It seems like at every turn we’re bombarded by marketing that can be painful to those of us who would do anything to celebrate this special holiday like we did in the past.
For 6 months since my mom has been in MC I have sent big spread of flowers with a note from both my sib and I. My sib thinks waste if money. But I will continue to do until she passes. That is what I am doing for mothers day.
When Mom was alive, I took flowers to her every month and for Mother's Day, I ordered a large bouquet of flowers from a florist with a card listing all of the names of children and grandchildren.
This year I am avoiding any mention of Mother's Day in regards to my Mom. I am focusing on the NEW Moms in our family--my nephew & his wife had a baby in January and my niece & her husband are expecting a baby any day now.
I would love to hear anyone's suggestions! My mother-in-law passed away April 2nd. My husband doesn't talk a whole lot about it because it's still so painful and raw. Easter was the first holiday after her death and he said he wasn't sure he'd make it through all this. I tried to cook a dinner like she would have (we always spent Easter with her). He said it was good. So for Mother's Day I thought about buying some flowers and a card we still all sign for her and have displayed on our mantle. But since my husband hasn't said anything yet, I don't know if we're going to do anything else. We have 4 kids ourselves, and so I'm unsure for myself.
I think the problem is you can’t turn on the TV, go to the drugstore or grocery, open a newspaper (or website with ads) or do just about anything without seeing references. It’s so painful.
Keep your husband home on Mothers Day. (Stay away from restaurants).
Maybe be I will light a candle in the evening, or get a small bunch of flowers to brighten the table, something she would have liked.
I just went to the mall and purchased something small that would make a good gift. (I wasn’t even thinking about Mother’s Day). The clerk said, “oh, is this for Mother’s Day?” He wanted to know if I needed a gift receipt. I smiled and said “yes.” He had no idea that I don’t have a mom or dad anymore.
I am am proud of myself because I didn’t cry (until I got to the car). I figure that’s progress.
This will be my 4th Mothers Day without Mother and I plan to plant some Pansies and Forget-Me-Nots at Mother's grave. Picking out the cards for my Aunt and SIL was really hard.The To Mother from Daughter loomed out at me...again,stabbing my heart. I'll get through the day,but I'll sure be glad when it's over.
I don’t think there is a right or wrong way here. Each of us has to do what is best for us.
I stopped doing big dinners for my brothers who have never hosted celebrations. When one person does it all like I did we end up feeling used and resentful. Feeling resentment isn’t pleasant so I quit doing what I grew tired of.
I did all of the holidays with no help from anyone. I feel liberated since I stopped doing it. My mother tried to make me feel guilty at first but later understood.
I have a friend that Mothers Day and Fathers Day is the hardest of all the holidays for her so what she does is she spends the day doing something they would have liked to have done, go on a trip, go to the mall, zoo, movie, etc. Me, I focus on the other Mothers in my life, my family, my friends. They get a card and treat of some kind. Blessings hgnhgn
This will be the first mother’s day without my MIL. I plan to pick up some spring trinkets & pretty flowers & decorate her headstone tomorrow or Friday when I go visit her. I am anticipating my BIL & SIL are going to want us all to get together at the cemetery on Sunday, since that’s what they did on her birthday but I’m going to pass on that. My husband won’t go, he doesn’t go to the cemetery and I honestly don’t feel like going & getting all emotional with them. I prefer to grieve in private. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about her so I just don’t feel it’s necessary to get together with everyone on Mother’s Day. I honor her memory every day. My heart goes out to all of you <3
I am the only one that remembers my mom, mother’s day, birthday, Christmas, any other special day.
I did a test a couple of years ago. I did not text or call my brothers to remind them to wish mom a happy mother’s day, happy birthday, etc. They didn’t call or come see her. I wasn’t at all surprised but I wish they had for mom. She was hurt. It did prove to mom that they only remembered when I reminded them. Know what? I am not their mom or wife. I am the sister who got tired of being expected to be a mom or wife to them.
I don’t have an irresponsible husband that needs reminding of things because my MIL did not raise him like that. She raised him to be independent. I miss her dearly and think of her all the time, not just on Mother’s Day.
Prayers and condolences to all of you who lost your Mother. For me it has been 6 years, and I still miss her. I try to honor her memory in some way, and sit with remembering the good times. I have put her picture on FaceBook, lit a candle in her honor at home, and this year I ordered a bouquet of flowers for myself and in memory of Mother, Grandmother, and my aunt who died 6 weeks ago.
Long ago I told my sons that it was important to me to hear from them for Mother's Day, and a call meant more than a card. They live very far away, and have been great about keeping in touch. Do something good for yourself, and honor her memory.
I wish I still had the nice, independent, healthy mother and grandmother to my kids. But that mother/grandmother is gone now except for her physical shell.
So, no mother celebration. She won't understand it and it will just upset her daily routine and cause me stress.
I find the relentless ads to buy mom a gift, take mom out to eat, etc obnoxious and annoying. I’m past the point where I cry all the time over losing my mom, but I still miss her in small ways every day. I’ve found it’s best to skip church on mother’s day, tried it several times and it always puts me in tears with all the overwhelming talk of mom’s, I also shop as little as possible in the week before as the stores are filled with displays of gifts for mom’s and I have no mom here to buy for. The day itself is okay, my adult children give me small gifts and know I don’t consider the day a big deal
Treat it like all "Holidays" don't celebrate it. It can be sad for those of us who have lost our mom or both parents as well, with Mother's Day and Memorial Day being in the same month.
I know it must be so sad to face Mother's Day when you've lost your mother as many of you have.
I have my mother, but, she's been ill for quite a while and I anticipate she'll be too sick to celebrate Mother's Day this year too. (She suffers with depression and anxiety, which really keeps her down, but, she refuses treatment. I've tried with the doctors. )
So, this year, I plan to go to the MC facility where my LO (cousin) resides and take gifts to the female residents in Honor of Mother's Day. IT doesn't matter if they are a mother or not. I'm going to just take them something. Any suggestions? I'm thinking of flowers, but, that might not be practical. Cards? Treats? What matters, is that I will give a hug and brighten their day. They'll like that, even if there is no gift involved.
Take some tiny toys, such as a stuffed animal on a key chain, or a game like "jacks", or a tiny (quiet) wind chime. As seen at specialty gift store where they have a pharmacy and durable medical equpment. Or a dollar store.
Mother's Day around here is all about making sure my DH's mom gets fed and fussed.
I handed this responsibility over to him some years ago, when at Mother's Day dinner, she sat next to DH, across from me and did not address one single word to me. DH is so clueless.
I left the table, went in the lady's room and cried.
Going home, she hops in the front seat next to DH. Thanks HIM profusely for the lovely (and expensive!) gift Again, not one word to me. Not. One. Word.
We dropped her off and I stayed in the backseat, Lightbulb went on in DH's head. He said nothing on the trip home. Had he gotten me so much as a card? OF COURSE NOT! I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.
HATE HATE HATE mother's day. I know a lot of women out there who feel the same.
I no longer even speak to my MIL. Dh has a gift sitting there, all wrapped, nice card and if he doesn't take it to her tonight, he won't be able to, as he is leaving town on Saturday for a week.
On the flip side, my KIDS are amazing. I gift my daughters and DIL and let them know how much I love them every day of every year. It's a day that hurts, all day long.
Please tell me DH went out and bought the present for his mother! Your MIL sounds like a very mean spirited, wicked person!
for a long time, mother’s day around here was all about my MIL. Even after I had the first grandchild, there was little acknowledgement that MIL was no longer the only “mom” in the family. My first mother’s day, my mom came out to visit & we had a wonderful day together & then we spent some time with MIL in the late afternoon. My 2nd mother’s day, she wasn’t able to come out and my husband had to work. My BILs wife was pregnant and my husband’s sister hosted them & MIL for a mother’s day lunch. I got snubbed! Wasn’t invited. And for a few years after that, mother’s day ended up being a souce of stress and hurt feelings because the focus was on my MIL & the plans my SIL made for mother’s day! My husband never understood why I didn’t jump for joy at the thought of all of us getting together to celebrate HIS mom on mother’s day. Nothing was ever planned for me and I was never asked what I wanted! And I was left feeling like a bad person for not wanting to participate because it wasn’t what I wanted to do! I would have rather spent of part of the day with my husband and daughter and then taken MIL out to dinner or brought her dessert (if she had already gone out for a meal with SIL and BIL). I rather hated that day because I couldn’t spend it with my mom since she lives far away and no one seemed to acknowledge that my MIL wasn’t the only mom in the family. Things started to change after my SIL became a mother but to this day, I am not a fan of mother’s day.
All the mothers I used to send flowers to have gone - my mother, sig other's mother and my ex mil, with whom I remained friends. I think I will bring some flowers to my dd as she and I are it now in my immediate family. Neither of my sons have children, so sending flowers to my dils doesn't feel quite right. I may get some for myself. What I really want is lilacs which are not available here. My late father's birthday is tomorrow and I am missing him more than I am mother (narcissist). He was my nurturing parent. The lilacs were always out at home for his birthday and I would attach a fragrant sprig to his present.
I try to remember that our time together is coming to an end, that things aren't the way they used to be, so now I try to address the "new normal" and deal with it one day at a time. This year I will take my mom to her favorite place to eat, and spend some time with her like I do each time I go to see her anyway. She realizes that "things" are a waste, so I don't go there with her about stuff. I try to see what interests her, and offer something different that will please her in the moment because I know that she will forget it right after it happens. If the weather permits, we have a canal boat ride that offers greater than life-sized bronze statues along the way that depicts the founding of our state. She has never seen them, she is afraid of water ( the canal is about 3-4 feet deep) but is willing to go to see them. If we can't go this Sunday, then they will be there when the weather is good. Life is fleeting, and when she is gone, there will be no retrieval. No matter how mad I get at her, when I cool down I realize what everyone else has said who has made this journey before me..."I wish I had been more patient with my mom ( or dad)." How true! Bet they felt the same with us when we were growing up and they had given up on us not listening, not learning, misbehaving, giving them a hard time, etc. Now turn it around and think of yourself in their place. How will your caregivers feel about you when you are pushing them to the limits?
Take flowers to yours our you mom's favorite spot, talk with her, thank her, tell her you love her, and send those flowers aflight. This will be my first year without mom. and Just might spread her ashes along with flowers.
I'm struggling with this myself as this is our first Mother's Day since Mom passed in November. Even with her dementia, I would still be able to spoil her so I'm kind of lost this year. Looking forward to reading everyone's answers.
Dear Sue, I lost my mother 20 years ago. Every Holiday and her Birthday, the family would get together. I think of her each day! My second oldest sister died in 1997. My Mother and eldest sister in 1998 and my youngest sister in 2015. One other sister and I are the only ones remaining and she had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and lives in another part of the state. Now, my husband has mild Alzheimer's. It's very hard and longly. I As the days go by, I hope for you to remember that they have never left. They are always within hearing distance and always available to give you comfort. Things are in constant change here on earth, with nothing staying the same very long. Cherish the time you spent together and remember the good times. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time in your life. God bless you!
What’s important to me is that I remember and appreciate all the things my mom taught me, when she showed she loved me, and the fun times and laughs we shared. I miss her all the time. She died when I was 36 and she was 64. I am always a bit sad to see the cards knowing I can’t buy one. I am childless so I’m not a mom of human kids but my hubby, bless him, always gets me a card and gift from our cats. I’m thankful I had a great mom, not everyone does. So it is a "holiday" that comes loaded with baggage for many. I dread Father's Day now that my dad is in the NH and not a happy camper. Would love to just skip it. Especially since I’m the only one of 4 daughters that lives by him. It all falls to me and the others get by with their card. Two haven’t visited him in years so I don’t know why they bother. Just something for them to check off
Boy how familiar this sounds except I dont have a husband. My fiance died when we were just about to walk down the aisle. I am a mom of my cat as well so we will celebrate together.
My mother lives with my husband and I and is in the late stages of Alz. She's been in hospice a couple of months and will likely be her last Mother's Day. I'm trying not to dwell in the sadness and will instead do what we can to create a lovely afternoon. My 2 sisters live nearby and will come for a visit. We'll sing a few songs and share a few laughs and I suppose a few tears. Mom doesn't know any of us anymore, but she still feels the love so we will focus on that.
We do our best not let it not affect us. We don't get to celebrate as days gone by but we let Mother see our faces with flowers (artificial ones so they will last), basket of her favorite goodies. If we can get grands together this is always a plus even though she may not know them. Mother still loves them loving on her. In short...we make the best we can of the times we have with her. Thoughts of after Mother is gone, then what? Sweet memories! All the memories beginning to end. We make the best we can of every moment. Blessings
This will be my first Mothers' Day without my Mom. I share the sadness many of you feel. Like some of you, I am just trying to ignore it and let it pass. I can't wait to stop getting bombarded by TV commercials and emails from everyone from CVS to AAA urging me to "do something nice for Mom." Ugh!!!
My mom has been gone for almost 28 years and I still tear up on Mother's Day. You really never get over that hole in your heart, but it does get more tolerable as time goes by. She and I were very close and I miss her still. For those of you who have just lost yours, know that the pain will lesson someday. Hugs to all!!
I'm so alone after my best friend mom died 4 years ago it's literally debilitating. I want to start a "Lonely Hearts Club" for folks like me who get bombarded with these holidays that I spent alone. All of them. The money-making holidays really kill ya with all the advertising and everyone saying happy mothers day, I know they mean well but it stabs at me each and every time. I need to get out of this lonely situation. I'm selling my house and want to go somewhere there are people like me my age and active. any Ideas? Thanks for the Forum. Nancy
It sounds like you would do well in a cohousing community. It shouldn't be too hard to find an explanation of cohousing on the internet, as well as a way to search for cohousing communities.
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost or are losing your moms. My mom is gone two years now but I still remember her with a visit to her grave with her favorite flowers, daisies. She and my father are buried together; I sit and visit with them, tell them everything that's been going on and updating them on my daughter, their only grandchild. I'm sure other visitors to the cemetery think I'm the crazy lady with the flowers talking to a couple of graves but I really don't care.
Mom used to love flowers but my dad was one of those clueless men who never thought to give them to her. She used to tell me to give her flowers while she was alive to enjoy them, not after she was dead. I was a teenager at the time, and from that day on, no matter how broke I was, I made sure to give her flowers for every holiday, her birthday and sometimes a small bouquet from Trader Joe's for no other reason than they were pretty and I knew Mom would enjoy them.
As for coping with Mother's Day, I remember other mothers in my life...friends and relatives, and my husband and daughter treat me to dinner at a favorite restaurant. But overall it's become just another day for me.
What a good person you are to remember others on Mother's Day! I have found that we receive so many blessings by being a blessing to others. Additionally, it sounds like you did wonderful things for your mom when you had her around so you don't have any regrets. It doesn't mean, of course, that you don't miss her because we have that "Mom-shaped hole" in our hearts that no one else can fill and Mom's absence is painful. I hope you will find strength and peace in your kind actions for others.
my son and daughter learned long ago that I prefer to ignore this holiday.... just another Sunday.
This year I am avoiding any mention of Mother's Day in regards to my Mom. I am focusing on the NEW Moms in our family--my nephew & his wife had a baby in January and my niece & her husband are expecting a baby any day now.
Keep your husband home on Mothers Day. (Stay away from restaurants).
Maybe be I will light a candle in the evening, or get a small bunch of flowers to brighten the table, something she would have liked.
I just wish this was easier.
I am am proud of myself because I didn’t cry (until I got to the car). I figure that’s progress.
Picking out the cards for my Aunt and SIL was really hard.The To Mother from Daughter loomed out at me...again,stabbing my heart.
I'll get through the day,but I'll sure be glad when it's over.
I stopped doing big dinners for my brothers who have never hosted celebrations. When one person does it all like I did we end up feeling used and resentful. Feeling resentment isn’t pleasant so I quit doing what I grew tired of.
I did all of the holidays with no help from anyone. I feel liberated since I stopped doing it. My mother tried to make me feel guilty at first but later understood.
Me, I focus on the other Mothers in my life, my family, my friends. They get a card and treat of some kind.
Blessings
hgnhgn
I did a test a couple of years ago. I did not text or call my brothers to remind them to wish mom a happy mother’s day, happy birthday, etc. They didn’t call or come see her. I wasn’t at all surprised but I wish they had for mom. She was hurt. It did prove to mom that they only remembered when I reminded them. Know what? I am not their mom or wife. I am the sister who got tired of being expected to be a mom or wife to them.
I don’t have an irresponsible husband that needs reminding of things because my MIL did not raise him like that. She raised him to be independent. I miss her dearly and think of her all the time, not just on Mother’s Day.
My mom babied her sons and they stayed babies.
Long ago I told my sons that it was important to me to hear from them for Mother's Day, and a call meant more than a card. They live very far away, and have been great about keeping in touch. Do something good for yourself, and honor her memory.
So, no mother celebration. She won't understand it and it will just upset her daily routine and cause me stress.
Celebrate your mother's every day if you still have them in your life. That's my humble advice for what it's worth.
Your Love was your gift to your mom. That means more than any present that can be wrapped up and tied with a pretty bow. True love is the best gift.
Do something nice for yourself.
I have my mother, but, she's been ill for quite a while and I anticipate she'll be too sick to celebrate Mother's Day this year too. (She suffers with depression and anxiety, which really keeps her down, but, she refuses treatment. I've tried with the doctors. )
So, this year, I plan to go to the MC facility where my LO (cousin) resides and take gifts to the female residents in Honor of Mother's Day. IT doesn't matter if they are a mother or not. I'm going to just take them something. Any suggestions? I'm thinking of flowers, but, that might not be practical. Cards? Treats? What matters, is that I will give a hug and brighten their day. They'll like that, even if there is no gift involved.
I handed this responsibility over to him some years ago, when at Mother's Day dinner, she sat next to DH, across from me and did not address one single word to me. DH is so clueless.
I left the table, went in the lady's room and cried.
Going home, she hops in the front seat next to DH. Thanks HIM profusely for the lovely (and expensive!) gift Again, not one word to me. Not. One. Word.
We dropped her off and I stayed in the backseat, Lightbulb went on in DH's head. He said nothing on the trip home. Had he gotten me so much as a card? OF COURSE NOT! I'M NOT HIS MOTHER.
HATE HATE HATE mother's day. I know a lot of women out there who feel the same.
I no longer even speak to my MIL. Dh has a gift sitting there, all wrapped, nice card and if he doesn't take it to her tonight, he won't be able to, as he is leaving town on Saturday for a week.
On the flip side, my KIDS are amazing. I gift my daughters and DIL and let them know how much I love them every day of every year. It's a day that hurts, all day long.
for a long time, mother’s day around here was all about my MIL. Even after I had the first grandchild, there was little acknowledgement that MIL was no longer the only “mom” in the family. My first mother’s day, my
mom came out to visit & we had a wonderful day together & then we spent some time with MIL in the late afternoon. My 2nd mother’s day, she wasn’t able to come out and my husband had to work. My BILs wife was pregnant and my husband’s sister hosted them & MIL for a mother’s day lunch. I got snubbed! Wasn’t invited. And for a few years after that, mother’s day ended up being a souce of stress and hurt feelings because the focus was on my MIL & the plans my SIL made for mother’s day! My husband never understood why I didn’t jump for joy at the thought of all of us getting together to celebrate HIS mom on mother’s day. Nothing was ever planned for me and I was never asked what I wanted! And I was left feeling like a bad person for not wanting to participate because it wasn’t what I wanted to do! I would have rather spent of part of the day with my husband and daughter and then taken MIL out to dinner or brought her dessert (if she had already gone out for a meal with SIL and BIL). I rather hated that day because I couldn’t spend it with my mom since she lives far away and no one seemed to acknowledge that my MIL wasn’t the only mom in the family. Things started to change after my SIL became a mother but to this day, I am not a fan of mother’s day.
Hug her for all of us who can’t.
My second oldest sister died in 1997. My Mother and eldest sister in 1998 and my youngest sister in 2015. One other sister and I are the only ones remaining and she had a kidney transplant 10 years ago and lives in another part of the state. Now, my husband has mild Alzheimer's.
It's very hard and longly. I
As the days go by, I hope for you to remember that they have never left. They are always within hearing distance and always available to give you comfort. Things are in constant change here on earth, with nothing staying the same very long. Cherish the time you spent together and remember the good times. Sending you hugs and comfort during this difficult time in your life. God bless you!
Every time I log onto my computer I see Mothers Day emails. Wish I could opt out!
I think I might take a small gift to a friend who just lost her mother and is also suffering.
I dread Father's Day now that my dad is in the NH and not a happy camper. Would love to just skip it. Especially since I’m the only one of 4 daughters that lives by him. It all falls to me and the others get by with their card. Two haven’t visited him in years so I don’t know why they bother. Just something for them to check off
If we can get grands together this is always a plus even though she may not know them. Mother still loves them loving on her. In short...we make the best we can of the times we have with her. Thoughts of after Mother is gone, then what? Sweet memories! All the memories beginning to end.
We make the best we can of every moment.
Blessings
Mom used to love flowers but my dad was one of those clueless men who never thought to give them to her. She used to tell me to give her flowers while she was alive to enjoy them, not after she was dead. I was a teenager at the time, and from that day on, no matter how broke I was, I made sure to give her flowers for every holiday, her birthday and sometimes a small bouquet from Trader Joe's for no other reason than they were pretty and I knew Mom would enjoy them.
As for coping with Mother's Day, I remember other mothers in my life...friends and relatives, and my husband and daughter treat me to dinner at a favorite restaurant. But overall it's become just another day for me.
I hope you will find strength and peace in your kind actions for others.