I'm looking for advice and direction after having lost my mom whom I took care of 24/7 for the last 12 years.

Go to a hospital.. ask to speak to a social worker... tell them what you are going through and had been going through... I don't know where else to tell you start your new journey in our new life... I am so sorry about your son and mother.

How old is your granddaughter? If she is an adult... perhaps reach out to her....

I know.... she is your granddaughter.... but this is a connection.... reach out to someone.... She will let you know if she can "handle" this situation... she may be able to actually help... only if you trust... and care...

You do have family.... reach out to one of them.... please.

Hello, Red

First of all, I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your son and your mom.

Your story is absolutely heart wrenching. Do you have NAMI in your area? If so, please make an appointment to speak with someone.

I am glad that you reached out. You’ve been through so much and it takes courage to speak about hurtful things.

I wish you the very best and hope that you find peace in your life. You deserve it.

Tackle one thing at a time. Not necessarily in this order:

1. Your financial situation. Your mom paid you, so hopefully you still have money.
2. Your grief.
3. Your health.
4. Finding friends whom you meet face to face.

Welcome, Red!

I'm so sad to hear about your many losses; I think you come by your sense of disconnection honestly.

Right now, the only person you should be trying to care for is you. To that end, can you either see go to our call the County Human Services office this morning?

https://www.google.com/search?q=tunkhannock+pa+social+services&oq=tunkhannock+pa+social+services&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRigATIHCAIQIRigAdIBCTIyMjk1ajBqOagCALACAA&client=tablet-android-samsung-nf-rev1&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#trex=m_t:lcl_akp,rc_f:rln,rc_ludocids:3279085792937029397,ru_gwp:0%252C7,ru_lqi:Ch50dW5raGFubm9jayBwYSBzb2NpYWwgc2VydmljZXNI7OTusOaAgIAIWjAQAhADGAAYARgCGAMiHnR1bmtoYW5ub2NrIHBhIHNvY2lhbCBzZXJ2aWNlcyoCCAOSARxzb2NpYWxfc2VydmljZXNfb3JnYW5pemF0aW9uqgFoCgovbS8wa2cxZnB3EAEqEyIPc29jaWFsIHNlcnZpY2VzKAAyHxABIhtG-y3ZSrChxiu4QGF9fb9X3-I8Kbft2pFKns0yIhACIh50dW5raGFubm9jayBwYSBzb2NpYWwgc2VydmljZXPgAQA,trex_id:gbQUUb&lpg=cid:CgIgAQ%3D%3D

Please check in with us tomorrow and let us know how you made out.
((((Hugs))))))

Im so sorry, that link doesn't work. Google Wyoming County Human Services.

Hello, Red. I am so sorry for your losses, in particular the sudden loss of your son. I also lost a young adult son suddenly (12 years ago). No one understands if they haven't gone through it. (People say, "I can't imagine"...and I think, "And how lucky you are.)

Your siblings didn't even help out at that time?!

Did your mother own her own home? I'm not understanding why you've now lost your home? Someone below said your mother paid you?

"I was sleep deprived and exhausted in every way possible and constantly felt and still feel under extreme pressure. I gave up my social life completely."

I think what you are going through now (besides the grief of mother loss) is a kind of PTSD from the years of unreasonable caregiving.

I am curious as to how/why you came to be your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver.

I also recommend Griefshare, although I understand they made some changes to the program from when I did it over a decade ago.

You gave the best years of your life: age 45-57 (12 years caring for your mom 24/7).

Even better years are ahead, waiting for you! It was very kind of you to help. Please make your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s…etc…the best yet. You deserve it.

Time to think about YOU. Lead an awesome life for you.

I am sorry about this. However, your post is a word to the wise, what can happen when you give up your life for another.

Honestly, I do not understand why you have no place to live, if you always provided for yourself and made your own way.

You still have many years left, time to make a plan, if you need therapy to help you get through this change, go for it.

Good Luck!

Hello Red , I have been homeless due to a accident and it is a terrible feeling . I am sorry for the Loss of your son and Mother - You Need grief counseling . Please find a clinic and Make a appointment for a Primary Care Physician who can help you find a social worker who can Help you Navigate the system for shelter , food , grief counseling , fuel assistance - Thats what they are there for . Then go to your Nearest Housing authority and explain you Need Housing due to Caregiving and a Loss of your son - This is where the social worker can help and Doctor write a Medical Letter . I would also ask the Doctor if they have a Psychiatrist to diagnose you with depression and PTSD . The Doctor can diagnose you also . Are there any type of support groups for the Loss Of a child ? You Need to get reconnected to the world and grounded . You are dealing with a Lot and should Not be embarrassed . Go to your Local Library If you Need internet and a computer . You are stuck - Get Unstuck and get Help . The grief counseling will release the sadness and Pain . You are Young . Its warm Out this is the time to get things Done before the cold sets In . Focus . Once you get a Letter from your Physician that you are clinically depressed go to the Social security Office and apply for SSI ( Disability ) . Get SNAP ( Food stamps ) Find a farmers market . Go On Craigs List - Are there any Farms That Offer work exchange programs ? In Boston we have Nesterly .com That is Low rent In exchange for People who Need help and Have extra Room In their House . I Know in Maine and Hawaii They have work exchange Programs . Are there any youth Hostels Near By sometimes they Need workers in exchange for House Keeping or the Office ? There are groups on Facebook where woman Meet up and camp Out . Usually In Arizona In the winter . Sisters on the Fly Has a group . They gather together . Are you close to any Community acupuncture centers ? They Offer support , meditation and Reiki . Holistic centers will Usually Offer work exchange Like Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY . You Need healing , someone to Listen to you , Financial support , a Roof Over your head and some friends . # 1 - Find a Doctor and a Clinic and get started On Your Journey Of Life again and get some grief counseling .

First, I would contact a mental health organization and have them plug you into a shelter. From there, you would be assigned a Social Worker who can assess your needs. Their are housing programs that can you can apply for. Seek out the free services and counseling.

You have sacrificed yourself and your well being which shows that boundaries were not created. It happens to us all. I sought out counseling to get me through the crucial moments of securing a job and moving out of the family home. It was an adjustment at first especially without a car, but I eventually worked through it. My relatives vicious. There was no other way to put it, and I was estranged from family for over twenty-five years. Even when I tried to reconnect, there just wasn't enough to keep me connected to them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

You Can apply to Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe , NM for a work exchange Program . It is a Buddhist center . Joan Halifax Does a Lot with death and dying and Is compassionate with Caregivers. Lots of free courses at Upaya for Caregivers . You Can try Omega Institute In NY They go Until October . Kripalu Yoga center in Stockbridge , MA . Usually Needs help and has rooms . Mount Madonna in California does a work exchange program . I Know In Maine I see Farms That Need help . I recently learned That The Northhampton Housing authority Has Many Senior Housing Units in Massachusetts they Have a Federal Form you can fill On Line . You Need to get grounded and feel safe again and heal .

So sorry that all this happened to you. You write you have a daughter, she can't help you out temporarily until you get on your feet or perhaps another family member? It certainly would not be a permanent situation but this is an emergency and I just can't see your daughter or your other family turning their back on a family member who is homeless. That is cruel and shame on all of them if they feel they can justify this turning their back.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

If you have not already reached out to a mental health therapist, please do; it could be a big help

Just a thought - there is something called "workaway". The website is www.workaway.org.

One of my mother's sitters travels extensively through this organization. There are opportunities in the US - probably every state - and throughout other countries.

Each host has some work that needs done - could be gardening for 4 hours a day, painting, helping on a farm or in a business, etc. The worker has to get themselves to the place and the host provides food and lodging. Some will offer small hourly wages in lieu of providing meals.

When this season of caregiving is over for me, I am planning on traveling through this organization. I'll be a solo traveler, so having a "home base" and hosts that can be of assistance will be invaluable.

call crossroads 570 476 9228 in u s a or catholic charities are all over the world.

Red,
I think one of the first things you need to seek out is a Therapist that can be a neutral sounding board for you and all that you have gone through.
You say you do not like asking for help but you need to.
I have said 2 of the most difficult things in caregiving are 1) Asking for help and 2) Accepting help.
You need to do both.
You should also find a Bereavement Support Group. Not just to deal with the loss of your mom but of your son as well. There is no timeline on grief.

Please contact a Women's shelter in your area.
Catholic Charities is also a great place to connect with. Despite the name they will help anyone, any denomination they will not deny services based on religion.
You say you like to provide for your own needs...part of that is finding a way to get your needs met. What I and other people responding to your post are doing is trying to help you find a way to get the needs you have met.
If you were drowning and someone tossed you a lifejacket would you not take it because you did not get it yourself? If your house were on fire would you stand there with a garden hose and tell the firemen..."I got this, I want to do it myself?"
Accept the help you find.

Please don’t be afraid to ask for help, we all need it at some point in our lives. I didn’t want to ask for help when I was younger but finally I reached a point where I had to. I am really glad I did.
I can’t add to the advice everyone else has given but I can say this, there are many people who care about you here. We believe in you and want to see you get past this stage. You are not alone!

God bless you.
You are surely suffering from
" caregiver exhaustion" , several layers of grief, past, present and anticipatory. Here's a few suggestions,to consider:
1. Please see a PCP right away. You need to begin by getting your own health assessed.
2. Ask your PCP for referral to a Licensed Social worker who should be able to offer you some options going forward. The SW should also be able to offer some services to assist you with housing, food etc etc.
3. Sign up for grief support either in a group or 1:1. A local funeral home should have some referrals. Or some hospice care may give you info.
4. Attend worship of your choice. Confer with senior pastor after and schedule some time to speak with them.
Eat balanced meals. Take naps. Get outside in nature.

Like so many others have said, my heart breaks for you. Start with a grief group and then, if you can manage, a good therapist with whom you can discuss your past and your future. You are deeply sad and need someone to talk with.

<((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

Red1965: Seek out a therapist and also perhaps a women's shelter.

My heart breaks for you with the stress that you are going through and the loss of your mother. After caring for your mother and experiencing the ups and downs of caregiving, I can quite understand your feeling of never wanting to do this ever again. Caregiving is a very stressful job.

I am encouraging you to go down to your county social service (Welfare) office ASAP and see what benefits you can apply for. It seems like you will qualify for many, many benefits including housing. Also, they will assist you in getting Medicaid since you have no medical coverage. Just know that the help you will be getting from the social service office will only be temporary, if this is what you want, until you can get back on your feet again. Please also know that it is OK to ask for help, and it is OK to receive the much needed help that you deserve. Social service has helped many, many people to get back on their feet and they will help you also.

You were a good daughter to your mother and you will be rewarded for this. Do not give up as great things will be happening to you to help you get back on your feet. Praying for you that you will get the much deserved help that you need.

You are grieving.
Get grief counseling / support.
Perhaps see a medical provider for short-term anti-depressant or something.
And/or exercise, eat healthy, surround yourself with beauty: nature, gardens, parks, museums. You need positive uplifting deversions ... as you learn how to cope with reality.

Pretending is a coping mechanism.
With professional help, you will learn to confront your feelings and situations and stop pretending. Right now, perhaps pretending is a buffer you need to cope. Realty often hurts. Life is hard and difficult at times.

Gena / Touch Matters

Give yourself 2 days to process without doing anything, just sit tight and think about it, breathe… talk to your inner self, she needs you to stand up for her, she’s also vulnerable and lonely, so stay put, close your eyes and feel yourself, dear, after enjoying the serenity for a couple of days , you and yourself can start planning for the next step, give yourself a schedule.
plan 3 meals a day, figure out what you and yourself want to eat. Let’s say 8 o’clock for breakfast. Have a cup of coffee if you like…. etc.
lunch should eat something more elaborate, like a piece of chicken, some water , that’s important.
dinner should start around 5-6 , that way you have enough time to digest so you will have more time to break down all the food and be prepared to go to bed around9:30pm .
Between 3 meals, you and yourself should partner and start getting ready to find groups to join. I like what other people are suggesting here , of course, you have to stick with 2-3 groups for now.

as soon as you start talking like what you are doing here in this forum, you both( you and yourself) will get help soon, if it doesn’t happen right away, it’s ok, it takes a little bit of time , love your inner self because she REALLY needs you to take care of her. If you can take care of a person for 12 years, you can do it. And I suspect you probably don’t know how great of a human being you are.

keep this schedule for 2-3 months. Meals are the first and foremost priority for anyone because without nutrition one cannot think straight. After you energize you both daily for a period of 20-30days, you will then have to plan accordingly with social workers who understand your situation. Fill in your hours between meals one slot and a time.
please come back here , we all want you to do well. But first thing first, eat 3 good meals… that’s your starting point.

Also, I forgot to add in my original reply that if you feel up to it, try volunteering at one place of your interest, one time per week . This will give you a new purpose and allow you to develop relationships and skills that you can use on a resume. For example if you like books, volunteer at a library; lots of good opportunities for learning and relationships there. If you feel like you would like to stay in with healthcare, volunteer at local hospital. Volunteer work has immediate rewards and long term relationships that can last.

<3<3<3<3<3 Hi Red, it sounds like what you need more than anything right now is support and like you feel completely alone and that your scared to get close to anyone because of all the pain and suffering you have been through. You took the first step by coming here and reaching out. Talking to people about your experiences and reaching out for help and accepting it is the first step and your doing that now. Keep reaching out, keep asking for help, keep asking questions. You are a truly loving and compassionate woman who has given up everything for those she loves. Let people give back to you now. You deserve help and you need it. It makes people feel good to help others.

I am so very sorry for your losses and the grief and depression you are experiencing. There are services everywhere to help people with housing, through grief and depression, to get back onto your feet. Keep reaching out and asking for help. A social worker in your area will be able to help you find the resources you are looking for. Let people give back to you now. You have given everything and it's time to receive. You deserve help and you need it. I truly hope this helps <3

Sounds like you need some mental health care NOW. Please go to the nearest emergency room and ask for evaluation and treatment for what you have described.

I hope you are feeling better