I'm looking for advice and direction after having lost my mom whom I took care of 24/7 for the last 12 years.

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

If you have not already reached out to a mental health therapist, please do; it could be a big help

Hello, Red

First of all, I am incredibly sorry for the loss of your son and your mom.

Your story is absolutely heart wrenching. Do you have NAMI in your area? If so, please make an appointment to speak with someone.

I am glad that you reached out. You’ve been through so much and it takes courage to speak about hurtful things.

I wish you the very best and hope that you find peace in your life. You deserve it.

You gave the best years of your life: age 45-57 (12 years caring for your mom 24/7).

Even better years are ahead, waiting for you! It was very kind of you to help. Please make your 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s…etc…the best yet. You deserve it.

Time to think about YOU. Lead an awesome life for you.

Just a thought - there is something called "workaway". The website is www.workaway.org.

One of my mother's sitters travels extensively through this organization. There are opportunities in the US - probably every state - and throughout other countries.

Each host has some work that needs done - could be gardening for 4 hours a day, painting, helping on a farm or in a business, etc. The worker has to get themselves to the place and the host provides food and lodging. Some will offer small hourly wages in lieu of providing meals.

When this season of caregiving is over for me, I am planning on traveling through this organization. I'll be a solo traveler, so having a "home base" and hosts that can be of assistance will be invaluable.

Red,
I think one of the first things you need to seek out is a Therapist that can be a neutral sounding board for you and all that you have gone through.
You say you do not like asking for help but you need to.
I have said 2 of the most difficult things in caregiving are 1) Asking for help and 2) Accepting help.
You need to do both.
You should also find a Bereavement Support Group. Not just to deal with the loss of your mom but of your son as well. There is no timeline on grief.

Please contact a Women's shelter in your area.
Catholic Charities is also a great place to connect with. Despite the name they will help anyone, any denomination they will not deny services based on religion.
You say you like to provide for your own needs...part of that is finding a way to get your needs met. What I and other people responding to your post are doing is trying to help you find a way to get the needs you have met.
If you were drowning and someone tossed you a lifejacket would you not take it because you did not get it yourself? If your house were on fire would you stand there with a garden hose and tell the firemen..."I got this, I want to do it myself?"
Accept the help you find.

Go to a hospital.. ask to speak to a social worker... tell them what you are going through and had been going through... I don't know where else to tell you start your new journey in our new life... I am so sorry about your son and mother.

How old is your granddaughter? If she is an adult... perhaps reach out to her....

I know.... she is your granddaughter.... but this is a connection.... reach out to someone.... She will let you know if she can "handle" this situation... she may be able to actually help... only if you trust... and care...

You do have family.... reach out to one of them.... please.

Hello, Red. I am so sorry for your losses, in particular the sudden loss of your son. I also lost a young adult son suddenly (12 years ago). No one understands if they haven't gone through it. (People say, "I can't imagine"...and I think, "And how lucky you are.)

Your siblings didn't even help out at that time?!

Did your mother own her own home? I'm not understanding why you've now lost your home? Someone below said your mother paid you?

"I was sleep deprived and exhausted in every way possible and constantly felt and still feel under extreme pressure. I gave up my social life completely."

I think what you are going through now (besides the grief of mother loss) is a kind of PTSD from the years of unreasonable caregiving.

I am curious as to how/why you came to be your mother's 24/7/365 caregiver.

I also recommend Griefshare, although I understand they made some changes to the program from when I did it over a decade ago.

First, I would contact a mental health organization and have them plug you into a shelter. From there, you would be assigned a Social Worker who can assess your needs. Their are housing programs that can you can apply for. Seek out the free services and counseling.

You have sacrificed yourself and your well being which shows that boundaries were not created. It happens to us all. I sought out counseling to get me through the crucial moments of securing a job and moving out of the family home. It was an adjustment at first especially without a car, but I eventually worked through it. My relatives vicious. There was no other way to put it, and I was estranged from family for over twenty-five years. Even when I tried to reconnect, there just wasn't enough to keep me connected to them.

I'm sorry for your loss.

So sorry that all this happened to you. You write you have a daughter, she can't help you out temporarily until you get on your feet or perhaps another family member? It certainly would not be a permanent situation but this is an emergency and I just can't see your daughter or your other family turning their back on a family member who is homeless. That is cruel and shame on all of them if they feel they can justify this turning their back.

Hello Red , I have been homeless due to a accident and it is a terrible feeling . I am sorry for the Loss of your son and Mother - You Need grief counseling . Please find a clinic and Make a appointment for a Primary Care Physician who can help you find a social worker who can Help you Navigate the system for shelter , food , grief counseling , fuel assistance - Thats what they are there for . Then go to your Nearest Housing authority and explain you Need Housing due to Caregiving and a Loss of your son - This is where the social worker can help and Doctor write a Medical Letter . I would also ask the Doctor if they have a Psychiatrist to diagnose you with depression and PTSD . The Doctor can diagnose you also . Are there any type of support groups for the Loss Of a child ? You Need to get reconnected to the world and grounded . You are dealing with a Lot and should Not be embarrassed . Go to your Local Library If you Need internet and a computer . You are stuck - Get Unstuck and get Help . The grief counseling will release the sadness and Pain . You are Young . Its warm Out this is the time to get things Done before the cold sets In . Focus . Once you get a Letter from your Physician that you are clinically depressed go to the Social security Office and apply for SSI ( Disability ) . Get SNAP ( Food stamps ) Find a farmers market . Go On Craigs List - Are there any Farms That Offer work exchange programs ? In Boston we have Nesterly .com That is Low rent In exchange for People who Need help and Have extra Room In their House . I Know in Maine and Hawaii They have work exchange Programs . Are there any youth Hostels Near By sometimes they Need workers in exchange for House Keeping or the Office ? There are groups on Facebook where woman Meet up and camp Out . Usually In Arizona In the winter . Sisters on the Fly Has a group . They gather together . Are you close to any Community acupuncture centers ? They Offer support , meditation and Reiki . Holistic centers will Usually Offer work exchange Like Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY . You Need healing , someone to Listen to you , Financial support , a Roof Over your head and some friends . # 1 - Find a Doctor and a Clinic and get started On Your Journey Of Life again and get some grief counseling .