I need to move my Mom out of a house I own that is falling apart. I have a place for her to live, but she refuses. Any ideas?

Have you though about using trickery? Take her out for a car ride, or shopping, or for lunch and afterwards take her to see the new place. Once she's inside you could have a little "engine trouble", so she has to stay for dinner. Then stay for the night. Then....

You are making so many assumptions that you are blocking yourself into a corner from which you may have a difficult time escaping. You should NOT be paying for her care or housing out of YOUR pocket.

If the house is unsafe you TELL her that she NEEDS to leave it because you are legally obliged to get it repaired.

You have NO WAY to know how she will behave if you are not present to listen to her protests, and you have absolutely no way to know she “wouldn’t last long in a home.” My own mother came to LOVE her caregivers, and they loved her, in spite of my assumption that she wouldn’t last 6 months in her well run SNF.

Instead, she lasted 5 1/2 VERY SAFE AND COMFORTABLE YEARS.

If she has not been seen by a good geriatric BEHAVIORIST/PSYCHIATRIST, she needs to be, as soon as you can arrange an appointment. A mild medication might help take the edges off her rudeness.

Stop phrasing care decisions as questions.

You need to assume loving, judicious, and VERY control of her care. She will cry, yell, be rude, anything that occurs to you, but she MUST be kept safe.

No easy choices, and we ALL wish there were. Dementia MEANS that she’s lost or is losing, her ability to understand logic and reason.

Obviously you are a loving and conscientious child. As such, you will ultimately realize that she may not agree with what is right and safe, but as her advocate, you will make sure that she gets what she NEEDS.

Another trickery could be to turn the water off at the mains connection at the gate. Get a plumber (or someone dressed up as a plumber) and report back that all the connecting pipes to the house are corroded and need complete replacement, terribly expensive. She can’t stay there without water, then you take her to place 2 while you work out the money. Which doesn't add up!

Your post is a bit unclear to me, but I'd say this: pick the woman up and put her in your car. Remove her from the house physically if necessary, and bring along someone to help you do it, if she's heavy-set. Or put her butt in a wheelchair & roll her right out the front door into your waiting car! What these mothers 'refuse' to do has become ridiculous; rudeness is irrelevant. You're bigger and stronger than her, no doubt, so put your foot down, HARD. She's in a dangerous situation, yet you're still saying Okay to her when she says No I won't leave?

Stop paying for things also. Take charge. Place her in Memory Care (if that's what you mean by "MA") and realize that many elders 'last' way way LONGER in managed care than they do living in houses that are falling apart where they refuse to budge and have no caregivers to help them, no 3 hot meals a day prepared for them, help with showers, etc. "Homes" are not the horror stories many seem to think they are, in reality. They are beautiful places that look more like hotels than anything else! My own mother would have died long, long ago had she NOT been living in managed care, that's the God's honest truth. She's very fortunate to have the funds to finance her care in Assisted Living/Memory Care, I'll say that!

Do what must be done for your mother and don't take 'no' for an answer. Laugh off her 'rudeness' and get 'er done!

Why wouldn’t she last long in a home? She’d get the medical care she needs in a safe surrounding. She’d last longer there than alone or with you.

Stop using your savings to pay for her.
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