I'm brand new to this and I'm freaking out a bit. Does this get easier?

Speak to your hospice case manager to find out everything that can be done to assist you. You don't say whether he is on Medicare or Medicaid. They will help by sending aides (for a couple of hours a few times a week), helping you order equipment (costs usually will be covered by Medicare), etc. Hospice care is comfort care, so talk to your father about his medical wishes. People can go so far as to request no hospitalization and no feeding if they cannot feed themselves. If you don't have Power of Attorney (POA) for medical and financial matters, you should get it while your father is in sound mind. If he doesn't have a living will with his medical directives he should get one. And make sure he has a will. It's best to get an attorney for this. If you can afford it, hire an aide to help out. You also have responsibility for your husband and kids, so you'll need breaks from being a caregiver to your father. Talk to your hospice case manager about this.

I am an Hospice volunteer. The Hospice I am affiliated with has volunteers and paid staff that will come help you free of charge. Contact Hospice now. The first thing we are taught is to care for ourselves before helping our loved ones. You do not have to do everything yourself. The newness of it all is your worst enemy so take it slow and ask for help immediately before you lose the good relationship with your Dad. Unfortunately, resentment comes into play. Why let that happen? Just because you aren't physically doing all of the day to day things for him doesn't mean that you are not a good daughter. You will find out that this is your new normal and this last stage of your father's life can be beautiful and you can still create wonderful memories together. Wishing you strength, love and comfort...

I’m sorry to hear about your dad. His diagnosis must have been a real shock. Still is, I’m sure. I’m sorry. You are grieving, too. And that makes it all extra difficult.

My husband used to be extremely private. When he got sick, it was a shock for both of us to be in these new roles. What helped me was watching a friend (who I called to help get him up after he fell in the shower). Our friend was so professional and nonchalant about the intimacy of the situation- covered him properly with a towel keeping respect at all times, spoke out loud what he was going to do (without too much detail, of course), addressed him with a title of respect and provided encouragement throughout. It was actually kind of beautiful, and I learned so much from observing that day.

Also, I learned how to change him in bed from the nurses at the hospital. Knowing the technique has really helped! Also finding out about disposable pads and other useful gear has helped.

In in many ways, it has gotten easier. But things are always changing, so there are new challenges.

Tip: consider buying a bidet for the toilet so he can clean himself without reaching around. It helps as long as he can still use the toilet.

I don't think it gets easier, but sometimes you have to listen to your gut.

My mom's a fall risk and I've had to stay home. Sometimes I feel I'm trapped and can't get out, but I have a strong and supportive sister and can text her all the time for help.

What my sister said was for me to take a handle on my stress before I spiral down. I take care of my mom and we get into arguments. Yet, my sister said to nip the arguments on the bud. I have to accept that my heart is racing and my mind is going crazy and I have to tell myself to shove it and wait for my stress level to go down. Sometimes I wait 10 minutes, maybe 15. I have to give myself a break and say, "I've done enough for now. It's time for me to rest." Make your mind and heart at ease.

I'm not perfect. It's not a fool-proof plan. I'm not a super hero. I have to listen to my body and if it says, "I'm too tired for this.", than accept it.

I have a part-time caregiver that helps. Caregivers are expensive, but they offer a lot of advice and experience so they can teach you what to do and give yourself a break.

I hoped I helped.

Very sorry this is happening to you. I think you might want to sit down with hospice nurse or social worker and make a plan. Based on the fact that he has hospice in place, he is terminal and you are alone with him at home. Yes, I understand that this is where he wants to be but he cannot stay there without 24 hour care. If it is just you and no other siblings to share care, you are now taking on what a nursing home/hospice facility would be doing with 3 shifts of staff. Plus, he is aware and able to be embarrassed and upset with the messes you have had and will have to clean. If you just let this happen and "wait and see", you will be up in the middle of it all, alone at 2am. I am a nurse but I was not willing to do that with my father; we had not been close when he was healthy. If you want to do it, then that is fine but if you are only doing it because He wants it, you might really want to rethink this and look for a hospice facility he could go to. The hospice nurse will walk you thought what will happen and while they say they will help you, you will be alone with him most of the time. So you have to want to do this. If you don't, then see what your alternatives are and your dad is just going to have to understand.

It is not going to get easier. You can make some adjustments however that will ease your mind and your burden.

For myself, when it was my dad, he wanted to die at home, so we had him at my house. That way I could take care of my kids and still help him. My family's routine was disturbed as little as possible. This was in 1974 before Hospice. It worked out well for me. I did have my mother to watch him at night and then she slept in the day and I took over. Some people didn't think my 10 and 8 years old girls should see it. I asked them if they would feel better if Grandpa was in the hospital. They both said, "no, because they couldn't see him". They were close to Grandpa and when he was dying they would sit and do homework with him and watch TV. It was a natural, circle of life for us. When he had hallucinations from the morphine, I just explained Grandpa was having a nightmare and he couldn't wake up from it. I realize we are a different sort of family, we believe this life is not all there is, and we all were calm about it. My telling you about this is for you to think about moving him to your house or your family coming to live with him.

Since then I have had lots of deaths of family and friends. I think it would be great to make full use of Hospice. You can shop around if the first company doesn't meet your needs. Perhaps you can hire a caregiver to be with him at night while you sleep.

It was my second time going through this and since then I have learned a lot. My heart and thoughts are with you. If I can help you please let me know. ((Hugs)) to all of you.

Quite understandable that you'd be freaking out!

I agree with others that this will not get easier. You might get more used to it and if you have a proper amount of help, you might find it tolerable. But you need LOTS of help. Don't be a hero. Don't feel guilty. You're only human and have normal limitations.

The worst thing about caregiving for me was the toileting. I can't take smells. And having to help Mom was awful. I would just about gag. Once she was in the AL I let the aides do it.

If Dad can afford it, get help for the times an aide isn't there.

I’m so sorry, what an incredibly difficult situation. I’m going to give it to you straight—if your dad was sent home with a terminal diagnosis, it’s not going to get easier. His needs will increase as he gets sicker & weaker. Since he is on hospice, it will be expected that he has someone with him 24/7 providing hands on care. It is too much for one person. Especially someone with a spouse & children at home. Hospice will provide a bath aide a few times a week, to come bathe him & change his bedding but everything else will fall to his primary caregiver. If dads finances allow it, you should really consider hiring a couple caregivers if there aren’t enough family members willing/able to pull shifts.

You must remember, as difficult a time as this is for your dad, it is difficult for you too. you are a person too and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your needs matter. It is all too easy for caregivers to put the needs of everyone else before their own, to give up their own lives so their loved ones can remain at home and keep their same lifestyle. It’s often a recipe for disaster and leads to burnout and even death. It’s said that 40% of caregivers die before the person they are taking care of! So.....please don’t forget about your needs & try to get him some caregivers.

I found myself in a terrifying situation when my dad fell & broke his hip in 2014 and rehab would not release him back to Independent Living with my mother. By the grace of God, I was able to find them an Assisted Living Facility that would accept dad (who was catheterized at the time and really in need of a nursing home vs. Assisted Living). Turned out he also had a terminal brain tumor with a grim prognosis in addition to a rare form of cancer. Although I had to do A LOT of the care giving ie: taking him back & forth to doctors & the ER for catheter care, etc., the Assisted Living Facility did the majority of the care, including the clean up of the Depends situations which I know I could not handle personally. Dad lasted 10 months and passed away under Hospice care at the ALF where he lived. Hospice provided him with a hospital bed, a CNA who came in 2x a week to bathe him, and a nurse who administered his comfort care medications and oxygen. Hospice needs to be doing this for YOU as well; otherwise, your dad needs to be in a hospice facility because this is TOO MUCH for you to handle alone. You are not a weakling, my dear, you are a terrified daughter, like I was, and just typing that out made me cry for what you are facing right now. It's the worst thing in the world, I know.
May God give you the guidance & strength that's needed right now to see your dear dad through to his next phase of eternal life.
All the best of luck.

He has to wear adult diapers from now on. Ask dr to write script for hospital bed. Get bed chucks / pads. Hire caregiver to do most of work . Caregiver can give sponge bed bath, if he can’t walk. Get adult wipes & put A& D ointment on tush. Also need vinyl gloves. Not really a job for a daughter to do for Father. ...He needs male caregiver to help. Hugs 🤗

For myself, I found that nothing was worse than the shock of the diagnosis.
You are certainly no weakling. You are there for him. If you weren’t strong, you wouldn’t be.
The course of my LO’s care was7 weeks. If you are able, focus on researching comfort care and doing what your dad wants done.
If he has a preference as to in home or residential services, I think the decision is his to make.
My own feeling is that children and teens should also be allowed to vent, visit, and/or FaceTime as they and your dad wish.
Everyone may feel somewhat better if you’re able to develop some sort of routine to balance your time between your dad’s home and yours.
Don’t let yourself forget about caring for yourself and your other dear ones.

Banana flakes help stop diarrhea. And I had the same thing when Dh returned from subacute care. It did stop.

if your Dad is in hospice care, you can have that at home or in a hospice facility. If you meet with the hospice nurse you can get a plan of care and ask for the maximum amount of help. Respite help, volunteers, cna visits, nurse visits, etc. if this won’t work for you, a facility near you might be a better choice.

Is there a reason he was sent home instead of a nursing home or hospice house? Of course the care is too much for you, it would be for most of us here. Your family needs to be your top priority.

How does dad feel about this being so hard on you and your family because you are not where you should be?

You've come upon the crisis cluster where a lot of important issues converge and they need solving urgently. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis. You are very loving and valiant in being there for him and sacrificing your family life for now. Some practical matters first:

1) are you his medical Durable Power of Attorney? If not, who is? It is very important that someone trustworthy, responsible and local has this. Also financial PoA. He needs a Healthcare Directive, and also authorize you on his HIPAA release so his doctors can release and discuss his info with you.

2) Do you have any local relatives who can help you? Does your dad have any neighbors, friends, church that can be engaged until you get a handle on things?

3) Do you know what his financial means are? If good, you can seek in-home care services to do what you are willing to give up (and try to get a guy, for your dad's sake).

4) If finances not good you can contact social services to have him assessed and they can offer some in-home services.

Wishing you peace on this journey.

It doesn't get any easier, but when my mother was released from the hospital, she had the runs for about two days. I had to change the diapers and it fell on the floor - big mess. I think that they had given her something for constipation. Hopefully this is the case for your dad. You could try things like coconut macaroons or fiber rich bread. Hospice will help you with the caregiving. Good luck