I'm truly overwhelmed and no longer want to be POA!

I am my Mom's POA and have handled all her stuff for many years now. She has been in skilled nursing for about 3 years now and had part-time health care at home previous to that.

Anyway, I am sooooooo tired and burnt out trying to figure things out financially
for the nursing home payments. I feel as if I am going to explode.

Can I get my brother to take over being POA. I really don't think he will want the responsibility. Other than that, what choice do I have?

I can't believe it has come to this. I've always been able to handle things and do a good job of it, but I feel I just don't have the mental stamina to continue to figure things out.

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Top Answer
I think I've had very similar emotions facing self assessment tax returns. I want to crawl under the desk and cry.

But just as the longest journey starts with a single step, so the most skull-numbing excruciating bookkeeping task begins with the first piece of paper.

Pick it up. Groan. Put it down. Go and get a cup of coffee. Come back to desk. Gaze through window. Twirl cowlick. Adjust chair. Readjust chair. Wonder what that bit of gunk making one chair leg go wobbly is. Decide not to pick it off with thumbnail. Sharpen pencil. Wonder if you should ring your friend back to check on her after that wrangle she had with her hairdresser the other day...

Thing is. You've got the paperwork you've got. You might just as well get it organised and summarised and filed. At least then you will know what information you still need to track down; and then you can go on breaking the whole hideous task down bit by bit into #1 get a copy of this receipt, #2 ask contractor to re-send estimate, etc. etc.; and you can make a dedicated To Do list of those and pick 'em off one by one.

And if you *are* left with a few mysterious entries and no real idea what the odd $4.99 was for here and there, try sticking them under 'Ad hoc household and personal expenditure' and see how much these items add up to. Unless it's frankly cheeky, I doubt if Medicaid will give you a hard time over it.
You can't give your brother POA (unless he is named successor if you resign), but you can certainly ask him to pitch in to make phone calls or fill in paperwork as your agent, you also can hire an accountant or other professional to do some of the things you are having trouble with (paying them out of you mother's funds).
Your POA most likely allow you to hire others to help with things like bill paying, Medicaid qualification, real estate advisor or any number of people or services that might help you to retain your POA position while not becoming burnt out or overwhelmed. You could resign as POA if the document has named a successor POA and you formally resign. If there's no successor POA named, and your parent is no longer capable to execute a new POA, there's the guardianship/conservatorship route, but that route could have very negative consequences as well.

It's very tiring and mentally stressful as it is, but if you resigned, would the stress of another POA not handling things properly be any better for you? Are there things that you take care of that you could hire out (using your mother's funds) instead?

This community has a lot of people with a wide range of experiences. Is there anything you could share that someone may be able to provide a resource to take that duty over for you?

Clearly you are doing a good job, and can see how stressful it is. You are allowed as POA to lighten your load - is there anything you could have someone else manage?

Best wishes.

Do you know any accountants, tax people or smart trusted bank folks that you can go to for ideas?

I feel the pressure too as we near running out of money. Do you have any of Mom's assets you can sell easily. Each of us has our own set of unique challenges. Think carefully before you give up POA. Chances are if your brother is not much help, he will not do as good a job of POA as you have.

Hang in there and look for some support before you throw in the towel!!
I have a good friend who was troubled with producing much paperwork on her mother in assisted living and then she moved her mom to a state/county facility. She was beside herself how much time it was taking her and she had/has a full-time job and her brother and sister were no help to her. She finally hired a lawyer to help her, and things started to move and finally were taken care of. It was the best thing she did for herself.
Thanks for everybody's input. I just went to the bank yesterday to pick up 5 years of bank statements for two accounts. My sister-in-law is finally helping to highlight the amounts $200 or over on her statements on one account and I am doing the other, BUT I realize I don't even have some of the receipts I had kept. I am faintly remembering that I went through my Mom's mail, bills, etc. a few months back and wondered why I was keeping so much stuff cause I figured I didn't need it anymore. So, if I remember correctly, I threw away what little I had. Holy cow. I still have a bunch of her bills from house insurance, taxes, medical, etc. from over the years thrown in a big box. They are not receipts but miscellaneous bills.

Boy, what a mess. I did call the Nursing Home Office Mgr. and dug for information. She said for me to get the statements and send them in. I will try and meet with her
next Monday and show her the statements to see what she thinks. She said she doesn't have a number to call that will get her to someone in the Mediciad office any quicker than I can and that they won't give her any information since she is not authorized. And she also tells me that they do NOT assign one Case Mgr to us anymore, so whenever either of us call, we get whomever answers the phone that day!

I told her if the Medicaid office would only tell us what they deemed to be a Red Flag on the account, why can't they tell us so that we can focus on getting that issue corrected or addressed. It is amazing to me how unhelpful and uninformative the
Medicaid office is, yet they want us to provide an unimaginable amount of info to
them. We shall see, I am going to send the bank statements, maybe a couple of receipts or bills to show she has home insurance, etc.

The real sad thing is that my parents lived very simple lives, provided for us kids,
spent only for necessities, never spent money on themselves or us for anything extravagant and we have always been honest and decent people doing everything on the up and up and now we are met with such opposition. Then I see people getting all kinds of help with food, free medical, free dental, nice house paid for, etc. And many of these people are young and strong and able to work, but just don't want to. There is something seriously wrong with the system and the sad thing is I believe it is going to get much harder for the elderly to get any type of help.
I was in a similar situation with my dad who had early Alzheimer's. For each letter Medicaid sent, I outlined their request. Highlighted each one on their letter and assigned it a letter [A...B...C...maybe A.1 and A.2 etc]
Then as I found item A, I would put a sticky with the letter A on it and start looking for the other requested items.  I had quite the Easter egg hunt, as there were bills marked paid for over 10 years in some instances, magazines, every issue, for about the same time.  I'll bet I thru away 4 large trash cans of magazines alone.  All together I had to ask for several extensions to get the information they asked for, but after around 4 months finally got it all submitted.  PHEW!
Dealing with insurance companies was the worst, even getting them to accept a POA.  It was a PIA.

I just want to update those of you who were nice enough to answer my post. I finally got a call from The Texas Health and Human Services from another city and was told that they approved my Mom's application. I couldn't believe it. Just like that.

There was never any discussion of anything else. I almost thought I was dreaming. I was sooooo relieved. I had been under so much stress and
frustration for so long. I'm still kind of in shock and can't wait until I get the approval in writing, but thank God for the sudden turn around by them to approve her application. I pray I never have to go through anything like that again!

Thank all of you for your concern and advice.
Thanks for the replies, but no, there is nothing I can hire out.
The main problem now is that Medicaid wants statements for 5 years
now with ALL receipts/invoices and explanations of anything written
or deposited in her two accounts.

I do not have all the receipts, can try and get some invoices from a couple
of big projects on her home the previous year, but I can't even imagine trying
to gather so terribly much paperwork. I've sent a lot of paperwork in in the past.
I just don't have it in me to gather ALL this stuff and even if I try and do, there will
most certainly be some I won't be able to get or they may just ask for more, then
more again, then some more.

I called a couple of Senior Advocates and they said there is no other option but to
send in anything they want. I have been trying to figure out a way to take her back to her house and hire part time help, but not enough money left. I've considered other nursing homes, not enough money left in her account.

I love my mother to death but, I just am out of solutions for her future care without any more financial resources. She is 90 years old. Will the nursing home evict her
and put her out on the street? I just don't know what to do anymore. I've called so many organizations, Medicaid office, Eldercare Advocates, etc., all to no avail.

I feel as if I am going to explode from the worry and stress! Any knowledgeable suggestions as to where I can get help or where I can place her without Medicaid will be greatly appreciated.
Is your mother on Medicaid? I totally understand your feelings. I am POA and not matter what I do or don't do one of my 4 siblings has a problem with it. Do the best you can as far as getting all the paperwork. You may need to hire a lawyer that deals with elder care

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