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My mom has dementia and has declined to the point where I feel I can no longer keep her safe and that a memory care facility would be best. She's having delusions and talking to people who aren't here, very unstable on her feet, incontinent more often than not, getting argumentative and combative, trying to get out of the house, etc. She currently lives with me and my husband. She has no home or other property, no car, no savings, no pension, no assets of any kind. Her only income is roughly $1,200 a month from SS. I'm doing some research and getting ready to apply for Medicaid, but I'm worried about a few things. First of all, she's legally married, but she has lived with me for about 15 years. I have no contact information for him at all. No clue where he is or if he's even alive. That's my first issue. Second, they did own a home together, but he lived there alone. He wasn't paying the mortgage and the house was eventually foreclosed upon and sold at auction about 3 years ago. They both had to sign the check, since the house was in both of their names, but he kept it, then later wrote her a personal check for a portion of the remaining funds after the mortgage was paid. That money was deposited into a newly opened account with her name AND my name on it, then immediately transferred into MY account, and the joint account was closed less than 30 days later. The purpose of that was to avoid mixing that money with her SS money, which is in a separate account, also with my name on it, but she is the primary account holder. That brings me to my third concern. As I mentioned, she lives with me and my husband and has for roughly 15 years, since long before she even had dementia. I don't work because she can't be left alone at this point. We have a verbal agreement that she'll give us her SS check as payment/compensation for us taking care of her, part of utilities, food, etc. So, when it comes to applying for Medicaid, I'm concerned about her still being married (technically) but he's completely out of the equation and has been for a very long time. I can't answer any questions about him or his finances. I'm also worried about the lookback period and that auction/sale of a home that her name was on, as well as the check her husband wrote her afterwards, which was spent a long time ago. And is the monthly transfer of her SS check a problem? I don't know if I can afford an elder law attorney. I feel like I'm drowning though and need some help with her, quickly.

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My sister and I are working to get our mom on Medicaid. We are working with an attorney who specializes in this. It’s such a complicated system, I’m not sure we could get through it without our attorney.
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There are Medicaid "experts" that can possibly help you - they charge much less than lawyers. I found two of them through two different local lawyers. They charge around $3,000 in my area (NYS). The one I did call was a paralegal. She actually gave me some free advice about the things that were worrying me on the application. I felt confident that I didn't need a lawyer after that and could get through it on my own.
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FWIW the lookback can go 10 years. 5 years is the standard used as it’s more manageable. If they were in an IL or AL prior to the NH lookback could be 3 years as Medicaid knows $ as being private paid for that stay. But if fraud is suspected, it can go full 10.
What seems to be happening now as it’s a huge amount of paperwork to try to get this found and then reviewed amidst Covid closure issues, is that for LTC Medicaid, application needs 12 months of all financials starting back from the month of application AND then the month of application for each past 5 years. So application today would be Jan 22-Feb21, then January 21, 20, 19, 18, 17.

Plus caseworker will want this years 2022 awards letters like from SSA and other retirements. These get sent out Nov-Dec 2021 and show to the penny what the applicants monthly income is to the penny. Caseworker has access to state database for all real property records so can see if Dad sold his home April 2018 and for how much. The caseworker has an algorithm to basically plug in all those #’s and that factors in living costs for your area to see if their now being impoverished with under 2K in nonexempt assets makes sense.
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Mstrbill, thank you for sharing that and for your suggestion. My concern with doing it that way is that I won't get very far and it'll just create even more of a situation that I don't want to deal with. What I mean is, there's nothing really physically wrong with her. There's no reason to take her to a hospital. My home is safe for her as long as I'm here. The issue is, I'm stuck here. I've lost my freedom. Being here with her all the time is taking a huge toll on my own mental health. Some days she's better than others, meaning that I'm able to go out for a few hours and leave her alone, though I do check on her with security cameras and call regularly to remind her that I'll only be gone a for a bit and will come back soon. For the most part though, I have no freedom and I'm constantly on edge. Another issue with that idea is, since she's still married, couldn't they try to release her to her husband and/or force him to take her? I don't know how that would work. I do have POA but she hasn't been officially declared incapacitated by a doctor yet. I don't know, this is just all so much to navigate that I can't even think clearly sometimes, like right now, so I apologize if I'm babbling.
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mstrbill Jan 2022
Nobody can be forced to take care of anyone, and that includes you as well. You can be a caretaker because you feel you have a personal moral responsibility or obligation to be one, but that doesn't mean you legally have to be. I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm sorry to say that you are likely going to have little success placing your mom in a home on your own. You are going to need help, either through a state social worker or the hospital social worker. When the time comes when you know in your bones that you can't do it anymore, cry out and insist on help.
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I want to thank everyone for taking the time to offer support, suggestions/ideas, and information. I found two certified elder law attorneys nearby and plan to start by calling them to set up consultations. I'm just really hoping we'll be able to afford this. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated. I'm also really resentful that my mom lived her whole life completely dependent on others to handle everything for her, because that's exactly why I'm stuck in this position now. If she had actually paid attention to what was happening and didn't choose to have her husband manage her whole life, none of this wouldn't be a problem right now. She could even be getting more from SS, but the reason she doesn't is that she owned a business with her husband, but he "paid her" with personal checks rather than company checks and never listed her as an employee or reported her income to SS, so what she does get is based off of the job she had before she met him. The 30 years that she worked for/with him, as far as SS is concerned, it's like it never happened and she wasn't employed for all of that time. That's just one example of the type of person he was/is and what their "relationship" was like. It's a bunch of underhanded and quite frankly, illegal nonsense, and she never had a clue or questioned anything. I'm just really angry and feeling like this is a hopeless situation that I have no way out of without spending a bunch of money that we don't even have. I feel like I'm in prison in my own home. Thanks again to everyone for your help and for letting me vent a little.
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mstrbill Jan 2022
Shannon, I didn't respond earlier, but I want to tell you now that in your case it may not be worth it or necessary to pay an attorney, especially if you find the attorneys you contact want to charge you thousands of dollars. I was once in a situation where I was panicking, worried about getting my father approved for Medicaid (he lived with me and we shared household expenses and there was comingling of assets). I contacted attorneys who wanted to charge me over 5 figures, money I simply didn't have. I ended up sending dad to the hospital and did the Medicaid app on my own with help from the SW. If he wasn't approved, he wasn't coming back home with me anyway because it would have been unsafe for him, so he was sent to a NH with Medicaid pending. He eventually was approved, but even if he was not he wasn't going to be placed in an unsafe situation. What I'm trying to tell you is to find a safe situation for mom first and then worry about Medicaid later. You can do this by going through the hospital OR calling APS and asking them to ensure her safety.
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ShannonEgen: Although you state that you don't know if you can afford an elder law attorney, you may indeed require one as you've multiple issues at hand here, e.g. mom is legally married, but does not have the mindset due to illness to recall that she is, her husband having written her a check, the separate account with your name on it, et al. Several attorneys came up as located in Portage, IN. Best of luck.
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Run, don't walk, to a well regarded elder care attorney who is experienced in Medicaid law and will file the application for you. That's what I did for my mother, and it was the best investment I could make. A lawyer knows the in's and out's and also the pitfalls of applying for Medicaid and making reporting errors. Many of them give free consultations also.
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Seek an eldercare attorney. You may need to make several calls to find one. Some will give you free consultations and others want money up-front. Pick and choose and you will find one who can get you steered in the right direction. Also inquire from Medicare and check with Adult Protective Services for input. Perhaps a social worker whom you can find in any hospital can get you started. You will find help but it may take some effort.
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Please go see an elder law attorney. I didn't have the money, but I am glad I did. Please ask around who is a good elder law because my first choice was no help at all. Look up "The Caregiver Exception", if you have been taking care of your mom over two years keeping her out of a nursing home the 5 year look back period is null and void. Please get a good elder law attorney. Its well worth it. Good luck and message me back if you have questions.
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the money that you used from the house money to pay your credit cards will be considered gifting.
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An elder law attorney would be well worth the cost. You'll never know how much it is until you inquire. Ask for a free consultation, perhaps from several, to find one you can afford and who understands the issues. I dealt a lot with Medicaid this year for my brother. By and large they were pretty helpful but sometimes just didn't know their stuff. There are too many specifics and factors to be considered here to ask the Medicaid office people or even an Area Agency on Aging. The elder law attorneys I contacted even had people who specialized in Medicaid. This is the kind of stuff elder law attorneys are there for. They'll know the steps to take to track down her husband and figure out how to work the house sale money going into an account for you.
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It should be fairly simple to find out if her "husband" is alive or dead. If you have his social security number, that will help. You can check the Social Security Death Index. (You might have to register for a website.)

I'd start by simply googling his name (and variations of it) in quotes followed by the word obituary. Like this:
"George Jones" obituary or
George * Jones" obituary or
"* George Jones" obituary.
That might very well give you the quickest answer.

Also findagrave.com has been very helpful to me.

I kind of get into internet research of this type, so I you want to PM me some details, I am willing to take a look for you. Been looking for info about my grandfather for twenty years, still barking up wrong trees on that one.
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Unfortunately an elder lawyer is very expensive. I’m in the process now for my husband. Let me tell you what I KNOW as “ fact”. Medicaid approval takes a very long time and they look back 7 years and if giving money away happened they will need to know. They will scrutinize all assets. They won’t count your home ( if you are living in it) and won’t count a car. Any “ liquid” assets will be looked at. The money from the house might not be an issue if it was below a certain amount. Are you POA? If so, you are entitled to handle her money. For Medicaid approval, your best bet is to have her admitted to the hospital ( for a medical or psych reason ie unruly behavior, aggression, mobility issues=a fall with bump to head ect.) Once admitted medicare will pay for a certain length of time and while there speak to a case manager and tell them you CAN NOT take her home due to safety issues for you and her. They will arrange for placement and deal with the Medicaid issues and the process will be quicker and easier. She MUST go directly from the hospital. Good luck.
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Riley2166 Jan 2022
I agree - good points.
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She is married, so that has to be on the application. It's very possible he is deceased, so when they run his info, there would be no income from him to consider. As a warning, if you leave that off the application and it comes up later - the penalty could mean problems with Medicaid not paying (in full) for the NH.

You did mess up with the house money by moving it into an account in your name. The look back is 5 years, so during that period she received XX dollars from the sale of a home. By moving it into your name, it will be treated as her gifting you money and there will be penalty months applied where Medicaid will not cover the cost of bed for certain number of months. - It would be best for you to list that money on the application to complete the trail of her money: from sale of house, to her, to you. That money will be spent each month to pay for her NH bed until it runs out and then the Medicaid kicks in.

Break the 1200 down as to what it covers for her care: If you have mtg, divide by number of people in the home. Let's say 3, = $400 for rent for her. Do the same with utilities. Let's say that comes to $200 each person. Then do same with groceries - another $200 per person. That would leave her about $400 a month for misc personal items, over the counter meds/supplies - very easily spent on an older person and not questionable. -- Usually, when you turn in the bank statements for past 5 years to account for her money, they are going to ask you to explain certain expenses over a certain amt - in Texas I recently helped someone and they asked for any ck over $200 to be explained.

If she gets $1200 per month and you move the whole amount to your own acct, you will definitely have to explain that. So make the list of HH expenses so you can account for the $1200 each month. As for the lump sum she got from the house, make a list of what it was spent on - did you do modifications to your home for her, buy her furniture, medical equipment, etc. If you were the only one who benefited from the money, it will likely be considered a gift and create a penalty period for her. Start gathering documents soon.

Pretty much, what has happened can't be changed at this point. Income considered, she's probably going to get the Medicaid for NH. It's the penalty period that might create some problems. One thing to think about is if she ends up at ER for any reason, that is going to be the time to talk to hosp social worker and her doctor to release her to rehab, apply for the medicaid while Medicare is paying for the rehab bed. Then transition her on to permanent NH care.

As for location of hubby - when you apply and list his name as legal husband, enter or write a note of the separation day/year. They will be able to look him up. If he is deceased on SS records, they will find it.
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Katefalc Jan 2022
Awesome info right on point. I said the look back is 7 yes but forgot it changed to 5
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Bottom line - speak to an elder care attorney.
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Get connected with a local social worker or senior organization that can advise you without charging you for it. They may be able to give you names of pro bono attorneys who can help. If she goes into assisted living, I think you'll have to sign over her social security to them. The house was sold 3 years ago. There may be some expectation that a portion of the proceeds will go to the assisted living facility because of the lookback period. You need an expert to advise you. All the best to you and your husband, and your mother.
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Nncbb57 Jan 2022
Yes! We have the Council on Aging here. They have been so incredibly helpful. The guidance that they provided was priceless! They charged nothing.
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The local Council on Aging may be able to help you figure it out and where to find the details you need. That's who help my mom with unique situations in applying for Medicaid. No fees--I think they are supported by tax dollars
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Katefalc Jan 2022
I had to pay a lawyer for help. Nothing was “ free”
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Make an appointment with social security to discuss this situation. Bring documents that support your statements. Let them help you figure this one out.
I suggest that you help your mom to either get a divorce or separation so her husband's finances don't complicate the situation even more.
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Myownlife Jan 2022
Is she able to do that since mom has dementia?
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Shannon, www.nelf.org is the best place to find a certified elder law attorney. I found that an actual CELA was more knowledgeable and had better prices then attorneys that just did elder law. No special certification means clients are usually paying for the attorney to get educated about the specifics to their situation.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Thank you for that, I'll take a look!
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It is worth going to an eldercare attorney. In the long run it will save you money. She definitely will qualify for Medicaid but the red tape is too much for a layperson to handle.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
We're going to try to at least get a free consultation with one to get some initial questions answered. You really think she'll qualify even with the sale of that house and her giving me the money? It was roughly $35k if I remember correctly. I'd have to call the bank and ask them to find the deposit because it's farther back than what's available to me online.
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I doubt whether or not Social Security has the legal authority to give out any info on the missing spouse. Not their problem. I would either have a divorce attorney handle that as part of a divorce proceeding or just find him yourself. I would do that by searching for him online and signing up for a one month subscription for a public records search (could just cost 99 cents) or hiring a local skip tracing agency to find him. People are surprisingly easy to find these days. However once you find him how would you get any financial info out of him? Here's where an attorney might be able to apply some pressure.
Before doing any of that you might try anonymously calling the Medicaid office and see if there is a workaround solution like a sworn affidavit that she has tried unsuccessfully tried to find him
or any financial info on him. Or consult an attorney versed in Medicaid for advice.
You can get divorced without knowing where the missing spouse is...that's what legal ads in the right newspaper are all about.
Explaining away the financial use of her money over the years doesn't seem too hard to me. Just say it how it was.
Gold Luck.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Thank you, I'm going to try to locate him myself and/or see if I can get a free consultation with an elder law attorney. Even if I do find him, he's not going to be cooperative at all. My mom doesn't even remember being married or understand that she still is.
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Part 2. The actual date of the LTC Medicaid application is very important and financials based on that date. Like 5 yr lookback starts that date. And also as of that date, your mom will have to do a copay of her income to the facility as a required by Medicaid less a smallish PNA aka personal needs allowance. PNA varies by state, most have it at $50 - $ 60 a mo. So if PNA $50, mom has to pay the NH $1,150 ea mo.

I mention this cause if y’all have gotten used to her SSA $ to cover your household expenditures, that $ won’t be there anymore. Often family continue to have an elder stay living in their house as they aren’t working or not working FT as caregiving so their (the kids) household income is way way less than they realistically need & they are interdependent on elders $ to make ends meet.

On Medicaid applications, For an widow or widower on the financials it’s very straightforward…. They provide banks statements (could be 5 full years or 1 year and 4 prior for the month of application), info on life insurance, their will, their annual awards letter from SSA & any other retirements, etc; if they own a home or car, then paperwork on those. If you’ve been active in your elders life, have a tight DPOA & signatory on their banking, it’s imo totally a DIY.

But for couples, there’s a whole raft of other things needed to determine the eligibility of the NH spouse. The community spouse aka a CS - which would be her estranged husband - will have to provide info on his assets & his income. They r married, the $ is viewed as joint whether or not it’s accounts in only her or his name. As a CS, he is allowed to have some assets segregated from her. Tends to be $128k but varies by state. So if Mr MIA has bank acct or other investments of $150K, 22k will have to be spent down b4 mom could b financially eligible. I’m guessing he has no $, but until that’s a known with documentation, LTC Medicaid cannot determine if mom is actually impoverished enough. On flip side of this, if Mr MIA is himself impoverished, he could file to get some of your moms copay to be “waived” over to him rather than be paid to the NH….. yep it’s called CSRA or MMNA. Any you as moms POA will have to deal with this getting paid to him…. nothing but fun it will be if this happens. It’s basically a needs / resource allowance to him from her money, and for even more fun in all this there’s annual paperwork required to be done & submitted to Medicaid by him; if not received, Medicaid can suspend moms eligibility.

If Mr MIA has his own home, & mom -his wife goes onto LTC Medicaid- his home is subject to MERP (estate recovery) regulations. So in theory, it could have a lien or a claim placed on it. This lil factoid could be used in leverage by your moms atty to get him to do whatever needed to resolved their legal separation or divorce.

The check from the sale of the foreclosed home was just 3 years ago. I think it’s gonna be hard to get Medicaid to overlook that they are still legally married. You nor mom cannot say he’s been out of her life for ages…. the deposit was made… it’s gonna be an issue. This to me is what you have got to find an attorney to deal with and resolve in moms favor. This imo needs to be the priority.

Again it’s not a diy. Maybe try to probono clinics first to try to work thru the married / legally separated aspects. They refer mom to an atty that works at low or no cost w/clinic. A good pit bullie divorce guy to me is the key as they know how to find people and their assets and love love love doing the slow roasting of the ex & they will know elder law attys that can best deal with Medicaid once marriage stuff resolved.

Downside is that you will have to continue to have mom live with y’all till resolved. LSS Mom cannot file LTC Medicaid application yet. Mom should use her $ to pay for CG if need be. I’d get CG from an agency as you cannot be dealing w FICA, wage reporting, etc atop everything else. good luck!
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Thank you again for all of this information. It sounds like getting a lawyer is the only option because this is just way too much to try to navigate on my own.
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If she's still married and knows his SS#, I'd bet you could find him through Social Security.

Heck, my grandfather abandoned my grandmother in 1934, and she managed to track him down to claim the widow's benefit after he died in 1983. That was before the internet. (She was a pistol.)
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igloo572 Jan 2022
Absolutely! Her SSA $ is more than likely based in his income or his on hers if she was the main breadwinner. SSA knows his banking and contact address. Trying to get this from SSA will be the issue. The SSA offices where I’m at are currently closed due to Covid for in person walk in. VegasLady is super knowledgeable on SSA, SSDI, SSI stuff, maybe she can shed some light as to how you can do this.
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The problem I see is you co-mingling your money with hers. The money she received from proceeds of her house should have been kept in a separate account. (I guess as payee of her SS that those proceeds are required to be kept separate).

I think you need an elder lawyer. The house being sold within the 5 yr look back may cause a problem. I hope she was given the closing papers showing where the proceeds went.

I went directly to Medicaid. I was given certain info when I talked to the first caseworker so I hired a lawyer for the house only. I had a disabled nephew living there and the house needed to sell "as is" so may not have been able to get what Medicaid figured was "market value". The caseworker who did the actual application could have cared less who was living in the house (told by the first nephew would have to pay rent) just took the info it was up for sale. I had some info I needed to provide and spend down her remaining money.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
None of my and my husband's money is mixed with hers. Her SS is direct deposited into an account that has her as the primary and me as the secondary. Each month, after it's deposited, I go online and transfer a portion of it into another account that has my name and my husband's only, but not my mom's. We've been doing it that way for years, considering it her portion of household expenses and at this point, compensation for the fact that I can't work because I can't leave her here alone. As for the foreclosure on the house, she didn't get any paperwork from that. Her husband was the one who managed everything the whole time they were together and she was totally out of the loop, willingly. She never asked questions and just trusted him with everything. So basically, he called her one day and said I'm coming to pick you up and take you to the bank because I need you to sign something. This was before she even had any dementia symptoms aside from some memory loss. She never questioned anything like that, just went along with whatever he said. So no, no paperwork or anything. She signed the check and then he just wrote her a personal check for half the amount and that was it.
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I understand your worry, this is going to be long……Medicaid does not expect your mom to live on air, so mom can use her $ to pay for her share of her living costs in your home. What I’ve found is that Medicaid is looking for a pattern of spending over time that makes sense for her to be “at need” financially now…. Which means under 2k in assets and her income under whatever your state has as its max. The max on income tends to be abt $2100, so your mom with only $1200 SS as income is ok.

Personally with a bit of work on your part, you can show that her paying you $1200 a mo to live with you is sensible & cost effective. Like you measure out her living space (her bedroom & make a bathroom totally “hers”) then 1/3 of all other living spaces…. That’s her Sq footage she’s paying for. Look up rentals in your area for that size and presto you have a comparable for rental costs. (I’ll bet this alone is over $1200 a mo.) Tally up utilities and 1/3 of those. Ditto 1/3 for groceries. Add it all up and that what her costs obstensibly are to live with you.

plus she has items paid for from that acct she has her SS going into that totally her own…. Like her RXs, clothing, toiletries, beauty shoppe, etc. If u go thru 2021 receipts, tally them up and then add in “1/3 sharing of house costs”, that what her $ was used for. There’s no gifting, she’s compensating you & hubs for her living w you. Now as it’s your home, you cannot include 1/3 of property taxes, or property insurance or repairs…. those costs r all yours & hubs.

You or hubs can do an excel spreadsheet for 2021. If he’s a #’s guy, have him do ‘20, ‘19, & ‘18 as ‘18 takes it to house sale $ yr. Having something like this to show Medicaid caseworker will have it be ok on how her $1200 SS has been spent in a pattern over time.

I’d be more concerned on the MIA husband & the less than 5 yrs on the foreclosure & that $. That Mr MIA managed to find her 3 yrs ago as he needed her signature to ever deposit house sale $ check, to me means he’s still in the area. He knew where she was then & he can be found now. If mom is getting her SS$ based on his income, she might be able to get his contact info from SSA. He’s getting his SS $ deposited & having correspondence from SSA getting mailed to him; SSA knows where he is. Stuff like this is actually kinda common & is Pitt Bullie divorce atty work as a good one will find a way to have them legally separate or divorce with his taking responsibility for all debts. Your mom probably doesn’t have the $ for one but she can find a probono legal clinic in the area to at least start on what to do to find Mr MIA. If there is law school in your region they have probono clinics and there’s also going to be some sort of low income legal aid center in the region that mom can contact. Bar association might have info on state website. I’ll bet there’s a divorce atty who does some probono upon referral from one of the clinics.

As long as they are married, Medicaid has to look as to his financial situation as to if there are assets that could be considered joint that would need to be spent down first & before mom could be eligible for LTC Medicaid. He may have been out of the picture for years but he was there to get that ck signed off on 3 yrs ago. That’s what she needs an atty to deal with imo. It’s not a DIY.

Regarding the house, find the foreclosure paperwork. And on the check. That’s going to be an income / asset issue for Medicaid. As long as it got deposited and obstensibly spent on her living costs, it should be ok.
Again doing an Excell spreadsheet will come in handy to show her $ was spent on her overtime. If there was a bigger transfer to you from her house sale $…… like mom gave you 23K outright which you used to put on a new roof ….. that’s gifting. Medicaid will place a transfer penalty against the date of her eligibility to have Medicaid pay her room&board at the NH.

more in Part 2.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Thank you so much for your insight and suggestions. I have so much to figure out but I'm feeling a little more hopeful, at least at the moment.
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The only thing you can do is apply and see what happens.

Do a breakdown of her SS check, x amount for rent, x amount for utilities, groceries, vehicle expense, insurance, etc. It is okay that she pays her share of all the living expenses and pays for caregiving. They are looking for transfer of wealth.

Depending on what her equity of the home was spent on, you might have a penalty period but, the clock starts only after you apply.

They will be able to find her husband, if needed. Hopefully, she has been receiving mail at her actual address to prove they are separated and it will be a non issue.

Be completely transparent about everything. If you aren't and they think you are trying to pull something it will cause problems.

Take a deep breath and start, it turns the light on at the end of the tunnel.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Yes, she gets mail here. She's lived here with me for over 15 years. We plan to explain everything exactly as it happened, like the fact that her giving me/us that money was just to cover some household stuff and pay off some of my credit cards. She didn't have dementia symptoms at that time. We weren't thinking about medicaid or anything like that then, so it was in no way an attempt to hide money/assets. It was just us going about life in a normal way.
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If you can’t afford an elder law attorney, get a Medicaid caseworker assigned to help you thru the application.
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ShannonEgen Jan 2022
Thank you for the suggestion. I think we're going to have to figure out a way to get a lawyer though, because this is so complicated due to her being married.
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