I'm a PCA, not a maid. Please help me outline boundaries with the family.

Unfortunately, it depends what your employer expects of you. Do they consider your position one of a "do any and all we request while you are on the clock" job? If so, you are also not respected for being a professional care giver.
There is no other way but to set boundaries or find another job. If you were hired for them by an agency, contact them. Its nice to have a pleasant relationship, but you are there to provide skilled care, not be buddies with everyone. Project confidence and self respect to those who have become too familiar.

Every employer should have a job description listing the duties that are expected or might be expected from employees. That being said, there are a lot of senior care services that advertise doing just the services you describe. For example- Here is a list of services I copied off a Senior Homecare website:

​Companionship Care
Personal Care​
Meals & Nutrition
Transportation
House​hold Duties
Resp​​ite Care for Seniors
Hos​pice Care Services
24 Hour and Live-I​n Care​
Dementia and Alzheimer's​
Transitional Care
Arthritis, Diabetes, and Other Conditions
Specialized Services

At any rate it doesn't sound like something you need to discuss with the family until after you clarify what your duties are with your employer first.

If you are independent, you need to type up a job description outlining what you do and for whom. In it, add that if you take on duties for others besides the parents, the fee that you charge increases. Itemize the extra fees like laundry, making more beds, dishes, etc. That is just good business practices. It also keeps people from taking advantage of you.

In this conversation no one is bringing up Covid!

Does everyone in both states live in a Covid free bubble?

How responsible is it for this family to bring the possibility of Covid into the home of elders for a week?

Are they quarantining for two weeks in a hotel first?

Multigenerational homes are a perfect storm right now with this virus.

Gentlecare70 do you intend to be the PNA for a couple of Covid patients?

I think a few loads of laundry/dishes are the least of your problems.

Well, clearly we need to know who signs your checks. It is with that source you need to have discussion and have something put in writing to clarify things for the future. If you have been privately hired then someone clearly thinks you are at their beck and call to do whatever is asked of you, so you need to speak up and say nope to the add-on's. HOWever...if what is being done would typically be done by the elder employer, like their kids laundry...then you are technically still helping your employer. I don't believe that you should be doing /cleaning up after others, but it goes back to your agreement. Maybe this is a time for YOU to take some vacation:-)? Don't forget how, while there are many caregivers out there, it is a supreme hassle factor to find a new person who can be trusted and good people are hard to replace. If they love you and don't want to lose you they should be happy to listen to you and make accommodations. Too bad the family isn't staying at a hotel. Not to mention they could take their dirty clothes back home with them to wash. All that said, it's NOT up to you to tell THEM how to spend their time and handle things when they come visit. Seems rather obvious they don't want to spend their time what the hired help is supposed to be doing...but they do need to understand the limitations of that help. Good luck!

I think that is normal thing to do.With your attitude I think you should not work around people.

You are being paid to care for 2 people, not 5 or 6..... Caring for that many people takes your time and focus away from your employers. I like the idea of telling the visiting children that you know a maid who could come in to clean while they are visiting so that frees you up to take care of their parents. Also, is this private pay or Medicare/Medicaid? If the former, I would say that's a problem. God's blessings to you as you navigate this!!!

You are taking care of their parents not them and that is enough of a job. It is not your job to be their maid to say the least. Please do not allow them to take advantage of you. I would talk to them and be direct and honest. Do you get a vacation? I would take the week off if you do, and let them find another caregiver for the week, or they can do the caregiving for the week themselves.

You work for the parents, what do they say about what you are being asked to do?

You have to understand that in their minds you do the dishes and the laundry and everything else that the lady of the house can no longer do and I promise you that translates into taking care of their child and their spouse and family. Just like mama would do if she was able.

I don't think that they have any notion that they are taking advantage or abusing you in any way.

If you feel like what they are asking you to do is too much, and I think that you doing their laundry is asking too much, then you need to speak with your employer and tell them that you feel like they are crossing boundaries by asking you to do chores for the family. You can ask for more money or you can say it is not something that you are willing to do. But you need to address the situation because you are feeling resentful about it and that will show.

Choose your battle carefully if you like your job. Putting them on the spot will not be good for anyone involved. Decide what you are willing to take on and negotiate how this can happen without anyone feeling upset.

Another thing that you want to consider, people assume that you should be perpetually busy when you are working, which I agree with, so make sure that you are not idle and giving them cause to feel like giving you additional chores is okay.

This calls for the “2 second rule”: You’ll feel uncomfortable for 2 seconds when you tell them you’re not the maid for the ones coming to visit. You could wait 2 days to say this, 2 weeks or 2 months, but in the end it will be uncomfortable. Why not get it over with as quickly as possible?

You need to flat out tell them you are there to care for the parents. Not them. Tell them a time you won't be using the washer like oh hey I already did you parents wash, so you can use the washer and dryer now. And just leave it at that. They will continue to take advantage of you until you stop putting up with it. I've been in situations like that before. I just stopped doing there stuff, and told them what I said to. At first they were a little mad but hey you have a life too and if they are not paying you extra for the chores or your time you need to make it clear to then what your there to do and what your paid to do. Good luck

After reading all the good responses you need to review what your contract and duties encompass. If you are working on your own and not affiliated with an agency you still need a clear understanding written out of your duties.
I would live for you to take the week off the son and his family visit. The son should have a copy of your duties and yes post one on the fridge.

It's not your place to say anything. BE CAREFUL here!! 

@Casa123 gave you GREAT PROFESSIONAL advice: ....
"I'd advise for you to maintain a professional approach & conduct at all times. Discuss the matter with YOUR EMPLOYER & ALLOW THEM to address/resolve these issues with the client/family."

God Bless you for asking advice and I pray this all works out EXTREMELY well to your benefit! $$$$

This is an awkward situation. I can understand your resentment at the attitude of entitlement on the part of visiting family. Would your clients' son and wife take over caring for their parents if you went on "vacation" during their stay? They would probably be shocked at the suggestion.

If you are able to communicate with them before their next visit, it might be worth honestly expressing that you feel your responsibilities in the household are misunderstood, and that they need to pitch in a bit more in taking care of themselves while they are there. They may not even realize that they are putting you in this position.

Even if the actual additional chores are manageable, the attitude that you are there to wait on them is not acceptable.

Someone below responded to you "what is wrong with being a maid".  There is nothing wrong with being a maid, but that is not the job you were hired for.  You were hired to take care of an elderly couple...not a family of six on vacay.  A conversation with them is required and it will be an uncomfortable one, but if you don't want to take on the extra work, you're going to have to say something.

If this was me, I would have a copy of my contract and duties posted on the refrigerator. It is not "in an your face confrontation" but a subtle reminder of the boundaries of the care that I perform. I would also place garbage bags in the rooms the rest of the family use for their laundry and line their garbage cans with extra bags so they can take their garbage out. Because I am not a jerk, I would lay out towels, soaps... in their rooms (because I don't expect them the know which items they can use and which are for my clients only) and place extra water bottles in the frig for them.

GentleCare70 With your clearly expressed client/PCA concerns, I'd advise for you to maintain a professional approach & conduct at all times. Discuss the matter with your employee & allow them to address/resolve these issues with the client/family.
Accordingly, the family should act respectfully when visiting as their being held accountable by your employer.
Focus on your PCA/client tasks and don't concern yourself with what you observe whilst relatives visit. Do your best as usual & never compromise yourself in the workplace.

The boundaries should be set during the first interview and/or first day on the job. Then you can always say, remember we discussed that and it is not a duty I perform. You could always say that your license, if you are a licensed provider, does not provide for you to do those activities. Offer to give them the name of a maid service who might come in for just a couple of hours a week during the time they are visiting.

What's wrong with being a maid? My mother supported me and my brother for many years working as a maid. You, however, seem to be dis-satisfied with maid work. Fact is, the position you're in (PCA Personal Care Assistant) often requires some off-label work . My suggestion is that you might be happier after having acquired some more professional skills such as that of the PT, SLP, RT, OT, or maybe even LPN, RN or CRNA . Seek the advice of a Professional in the area that interests you. Good luck.

You should talk with your employer about it and ask that they let their son and wife know before they arrive to not expect that their dishes and laundry to be done, more that you will be baby sitting their children while they're here.

Or, just don't do their dishes or their clothes and don't watch the children and tge Grandpsrent can tell their own child that it's too much fir them to watch their Grandkids thst they will have to take them with them when they leave the house.

Now, I really need a little more info..

has this just happened once or twice,?

Do the Children live out of town?

do you wash dish loads of stuff or when they visit they once in a while share a meal with their parents?

How old are tge children and do they live with the parents?

You should talk to the children and tell them just what you just said.

Let them know that taking care of their parents only includes their parents not the children. They will have to do their own wash and wash their own dishes.

You can also let them know that for extra money, you would be happy to add duties to your list.

After the above is done, it could ho two ways...
#1 They let you go and hire someone else.

#2 They keep you and ya'll make some kind of arrangement of what is expected and how much pay.

My letter below (that would be sent before they arrive) may make things too awkward once they do arrive... so perhaps don’t send it and just humbly bare with them since it’s only a week... especially if you wanna keep your job... but here’s my initial thoughts anyway:

“While I appreciate my job and have every intention of continuing to work for your parents, I’d like to clarify that I am 100% their PCA at all times. 

The reason I bring this up is because upon your last visit, I feel the lines were blurred as I was asked to do the family’s laundry, the family’s dishes, and so forth.

While I’m very happy your parents will get to spend quality time with you all once again, I hope it is not too much to ask for you all to tend to your own needs or if necessary, hire a maid too during your stay - my focus remains on meeting the needs of your parents, and I sincerely appreciate getting to do so. 

Looking forward to seeing you all soon and may you have safe travels”

The OP is by no means judging the adult child and family's behaviour towards her clients; and neither is she suggesting that they should take over the parents' care while she puts her feet up.

What she resents is that they use her clients' home as a hotel and take for granted that she will provide hotel services such as laundry and housekeeping. She may also feel, although I hope she keeps this opinion more to herself, that if the family is going to descend on the grandparents the least they could do is give the grandparents their attention.

[I'm not sure she'd be right about that last bit, mind. Thinking of grandparents I have known, they love the little ones very much indeed but even more so when they're out of earshot.]

Be that as it may, the OP is a Personal Care Assistant. She is not a housekeeper, she is not a maid, she is not a home help. Supporting clients with their ADLs - including washing, dressing, preparing food, eating, organising personal belongings, ordering and taking medication, maintaining a safe and healthy living environment - will necessarily spill over into helping with the clients' laundry, kitchen and other domestic routines. But it is not to be confused with her being a maid of all work. She is right about this.

Good Morning, as I write this I am visiting my mom from out of town. My mom has a PCA for 75% of the day. I have siblings who live in town and stop by regularly to check on mom. The rule of thumb is, if mom touches it, the PCA will assist with it. For example, mom lives in a 3 bedroom home. The PCA is responsible for mom's bedroom, mom's bathroom, the kitchen, dining room and living room. They do not cover the two bedrooms where mom does not sleep. I personally wrote up the contract for the private PCA and explained my expectations to the agency PCA. I went a step further and put together a handbook about the expectations of the PCA. Mom's sister recently came to visit and stayed at the house. I informed my aunt, upon her arrival, of the duties of the PCA. Having clear expectations from the beginning is always best. However, "gentle reminders" throughout the course of time does not hurt either. Good luck 🤗

Could you take advantage of them visiting and take a vacation that week?

You need to call your company and tell them what's going on. It is NOT your job to do any thing for those ungrateful family members. They clearly need to know the boundaries of the company contract .

What these adult children do with their time and how they choose to entertain their parents and themselves is none of your business. One of your employers does NOT have dementia. It’s that person with which you should be establishing boundaries. It’s your employer who needs to deal with the situation, not you. You said that they have “done this before.” How many times? Once? Multiple times? Who asked you to do the laundry? Do not do it unless you are explicitly asked and if you are, just say, “I’m sorry, your laundry is not my responsibility.” They will immediately understand that your refusal extends to other personal services they have asked you to do in the past. Be nice but direct and definite and do not offer any further explanation. They will quickly get the point. But the easier way is to discuss it with your employers and tell THEM that you will not perform these types of services again so that they can deal with it before their adult children arrive. It isn’t your job to recommend a domestic to come in and help them.

I suspect that you have developed a somewhat proprietary interest in your clients such that you feel entitled to judge their children. Unless the adult children and their children are doing something that directly affects the care you are giving their parents, it would be better to recognize that all families are different, including yours, and your opinion of how this family functions is not a part of YOUR job description. But if your clients ask you to shop as part of your duties, you’ll have no choice but to buy extra food and help them prepare for the visit because that IS part of your job. And in truth, a large part of the job description
of a competent, caring, efficient and considerate non-licensed caregiver is to do many household tasks for your clients. That does not make you a “maid,” but even if it does, why do you think being someone’s housekeeper reflects poorly on you? Housekeepers or “maids” are usually wonderful people who work hard at skilled work who deserve to be treated with deference and respect. There is nothing demeaning in being a maid!

Some day, if the son has POA, he may be the one paying you and hiring you. Try to keep things cordial. I like the suggestion below to offer a recommendation for a housekeeper to come in while they are there to do laundry and clean up. It might be only for one day during the week, or a half day. But you might also ask them to pay for an additional half day at the end of their stay. But also be realistic about whether you are perceived as sitting around doing nothing for a good part of the day.

Like most, I'd suspect the original poster doesn't get many vacation days allotted. With that in mind, he/she should not be in the position of having to waste vacation days just because relatives have no boundaries and think the world should serve them. Being clear and direct in communication doesn't mean it has to get contentious. And if it does, that is at their peril. An honest conversation delineating your duties (why you're there) is in order if they don't already understand. They have unrealistic expectations that dump on the caregiver. I'm a big believer in honest communication. Will there be some people in the world who can't handle that? Sure. Do you see any pathway that shows being around people like that will ultimately get better? Nope. They will either understand or they won't. Delivery and choice of language may be key.

Boy, this is hard. I worked as a secretary for a Visiting Nurse Assoc. One of our clients had an aide from another agency there during the day to take care of her DH while she worked. She complained to my boss that the aide did nothing. (She was getting the service free) She expected the aide to do all the laundry, all the dishes and clean. My boss explained to her that an aide is there for the client. If the client had no one else to do this work, then yes it would be the aides job. But, there was another adult in the home who could do the wash, dishes and cleaning so the aide was not responsible to do it.

If you are with an agency, then have them back you up. If your private pay, you just need to stand your ground. The parents are your clients. You are paid to care for them and what that entitles. That is where your responsibilities end. You are not a maid, you are a PCA. A maid does not do what you do for the parents. Good Luck.