Parents in a handicap unit of a "regular apartment complex". They have meals on wheels, RN comes 3x week to change my Dad's wound bandages, 1x a week each has someone come in to bath them, someone to do light house cleaning and they have volunteer ready-rides to take them to most medical appointments when my sister can't take them. My Dad is now in a wheelchair (he's not supposed to put weight on his feet because of his wounds) and Mother has a roller walker. Dad is 90 but his mind is sharp. Mother is 87 but has cognitive decline. They are driving my sister nuts wanting her to come almost every day (she's 10 miles away and I'm out of state) and she says she's losing her mind trying to balance her personal life, work, taking care of them, paying their bills, etc.. Parents say they are "perfectly fine" and my Dad wants to start driving again, but my sister and I think they should be in an assisted living/long-term care facility now. Their apartment lease is up in April (my sister is on the lease with my Mother). My sister has primary POA and I have backup POA. As POA, can she just not renew the lease and sign them up to go into a facility (even if they don't want to go)?
Sister can put her foot down and refuse to co-sign a new lease anywhere except an assisted living and kind of convince them to move that way. However if your sis does sign a lease for assisted living and convince them to move in there's still nothing to say they can't break the lease and leave. The only way to move someone against their will and keep them there is through a series of diagnoses, active/activated powers of attorney, and a doctor's assessment that they are incompetent to make their own decisions. In that case you'd probably be looking at a memory care, not an assisted living.
Your sister can stay away a few days and see what your Dad says then. She should be honest with him and tell him she is no longer willing to do it. Not that she can't do it -- she won't do it. No. Full stop. if he really is still "sharp" in which case he would have empathy for her and see that she logically can't continue on. But he doesn't seem to see this so I highly doubt he has no impairment.
"Dad, here are the alternatives:
1) you hire in-home aids to fill in the gaps in care that I've been doing
2) you move into a nice AL that we will research for you and help you make the transition every step of the way.
There is no 3rd option or any option that involves your children orbiting around you. We are not able to do it any more. Also, I do not want the liability of being on the lease anymore."