If your mom is telling a story and her memory has failed her on some facts, so she fills in what's true to her, do you correct it?

Deciding when to use a therapeutic fib was one of the hardest parts of caregiving. I finally figured out that it was best to respond with whatever made her happiest in that moment because she wouldn't remember the conversation in a few minutes or hours anyway. If mom said something that was quite different from what I knew to be fact I might say something like "I guess I don't remember that. Maybe I was busy with other thoughts at the time." Other times I would just agree with whatever she said. Sometimes you can gently add some facts to the conversation. When mom says that you were at a certain event and you know that your sister was there instead, you can say "was that the time that sis was with us?" There is nothing to be gained by correcting her.

akdaughter has it nailed -- "I finally figured out that it was best to respond with whatever made her happiest in that moment because she wouldn't remember the conversation in a few minutes or hours anyway."

Just ignore it. I tried to correct and I was better off just letting her think what she did. She isn't hurting anyone. The problem I did have was when she told other people her stories especially when they were negative towards me. And believe me there r people who would believe her. I may correct her at that time.

I just let my mom talk about whatever she wants. When she first moved over to NH she would tell me that she saw the girls from “work”, but couldn’t tell me what company they worked together . The one lady who sits at her table for meals my mom knows her from the community center in Philadelphia...the lady isn’t from Philadelphia..

I think "truth" can be seriously overrated for persons with dementia.

Telling the truth is about you. You don't want to encouraging "lying" or to have a lie on your conscience or to feel uncomfortable.

Going along without correcting the inaccurate story is about the person telling the story. You don't want to make her uncomfortable, confused, or upset.

Take your pick ... do something for yourself, or something for your loved one.

Here is a truth to focus on: You love your mother and she is enjoying telling this story.

What's the point of correcting them? Unless it's a safety issue, let them live in their own world.

Thank all of you for your responses, they were very helpful I appreciate it so much. A hug to all of you.

Smeshque, everyone gives excellent advice. I went through this with my mom. In her dementia, she became a stage actress in New York and commuted from where she lived in Chicago. I was someone who she knew as a co-star. In the very beginning, I tried to correct her. Her confused looks broke my heart so I stopped. Sometimes she believed me and sometimes not. But, if she asked me a question I always told her the truth.

Does your mom have dementia? I checked your profile and it doesn't say.
I don't think there is anything wrong with correcting someone when they mix up memories, no matter what their age is.... all of us do it once in a while. If it is causing anger or grief though over something trivial then it isn't worth it, and if she does have dementia then it is all part of the disease and allowances have to be made.

My mom does this and at first I’d try to be helpful and fill in her blanks but yes, it occurred to me she would be embarrassed so I stopped. They know their memories are going away so the best thing to do is treat her like I always have, let her tell her story her way.

Let it go and let her tell her truth. Correcting her or interrupting is futile. Just wink or nod to others. If it’s a caregiver or doctor I gently make excuse and follow up with them shortly thereafter to give factual info.

It took me a long time to let it go. Now I enjoy moms fantastical tales and imagination and distortion of facts. I’m amazed at her demented mind and how real things are for her.

I too have become an expert fibber and although it pains me to agree with her when she wants me to, such as “will you move me back home tomorrow.”, I do it if it means no harm and makes her feel better.