I'm exhausted taking care of him and I want to move on with my life. What do I do?

How can you come out best from this? You'd probably be better off financially for the rest of your life if you stay until he passes away and become the widow. You deserve it after all you've been through. Could you take more time for yourself, distance yourself, and leave him more often with caregivers or relatives, or even on his own if he's able? If you can't bear to stay a moment longer it's okay to leave. He's been callous and you deserve to put yourself first.

Your husband is end stage COPD. In my opinion, it is time to help him complete the necessary end-of-life paperwork including will, living will/DNR. I also encourage you to have the difficult discussion with your husband about how his affair and lack of support while you were sick made you feel and get some closure.

You can start taking time for yourself every day. Just because he sits around doing nothing all day - which is what end stage COPDers do - does not, in my opinion, mean you have to keep him company. Find 2-3 hours each day at a time when he's napping or otherwise settled into doing nothing, and go do something. Getting out of the house is the first step toward living your life again. You are only 63, and there are many opportunities out there to enjoy.

If he had an affair and if you no longer love him, then put him on notice that you will be leaving so that you can have some life. You do not owe him staying with him. Give him a timeline of when this will be done so that he can seek the help he needs to go on without him. Say a fair amount of time, like 2 months. Then seek your own advice about a divorce, and the unmarrying of your finances from his. Why would you owe someone who betrayed you? I see others below who would feel guilt. Personally I would not. Guess I am not a special person, after all, but for me it is that you can expect from me a return of how you treat me. That's just me. I have no pretence that I am the best person in the world, but I won't be a doormat, either.

My cousin was end stage for 5 years, it was long haul for everyone. Have you considered selling the house, move somewhere more manageable, then start traveling, if need be, hire a caretaker for him when you are gone, Might give you some relief.

Since he’s endstage won’t you be able to move on with your life soon anyway? If it were me and I deserted my husband after 35 years of marriage I’d also feel guilt and shame so I’d avoid that and deal with it a bit longer. Always liking myself and feeling good about the choices I make/ actions I take are a priority for me.

It’s horrid feeling trapped so I get that.. why not take a vacation by yourself to get away for a bit? Come back refreshed, restored?