I'm truly overwhelmed and no longer want to be POA!

You can't give your brother POA (unless he is named successor if you resign), but you can certainly ask him to pitch in to make phone calls or fill in paperwork as your agent, you also can hire an accountant or other professional to do some of the things you are having trouble with (paying them out of you mother's funds).

Do you know any accountants, tax people or smart trusted bank folks that you can go to for ideas?

I feel the pressure too as we near running out of money. Do you have any of Mom's assets you can sell easily. Each of us has our own set of unique challenges. Think carefully before you give up POA. Chances are if your brother is not much help, he will not do as good a job of POA as you have.

Hang in there and look for some support before you throw in the towel!!

Your POA most likely allow you to hire others to help with things like bill paying, Medicaid qualification, real estate advisor or any number of people or services that might help you to retain your POA position while not becoming burnt out or overwhelmed. You could resign as POA if the document has named a successor POA and you formally resign. If there's no successor POA named, and your parent is no longer capable to execute a new POA, there's the guardianship/conservatorship route, but that route could have very negative consequences as well.

It's very tiring and mentally stressful as it is, but if you resigned, would the stress of another POA not handling things properly be any better for you? Are there things that you take care of that you could hire out (using your mother's funds) instead?

This community has a lot of people with a wide range of experiences. Is there anything you could share that someone may be able to provide a resource to take that duty over for you?

Clearly you are doing a good job, and can see how stressful it is. You are allowed as POA to lighten your load - is there anything you could have someone else manage?

Best wishes.

Thanks for the replies, but no, there is nothing I can hire out.
The main problem now is that Medicaid wants statements for 5 years
now with ALL receipts/invoices and explanations of anything written
or deposited in her two accounts.

I do not have all the receipts, can try and get some invoices from a couple
of big projects on her home the previous year, but I can't even imagine trying
to gather so terribly much paperwork. I've sent a lot of paperwork in in the past.
I just don't have it in me to gather ALL this stuff and even if I try and do, there will
most certainly be some I won't be able to get or they may just ask for more, then
more again, then some more.

I called a couple of Senior Advocates and they said there is no other option but to
send in anything they want. I have been trying to figure out a way to take her back to her house and hire part time help, but not enough money left. I've considered other nursing homes, not enough money left in her account.

I love my mother to death but, I just am out of solutions for her future care without any more financial resources. She is 90 years old. Will the nursing home evict her
and put her out on the street? I just don't know what to do anymore. I've called so many organizations, Medicaid office, Eldercare Advocates, etc., all to no avail.

I feel as if I am going to explode from the worry and stress! Any knowledgeable suggestions as to where I can get help or where I can place her without Medicaid will be greatly appreciated.

Is your mother on Medicaid? I totally understand your feelings. I am POA and not matter what I do or don't do one of my 4 siblings has a problem with it. Do the best you can as far as getting all the paperwork. You may need to hire a lawyer that deals with elder care

Yes, what ordinary person keeps receipts of every little thing. However so many people have qualified I suspect there is some reasonable level of documentation that can be met.

I have a good friend who was troubled with producing much paperwork on her mother in assisted living and then she moved her mom to a state/county facility. She was beside herself how much time it was taking her and she had/has a full-time job and her brother and sister were no help to her. She finally hired a lawyer to help her, and things started to move and finally were taken care of. It was the best thing she did for herself.

Consider making a list of typical weekly, monthly expenses, and yearly expenses. Perhaps this could serve as a reasonable estimate over the 5 years. It would be great if a lawyer or social worker could help you with this.

I think I've had very similar emotions facing self assessment tax returns. I want to crawl under the desk and cry.

But just as the longest journey starts with a single step, so the most skull-numbing excruciating bookkeeping task begins with the first piece of paper.

Pick it up. Groan. Put it down. Go and get a cup of coffee. Come back to desk. Gaze through window. Twirl cowlick. Adjust chair. Readjust chair. Wonder what that bit of gunk making one chair leg go wobbly is. Decide not to pick it off with thumbnail. Sharpen pencil. Wonder if you should ring your friend back to check on her after that wrangle she had with her hairdresser the other day...

Thing is. You've got the paperwork you've got. You might just as well get it organised and summarised and filed. At least then you will know what information you still need to track down; and then you can go on breaking the whole hideous task down bit by bit into #1 get a copy of this receipt, #2 ask contractor to re-send estimate, etc. etc.; and you can make a dedicated To Do list of those and pick 'em off one by one.

And if you *are* left with a few mysterious entries and no real idea what the odd $4.99 was for here and there, try sticking them under 'Ad hoc household and personal expenditure' and see how much these items add up to. Unless it's frankly cheeky, I doubt if Medicaid will give you a hard time over it.

I was in a similar situation with my dad who had early Alzheimer's. For each letter Medicaid sent, I outlined their request. Highlighted each one on their letter and assigned it a letter [A...B...C...maybe A.1 and A.2 etc]
Then as I found item A, I would put a sticky with the letter A on it and start looking for the other requested items.  I had quite the Easter egg hunt, as there were bills marked paid for over 10 years in some instances, magazines, every issue, for about the same time.  I'll bet I thru away 4 large trash cans of magazines alone.  All together I had to ask for several extensions to get the information they asked for, but after around 4 months finally got it all submitted.  PHEW!
Dealing with insurance companies was the worst, even getting them to accept a POA.  It was a PIA.

I sense the desperation in your posts Caregiverhelp and I truly feel for you. Being POA is a continual uphill battle (at least it has been for me). So many situations I have been through that seemed impossible but somehow eventually managed. When I looked back I am amazed and proud of what I can accomplish when I have to.

I think you CAN do this. You have been there for your mother and you have it in you. Think of all the people who eventually got approved for Medicaid.. many who i'm sure did not have all receipts saved up for 5 years. Get what receipts you can, explain as best you can the deposits and expenditures so Medicaid knows your moms financial affairs were handled correctly. Do the best you can with what you have.

When its all done you will look back on this with pride that you were able to follow through. Take a deep breath, get a plan together.. get some action going. One step at a time.

Also.. I'm no expert but I have read that a NH cannot kick out a resident without having somewhere safe to go where they are cared for.

(((hugs)))

I'm going out on a limb here and guessing it's also starting to come out of your pocket.

Go to an Elder Attorney and tell him you wish to stop being POA. I believe she will become a "ward of the state" if you do that. But an Elder Attorney will know. You can even call and ask.

Whoops - computer glitch -- just wanted to share what helped me through 4 years; 1) found an Medicaid Consultant that had been a caseworker then an assistant for an elder lawyer (Angel) and 2) read note every day that said "Don't worry if this will be easy or difficult, just think what will be required". Just the facts and sometimes a signed letter can replace a receipt, or an average based on similar payments. My heart goes out to you. You can do it but get someone who is in the business to talk with every week. It is really worth the money and is taking care of yourself & your loved one. Sometimes you can find help with concierge services.

Thanks for everybody's input. I just went to the bank yesterday to pick up 5 years of bank statements for two accounts. My sister-in-law is finally helping to highlight the amounts $200 or over on her statements on one account and I am doing the other, BUT I realize I don't even have some of the receipts I had kept. I am faintly remembering that I went through my Mom's mail, bills, etc. a few months back and wondered why I was keeping so much stuff cause I figured I didn't need it anymore. So, if I remember correctly, I threw away what little I had. Holy cow. I still have a bunch of her bills from house insurance, taxes, medical, etc. from over the years thrown in a big box. They are not receipts but miscellaneous bills.

Boy, what a mess. I did call the Nursing Home Office Mgr. and dug for information. She said for me to get the statements and send them in. I will try and meet with her
next Monday and show her the statements to see what she thinks. She said she doesn't have a number to call that will get her to someone in the Mediciad office any quicker than I can and that they won't give her any information since she is not authorized. And she also tells me that they do NOT assign one Case Mgr to us anymore, so whenever either of us call, we get whomever answers the phone that day!

I told her if the Medicaid office would only tell us what they deemed to be a Red Flag on the account, why can't they tell us so that we can focus on getting that issue corrected or addressed. It is amazing to me how unhelpful and uninformative the
Medicaid office is, yet they want us to provide an unimaginable amount of info to
them. We shall see, I am going to send the bank statements, maybe a couple of receipts or bills to show she has home insurance, etc.

The real sad thing is that my parents lived very simple lives, provided for us kids,
spent only for necessities, never spent money on themselves or us for anything extravagant and we have always been honest and decent people doing everything on the up and up and now we are met with such opposition. Then I see people getting all kinds of help with food, free medical, free dental, nice house paid for, etc. And many of these people are young and strong and able to work, but just don't want to. There is something seriously wrong with the system and the sad thing is I believe it is going to get much harder for the elderly to get any type of help.

I don't know what your situation is, you didn't elaborate. Are you trying to balance a checkbook? If so, just stop and listen! You don't have to balance a checkbook when there's an easier way

If you haven't already done so, you may seriously consider setting up online bill pay and just adding the nursing home as a payee but only set this up from your end with the next bill you get with the account number and contact info of the payee. Have this, on time in full each month.

The other option is to just turn your mom's check over to the nursing home

Digital Banker...this is not about simple checkbook balancing. Read replies to see.

I understand the frustration. Especially as I age myself, I am more & more reluctant to do my own financial stuff, not to mention someone else's.
The best thing we did for my in-laws was to drag MIL to an Elder Care lawyer as soon as she finally admitted that FIL needed more care than she was able to provide at home. The attorney got him qualified for Medicaid really quickly, without the 5 years of bank statements, etc., that I had already tried to accumulate. He took copies of 3 months of statements and bills, a list of their assets, insurance, etc., and shuffled assets to her name alone. When Medicaid asked for more info--most of which he had already supplied--he took care of it.
Expensive? Cost was about the same as a month in the NH. FIL has been in NH 5 months now that Medicaid has paid all of, except for his SS check. What a bargain, in my opinion.
I don't know whether Medicaid trusts Elder Care lawyers that they deal with to make sure claims are legit before they submit them or what; but that's the only explanation I have for the ease of qualifying.

I live in NJ. When I applied for Medicaid I had five years of statements but was told the bank could supply me with them. The Medicaid caseworker only used four statements a yr. See if that can be done. I was never asked for receipts. They could see money coming out regularly. Same thing every month. I would think the only thing you would need to prove was a large amt coming out. Are u applying thru the facility? I would go to your local Office where you are able to talk to a caseworker. Explaining your situation.

These answers and some of the posts I have read to other questions seem to imply that people have actually found Medicaid-funded communities that are acceptable. I was not able to find any good ones. The communities in Mom's area that Medicaid would pay for brought me to tears. We are not rich and do not have high standards -- just quality care. Have other people actually found Medicaid-funded facilities that were acceptable?

Have you considered hiring a CPA to assist you?

Teri4077, My FIL is in a wonderful NH on Medicaid. However, it is part of a small group (I think about 3) homes that are mostly private pay. It appears to me that the facilities that have a larger percentage of private-pay patients are generally able to provide higher-quality care. It makes sense; they have more money coming in to hire and retain more and better help.

Caregiverhelp1
I forgot one very import thing. I got on my computer, and used Google. The things I didn't know, Google did. Forget about your brother. He won't help. Most social workers don't help at all. Ours was a big lump of 
S**t. (Pardon my French)

caregiver,
I feel your pain and know how you feel. I'm in the same boat and can't get help other than part time caregivers at home. The paper work makes you crazy especially when the government is concerned. I haven't gotten to the medicaid part yet. I hope you get some much needed help soon. Is there a social worker who could help you? If there is no money how do you pay for lawyers? It is so sad that our government can't take better care of the people who have worked hard all their lives. Other countries take care of the elderly. You are a wonderful daughter. Be proud of yourself. I worked in a nursing home for many years. I don't know of anyone kicked out in the street. Hang tough and take one day at a time. Thinking of you. You can pm me if you want.

Caregiverhelp11, am I correct in inferring that you're attempting to apply for Medicaid and not getting very far? It is truly a daunting task, and the demands for documentation are exhausting. The trouble I had was that certificate and 401K holders would tell me that they would send documentation, but never followed through.

Thanks for the new replies, I've called so many people the past few days trying to find someone that had some knowledge they might provide me. I even called a couple of Elder Lawyers and briefly told them my situation and they pretty much told me I have to turn in the paperwork Medicaid is asking for. I was rather surprised.
Anyway, I am going to meet with the Nursing Home Financial Mgr early next week and take the statements to review and see if she can give me any helpful suggestions. I'm doing everything I can. The Medicaid office was NO help to me whatsoever. I was surprised about that too. Just amazing, if they cant give me more detailed info, then that's a pretty sad organization and a
very sad situation for the elderly folks in need of help. We shall see, but at
this point I am not feeling optimistic at all. I just pray we can come up with another option for my Mom's welfare and care if they evict her.

Caregiverhelp, what knowledge or information is it that you're asking these people for?

Were you, surprised? Really?

The difficulty is that you have had charge of your mother's finances for years. So even if you were to resign your POA, you would still be accountable for what has already gone on and you can still be required to provide supporting paperwork. I truly do feel the heartsink of it but there is no way round this.

Did you miss Llamalover's idea of getting a CPA to help you? It looks to me like it's a question of "finding the end of the thread" so that you can untangle everything, and that sort of job is easier and friendlier with someone experienced on hand. The NH's financial manager might be a good start, though - hope it goes well.

"...and now we are met with such opposition."

I totally, totally understand this feeling. I have it too.
As you and many others said here, I often feel like crawling under my desk or hiding under the duvet where nobody can find me and ask me yet some other paperwork... It's just life-draining, and the feeling of unfairness makes me want to scream sometimes out of anger and frustration.

There is just one thing that helps me, which is precisely what you said. The opposition.
The opposition is there for a reason, I came to realize, it is just an attempt to make things so hard for us that we'll give up. For this very reason, I won't frickin give up!

I'm carefully planning the steps in tiny little ones that we'll allow me to keep living my life and helping my mom at the same time without being completely sucked by the enormity of the task the government, the utilities companies and the system in general are asking me.

This is a HUGE battle, and I'll need all my strength if I want to survive. And yes, as many others pointed out, I'll need help too. Lawyers, accountants, social workers, but I was also thinking to even hire a student or someone who needs a part time job for some time to help me finding documents, scanning them etc...

Caregiver, we'll make it. They won't have our skin.
With much support.

If i remember correctly, the situation is this: Care's mom is getting Medicaid. Her checking account went over 2k one month and Medicaid denied coverage. Then the renewal ( which happens every year) occured. Because of the 2k thing, they are asking for a full 5 years of records. She needs to bite the bullet ( I would be in tears, too) and get all the statement and receipts she has together and send them in. If there are THEN specific questions/issues, Medicaid will ask for additional documentation.

This is one of those " just do it" situations.

I get the worry thing about running out of money. I take it you can't bring her home to your house. I don't recommend that either. How about a "residential home"? Cheaper than a facility, and maybe her monthly income could handle it. My dad said as long as he was alive some kind of check would be coming in.

Well, I turned in ALL the statements and the receipts I could come up with in yesterday to the Nursing Home Mgr. and she started faxing them over to Medicaid. I can at least sign a tiny bit of relief after turning those in, but do know in reality that I did not have all the receipts. I am going to regroup for the next week or so or try to. I feel so drained, it's ridiculous! 'I just pray we can find her somewhere to go. I hope the Nursing Home she is in will at least help us with that. She does not have enough monthly income to put in a private care home. Those cost around $3,300 or more a month. Thank you to everyone who has sent feedback. I appreciate it.