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The daughter lives out of state and has not seen the aunt in 2 years. The aunt constantly calls me to take her to the store and the doctors. If I do not call her the aunt get mad. We were shopping and the aunt forgot her phone to call her daugher. The aunt did tell her 2 sons that she was going to be with shopping with me. The 2 sons and daughter call her 4x and 5x a day because she lives alone. The daughter was upset because she usually calls the aunt at 2:00pm and she did not have her phone to answer. I said I was sorry to the daughter and she told me that I should be sorry and that I did not have any sense to take the aunt out. The aunt likes to shop and get out of the house. As I said before the daughter has not seen her mother in 2 years. Maybe I should not get involved with this family anymore. The aunt is 97 years old. The son said to me that he thinks his sister is jealous of me because I spend so time with the Aunt.

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Tell her to chill. People go out, or go to the bathroom. Ask her what she expects, as you cannot possibly run every errand past her.

She needs to trust a little, but my gut says it’s not lack of trust but guilt at play here. She knows she should be the one helping her mom, not you. Maybe ask her about it, and validate her feelings if that’s the case. It hard when you want to be there for someone but you can’t. Just remind her that you’re trying your best, so to go easy on you. She’ll say sorry, or she should.
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Aunt forgetting her phone is not your problem. The problem is when the Aunt gets mad at you. You are her niece not her child. You help because you want to not because you are obligated to. I told my Mom she was not to volunteer my services to one of my Aunts on Dads side.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2021
Good for you not allowing yourself to be 'Voluntold' that you'll be doing caregiving. Stay strong.
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No reason for your aunt's daughter (your cousin) to be jealous that you spend so much time with her mother. What's stopping her from spending time with her?
It's not your fault that your cousin hasn't seen her own mother in two years. As for your aunt getting angry and blaming you for her missed phone call, she ought to be grateful that you look after her and take her out. You're not a hired caregiver.
Seriously, the next time your cousin or aunt gets on you about something, tell them both to go pound sand.
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Armchair critics are THE WORST! Your cousin has some nerve saying ONE critical thing to you when you're doing the things that SHE should be doing for her mother! I'd tell her that, too! Calling her mother 5x a day is no substitute for getting up off of her lazy arse and coming over to the house to help her with errands and doctor appointments. She should be sending you bouquets of flowers and Edible Arrangements to thank you for all you do for her mother.
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pachanapat1, one easy solution is for you to text your cousin saying you are taking her Mom out to shop.

It seems like with the invention of cellphones, people have lost their patience if someone doesn't answer or text back immediately.
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You know, when you start feeling unappreciated thats when to back off. Tell your Aunt you don't mind doing for her but its in your time. And you don't appreciate your cousin hollering at you for her mother's mistake. That you feel you deserve an apology. And your tired of her getting mad at you because you don't jump when she wants something. Maybe its time her daughter comes home for a long visit and do for Mom.
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