I’m 22 stopped working/attending college to take care of my 91 year old grandpa. I can’t seem to get paid at all through any insurance.
We’ve tried the VA, his insurance GEHA, and through other businesses but none of them say I can paid through them. He also makes too much money to be placed on welfare for me to get paid. I’ve taken care of him for a whole year as of December 26. He pays me $200 out of guilt it seems because he’s openly told me he feels horrible that I stopped my life to take care of him. He’s my last grandparent and I had helped my mom with her parents when their time was running out so it’s just something i’m used to and I am ok doing it because they mean a lot to me. Is there any way I can possibly get paid through some type of company or business so that way he doesn’t have to pay me out of pocket anymore? I don’t like him giving me the money he worked so hard throughout his life to build up.
Your response to me said you are sad. Of course you are. You cannot possibly be happy doing this.
You need to be preparing yourself for your future. You are so young! Please go back to school. You can get a part time job and still visit your grandpa.
I adored my grandpa but I wouldn’t have ever done what you have at your age. It’s just too much!
Please step away so you can see clearly. Go speak to someone. Anyone, a therapist, clergy? any trusted adult, a good friend, somebody that will help you see how wrong this is for you.
The only thing you are accomplishing is digging a hole for yourself if you stay where you are. Let someone more suitable care for your grandpa.
We believe in you. Make your plan. Look up gray stone technique and other ways to free yourself from their attempts to push you back down. This is your chance.
You have opened up to us. We appreciate your honesty. And, we believe you can change your circumstances. We have seen others do it. You can, too. Keep posting here and make your escape plan.
If you want to be paid as a caregiver, get a CNA & get regular job in a hospital or nursing home. There you can get paid, have benefits, vacation...& a place to go every day. It’s a year experience on your resume. Then maybe you can attend classes to become LPN or RN while working as CNA!
In addition, the program you were referring to is CDPAP ...getting paid as family caregiver.....& is only if he’s on Medicaid.
Hugs 🤗
Your's is a classical case of childhood emotional abuse and neglect. You do have choices and given your background they are going to be very hard to make, but only you can! It's too bad that you are 22 for social services could help you.
If you want to see a new day and have those suicidal thoughts to go away, then you must get away. Are you only living for your grandfather?
Sorry, but you worry too much about how others are going to react when you put up some healthy boundaries which your family does not have. Yes, they are not going to like it and they will like you less, but all of that is their problem. I wish you could get one, but you desperately need a healthy adult to talk with who may be able to give you some assistance. Is there a former professor or classmate you can talk with?
You volunteer to give up your life to help for FREE thinking it's a noble thing to do. NO, it's not. It's a dumb thing to do.
Grandpa paid you $200 out of guilt. OMG. OMG. He expects you to work 24/7 for free. And so does everyone else. And so did you. You did this to yourself. So, you need to get yourself out of it. Stop being a doormat.
Grandpa can live another 5-10 years. When he's gone, you'll be in late 20s or early 30s with no job, no marketable skills, no money, no home. You'll be lost in more ways than one.
Go back to school. Get a part time job. Taking care of grandpa is the job for his children to sort out. They can take turn taking care of him or they can pay someone to do it.
Stand up for yourself. Tell his children that you're done. You're done putting your life on hold. . If they gripe, tell them it's their turn or they can hire caregivers to do the job they expect you to do for free. How dare them going about their lives and giving you dirty looks when you bought a pair of shoes out of the meager money grandpa paid you.
From this point on, you should know you're being taken advantage of. If you don't stop, then it's on you. You can't blame anyone else.
My dad wanted me to drop out of college to take care of my mother when I was 18. She was having one of her 'spells'-(depression) and there were still 3 kids home who were younger than me. I worked it out with dad, dropped 10 hrs and so I only got half-day college and then the joy of basically being the 'mom' for 2 years. I SO RESENT her for being so selfish that she wouldn't
seek help and stand up and be a mother and wife. I never did get the chance to graduate and now I have a family of kids/inlaw kids who all have multiple degrees--and I didn't even get my AA.
Dad did pay me a decent hourly wage so I could afford school and my other needs, but I was missing out on the day to day that a PT job takes and this dynamic ruined any relationship I had with my mother.
Only you can decide how to run your life. If you feel you MUST take care of granddad, then your family needs to be coughing up a LOT more money. And, if you feel you cannot leave him, look into online classes or night classes. DO NOT DROP OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If your grandfather can't afford to pay you a proper wage, then perhaps his kids (your parents and aunts/uncles) can kick in. You're carrying a huge load for them.
- https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm
- https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf
At first opportunity, go to the library and jump on one of their computers and look up these pages. The library likely has books about elder care that you can take home with you. You can also contact any Social Services for advice and perhaps even an elder care attorney who can give you advice for free or your grandfather can pay the attorney.
A last note: his dementia will only get worse, far worse. He could easily last FOR YEARS. His kids need to be working together to think about when you can't do this anymore and what is in his best interest when he requires more care than you can give.
Good luck! *hug*
Why are your parents expecting you to take on this enormous task? This is a burden.
Did your grandpa serve in a war? You can try to seek veterans aid and assistance. I still would not do this.
I am sorry that you are saddled with this. You can leave. It may be hard but once you step away you will see it was the right choice.
I do admire your love and devotion to your grandfather. I loved my grandpa too but I could never have cared for him when I was your age.
Call his doctor and ask to speak to a social worker. Ask the social worker what needs to be done. They will lead you in the proper direction. Then you can resume your life and visit your grandpa as his lovely granddaughter. Hugs!
Please let us know how you are doing. I have a soft spot for all of the grandkids that post on this site. They remind me of my daughters.
You will be doing him as well as yourself a favor by making this more official and earning more money. Your grandfather may be fretting over this, feeling guilty, more than you realize and being able to pay you a decent wage will be a great relief for him. Save the money for school when you go back and he can feel good about contributing to that too, in fact maybe you could take some on-line classes or one or two classes a semester at school to keep your progress going, social contact with your peer group and some life outside of caring for granddad, my guess is this would make him very happy too, giving him the best of both worlds. You are so lucky to have each other but neither of you is served by only having the other.
Yes, yes, YES he should be paying you!
More than $200 I might add.
It is NOT wrong of you to expect to be paid.
You WILL need the money, especially IF there are aunts and uncles who will absolutely want their share of the inheritance and will think NOTHING of cutting you out, even though YOU have done all the care giving.
Me, I do not think it is wise for a 22 year old to put their future on hold to provide care. It is your grandfather's responsibility to arrange for his care, not yours.