I’m an Authorized Recipient for health care along with my sister. Should I confront my sister?

Watch out for your sister…..she doesn’t seem to be looking out for mom’s best interest & wants power & control

Messy for sure . I Know what you are going thru . Sometimes the stress is Overwhelming .

Seems your sister - and maybe mom - have issues with you being part of healthcare plans for your mom. It might be helpful to sit down with your sister and a counsellor - as an objective professional - to help you both to get to the bottom of your differences. This person can also be helpful is getting your both to get agreement on the plan of care for your mom.

That being said, this doesn't solve the issues with hospital or doctors. Contact lawyer in your area. Show lawyer your POA and have them contact hospital and doctors about your rights. Then, set appointment for sister with a legal representative about working out the access to health information issue if working with a counsellor doesn't work out.

I can’t help much with any advice. I’ll I can say is I’m pretty much in your same situation. Except I was never put on dpoa. Only my sister and brother in law were. I know she went behind my back and had this done. Her excuse is that she lives closer. She now for whatever reason won’t text or call me. So now when I take my mom to the doctor appointments and other medical appointments I make sure to put me on as emergency contact and being able to get information on her. I always still have to put her on because my mom always says to make sure Jami is on there because she is closer, even though she has dementia she can still figure out if my sister is on there. She just doesn’t understand who can do what. I wish you the best.

SavingMom2014: After suggesting that you retain an elder law attorney, I did see your update wherein you stated that you have seen the attorney.

You may want to consult with an elder attorney. It may get nasty if your sister is not wanting to work as a team with you.

Thanks for the update. Glad u saw a lawyer.

I have moms attorney sending all of her doctors copy of advance directives, declaration for life sustaining procedures and the hippa form all allowing me access to moms medical notes and access to discuss care with the doctors and hospitals.

My lawyer said dr should never have agreed on blocking me from access without the legal documents.

the hospital has the correct information about code status but for some reason when my sister took her for a follow up she said moms a DNR. The doctor accepted it and took her off her meds and suggested home care, which my sister declined and said she would be palliative now.

lawyer is sending documents that I am resigning from Financial POA. And being the executive. I don’t want any part of that.

Read your POA. Make sure you share responsibilities with sister. It may mean that sister is main POA unless she steps down or for some reason cannot perform her duties. If co-POA then she cannot keep you from Mom. And if there is proof that Mom has Dementia, then she is incompetent to sign anything. I would say she is being coerced. When u find out how it reads you present a copy to the hospital telling them that sister has no power to keep you out of Moms care. If that does not work, I would get a lawyer to review the POA and find thatvits still valid and write a letter to that effect. It should say that as co-POA, you both have the same rights to Moms health info. Mom is now incompetent to make decisions and the POA is now in effect. You will need to show the lawyer that Mom has been found incompetent.

I see below you saying you are legally responsible because you are a co poa, and only your sister is serving. This isn't so. You aren't. But I still do advise you see an attorney. We can do nothing. Update us when you see him.

My thinking is this is a fight for guardianship if mom is severely demented and incapable of making her own decision. You are talking 10,000 and the court may remove it from BOTH you and sis and appoint a state guardian/fiduciary. OR one of you will be told to resign. OR you resign now and that surely would be my choice. You have taken this to your mother. She has denied there is a problem. Your sister lives in her area and is caring for her. You will likely not win this, and were I you I would resign and take the worry of responsibility where you cannot act off the table.
I hope you will update us as you go, whatever you decide. Wishing you good luck.

I just called elder abuse for help bc moms finances are in array. And I can’t do anything being consistently blocked out.

and I want mom to have home nursing check on her and my sister said she doesn’t need it. But talking to mom she says she would love company!

she actually loved being in the hospital because everyone was nice and talked to her. Now she is home all day alone and can’t remember if she even ate .

it’s costly to apply for guardianship and costly to resign at this point.

If your mother didn't create a new PoA (making your sister the only one) then you may need to have an elder law attorney send a letter to her demanding she show proof of a new document or else it will go to court and the judge will demand to see it. But don't make threats you aren't willing to follow through with. And, it will cost you money.

If there isn't a new PoA and you are still a co, then the lawyer needs to write a letter to the hospital admins regarding their actions.

Having co-PoAs only works when the relationship between the 2 are solid and healthy (and suspicion-free). My husband and his youngest brother are co for their Mom and it's worked fine for many years (but then again the Mom has no assets and is on Medicaid in a LTC facility).

Who is the FPoA for your Mom? Are you co on that as well? I'm not sure what the power struggle between you two is all about. It's certainly not in your mother's best interests. The big guns would be to pursue guardianship but that is very expensive.

Often we only get one side of the story. Hoping this isn't really about inheritance (as it often is). Can you please provide more information?

The only question matters here is whether or not your Mom is competent to make her own decisions. If she is then she can withdraw your rights to her records and your POA any time she wishes to, and you cannot act upon it.

As you seem so determined to act upon it I am assuming your Mom currently is diagnosed with dementia so severe as to make her incompetent in her own decisions.

Are you medical POA?
Does the doctor have a copy of your MPOA?
Is sister now MPOA?
I cannot make heads or tails.
Are you GENERAL POA?
WHO is caring for your mother?

In your note to me re PM you say you are just wanting to walk away from this, but dependent on your legal paperwork and documents, and given your Mom has some dementia, it isn't as easy as that.

I just don't understand your situation at all.
WHO IS THE POA/GUARDIAN FOR YOUR MOM WITH DEMENTIA.

If you are POA and are in control of mom's life and her finances how in the world can an MD not share information with you? It is entirely illegal for anyone to ignore a legal POA. I truly don't understand.

If you are POA AND your mom has dementia, it is not as easy as walking away. You have to RESIGN. Resigning POA with a demented adult is a COURT ACTION. You would need an attorney. Then a Court proceeding withdrawing as general POA. Then a letter would then go to your sister, you mom, and whomever else is currently taking care of mom now and to every entity you are currently managing your mom's business, assets or anything else.

Sorry to sound so very frustrated, but I cannot tell who is legally (key word) in charge here by legal documents, and who is currently ignored those documents. I can also not tell who is currently caring for your Mom. To my mind that should be the person doing MPOA and all other POA work.

THEN you can walk away, and were I you I would do just exactly that.
Good luck.