Is that why you're visiting? You're in it for the money?
I imagine you will resent the very idea. This demonstrates that your individual relationship with your mother and the distribution of her estate are entirely unrelated subjects.
You will be entitled to what your mother has specified in her will. So will your brother.
Oh, dear. I hope you don't speak to your mother about this. I will tell you this. My beloved Dad, the kindest and gentlest man I ever knew, a man who, like me, wasn't really "a believer", loved that old Joe McCrea movie where Joel was a traveling preacher. I can't remember the name, but they played the old Hymn "Will There Be Any Stars in my Crown". My Dad taught me to try to do good, to try to leave everyone the better for my being there, to try to leave even PLACES better, cleaner, stronger for my visit. And when he would do some small good thing, like holding his hand on a car next to his so his car door didn't ding the finish on the other car he would giggle and say "Another Star in my Crown". He lived to his 90s and I am in my late 70s and think of him still. Look at the firmament and think of all the stars he must be lugging about. So when you lovingly visit your Mom, when you treasure her and celebrate your love, just think about that hymn. I bet you can find it on YouTube or something. I may go look.
If you are visiting to provide care, IMHO, you should enter into a personal care agreement with her and get paid (or you can let amounts accumulate till her death, but medical expenses may eat them up). If you are visiting to say hello, no
I just read your profile, and it seems that you and your wife must be doing a lot for your mother. She has many medical conditions!
I was in a somewhat similar situation, and ended up being paid by one of my brothers, who along with another brother were the POAs (3 brothers, all out of state).
I'd brought up the topic of compensation to my mother one time, and she was indignant that "you don't pay family!" I won't go into the difficulties between my mother and me, bur suffice it to say that I very much resented that I had to spend hours and hours each week, and I wasn't appreciated at all. To the contrary, I was told my time wasn't worth anything, that I didn't know anything, etc., as my mother descended further into dementia.
When she was finally hospitalized, then into rehab, then into a nursing home (she'd been living "independently" in a condo 7 minutes from me), my POA brother agreed to pay me and even offered to do back-pay for the previous 2 years when my mother started becoming difficult.
No caregiver agreement, and no taxes taken out. My mother would have never qualified for Medicaid.
I imagine you will resent the very idea. This demonstrates that your individual relationship with your mother and the distribution of her estate are entirely unrelated subjects.
You will be entitled to what your mother has specified in her will. So will your brother.
I will tell you this. My beloved Dad, the kindest and gentlest man I ever knew, a man who, like me, wasn't really "a believer", loved that old Joe McCrea movie where Joel was a traveling preacher. I can't remember the name, but they played the old Hymn "Will There Be Any Stars in my Crown".
My Dad taught me to try to do good, to try to leave everyone the better for my being there, to try to leave even PLACES better, cleaner, stronger for my visit. And when he would do some small good thing, like holding his hand on a car next to his so his car door didn't ding the finish on the other car he would giggle and say "Another Star in my Crown". He lived to his 90s and I am in my late 70s and think of him still. Look at the firmament and think of all the stars he must be lugging about.
So when you lovingly visit your Mom, when you treasure her and celebrate your love, just think about that hymn. I bet you can find it on YouTube or something. I may go look.
I was in a somewhat similar situation, and ended up being paid by one of my brothers, who along with another brother were the POAs (3 brothers, all out of state).
I'd brought up the topic of compensation to my mother one time, and she was indignant that "you don't pay family!" I won't go into the difficulties between my mother and me, bur suffice it to say that I very much resented that I had to spend hours and hours each week, and I wasn't appreciated at all. To the contrary, I was told my time wasn't worth anything, that I didn't know anything, etc., as my mother descended further into dementia.
When she was finally hospitalized, then into rehab, then into a nursing home (she'd been living "independently" in a condo 7 minutes from me), my POA brother agreed to pay me and even offered to do back-pay for the previous 2 years when my mother started becoming difficult.
No caregiver agreement, and no taxes taken out. My mother would have never qualified for Medicaid.