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Do you keep them in an urn at home, bury them in your backyard, in a cemetery or scatter them?

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I had my husband cremated when he died and I have asked to be cremated also. I divided them into several urns I had made by a ceramicist. Some of my children have taken them on trips and his sister requested some to put in the ground where their parents were buried. We both wanted to travel together so I have traveled and carried his remains to sprinkle wherever I went, including Philmont Scout Ranch and Brazil.

Be aware - the crematorium should have given you a letter with a description of the remains and that you would be transporting them.
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Reply to ghardym
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In regard to scattering ashes in a body of water, or a certain mountain, etc., it may be a matter of “better to ask forgiveness than permission”. There have been over the top people who have had the gall to call it pollution. Scatter away, I say! Just do it quietly, serenely, and where there are few others around.
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jacobsonbob Nov 24, 2018
Because of the high salt content of ashes, it is best to scatter them as much as possible (especially if on land) to lower the concentration of salt in a given spot to avoid damage to plants, etc.
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My aunts wished that their late parents' graves be opened so that both aunts could be placed with mom and dad atop each casket. Bear in mind, that their parents had passed away 30 years prior to their own deaths.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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My father's remains will be scattered near the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco Bay. He sailed the Bay for many years and it was his happy place. I plan for my remains to be scattered there also along with remains of my beloved pets.
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Reply to Dianeb1953
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I divided mine in half--one half was buried in the plot his mother bought for her two children (but didn't include those children's spouses) The second half is in my lingerie drawer with instructions to bury them with mine in a plot I recently procured for myself in the country town cemetery of my paternal grandparents.
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Reply to Arleeda
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Hi Katz I just lost my honey of 30 years. He is being cremated and I will be picking him up in the next couple of weeks. I have like a curio glassed in cabinet that we have the remains of all of our fur babies. I am going to rearrange the cabinet and he will be resting with the 4 legged babies that he loved so much. I truly believe this is where he would want to be. When I pass and the donor/med science is done I will be cremated. At that time we will be buried or scattered together along with our fur babies. This may sound strange but Steve and I had talked about this prior to his passing. please see my post below
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Reply to Dusti22
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Ahmijoy Nov 21, 2018
Aw, Dusti, I am so sorry your honey passed. I am sending you many hugs and wishes for peace.
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We have paid for our final arrangements and I chose cremation, hubby wants to be buried with his parents. I have made my wishes known to my family. NO GRIEVING! They are to set a day to all get together and have a family meal at a reserved area of a restaurant and remember and discuss the fun times. Then, when the blue bonnets are blooming, They are to go to them, open the tailgate of their truck, pour my ashes on it and take off letting me lie with the flowers I love so much.
That is if my husband is still with me. That's another post.
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Marcia7321 Nov 8, 2018
Haha. Re; No Grieving. Are you of Irish descent? Take those feelings and shove them down into a box until your heart explodes? (a line from a comedian named John Mulaney)
People have to grieve.

And untreated cremains will kill the flowers. They are very salty.
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When my dad, a surveyor, died last year we placed his ashes in a wooden box containing an antique surveyors transit. His sisters and I each placed mementos in the box before it was buried in the cememtary plot.

My dad had requested I scatter his ashes around the small town where he grew up so I had funeral home save some of the ashes in a small container. I then discretely scattered a little bit at places I knew he had fond memories of as well as on the graves of his his parents and grandparents.
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Reply to Frances73
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My honey and I have been together for 30 years. He is in end stage heart failure and has asked that his remains be cremated if he passes. I will keep his remains here with our beloved dogs. And when I pass I will ask that his and our dogs remains be scattered together as he has loved all of our fur babies. I am a body donor if they are unable to use me as a donor or for research and I am cremated I want my ashes to be scattered where my honeys and our fur babies were as they have been my life and love for 30 years.
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Reply to Dusti22
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I worked for the U. S. Forest Service and part of my job was to write permits to scatter ashes. At that time they were free, I would just be sure they weren't all scattered in one place.

My mother was buried in the backyard where she lived. She loved that place.

My best friend already had Dozer's ashes when her husband died. Bill loved Dozer, his pit bull, who was with him every day on his construction jobs. When Bill died, she mixed their ashes together and scattered them where they used to run. That way they could always be together.

I know of a Nurse's ashes that were illegally and I can't spell xxx, (insert sneaky) scattered in the flower beds of the hospital where she worked for 40 years.

My Aunt already had her plot, today they are putting her in the ground inside the cookie jar she loved.

My Sister-in-Law was buried in a cemetery plot in the cardboard box with her favorite quilting fabric wrapped around it. I have a piece of that fabric and I always think of her when I take it out and hold it.

Our cemetery has "rose gardens" where for $350.00 you can scatter ashes. For more money your name can be added to an obelisk in the center of one of the gardens
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Reply to MaryKathleen
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We scattered part of my brothers cremains in the creek behind our parents' house... we spent so many happy years as kids on that creek, it's what he would have wanted. His wife kept some, however, in a carved box her father made for her.

Personally, I love those crystal paperweights you can have made with part of your loved one's ashes swirled inside the glass. If my husband goes first, that's what I plan to do and will just scatter the rest in a wild place.
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Reply to TekkieChikk
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Cremation has become very popular here in Ireland in recent years and I have opted for cremation when my time comes. I had this secret desire to have my ashes scattered over the ocean because that is where I feel blissfully at peace until Our Padre read out a letter from Pope Francis at Sunday Mass stressing that the ashes from the Remains of the Dead must be laid to Rest in Sacred Ground. I agree with CWillie that personal cultural Religious beliefs differ hence there can be no right answer to this Question.
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MargaretMcKen Nov 24, 2018
It's nice that the Pope is worrying about this, but there is absolutely nothing in the Bible to support it. Pity about all those disciples and apostles who missed out, perhaps they can't go to heaven. Interestingly, there is more Bible support for not splitting up the body, so that it gets resurrected in one piece. I'd go for the ocean, I don't want to sit on someone's mantelpiece.
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I bought Living Urn to plant a tree with my husband's ashes.

I planted the tree, but my DH is still in the Living Urn while I try to decide what I really want to do with the ashes. You see, we were giving a double plot back in 2004 and purchased a headstone in 2011 - so I can bury the ashes in the cemetery or here with his tree.

It's nice to have options. I am even debating saving them and having our ashes combined after I pass.
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Reply to RayLinStephens
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MIL has her husband's ashes at my home now (he's been gone for 25 years) upon her passing they will both be laid to rest together at national cemetery. Veterans and their spouses are afforded this because of their active duty service.
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Reply to Takincare
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Cremains are very salty and if buried under a favorite bush or in a garden, will damage the plants. Cremains can be treated to reduce the pH level and dilute the salt and make them appropriate for memorial plantings.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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jacobsonbob Nov 7, 2018
Good point. Another option is to scatter them far enough that the salt isn't so concentrated that plants are affected.

I might tell my family to cremate me, and then save the cremains for a day when there is ice on the sidewalk or driveway!
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My dad loved one of the Great Lakes. Half of his ashes was scattered and the other half I will buried with his family. My mother wants to be cremated; I don't want to keep her ashes but not sure what I will do with them. I'll figure it out when the time comes.
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Reply to Shell38314
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My parents had friends I grew up knowing. The husband went before the wife. The wife lived in a duplex , her son and DIL in the other side. When the wife started having health problems, the SIL asked her what she wanted for her funeral. Wife said cremation and then her, her mother and husband could be placed somewhere together. All had been cremated. Mom was buried under the birdbath in the backyard. Husband was in the cellar in the filing cabinet under B for Bill, his name.

Some cemetaries allow urns to be buried with LOs. There maybe a charge for this. If a Vet, can be buried in a Veteran cemetary.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I lost my husband of 54 years a few months ago and we just got his ashes back. His brother and I were the only ones who wanted to keep them. Mine are in a pretty necklace and his brothers in a small urn. The rest of the cremains are in a nice wooden box with his name and dates of birth and death on them. For now I will keep them but when I die I may ask that they be both scattered together.
I did not want my mothers ashes so they were scattered in the grounds of the crematorium along with many other. DH's dad wanted cremation but his mother wanted a fancy cakes so when she died FIL's remain were also put in the grave
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Reply to Veronica91
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Cremation is very common here, all my family members who have died in the last 50 years have been cremated.

I have my dog's ashes in an urn on my hearth, but all the family are scattered or buried with a loved one. It is quite common here for cemetaries to have large ponds into which people can scatter cremains. Mum wants to be scattered where her Mum was, Active Pass, a beautiful ocean pass between two islands. I would like to be scattered into the ocean too. If I die away from the ocean and it is not feasible to return my ashes to it, then a river would do.

If an urn is not purchased, then cremains will be returned in a bag in a box, or in a large plastic jar. My family does not do urns, so I have seen both.

A common sight in cemeteries around here are marble 'bus' lockers. The family purchases a spot, the cremains are placed inside and seal in. There is a marker to say who is there.
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Reply to Tothill
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jacobsonbob Nov 7, 2018
I imagine the urns are priced at many times their cost so the funeral homes can make a nice fat profit on them in addition to the price of the cremation (and funeral).
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Keep in mind that you may need permission to scatter someone’s ashes in certain places. City Hall is probably a good place to call to see if you do.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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jacobsonbob Nov 7, 2018
Probably, but realistically if you go out and do it when no one is looking, who is going to be any the wiser and stop you?
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My father was a mountaineer. Daddy climbed Mt.Hiood over 50 times and this is where he chose to have his ashes scattered - he pick a specific spot roughly half way the summit. So, on a beautiful August afternoon that’s what my brothers, my nephews, my husband and I did. Four years later we scattered my mothers ashes there as well - as was her wish to join my father.

My husband and I have picked a spot off the Oregon coast - to be scattered into the Pacific Ocean. It’s a stretch of beach where we have spent many a long weekend - just the two of us.
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Reply to Rainmom
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So sorry for your loss Katz17.  It is a personal thing, and all those choices are possible. My Dad's ashes are in an urn that was buried in the family plot of  cemetery, with stone. He learned a lot of family history by finding gravestones with dates on them, and believed anyone with descendants should have a stone ( 2 small-town offices had burned and lost all records). 

My first husband and my uncle have stones or markers. My husband's ashes were in an urn, for burial, with 2 small vials saved for scattering at his favorite places. My uncle's ashes were in a plastic bag in a cardboard box (I have no idea why). His request was to be scattered from atop a nearby mountain, a favorite place of his. My aunt could not let them go, and kept them at home, until I told her it was ok to take some out, and bury them under her favorite rosebush, which he had planted for her. Then she was ready.  Keeping an urn is possible also. One had a full funeral, with urn, and the other a memorial service.
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Reply to GrannieAnnie
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Isthisrealyreal Nov 7, 2018
The plastic bag and cardboard box are what you get when you don't buy anything else to places the remains in.
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I agree that personal, cultural and religious beliefs differ so there is no one right answer - I can remember years ago when cremation was less popular where I live that I was flabbergasted that many Americans seemed to keep an urn of ashes on the mantle or coffee table. Today I am equally astonished at the thriving business of mini urns and jewellery available for divvying up the cremains among the family, but to each his own. My church believes in interring in a cemetery, so that's the option I would choose for my loved one.
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Reply to cwillie
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Katz17 Nov 6, 2018
So what's the belief as a Christian for "interring" in a cemetery instead of keeping cremains at home?
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My husband will be sprinkling my ashes at Gulf Shores, Alabama where I loved to go as a child. I have a friend who wants her ashes spread over her farm that she loves. It’s a personal thing and should be meaningful to the person and family.
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