I'm a caregiver who has a patient that was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia over 3 years ago. How do I get her to cooperate?

KCaresTN22: Imho, unfortunately, the word 'cooperation' does not equate with an Alzheimer's patient. You may be exhausting yourself by trying to get your patient into a shower or tub enclosure. Perhaps you will have to go to a bed bath route.

When I cared for my dad I had a shower chair for him. The middle of the seat came off so to be like a toilet seat.I had a hand held shower so I could reach every place that needed rinsing. He did help with cleaning his privates but I had to help a lot since his mobility was so poor toward the end. When they have dementia things like losing their balance can be really scary for them. I would put a space heater on and warm the bathroom up a lot first. I got everything ready and laid out first that I would need. Having it nice and warm helped since he was so frail and the cold was hard for him to endure. I only did a shower once a week with him and we did sponge baths the rest of the week because he often soaked his bed since he insisted on trying to use a urinal at night and leaked everywhere. Since he lived with me it was a 24-7 job. Caring for someone with dementia takes a lot of patience and physical strength. Maybe it’s not the job for you if it’s stressing you out so much.

Great question that so many of us are afraid to ask. I was having the same problem with my mother when she was diagnosed also. What I did was ask God for strength each and every time mom would not act right; however, what you have to know is what is not acting right???? Do we know???
So what you have to do is get into a support group and talk with other caregivers about their issues and she how much their information can help you.
Also you need to read up more on the behaviors and effects that the disease has on people and see how it relates to what is happening in your home. For many years I tired to put the behavior in a catalog of what I was use to my mother doing but that does not work. We as caregivers have to remind ourselves that things will be different; ie different talk, different interaction, different foods, different care but we must recognize that they really don't understand their actions, so as the bigger person in God, we MUST understand the process of the disease and move on.

It's hard but you gotta do it! As Nike says: Just do it!

First: you can't make an Alzheimer's patient cooperate. I've found that I can get my husband into the shower if there is an event for which he needs to feel clean: someone coming over, doctor visit, going out somewhere...maybe your patient cannot do these other things? So maybe trying on a new dress is a good reason to shower? Maybe date night with her husband is a good reason to shower?

I'm not sure showering every other day is necessary. When my mother grew up she showered once a week. I think the spa-like environment is a good idea. Maybe you know what kind of music she likes? Sometimes singing a silly song or a song from the patient's teen years can put someone in a good mood and make a tricky task more pleasant.

"The pressure of her husband wanting her to stay on schedule..." that statement makes me think he needs more understanding about the disease. Routine seems like a better word. But an every other day required shower that is a struggle for you and her is not good for anyone. A schedule should be a helpful tool to maintain comfort and serenity, not a source of frustration if you cannot "stay on schedule." And with Alzheimer's patient, every day can be different. Every day the patient can present new behaviors, or seem to have improved for no apparent reason. Remaining flexible and not trying to live up to anyone's expectations. I plan things, but sometimes plans don't work out or they change. And that has to be OK. There are so many things we cannot control as caretakers. We just have to be as creative as possible.

The last part of your paragraph sounds like getting up is a big part of daily frustration. Is she using a walker or cane? Is she sitting in a chair or a sofa that is too plush and hard to get out of? If so, there are many alternatives, mechanically rising chairs, hard back chairs. It's possible that if leg muscles are atrophying physical therapy would help. Medicare may pay for in home physical therapy. My husband likes to just sit around a lot all day, but if I find something that he wants to do, schedule it, then let him know that we have to do these other things in order to get ready for the thing he wants to do.... but your patient may be more advanced and not understand. It's a really hard disease to manage.

Do your best and know that your patient's old self would love that you are taking care of her new self.