I once enjoyed spending time with my elderly mom but since my dad's passing, all my mom watches on YouTube are religious programs & politics.

I am depressed. So much has happened. My mom's breast diagnosis,losing my dad to COVID; and a year ago, I fell a flight of stairs. Nearly killed myself and lost all my front teeth. I wear removable dentures supported by implants. A few months ago, I went to see a counselor and he asked me if I thought I was depressed because I am in my fifties. I thought it was insulting. I think anyone at any age would be depressed with all of these life events. They are big. I'm in the process of looking for another counselor but most don't take my insurance. Out of pocket expense will be about 175 dollars to 200. What I earned barely pays my rent, utilities,and phone. I live paycheck to paycheck. I want to be with my mom but not to do the same thing over and over again. I used to spend hours on end but I just can't do it anymore. I'm still working and can't volunteer. My granddaughter comes over every weekend and I'm so exhausted. I need to rest. And with all that, I try to find the time to see her. My mom likes the beach and I love the beach but she can't stay long. She has her own health issues to contend with. We don't drive or have a car. We have to travel by train to Coney Island. It takes an hour going and an hour coming back. Sometimes, I like to stay on the beach for more than 2 hours but if I bring mom, I have to leave in 2 hours. Yes, I depressed and feel guilty about having these feelings towards my mom.

This is true, Dolly. We absolutely can unintentionally teach people to become dependent upon us.

I wish I could be more assertive and bold but she will be hurt. She lost my dad to COVID. My parents were married for 52 years. I'm her only friend.

Thank you, Barb. For your advice and listening to my woes. Thank you all for your advices and being my sounding board. I too, have no friends. I had one good one but when all this trauma happened to me and my family, I became withdrawn not to my family, but to the outside world.

She likes Judge Judy but doesn't watch it anymore. Since my dad passed away, she stays away from the worldly things

I have suggested to watch a movie. She has done so maybe twice. I have watched many religious programs with her when my father was hospitalized and dying of COVID day and night I think she feels close to God and my dad. I feel sad. And although it's ok to watch maybe one once in a while or maybe a short sermon and then watch something else. She watches mostly YouTube videos on religion, politics, animals, and a lady from Turkey cooking. It's the same TV programs, not repeated but same type of programs. I have other likes. Such as 90 day fiance, tlc shows, drama, etc. She says that 90 day fiance is a stupid show for stupid people. Jokingly but she thinks it's stupid. But it's just entertainment for me. If I get on my phone, she gets insulted but I'm about to lose my mind. I'm a very sick lady. I have Emphysema (never smoked), Ulcerative colitis, and doctors just discovered a few IPMN pancreatic cysts. So depressed and worried. I want to get away.

Yes. She is depressed. But even when I was young, my mom and I were very close. She would sleep over at my house and vice versa. But I'm older now and sick. I'm her only friend Although my mom is a good woman, she is not social. Watching religious programs is ok as well as other programs she likes but it's just the same thing every time. Maybe, I'm just overwhelmed and want to see other things with her She wants me or expects me to have the same interests as her because I'm in my fifties.

Barb, answering your post on my comment.... she is a suddenly single elderly lady. If she wants to go to church, it is natural to want a support person with her. Going anywhere new will be nerve wracking for most. If you go with someone you love and trust, it becomes easier. It also makes it easier to meet new people.

I have. Then she stays quiet. I feel so guilty. She has done so much for me and continues to do so. Not just for me but for all of us. Fixing my messes such as my finances, helping me financially with things I needed. Being there for me and accompanying me on my doctors appointments; especially now that I was diagnosed with pancreatic IPMNs. I'm there for her but when it comes to visiting her, I feel so reluctant and I get so anxious. It was not like this. But everything changed after my dad passed away. I have to see help but in the meantime, I don't know what to do.