We have someone to clean our house, gardeners, delivery of our groceries, a home care nurse and rides for my hubbie's dialysis and other medical appointments. So why do I have caregiver's burnout?
Because you are carrying responsibility for all of this 24/7 with no let-up, and because your life is just as affected by your husband's ill health as his is. It is a constant strain. Why do you think you should be shrugging it all off with a merry laugh?
Counting your blessings is a good thing, and you obviously do that. But it is equally important to acknowledge adversity and be kind to yourself for minding it.
Full marks for delegation, too. But what about actual respite, r&r for yourself? Do you get any?
I would venture to say your burnout is emotionally related. I feel that way with my mother who is in AL. Her needs can overwhelm me at times. I feel this way greatly because she neglected her health for years and I run around to doctors for her due to what my husband and I called deferred maintenance. She is also very overweight which exacerbates all issues. Finding clothes for her is exhausting. Frankly we are amazed she has made it to 88. On top of that her doctor recently told me she may be heading towards Alzheimer's. That confused me because I though that was a definite diagnosis yet he left it as a possibility depending on her aging. We don't share many beliefs. She was not the mother I wished for growing up so all those feelings come into the scenario. I can feel guilt at times yet I know I do all for her I can and always attempt to meet her needs. But it is an emotional burden. I have a husband with health issues and grandchildren in different states. We do visit them when we can. But at times I feel tethered to a ball and chain. I know I don't have it anywhere near as bad as so many on this site yet I can't totally displace my emotions. Eventually her money will run out and we will have to deal with all that entails
One thing; don’t compare what your life is like, or what you are going through with anyone else’s situation even and especially posters on this site. People who post here are venting to strangers, people they will never meet, and write down everything that pops into their brain. There are no hard and fast rules for feeling burned out, depressed or overwhelmed. No one of us has any more right to feel burned out than anyone else. Each situation and every poster is unique unto themselves.
The worst thing you can do is sit around and ruminate about what’s going on. I am not the sort of person who volunteers, goes to coffee shops, walks in the park, etc. So, I read, knit and craft, athome where I’m still available for my husband but also on my own personal getaway.
You have have every right to feel any way you want.
HI Dawn, I bet your every thought has your husband and/or his needs and/or a service provider included in it. You can't shut it off, it consumes every single thought in one form or another.
This is what burns me out, never being able to stop it in my head.
Even though you have help in place you are still in control and that means it all sits squarely on your shoulders.
Find a way to escape mentally from the entire situation, whether a hot soak, a good book, a talk with a friend or a walk, whatever you enjoy and can be submerged in. You need to take care of you on this journey.
The physical aspect is usually the easiest part to deal with. As you are seeing first hand.
Hugs 2 u and come here to vent, rant, rave, question whatever you need. Lots of good people here willing to help you get it out. There are even some good scraps that take place, no one will hold anything against you. You are in a tough position and I believe everyone wants to help others feel stronger and more stable on this sorrowful journey.
May God grant you strength today and all the days you are on this path.
Dawn, part of it is Because people are in and out of your home every single day, and it takes it's toll on you. You are never alone to collect your thoughts, and are Always on call for everyone else in your life, and there is Never a break. You are constantly inventoring all of the care needed, the homes needs, food, shopping, med and health supplies, the bills, and trying to appear that you have it all together and it's exhausting!
I pray that you are able to arrange some ME TIME, just to get a break here and there several times a week, just so that you can turn off your brain, and enjoy life once and a while.
Care giving is hard work, even if you have a lot of help. We took care of my FIL in our home for 13 years, but it was the last 9 weeks of his life on Hospice Care until he passed away, that was the hardest by far, both emotionally and physically. There was Hospice help in many times during the week, and We felt We had to have the house clean at all times, him clean, fed, medicated, and ready to accept the medical care and visitors, even if We hadn't had a good night's rest, and we were exhausted all the time, and we could never leave the house together at the same time, so it was super difficult, despite the great care we/he received from Hospice, which we greatly appreciated!
Rremember, this is but a season in your life, things will change eventually, and then we need to adjust to the next season, your new normal, no matter how difficult or joyous. Just remember to take care of you in all of THIS! God Bless You!
You feel burned out for the same reasons I did: no matter how well you prepare or how much help you have it's still there front and center 24/7/365 and on top of that you do it knowing that when it ends it's going to almost certainly be on a sad note that going to lay even more emotional baggage on you. It's like perpetual dread and squelching that dread and going through the motions for the sake of your loved one takes a lot out of you. Now I don't want to paint all caretakers and martyrs or anything but sometimes being unselfish is really, really hard.
I put in nearly three full years taking care of my mother. She passed away six months ago and I'm only now starting to feel more like my old self again. All kinds of people have told me what I "should" be doing and how I "must" feel but it's all unique to the individual and the situation. My point being that in spite of having the wherewithal regarding help and etc. your feelings of being burned out are just as valid as anyone's are.
Oh no -- of course you can have burnout, even with help. You're thinking about his care from the moment you open your eyes. It's emotionally exhausting. You're assessing and adjusting all the time. Also, in addition to all the medical related tasks, you're probably also doing many of the routine tasks your husband used to do - filling your plate further. Be kind to yourself - take time throughout your day for small recharges.
Counting your blessings is a good thing, and you obviously do that. But it is equally important to acknowledge adversity and be kind to yourself for minding it.
Full marks for delegation, too. But what about actual respite, r&r for yourself? Do you get any?
The worst thing you can do is sit around and ruminate about what’s going on. I am not the sort of person who volunteers, goes to coffee shops, walks in the park, etc. So, I read, knit and craft, athome where I’m still available for my husband but also on my own personal getaway.
You have have every right to feel any way you want.
This is what burns me out, never being able to stop it in my head.
Even though you have help in place you are still in control and that means it all sits squarely on your shoulders.
Find a way to escape mentally from the entire situation, whether a hot soak, a good book, a talk with a friend or a walk, whatever you enjoy and can be submerged in. You need to take care of you on this journey.
The physical aspect is usually the easiest part to deal with. As you are seeing first hand.
Hugs 2 u and come here to vent, rant, rave, question whatever you need. Lots of good people here willing to help you get it out. There are even some good scraps that take place, no one will hold anything against you. You are in a tough position and I believe everyone wants to help others feel stronger and more stable on this sorrowful journey.
May God grant you strength today and all the days you are on this path.
I pray that you are able to arrange some ME TIME, just to get a break here and there several times a week, just so that you can turn off your brain, and enjoy life once and a while.
Care giving is hard work, even if you have a lot of help. We took care of my FIL in our home for 13 years, but it was the last 9 weeks of his life on Hospice Care until he passed away, that was the hardest by far, both emotionally and physically. There was Hospice help in many times during the week, and We felt We had to have the house clean at all times, him clean, fed, medicated, and ready to accept the medical care and visitors, even if We hadn't had a good night's rest, and we were exhausted all the time, and we could never leave the house together at the same time, so it was super difficult, despite the great care we/he received from Hospice, which we greatly appreciated!
Rremember, this is but a season in your life, things will change eventually, and then we need to adjust to the next season, your new normal, no matter how difficult or joyous. Just remember to take care of you in all of THIS! God Bless You!
I put in nearly three full years taking care of my mother. She passed away six months ago and I'm only now starting to feel more like my old self again. All kinds of people have told me what I "should" be doing and how I "must" feel but it's all unique to the individual and the situation. My point being that in spite of having the wherewithal regarding help and etc. your feelings of being burned out are just as valid as anyone's are.
Yes, you have help but you're the one making that help possible and functioning. You're immersed in it.
Find the opportunities to take care of you. You matter.