I stopped working to care for my aging Mother. Can I be reimbursed for the care?

Please note the original question was asked 8 years ago, and the answers may not reflect what are the current rules and programs for each State.

Vast majority of grown children are not paid unless the parent can pay them from their own retirement fund.

Some States have Medicaid programs where one can be paid, but the pay will be minimal. And with the current Congress [2017] wanting to cut funds out of Medicaid, those programs could possibly disappear or be limited.

Check to see if your state has a program like in home supportive service (IHSS) in California. Same eligibility requirements as Medi-cal (Medicaid) and can provide up to 283 hours of in home care per month. Family members can be paid

To my knowledge, only Massachusetts, Oregon, Vermont and North Dakota have a "Caring Homes" program.

However, at least in Massachusetts, the following was true:

"Federal rules require that the program EXCLUDE spouses and dependent children as caregivers"

Apparently Vermont & N. Dakota are using some state funds to allow spouses to be the caregivers. I don't know if things have change in Massachusetts since the program's inception.

A few states have had an "Adult Foster Care" program, but it only pays non-relatives to take in seniors and disabled adults who need help - relatives are excluded.

I must point out that while the "idea" of keeping an elderly parent at home is very noble, the reality is something very different. If a relative has dementia or Alzheimer's, their behavior may become bizarre and unsafe for other famly members. Would you be able to take care of an incontinent elderly relative who likes to smear his/her feces on the walls of your home? What if they become combative with other family members?

There comes a point when nursing home care is the only realistic option for many elderly people, since they must be supervised 24/7 and cannot be left alone even for a moment. I'm glad that we live in an era when we have such facilities available for people.

dragonflower

We'd be in better position if our charges were Medicaid eligible. My mother has too much income for that, so "I" lose out. My income is $10 day, and I don't qualify for anything. Whatever helpful programs seemed aimed at the recipient of the aide rather than the needs and contributions of the family caregiver. oh well, I've given up hope for myself being paid.. Perhaps will give some of you ideas and direction.

How about Louisiana

have you contacted your congressman? senator? Medicaid or Medicare? Start there also your local social service office or a social worker at your local hospital.

Any help like this in Minnesota

How about Florida?

CBiscuit,
You have so much to deal with. Do you have a church community that can help? I wish we could let the government know who this affects us all. It doesn't seem as if anyone is listening or cares. Does your dad have veterans benefits, since that would give her more care? How about visiting nurse? We have one for the summer and it is very helpful. I will keep thinking and brainstorming for you. You are in my prayers.
Linda

I had been caring for my father until this month, he passed away but when I had went and applied so that it would be recognized as a job also and I could earn money doing it, they told me my dad had too much income and therefore I didn't qualify...I live in southern california by the way.

i have been told there is a legal way to do this if you see a good attorney. even in florida

Thanks everyone for all your advise but the state of Oklahoma has done everything they could possible do and their programs STINK, right now I just put my mom in the mentle hospital in witchita Falls Tx. which is an hour drive I have to back today the 15th of july to give them my p.o.a. papers and bring my mom some clothes. her physic. dr. wants to rearrange her meds. you see my mom has always been diagnoised as parinoid-schiz., manic depressive, ocd, multiable personalitys, and now mild to moderiate alzimers with demitia, my mom is almost 71 years of age. and it really hurt my heart when I left my mom at the hospital saying to her that i love her and her reply back was no i don't and if i did the why am i putting her in the hospital? i hope your happy now! well i know that was not my sweet mom. she had a blank , flat look on her face. have to go back to travel back down the road to bring the hospital some papers and her clothes. had to borrow 20,00 for gas from a friend, since my moms checking account has about 30-40 dollers in it till the 3rd of aug. soc. sec. check. and in answering your questions lovingdaughter my mom makes too much money for food stamps, im the one with foodstamps and medicade for both me and my daughter, and if the state takes her and puts her in nursing home then they will take this house and car and her soc sec to pay. and my daughter and i will not have a place to live. I have applied for soc. sec. dissability on myself coz i'm severily depressed, have panic attacts, already been turned down once so i got me a soc. sec. lawyer. still waiting on the answer from my appeal. probabily will take awhile(long while) on that. but the state of oklahoma has the advantage program which has no money to help with caregiving, all the advantage program is ( give you stuff for handicap like shower chairs, handheld showers, grab bars, toilet risers, bedside toilet, frozen outdated microwave meals, adult pullups or diapers if incontents, bedpads if needed, a homeprovider for so many hrs a week and she comes into your house and washes my moms clothes and or gives her a bath and cleans her room and or living area, and changes her bed sheets, and helps with daily dressing, well I stopped the program because sometimes they couldn't find a homeprovider to come either she quit or never showed up on time and when there was someone here she would use up or waiste my cleaning supplies and use too much water in my washing machine witch would make my water bill go up, or use way too much detergent in my moms clothes and i would run out in just one weeks time, or she would only be here for about 30-45 mins. when she was suppose to be here for 3-4 hours. so i just gave up the program, was making me more stressed and panicky. figure i could do this myself.my brother won't help me with any fiances, he's kinda upset with me, i called him to let him know that his mom is in the hospital, and asked if he could send me a little 50 dollers for the rest of then month and he just claimed that he don't have it but then he began to tell me how he bought a laptop computer. well he makes about 13.86 an hour at his job and i dont make a dime. my 9 year old daughter and i are living on my mothers soc.sec of about 1,500 a month. so thats it dont have any body else to turn to for help. I'M ON MY OWN!

Try the Medicaid Waver in your state and see if you can get him on Medicaid. Also, contact your aging services people on your state's Web site and see what help is available through the Federal family caregivers program.

Carol

how about iowa

CBiscuit,
Have you contacted medicare. There has to be some help for you. Do you have a program that will take her into a nursing home. If she has little or no assets, the state has help for you. The problem is finding it. Call you social services for the elderly and ask a social worker to get involved. Have you looked into a reverse mortgage? I know people who have done this and it has been very helpful. Was your dad a Veteran? There are services for you because of his service. Also, does she qualify for food stamps or meals on wheels? A social worker will help you sort it out and fill out the paper work. Our social worker is coming on Thursday to see what she can do for my mom. Good luck

deefer12- I have a younger brother who lives 3 hours away from me and doesn't help out one bit. no money from him and he makes pretty good income about $13-15.00 an hour he works for stanley tools in arlington tx and will not give me one cent to help me take care of his mother. he claims that he loves her but he just won't help. and I'm very tired and stressed and depressed that I'm having a tole on my whole situation. I just had a neighber give me 20.00 to buy gas to take my mom to okla. city to a dr.s apt. right now on july 14 i am sitting with a whole 30.00 in the checking accout till my mom gets paid again on the 3rd of aug. all i can do is pay the house payments and utilitys and try to have enought money to buy her meds and gas and even try to buy the things my 9 year old needs for the upcoming school season to start. like a new coat, clothes, etc. I'm just saying my prayers to god everyday, and hanging on . I get no help from noone.

Yes, lovingdaughter, my dad put everything in a trust, he took everything out of their will and put it a a trust, before he passed. plus I have durible power of atturiney. overe everything I owe money to credit cards which I can no longer pay since I can not work I am getting no child support from my daughters dad coz the state doesn't know where he is . so there is just me, my mom , and my 9 year old daughter plu my 2 little dogs. living on a little $1,513.00 a month.but their isn't anything in it but this house we are living in, and maybe just $200.00 dollers in some stock but its not growing very much coz the econimy is down,

deefer12,
Good for you. I hare out 6 days a week from 4 to 6 hours a day. It gives me a life. and when the money is gone, we work with her ss and dad's army pension. Brother doesn't like it, too bad. I have already told my sister in law that there won't be any money left so don't look for it. Brother dear is of no help!!!!! I am right there with you. Good luck.
Linda

Brought Mom home from rehab on Friday. She's a handful! Won't sit still or listen. Has a harder time walking because the Parkinson's is progressing, and mild dementia has her forgetting from 1 second to the next. I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters that expect me to watch her 24/7, so that she doesn't fall again. You all know how impossible that is, especially if they forget what you tell them. Only 2 siblings came to see her after she got home, over the weekend. I picked up my sister at the airport Sunday morning, and hired an out of work CNA that I met at the nursing home. Her position just got cut, so she is willing to work for $8/hour, cash. I'm tired of asking the siblings for relief and getting excuses. My older sister is here for 3 weeks to help out and set everyone straight on how much I really do for Mom. I didn't spend any time with my husband this weekend, as I had to keep an eye on Mom most of the time. Luckily we live in the same house, with our apartments both on the ground floor. My cousin cut a doorway between our closets so that I have a quick entrance to Mom's space. My older sister is the one who suggested I hire the help and not discuss it with the others. When the cash runs dry, I will have them pay for the help they won't give. My son in law has just installed 2 cameras in Mom's, that are hooked to my laptop, so that I can keep an eye on her at night, and when I need to be in my apartment. My sister if footing the bill for all of it, because she lives so far away, and feels the need to contribute. They will give me a little more freedom when she is napping and at night. Thankfully, she sleeps from 10 to 12 hours/night! If you have siblings that won't help, forget about them and find someone who will. There are all kinds of healthcare people out of work and looking to get any kind of income they can. Ask around, someone will come along when you least expect it! Take care, and hang in there.

thats a good idea lovingdaughter, My mother is a control freak and I have no clue where the check book is LOL but I have the account number tucked away. for when the time comes my parents had no house no nothing just what me and my husband gave them sold most of it or gave it away when my mother came to live with me so its just what she has packed up in her room so there will be no need for any trust or anything like that. She is lucky she gets social security. Sounds terrible but I will be glad when this is all over I have been an adult since I was 7 and getting really tired I don't even know how to play and I take everything too serious if it wasn't for my son and husband I guess I would not have much of a life except work and even now there is too much of that. But I am learning

Neon,
I am going to prepay mom's funeral this summer. No hassle when the time comes.
Cbiscuit,
Do you have a trust? Everything is protected in a trust after 5 years from Medicaid. If it is in a Trust, do you need your name on the house? Go see an estate lawyer who knows what the law is in your state. It is worth the money. We did. The money from the sale of Mom's house went into a formal trust. It is what we use to pay for her care, room and board, extra health insurance and the things that she needs or just wants. When she is gone the rest goes very quickly to me, and if I have to, my brother. I am trying to get the terms changed since he does nothing. Good luck.

I asked everybody even my moms nurse and the only program here in the state of oklahoma is the advantage program and I've already been through that and I cancled it due to that it seems that they couldn't find the right caregivers to come to my house and help, I do get respite vouchers but when I reapply for them it takes about 3 -4 months before I get them again. and their only about $3-400.00 per 3 months. just depends on the amount of money the state gets for them and it seems like the ones who needs them the most get on the list first and I must be some where on the bottum of the list. plus my mom's income is about $1,513.00 a month from soc.sec. and we have house payments, plus utilitys to pay, by after that there is about $30-40.00 left for the rest of the month. can't do a reverse mortgage, coz first my name is on the deed, to keep the house from going into probate after she passes, plus there isn't enough equity in the house, my dad had refinanced the house back in 06 before he passed away so there is about $10,000 in equity. nobody will give 80% of the loan. the house has been appraised at about 100,000 and the loan is at 88,000 I'm already 2 months behind and now currently working with g.m.a.c mortgage on a 3 month trial loan modifcation, and hopefully by sept. they will lower our house payments or interest rates from 6% to something lower. the reason why I was 2 months behind was because I had to get our 2001 chrysler voyager mini van fixed since it was my dads and he didn't keep it up due to his illness befor he passed. I had to give back to the bank my car which I was making payments of 200.00 a month but since I quit working (could not afford no more) and the van is paid off. so now they sold the car for about 3500 and I owe another 5000 on the car plus other credit cards which I can no longer pay them either, I don't have any guys help to maintain the house, like ie fix the fence or trim trees or whatever, I have applied for soc. sec. dissability myself for depression, panic attacts,axnsiety, and it was disapproved so I had to get a soc.sec. lawyer to get it appealed, I just hope I can get it. I also need to find some school clothes for my daughter soon school arounf here starts about aug 20, she is getting tall and is just 9 years old and going into the 4th grade.

Also, I had my mother open a checking account and my name is on it to and it is her burial fund she is allowed to have so much in there for burial and my name is on it so I don't have to jump thru hoops paying for it when the time comes

I do live in Georgia work with your parent. If nothing else take the parent to social services is he/she makes only a small pension like mine does and than tell them they have to pay to live there have to pay any where else don't they?

How about Georgia?We have gone financially under since i cannot work.We may loose everything!

If you have an agreement with your parent, it's no one else's business. You need to survive too! None of us do this for the money, for no amount can make up for what we have to deal with. It's a tough situation and we have to make do with what we can. The government should be grateful that we are keeping them home. It would cost them an untold amount to keep them in a nursing facility if they don't have the funds to pay for it themselves. People who aren't or haven't been in our situation, have no clue!!! It's good that we can talk to each other this way. We're the only ones that really know what it's like! Take care everyone, and remember, we are doing the right thing.

When my mother asked to move in I told her she would have to pay 300.00 towards expenses which gives her 400 for her spend money. Medicaid gives her 46.00 in food stamps. She also wanted additional long distance on the phone so told her she would have to pay 40.00 towards that. As my husbands hours have been cut since November. It is not much but it helps I spend at least 700 to 1000 a month on groceries. Ihave told medicaid about this and it is fine she should pay towards the expenses she would pay more if she lived by herself and Medicaid agreed.

Mass. is way ahead of many states on this. Since you have already provided care and want to go back and collect for the spend down for Medicaid, I'd see an estate attorney or elder attorney. You'll need advice down the road, anyway. But dealing with Medicaid is sticky, and spending down has to be done in the right manner. You deserve this, there's no doubt of that. But you need to be sure you go about it right. Every state is a little (or a lot) different in what they offer. You can also go directly to your state aging services (contact number online on the state Web sites), and ask for advice as to where to go. Good luck with this.
Carol

You cannot legally "just pay yourself out of your parent's income"; you must have a caegiver's contract in order for Medicaid to deem it a legitimate expense.

But more to the point, I think that she is saying that her Mom's income is insufficient to cover the bills.

I'm wondering if you've considered a reverse mortgage (if your Mom or you own the house). That might be of some help.

Hey, just pay yourself out of your parents income.