I know that seems contradictory, but they're different things. One is a seething cauldron of emotions. The other is the To Do list - a very present help in time of trouble.
You have to, for example: • write a comprehensive packing list • complete all laundry, sew on name tapes, mark shoes and other personal belongings • work out a schedule for moving day, so that you can see at a glance what's next from when you get up to when you get home without having to think much or decide anything. • plan, shop for, and cook at least four days' meals for at least two people. Preferably including one person's all-time favourites :) • collate a folder of Mom's information - from food preferences to usual sleeping position to what she likes to be known as to daily routine etc etc etc. - to go into your mother's room. • make sure the car's in good order.
All of this is going to make for an action-packed four-five days. And for your mother's benefit, keep busy, keep smiling, and let them be good, productive days.
You can fall asleep on your feet on Monday evening.
It's the same in Ontario, but we get 72 hours. I have to admit that I bawled for 24 hours and then declined mom's first placement, but that was early days and I hadn't had the opportunity to wrap my head around her sudden decline.... it was several years later and after reaching total burn out that I finally got her into a crisis bed (my crisis - I never knew it was even possible to jump the queue the way we did). It's hard hard hard to give up control and to entrust them to someone else but you know you can't keep doing what you have been doing. It won't ever be perfect but it WILL be okay, you can do this ((HUGS)).
Aw Lynn, If you are this upset you obviously love your mom dearly and I would assume that means you've done everything you can for her up to this point right? So rest easy. Know you are doing the right thing and shore up your emotions so you can be supportive of her as she transitions to this new level of care.
I've been where you are and I know it's so hard. In time you'll know in your heart you did what's best for your mom and for you and then you can visit her, then go home and get the rest you probably really need.
Come back here often and we'll virtually hug you when you need it.
Lynn, Delay the move? Can you wait a bit and get in home care for now? The homes are being restricted as to visitors due to the Covid-10 virus and flu season.
First of all, big hug!! I just placed my mom on March 3 in LTC and honestly don’t know how it got to be March 13th!! Many, many emotions and tears but I’m feeling better and Mom is adjusting fast and doing well. Her mind is stimulated there and not so much a fall risk anymore because someone’s always around to help her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My Mom is my rock and best friend. Thankfully, I feel this is a very good LTC, I hope your Moms is too. I do know there will be bumps in the road and probably lots of them. I’m just taking one day at a time and resting up, trying to clear my own brain. I know how this rips your heart open! Your heart WILL get better when you realize this is the best thing for your mom. I think if you cry cry cry your heart out and get your emotions out, you’ll feel better like I did but give yourself time and don’t beat yourself up about crying ! I HATE YOU DEMENTIA!!
Bella7 did your mom know she was going into a home?? My mom does not know as she will get upset because she doesn't realize she can't be left alone due to falling however most days she is looking to go home . She can't dress herself cook or anything. When she even washer her face I need to stand behind her as she will fall backwards. I'm 51 married we both work full time. How did you get through the first few days??
This is a very sad transition indeed. You love her, and are doing the right thing. Please keep it in mind that she needs 24/7 supervision to prevent something tragic from happening (wander outside in the middle of the night, slipping on ice, breaking her hip, then freezing to death while you are asleep and unaware). You did this for her social well-being and her safety. She will adapt and possibly make friends. She may (or may not depending on severity of dementia) get reacquainted with other elderly that she may have known years ago. Big hugs for you. 💩on dementia.
In Nova Scotia once you get a call from your case worker you have to accept or decline bed within 24 hours. If you refuse you are taken off placement for three months and then you have to start all over. I think she will be confused as to why and where she is and why she can't be home. Yet most times she is looking to go home. I worry about everything from her care to her to being upset. I think many it's going to be hard to leave her there.....but right now she needs 24hr care due to her demintia and being a very high fall risk.
What do you have to do by Monday?
I know that seems contradictory, but they're different things. One is a seething cauldron of emotions. The other is the To Do list - a very present help in time of trouble.
You have to, for example:
• write a comprehensive packing list
• complete all laundry, sew on name tapes, mark shoes and other personal belongings
• work out a schedule for moving day, so that you can see at a glance what's next from when you get up to when you get home without having to think much or decide anything.
• plan, shop for, and cook at least four days' meals for at least two people. Preferably including one person's all-time favourites :)
• collate a folder of Mom's information - from food preferences to usual sleeping position to what she likes to be known as to daily routine etc etc etc. - to go into your mother's room.
• make sure the car's in good order.
All of this is going to make for an action-packed four-five days. And for your mother's benefit, keep busy, keep smiling, and let them be good, productive days.
You can fall asleep on your feet on Monday evening.
It's hard hard hard to give up control and to entrust them to someone else but you know you can't keep doing what you have been doing. It won't ever be perfect but it WILL be okay, you can do this ((HUGS)).
Why does this feel like a failure to you? Perhaps if you can pinpoint what is the thing that is bothering you, we can help.
((((((Hugs))))))))
If you were to fall ill, mom would have no advocate. You need to practise some self preservation.
(((((((HUGS)))))))))
If you are this upset you obviously love your mom dearly and I would assume that means you've done everything you can for her up to this point right? So rest easy. Know you are doing the right thing and shore up your emotions so you can be supportive of her as she transitions to this new level of care.
I've been where you are and I know it's so hard. In time you'll know in your heart you did what's best for your mom and for you and then you can visit her, then go home and get the rest you probably really need.
Come back here often and we'll virtually hug you when you need it.
Delay the move?
Can you wait a bit and get in home care for now?
The homes are being restricted as to visitors due to the Covid-10
virus and flu season.
Covid-19
I just placed my mom on March 3 in LTC and honestly don’t know how it got to be March 13th!! Many, many emotions and tears but I’m feeling better and Mom is adjusting fast and doing well. Her mind is stimulated there and not so much a fall risk anymore because someone’s always around to help her. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My Mom is my rock and best friend. Thankfully, I feel this is a very good LTC, I hope your Moms is too.
I do know there will be bumps in the road and probably lots of them. I’m just taking one day at a time and resting up, trying to clear my own brain.
I know how this rips your heart open! Your heart WILL get better when you realize this is the best thing for your mom. I think if you cry cry cry your heart out and get your emotions out, you’ll feel better like I did but give yourself time and don’t beat yourself up about crying !
I HATE YOU DEMENTIA!!
I think she will be confused as to why and where she is and why she can't be home. Yet most times she is looking to go home. I worry about everything from her care to her to being upset.
I think many it's going to be hard to leave her there.....but right now she needs 24hr care due to her demintia and being a very high fall risk.
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