection people give her the consequences, order her again to clean up. In landlord/tenant law, there are consequences for not complying with the rules. As simple as being a continual nuisance, health and safety violations can get her evicted after time. It takes repeated efforts to report.
Yes, that would be sad, and scary for you and your roommate.

The "calling animal control" may be a good suggestion, Daniegirl.
I am not sure anyone will understand this approach, so let me explain.
It is a known fact that she, the roommate is the problem.
Calling animal control is a "back door" approach, because there are also laws to protect the animals. While your roommate may be "allowed" to live in filth, she cannot abuse the vulnerable animals. Animal control can give her another warning, and if she does not comply, take her pets.
Isn't that sad, you are not protected.?? Sad too, that she may lose her animals/pets.

This is all just too much. I think you are doing your best by not being home as much as possible, until there is a resolution to your situation. I hope it is soon for your sense of peace of mind and safety. Can your sister make some complaints on her own behalf?

There are other ideas, and other people will be able to help you more.

You say that you are seeking part time employment? Would you be interested in caregiving, or housekeeping for someone on SSI? Paid by Social Security?

The IHHS program hires people. A care manager can order the necessary hours paid on behalf of your roommate. The worker can be you, or someone else.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Ive been a volunteer in a nursing home activities department since I was a teenager I love caring for the elderly I've been looking for part time employment in that kind of field. I've worked in the restaurant business a bit, worked at a hotel before that and worked on and off at my dads business but my heart has always been in the medical area I tried the CNA course and couldnt pass due to my physical disability (Cerebral palsy). But I've had my heart set on activities since.
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The only thing I can say is clean the litterbox.

I get they are not your animals but sheesh, at what point do you live like that instead of scooping the litterbox everyday.

If not that, load them up and take them to a shelter, it is unfair to the animals, they can't do anything about it.

There is obviously mental illness involved to live in a filthy cat house. That is stink that permeates everything.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
I would clean the litter boxes myself but I'm allergic to cats and I don't want to make my allergies any worse than they already are. I have a very hard time just being in the basement (where the litter boxes are) just to take down and bring up laundry. My allergies are getting to the point my allergy meds are barely helping. I'm not trying to make up excuses I'm being completely honest.
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Thank you for giving us more information.

I sincerely hope you find a way to get your home clean for both your sakes and the cats.

It is clear you have to do something. It’s not likely to resolve on its own.

Would the son be motivated to help you and her if he knew she might lose her home?

Tell him you are going to have to call for a wellness check and his name will be given as the next of kin.

He may not care or he may be willing to help her clean.

I know it’s not your intention to bring her harm or make her lose her home. She needs the help that call might bring her.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
Her son has spoken to her once about the house being a mess and it didn't phase her. He doesn't really seem to care either he mostly gets in touch with her to ask for money or tell her about his marriage issues. Him and his wife just had a baby as well. And I'm happy to give you all the information you ask for I'm just trying to figure out a way to fix the issue and how to go about it so I appreciate all the feedback I'm getting
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The basement...the cat litter boxes are in the basement? Is this an apartment bldg., or a house? Is the basement a shared community area? I am not familiar with this arrangement, because in California there are fewer basements, imo.

If everyone uses the laundryroom, in the basement, you have more options.
Can your sister, living next door, assist with the litter boxes? Maybe your roommate, after knee surgery can no longer get to the basement?

Yes. That's it....call APS right away. The poor woman may not be able, even at a young 50ish age, to manage on her own.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
My apartment is in a place called village manor townhomes so technically its a townhouse but everyone calls it an apartment cause of how close your neighbors are. My sister has said that she refuses to step foot in my place until something is done to resolve the situation. I live in Michigan. In these apartments/townhomes there are some that are one bedrooms (don't have a basement) and the rest are two or three bedrooms (with basement) everyone has their own basement but your neighbors are only separated by a 3 1/2 in wall so the smell can easily go through the walls into the place next to you
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Buy a mask and clean the litterbox.

Or take the cats to a shelter. It is unfair to the animals.

If you do your laundry in that environment are you sure you don't smell like a dirty cat box?

My brother and his wife didn't clean the litterbox at their house and I took the cat. They were mad but tough, animals cannot up and leave an unsuitable environment.

Yes, reasons why you can't deal with it are excuses. There are many ways to deal and you have been asking for advice for 3 days. Have you done anything to remedy the situation?

You moved in with a person that had cats and you are allergic to cats. That is a red flag for me and it sounds like you are trying to get her moved out or in trouble with the housing agency. You say no but you keep asking how to get it dealt with. Clean the litterbox that's how you deal with it and by the way, I know they kick the waste all over the floor when the box is to full, then they will use the house, you live like this and say you cannot do anything because of allergies. Nonsense.
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Your roommate recently had two knee replacements, correct? And lost her husband as well. It may be very hard for her to get down to clean those litter boxes and she did not anticipate how difficult it would be. You moved in around this time. Weren’t you aware of the situation prior to moving in?
My husband is allergic to cats - so much so he begins wheezing and needs to get out of wherever he is if there is a cat. He literally can’t breathe if he visits a home with a cat.
My suggestion would be to help her out and, as above, clean the litter boxes. This woman did you a favor by offering you a place to live when you needed one.
You were aware she had cats prior to moving in, yes? Why would you agree to move in?
If I were you I would put myself on the list of one bedroom apartments. I too never heard of rent being split in a HUDD program. My brother lives in one and his rent is based on his SSDI income. He does not qualify for a two bedroom apt.
Can’t you move in with your sister? She lives next door, you said.
It does sound to me that you want her out so you can have the two level townhouse next to your sister for yourself. Work with your roommate and show her some kindness. She was there first, so it’s on you to move, imo. I couldn’t live with myself if I caused her to be kicked out. The managing office is aware of the situation; the only alternative I see is you moving out.
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Aren't 3 cats above the pet limit at most HUD housing complexes?

The cats wiil not go in a dirty cat litter box. The smell is more likely from urine in another place than the litter boxes. Have you checked behind the washer for the cat poop?

Additionally, if an un-neutered male cat lives there, he may be spraying his territory. Another horrible smell.
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2018
They will kick the waste out of the box onto the floor. I saw this with my brother. Yes, once the filth gets so deep they will start going around the house.

Spraying also stinks and is hard to get rid of.
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Your roommate is obviously mentally not with it. She will not change. People who get to that point dont comprehend all that is more than odd about their behavior. At least put a mask on and clean the litter boxes. These cats deserve some humanity from humans supposedly caring for them. All this banter back and forth is just stalling a terrible situation. Help the cats who have no say and remove yourself or her. People who need their situations changed will never arrive at that decision on their own. Even ones less sound of mind don't like change. Neither my late MIL or my mother wanted to leave their homes but circumstances necissated that they had to. This environment sounds beyond toxic. You need to force a change for the eventual well being of all involved. Hope you find the strength to do it. So many come on this site with difficult situations, receive sound advice and then are lost in terms of communication. I hope you can be someone who can make a change and then if you do and feel up to it notify this post with an update so that so many who have cared to suggest decisions know they helped you and at least poor animals are still neglected not to mention you and the roommate. Everyone in this situation needs a major change. I hope it happens for you.
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2018
We are giving advice to someone that moved into someone else's home and is trying to get that woman kicked out of her own home. What has this forum come to?
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Yes to that...bless your heart. Find a non-deadbeat room mate that isn't quite as crazy and give her the boot...
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2018
Its not her townhouse to give the boot to this other woman that allowed her to move in.
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Just wanted to update you all I called my local non emergency police line and they said that the most the cops will do is tell her to clean up...which multiple people have told her to do and hasn't helped any. The person i talked to told me that I may have better luck with the local dhs office and reporting her there
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2018
You live there as well, how will you justify that?
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Daniegirl, you need to stop trying to get this woman kicked out of HER HOME, you need to leave and let her live however she chooses. It is after all HER HOME, that she so unfortunately allowed you to move in to. You knew about the cats and your allergies beforehand, no sympathy for anyone that obviously had ulterior motives for moving in nextdoor to her sister under these circumstances.

Everyone here that is encouraging her, please read her responses, they are all over the place with the truths of the matter. How can we encourage her to get this woman kicked out.
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Daniegirl2011 Nov 2018
I don't want to kick her out that is not my intention at all I just want the way she is living to improve its unhealthy its affecting me and me and the few other people that have said something just doesn't seem to cut it and I don't know what else I'm supposed to do I can't afford to move myself out of here and I've been looking for other places to live with no luck with the budget I have so please tell me what am I supposed to do without making my allergies and everything else worse than they are already
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If I could take pics and show you how she lives I would
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 2018
You live there as well.

Quite frankly I have seen a filthy house that would gag a maggot, I spent 6 weeks getting it livable. So, if you think you situation is unique, sorry, not so. But I didn't complain or try to get anyone in trouble, I got my butt busy and cleaned. Took 4 showers a day because of the gross I had to be in.

We step up or we move out.
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Buy a mask at the hardware store and clean the boxes or move out.

You knew she had cats when you moved in. So why is it now an issue.

She can't afford to move and it was her home.

You need to get out or clean the litterbox. Getting her in trouble is crappy and you should feel bad when it's a 1.50 solution to not be breathing the smell from the cats.

Everything you have said about this woman is heartbreaking and she needs help, physical help not pressure from anyone, especially not the threat of loosing her home.

Daniegirl, if your intentions are truly good, you will enlist the help of abled bodied friends and family to get the house polished and create a plan how to keep it that way.

I know it's not your mess or your animals but she opened her home to you when you needed a place to stay. I would think that is reason enough to help get the house in order. If you scoop the litterbox everyday, it isn't a gross stinking mess.

Stop worrying about your allergies for one day, take 2 pills, wear a mask and get it done. Show some love and gratitude to another human being that showed you some at a dark time of your own.
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