I'm devastated by comments today made by my loved one.

Avalon--

You have every right to feel what you feel. Just don't dwell on it too much. Your LO is not himself anymore. The filter is going, or gone. Sadly, the verbal abuse is often the only thing they can do to vent their frustration. It DOES hurt.

Do you have someone you can talk to? A therapist may be very helpful in dealing with this. Sorting it all out and not letting it eat you up? My mother makes very hurtful comments, but she MEANS them, she's competent enough to know what to say to get at you. That's a lot worse. I can't even blame dementia.

I hope you get out in the sun today and talk to a god friend, or even have a good cry. Life is really hard, sometimes.

{{Hugs}} cause you need them today.

Avalon - I've had a hard time with this too. Mom would completely forget what she'd said, and I'd be stuck feeling the feelings all day! I think you have to have a very strong feeling of self-worth to be able to do this work and take that kind of verbal abuse from a loved one with dementia.

What helps a LOT with me and mom now is having other people do some of the tasks that put me in the firing line. So with me, mom gets most nasty when I "nag" her - to take her pills, to drink her Ensure, to go to bed or get up, etc. - and also anything involving poop and pee! Since mom was diagnosed "palliative," we've qualified for extra home support, too. So that makes a huge difference. Mom is much nicer to other people, plus they are trained to deal with it.

Maybe there is a volunteer driver program that could take over driving your loved one?

Sometimes I think we need to all meet up with our loved ones in tow and swap with one another for a few days.
Then I remembered we need to love them to put up with it at all.

I’m very sorry for your pain. I hope things will look up soon

Avalon your heart is made for bigger things than being hurt by a few barbs. You are giving of yourself so much and it doesn't seem appreciated. That is because his capacity to be thankful or see your sacrifices has gone sadly never to return.
you love him enough to continue to care and want the best for him, try and concentrate on that and don't forget to do something good for yourself during the five hours he is gone.
Try a routine not that he will follow it but it will give you some structure.
"It's 830 time to get your coat on" Remove newspaper he is reading and hold out coat. reassure him paper will still be on the table when he gets home. Next day if he won't co-operate simply hide the paper. Concentrate on what has to be done, close your mind to the remarks. Turn on some happy music anything to distract. This is not a job for sissys.

You’re very patient with your father. I couldn’t take any more of my mother ‘s meanness to me and my family. Perhaps the facility or his doctor can help. I remember my grandma turned so mean to the staff, even spat at them. It seems so often elders are cranky and don’t feel well. That must build u day after day. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find resolution.

It's tough......I suggest that you just change the subject while driving over there when you sense it's going negative (easier said than done but it's the only thing we found that worked). Also maybe on the WAY stop for coffee/treat of some sort. A pleasure stop on the way which is MENTIONED as the reason we're getting in the car might avoid the conversation entirely rather than saying we're going to the care home. HMMMM?