I work for an elderly couple, one has dementia. Their son lives in another state and will be bringing his wife and kids to stay and "play" and vacation. They have done this before and took advantage of me asking me to do THEIR laundry and dishes etc. I am here to care for the parents....NOT a maid. I also find I have resentment for them taking advantage of personal care attendants, so they can go off and play all day. Why can't they just stay and do fun things/ take care of their folks at home? They're only here for a week. It baffles me. How can I gently approach the issue with them/ my employer?
Should i just say "I will be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back". ?
You take Vacation at the time they arrive but, you have to be ready for them to say no that the man and wife aren't able or already have their hands full with their own children.
Your support for the parents should all be documented; and not only so that you don't get asked to do things that aren't relevant to the job, but also so that you can't get accused of overstepping boundaries, or (God forbid, as if you would) attempting tasks which are outside your set of skills/competencies. So there are extremely good reasons for being pretty darn specific about what is and is not included.
You get all sorts with family members, do you not..? I've just a nightmare of an evening but that's in spite of the client's husband's best efforts to help. Bless the man, he even tried to fix my car, which had taken it into its little French head not to start and of course had picked a prime location with no cellphone signal of any description.
And then you get others who think you should be washing *their* car, emptying the litter tray and waiting on their guests.
I have the good fortune to work for a public sector service which has an aura of authority about it so that if clients' families don't behave themselves they get rapped over the knuckles and told it isn't acceptable. I'm sure it must be a bit different when you have a single relationship with one employer.
Still. Back to The Care Plan. Do you actually have one, written down and agreed to?
"Cwillie's" and "Countrymouse's" suggestions are great ones.
Also, I think you saying/asking "I WILL be taking that time off, let me know when you need me back" is good.
I understand your resentment - most of us who get taken advantage of at one time or another feels it. The unfortunate thing about being taken advantage of is once it happens, it becomes more difficult to undo it. So if you were ever to take a similar position again for someone else, you should make everything clear (even if you have to put it in writing and have it signed) what your duties are and are not and for whom being as specific as possible - I would even have a specific section applying to guests/family members so there can be no confusion. You could actually try to put this into place now. Tell either the couple or the son or both "There seems to be some confusion about what my role and duties are as a PCA so here is a list of what I will be doing going forward". I would even begin with a paragraph regarding what a PCA is so they have a clear understanding what it actually means to be one. The old saying goes "we can't be taken advantage of if we don't ALLOW it in the first place" - this is simply a part of having boundaries/limits.
Lastly, you asked "why can't they just stay and do fun things/take care of their folks at home?" - the answer is simple - they don't want to. That is not a vacation and "play" time to them and why would they when they have you there to do their laundry and dishes etc. So they have a "free" hotel and maid service on their stay/play/vacation - sounds real good!
I hope you can get a resolution set into place and move on with taking care of this elderly couple and hope you will let us know how it goes!
You are there for their parents not to provide maid and or housekeeping services for them.
As to not doing their laundry or dishes, you can try and hold the line on that, but then you may find them looking for someone else. I would also add, you may need to remember that you are now sharing the house with two more people. So if you do not do so already, you will need to rinse dishes and put in dishwasher, not let them pile up. You have to share washer/dryer.
The other issue is the extra work for you. If it takes extra time for you, yes you should charge for it. If it’s trivial, try to forget it. The real problem may be in the way they are treating you, as a maid, instead of being grateful for the favor you are doing them. Can you talk to them about that? Could they take over some of the work, in exchange for what you are doing? Perhaps son and wife could cook a few times – eg special dishes the parents used to like. Or a gift for you. Or even sincere thanks! Being resentful may be making everything worse.
PS On a personal note, my DH2 is extraordinarily competent at most tasks around the house, and when we first got together was very happy to help my daughters, one of whom I now have real difficulty with. Their relationship came to an abrupt halt when daughter started treating him like she would treat a tradesman (and not like how I treat a tradesman, I should add). Inter personals make a huge difference to willingness to do extra jobs.
There is no need for adult children to be grateful, they should have a matter of fact relationship. OP should not be expected to clean for the anyone other than the LO, but she should not expect anything for what she does for the elderly LO. She is paid for that. If she cannot accept that, she needs to look for other employment.
If you're independent, then: "I just don't feel right doing that. Your parents expect me to help them and they have to come first. Anything else would take me away from doing what I'm paid to do, and that just isn't right. I'm sure you understand."
Another tactic: Say something like "Wow, you all have a lot of clothes and dishes! I know a great housekeeper and can give you her number if you want. She might be able to come by this week."
If you are with an agency, then have them back you up. If your private pay, you just need to stand your ground. The parents are your clients. You are paid to care for them and what that entitles. That is where your responsibilities end. You are not a maid, you are a PCA. A maid does not do what you do for the parents. Good Luck.
As to if this is private pay, even if the elderly one is the employer, I would not be quick to assume the parents don't want help with this.
If the adult children want to go off and play, they should. If OP does not get enough vacation days, she can renegotiate her contract . OP might want to think about that the adult children might be using all their vacation time to visit, and they might think they deserve a break.
I suspect that you have developed a somewhat proprietary interest in your clients such that you feel entitled to judge their children. Unless the adult children and their children are doing something that directly affects the care you are giving their parents, it would be better to recognize that all families are different, including yours, and your opinion of how this family functions is not a part of YOUR job description. But if your clients ask you to shop as part of your duties, you’ll have no choice but to buy extra food and help them prepare for the visit because that IS part of your job. And in truth, a large part of the job description
of a competent, caring, efficient and considerate non-licensed caregiver is to do many household tasks for your clients. That does not make you a “maid,” but even if it does, why do you think being someone’s housekeeper reflects poorly on you? Housekeepers or “maids” are usually wonderful people who work hard at skilled work who deserve to be treated with deference and respect. There is nothing demeaning in being a maid!
What she resents is that they use her clients' home as a hotel and take for granted that she will provide hotel services such as laundry and housekeeping. She may also feel, although I hope she keeps this opinion more to herself, that if the family is going to descend on the grandparents the least they could do is give the grandparents their attention.
[I'm not sure she'd be right about that last bit, mind. Thinking of grandparents I have known, they love the little ones very much indeed but even more so when they're out of earshot.]
Be that as it may, the OP is a Personal Care Assistant. She is not a housekeeper, she is not a maid, she is not a home help. Supporting clients with their ADLs - including washing, dressing, preparing food, eating, organising personal belongings, ordering and taking medication, maintaining a safe and healthy living environment - will necessarily spill over into helping with the clients' laundry, kitchen and other domestic routines. But it is not to be confused with her being a maid of all work. She is right about this.
“While I appreciate my job and have every intention of continuing to work for your parents, I’d like to clarify that I am 100% their PCA at all times.
The reason I bring this up is because upon your last visit, I feel the lines were blurred as I was asked to do the family’s laundry, the family’s dishes, and so forth.
While I’m very happy your parents will get to spend quality time with you all once again, I hope it is not too much to ask for you all to tend to your own needs or if necessary, hire a maid too during your stay - my focus remains on meeting the needs of your parents, and I sincerely appreciate getting to do so.
Looking forward to seeing you all soon and may you have safe travels”
has this just happened once or twice,?
Do the Children live out of town?
do you wash dish loads of stuff or when they visit they once in a while share a meal with their parents?
How old are tge children and do they live with the parents?
You should talk to the children and tell them just what you just said.
Let them know that taking care of their parents only includes their parents not the children. They will have to do their own wash and wash their own dishes.
You can also let them know that for extra money, you would be happy to add duties to your list.
After the above is done, it could ho two ways...
#1 They let you go and hire someone else.
#2 They keep you and ya'll make some kind of arrangement of what is expected and how much pay.
Or, just don't do their dishes or their clothes and don't watch the children and tge Grandpsrent can tell their own child that it's too much fir them to watch their Grandkids thst they will have to take them with them when they leave the house.
Accordingly, the family should act respectfully when visiting as their being held accountable by your employer.
Focus on your PCA/client tasks and don't concern yourself with what you observe whilst relatives visit. Do your best as usual & never compromise yourself in the workplace.
If you are able to communicate with them before their next visit, it might be worth honestly expressing that you feel your responsibilities in the household are misunderstood, and that they need to pitch in a bit more in taking care of themselves while they are there. They may not even realize that they are putting you in this position.
Even if the actual additional chores are manageable, the attitude that you are there to wait on them is not acceptable.