I'm being charged with financial elder abuse. I've done knowingly nothing wrong, concerning my father's finances.

You say you did not KNOWINGLY do anything wrong.
Ignorance is no excuse before the law.

I find the Bank Manager story a bit difficult to believe, but if what you say is true, you and the bank manager may be sharing a cell.

You have taken money that rightfully was not yours, and that was for your father and his life and his care.

You need an attorney.
What you are doing is ELDER ABUSE and likely also larceny.
You are taking the funds of a senior who clearly is not in his right mind.
You may well end up in jail if you cannot find an attorney to represent you.

Oh my. You need a lawyer. Right away.

Dad cannot expect Medicaid to pay his Nursing Home bill when he has assets that are available.

Dad should have seen an Elder Law attorney if he wanted to give you money. He would have been advised to pay you for your caregiving, not gifted money.

I wish you luck.

Unfortunately, a conversation between family members is not enough. There are legalities - power of attorney, trusts, ... that have to be put in place. Unless your father's been declared mentally incompetent, there's still time to get something done.

If your father isn't private pay - on Medicaid or VA - his money has to be used for his nursing home room/services. That he's giving it to you isn't legal. Shame on the bank manager; they should know better.

Get an elder law attorney ASAP and get this untangled so you and your father can have some peace.

Maybe I misunderstood something.

How is the NH being paid?

A bank manager should know better than to hand over the cash of someone who is in a NH without at least advising you to get an attorney. You didn't say if dad is on Medicare now. If he is, and Medicare is no longer paying, his SSI will often go directly to the nursing home, and his other assets go to pay the remainder. If he is not yet on Medicaid, he has to spend down his own money for his care, and cannot gift any money for FIVE years prior to going on Medicaid.

Where I live, NHs are $15,000 - $18,000 per month for NOT upscale homes. So even someone with substantial assets will spend them down pretty quickly. I hope you still have the money, because the state will either demand it back, or insist that you pay for all the nursing home time that the amount of money you got would have covered.

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but also stunned that NO ONE, not the nursing home nor the bank or a friend or family member happened to mention that you cannot just have all of dad's money while he's in a NH.

You really didn’t know that stealing SSI checks is illegal?

I find that very hard to believe.

Joe Taxpayer will not foot the bill for your travel expenses, sorry. The nursing home is in the right here.

Im wondering if the bank manager “friend” didn’t take a nice slice of the pie. Seems unusual she would allow that.

Is your Dad on Medicaid? How is he paying the nursing home bill? If your Dad is on Medicaid to pay the nursing home, all of his money, including his SS checks needs to go to the nursing home. If you are taking this money, you will be rightfully charged with financial abuse and possibly theft by police. You are going to need a lawyer, and you need to make sure the NH gets his checks. This is assuming he is Medicaid pending or on Medicaid. Sorry, you don't have any rights to his money or income.

Agree with others. You need to find a lawyer and yesterday.

People often transfer assets with little to no research or understanding of the ramifications. While it may be innocent as far as intent - when it comes to applying for and being granted Medicaid - the government sees this as "hiding assets" in an effort to qualify for Medicaid to pick up the bill.

The problem is that your father's assets were to be used for his care - until he spent down to a certain amount (I think it is $2,000 not counting the house). THEN he would be able to qualify for Medicaid. If Medicaid is covering his facility and medication costs, the expectation is that the person will give the SNF all of the money they have coming in (minus a very small monthly amount for their own purchases - I think that is less than $100 a month.) So if he gets SSI every month - then they are entitled to that money. Every penny of it except that small stipend for personal expenses.

To that end, when he moved all of his money to you - during the look back period - AND in combination with everything else you shared - any amount he gave you - creates a gap in his care coverage. Meaning Medicaid won't pay for the amount he gave you towards his care.

In situations like this - a 'gentleman's agreement' verbally means absolutely nothing. My in-laws financially supported my SIL and BIL for the last 15 years. When my FIL was getting near the end- he would tell DH, who is his executor, that when the time came to "dish out" inheritance that he should take 75+% because BIL and SIL had been "taking his inheritance".

DH said, Dad unless you change your will, I can't do squat because it's illegal. Spoiler alert - he never changed it. LEGALLY DH is required to follow that will to the letter of the law and give his sister 50% of everything that is left when any debts are paid. There is no other option.

My point - it doesn't matter what verbal promises your father made. It doesn't matter what his wishes were. What matters is that his assets were intended to pay for his care, and now he has put you in a very scary position unintentionally.

Because legally what was done is not allowed.

Find a lawyer. This won't go away. And it won't matter how much your father insists he wanted you to have it. He can't have assets and have his care paid for by Medicaid. And he transferred his assets to you during the lookback period. you need someone who knows the law to help you.

https://www.medicaidplanningassistance.org/medicaid-look-back-period/

From your profile:

I am caring for my father Ralph, who is 84 years old, living in a nursing home with age-related decline and alzheimer's / dementia.

About Me
I was semi retired living in Vancouver, Washington. Help taking care of my 2 grandchildren , with my daughter and her husband.
Was enjoying my life. Things couldn't be better, at that time.
Call from Dad, change my whole life, His too.
October 2019, I arrived in ND to visit for 2 weeks.
Wants my to help take care of him, so he doesn't get put into a nursing home. Plus I would be paid for 16 hours weekly by medical. We talked indepth as to what he wanted & didn't to happen to him.
Dad's in a home, going on 2 years.
Now I'm 62yrs old, its 2024, and I'm still here. By choice. Not obligations. 
**************************

Dad has dementia, first of all, meaning he's not competent to say what he wants done with his SSI checks!

You say he's been living in a nursing home for 2 years. How have they been getting paid?

You say, "Plus I would be paid for 16 hours weekly by medical." What is "medical"? Medicaid?

Nobody is THAT misinformed they think nursing homes are free and bank accounts of social security funds can be drained by non owners of those funds to do with as they wish. I hope you have some funds left over for a good lawyer, you need one.

Easy to understand why they are doing this. You are in trouble, return the money that was transferred.

Get an attorney, your fathers SSI money should go directly to the NH, certainly not you or anyone else.

Since he has dementia, his brain is broken and is mentally incompetent.

Greed raises it's ugly head again.

So here is how I read your post -

"My Dad and I talked about this indepth. His wishes , wants & don't want. Told me that it's all mine. Gave me everything & said I can keep all if I want. It's my decision if I wanted to give my brother anything."

- Ok so far that's fine. No money has moved. Dad wants you to INHERIT it all. He may want you to have it all right now - but that's not how Medicaid works.


"Four months into him living at an upscale nursing home, they called local police and filed a complaint for financial elder abuse. Dad found out they were trying to get all his ssi checks, going straight to them & wanted all of his bank balance to. He didn't want anyone to control of his ssi checks."

- here is where things got twisted. I'm assuming maybe 4 months in - he needed Medicaid. From your profile - it sounds like you moved to live with him - giant leap here - who was paying for the household expenses while Dad was there the first 4 months? Was it getting too expensive to maintain his home and pay for the SNF? OR did he go in on Medicaid and after 4 months it came to light that he still had assets?

"And called his bank talked to the bank manager, (they were friends), having her to issue me a check for the entire balance in his account and that he is sending me over to get and cash it there (bank). Told me to spend it anyway I wanted. Go see my kids & grandkids, with my new gentleman friend, (Dad introduced us) to meet my family."

- BIG Uh Oh here - I'm trying to get a timeline - but it sounds like your dad did this at the 4 month mark. But your father's assets at this point were not able to be transferred to ANYONE legally except to pay for his care.

"Now the nursing home is really pissed off and then start proceedings to have a guardian appointed & hus ssi checks going straight to the nursing home. Once they did that, then they filed a report on me for financial elderly abuse.
Dad, would tell any and everybody, I was his eldest, his daughter who agreed to help take care of him abd keep him in his home as long as I could. And I get everything he has. Once in the home, he wouldn't need anything anymore. I'm giving it all to her. It's all hers now."

Here is your real problem. HOW is the nursing home getting paid? If you aren't private paying - and Medicaid isn't paying his bills - was there never a conversation about the bill? The nursing home has to be paid FIRST. And if they can't get their money from one source or another- then they start to look at different avenues.

It sounds like your father was very vocal about you having it all. Was he very vocal about it with everyone? Did he mention to his friends at the nursing home, or a CNA or Nurse that "I gave my daughter all of my money when I came here. I wanted her to have it all. I don't want this place to have my money"

I will reiterate that you are in a very bad position right now and need LEGAL help. Especially since your father has been there for 2 years - and this happened 4 months in. You have to get this fixed in some way.

You don't mention yourself or anyone else having your father's POA or conservatorship.

Who was paying your father's nursing home bills and how were they getting paid?

Someone was writing the checks to pay the nursing home. Granted, a nursing home resident or their POA do not have to allow a nursing home or other care facility access to their accounts or banking information. They do however have to pay the person's care bill every month at the facility.

Your father with dementia who's in a nursing home because he couldn't be cared for safely and adequately at home anymore, told you to spend his money any way you want. So you went to the bank, cleaned out his account, and spent it.

Yes, this is most emphatically ELDER FINANCIAL ABUSE.

You are stealing from your own father. You proclaim here that his dementia is so advanced that he had to be placed in residential care. Yet, you think he's rational enough to make informed and logical financial decisions about how his money is going to be spent.

Refund the money back into his account if you still have it. If you don't then you can get in serious touble.
The bank manager who cleaned out his bank account when he called from a nursing home is probably in more trouble than you are.

Put the money back. The nursing home gets your father's monthly income. They also get whatever was owed to them for back bills if no one has been paying for him.

Good answer, especially this: "Ignorance is no excuse before the law." A lot of people don't know this (or perhaps choose not to know this).

I skimmed the post sorry if this was said. If your Dad is on Medicaid his SS and any pension go to the NH. Thats part of his contract with Medicaid. He cannot give any money way witinin five years of needing Medicaid. So if on Medicaid the NH is correct in getting his share for care. If you have any money left of Dads you need to give it back for his care. I allowed the NH to be payee for Mom's SS and pension. This is legal SS allows it.

I think neither u or Dad understood how this works. Who helped Dad get into the NH.

Your post makes absolutely no sense at all to me. Nothing in life is free. Hire a lawyer if you haven’t spent all of your dad’s money.

Are you posting here to defend yourself in "public court"? You've come to the wrong place.

"Ignorance is not a legal defense". This means that your "intentions" have absolutely no impact on the fact that laws were broken. Your defense attorney will confirm this.

It's like not paying taxes because you didn't think you had to and then expecting you'd be let off the hook by the IRS because you didn't know you had to pay them.

or

"Oh, I didn't know I couldn't murder someone."

One thing I learned in life is never allow myself to get entangled in old people's affairs ever again. Keep your life and your finances separate. Don't believe the promises parents will tell you. Most of the time, it is to manipulate you into a caretaking situation that will not benefit you at all. Parents will put you in danger of being homeless and in some cases have you brought up directly on elder abuse charges. I had three years of this headache for a younger disabled sister that my mother left behind after she died. Both parents had me cited to take over at the young age of six. That way, they did not have to worry about placement issues for younger sib. Their way of coping was to dump this burden on another sibling to avoid the cost and guilt of placement themselves. I was saddled with this burden in my early thirties while my father got to remarry, and take elaborate trips with his new wife and family. It was not a good time for me. And on top of that, I was newly divorced with a kid to raise. Anyway, fast forward; I watched this fiasco play out with dad and his new family. Eventually, he got old. The new wife became his caretaker. A phony deed was drawn up while dad was on morphine and had a few weeks to live. No one (other siblings) wanted the headache of pursuing this, so the wife and her crew are still in the home. My sibs and I were going to get a lawyer to fight this, but decided it wasn't worth the headache. The house was in bad shape anyway.

The government doesn't fight fair. An elderly demented parent's promise isn't worth a plate of refried beans. I would just let them talk but don't take the conversations seriously. I would treat these conversations as part of their illness.

In this case, I would consent an elder lawyer or someone who works in this field to instruct you what to do asap!

I can't quite believe the bank manager bit. They would for sure have known this was elder abuse and their own neck would be on the line.

Wow, just wow