I'm confused by mom's behavior change!

I think it's probably a couple things. She wants things in order while her dementia is early and she can handle things as she wishes. She's trying to help you later by doing things now. Also, clutter is very hard on people with cognitive issues - it's like seeing stuff everywhere is sensory overload, and it makes it hard to do simple things like finding the TV remote.

I bet part of what you're feeling is the sadness that comes from this reminder that things are changing for your mom. My husband was profoundly sad when his dad began showing him where the papers were, having the house painted and other things to get things in order. He knew it was a loving gift and I'm grateful every day that Dad has made things easier for us to settle his affairs.
((Hugs))

She knows what is coming and wants to get her affairs in order before she is mentally incapacitated, nothing wrong with that. She is a smart woman for making sure all is in order.

I’m sorry to suggest this but at one time we were warned to suspect suicide when someone began to give away their belongings. However I can think of two seniors who have recently given away belongings and seemed to be motivated by simply wanting to take care of business. one of them took a trip to NY later and the other got fitted for hearing aids so they were also showing some positive signs as well.
Your mom may be concerned because she is noticing her memory slipping and wants to make things easier for you.
If you haven’t read it, pick up the book “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It’s a great book for focusing on what’s important at the end of life.
You might also send your mom’s doctors a note expressing your concern. Even though they may not be able to speak to you about her condition, you can give them information regarding her actions.
Come back and let us know how things are going.

Have you sincerely but calmly asked Mom why she's doing what she’s doing? No one is inside her head but her. If you approach her with a sincere wish to find out what’s going on, but not with the idea that anything is wrong with her, you may get a very down to earth explanation.

It may just be that she thinks living in the house alone is becoming too much for her to manage and is getting things in order to down size or enter a facility.

I can tell you from actual experience there is nothing worse than your kids coming in and packing up your house and deciding what "THINGS" you never use and should just donate and trash.

Thinking about it I would just encourage her not question and offer to help if there are big things like furniture she wants to get rid of offer to do it for her. If she is thinking downsizing that is very positive and she will tell you when she is good and ready.

Thank you everybody on your thoughts. I appreciate all of you.

God bless all of you.

Shell and others out there,

This no doubt will make you uneasy, but don't rule out the possibility of your mom preparing for suicide, although I pray this isn't the case. I've lost two friends to suicide in just the past 2yrs. One was a gentle, sweet, and kind bachelor who lived alone with multiple health issues, the last diagnosis being cancer. He was a friend near my home in Iowa where I lived before I moved down to Kansas 3yrs ago to care for my dad. He left a lengthy note in which he gave specific instructions regarding his possessions, funeral arrangements, poll bearers, etc., very well thought out. Then he put a shotgun in his mouth. His best buddy didn't have a clue except that my friend had said that the doctor appointments every week were getting old. That was just 2yrs ago.

My other friend, also in Iowa, was married and retired and had always been active, helping her husband cut timber, garden, can their garden prodice, sew, bake, all projects she enjoyed. She dearly loved her grandchild. Post knee surgery, she called me to ask if I new anyone in her area who might be able to help her on a regular basis because she suspected that her mobility would be greatly limited from there on out. I could sense that she was hoping I'd say I could do it, but I would in no way abandon care of my dad. Her daughter stepped in and began the process of finding in-home care, but that required my friend to have a cognitive/memory evaluation, which led to the diagnosis of early-stage memory decline, although I'm not sure what specifically. I found this out from her husband after the suicide. She must have been very upset and overwhelmed by all of this and the unknown changes that the future held. She took an overdose of pain meds. That was last December. I still have a 2yr-old voicemail message from her saved on my cell phone of her typical, bubbly self. I can't bring myself to erase it.

Wow. I've never written all of this down before. I don't know what to tell you. Be positive and upbeat and tell her how great it is that she's cleaning out all of the unnecessary stuff in her house? Tell your mom that NO MATTER WHAT the future holds, you'll be there to help and support her? I wish I had made it a point to vocally acknowledge to my frends that I knew they were facing a ddifficult future and ask them what their concerns/fears were and that I would be there for them. Makes me think of several other friends with whom I need to do that, and SOON.

Your Mom may be cleaning and reducing clutter and getting property transfers in order because she has read that's a good idea in literature the doctor may have provided with her diagnosis. There's often a list of tasks patients are encouraged to get taken care of while their thinking is still mostly intact. She may also be concerned that she might need EMT help sometime in the future and doesn't want the EMTs to see her cluttered bedroom and bath.

She may be keeping her heart condition status private because she has decided not to pursue aggressive treatments and doesn't want to discuss or defend her choice. CHF can be a slow decline for a decade or more but when it gets to a certain point it picks up steam and can result in death in just a couple of years. My grandparents both died of CHF but with different paths.

Grandpa had a unexpected heart attack and passed quickly. He was in the hospital to balance his medications and was scheduled to check out later that morning. The nurse spoke with him and took him some coffee just after 6:00a. While she was approaching the nurse's station the heart monitor alarm went off. She raced back to find him flatlined and 2/3 of the coffee still hot in the cup. Grandpa had signed a DNR.

Grandma went through the entire CHF journey, finally dying of kidney failure after her heart couldn't provide enough blood flow to nourish her organs. Grandma spent more time in bed or a recliner with her feet up so they wouldn't swell than Grandpa, then she went to sleep and slipped into a coma.

If God allowed me to choose, I would take either of their CHF deaths over advanced dementia. Although CHF impacted the last 6-12 months of their lives significantly, they were both still able to live at home (kids and grandkids took over housework) and perform most ADLs with little or no assistance until the final few days.