I need assistance. I don't know what to do at this moment. Help please!

OP already said neither the military nor the state consider the injury to be a disability.

Further, he got all appreciative when it came to advice about how he COULD stay in the house if she wasn't. And since then the focus has been on a disability claim that he's already indicated he's been denied for.

The focus should be OP's mom.

If the mom realistically cannot live at home, liquidation or rental of the property is going to provide more private-pay options that in turn result in prioritized Medicaid later. That is what is in her best interests, as opposed to going wherever so that son can have her house to himself and only THEN get a job to maintain what's a free house for the duration.

Seems a total use by him of his mother and government loopholes.

The doctor gave wrong information. If you were a veteran who was injured in the line of duty you’re entitled to full veterans benefits as long as you’ve had an honorable discharge. Your mother may qualify for Medicaid immediately but she needs to be hospitalized and admitted straight from a hospital setting in order to get there and get benefits right away, otherwise Medicaid takes a very long time to be granted. I know this because I’m going through it right now with my husband. You need to see Professional advice immediately. Do not listen to someone who doesn’t know the facts. An elder attorney can help you with this but it is pricey. I would contact department of eldersFor assistance as they can advise you over the phone and it doesn’t cost anything.I feel sorry for your situation and wish you the best. Good luck

lemonjuicemann: You should apply to the Veterans BENEFITS Administration for benefits. Your mother should start the Medicaid application now. A house is a non countable asset.

You cannot keep your mother in an unsafe environment just so you have some money (hers) and a place to live. You need to look at options for yourself as well as for your mother. If your military injury makes you eligible for assistance, you need to apply for that--the military will not come looking for you in order to offer it. You don't need the money to send her to a home if that is what Medicaid is doing with her money, but you do need to provide for yourself. Living with your mother is not a forever option.

What the doctor said is not entirely true. Medicaid does look at her monthly income and monies she has in savings or other such assets. If you have been living with her as her caretaker, they are not going to put you out of the house. They don't come in and take all her furniture or personal items. However she will have to spend her own money (from savings, etc) to get her bank account under $2000. Then her monthly income will go towards paying for her room/bed - you won't be able to spend her income for yourself in anyway. If you cannot take care of her and she needs to be in a NH, find one close to you and go talk to their social worker - they can help you with the application process and give you a pretty good idea of if she would be Medicaid eligible. Or, you can go to an elder attorney to help you get the app going and he will DEFINITELY tell you if she's eligible, if he needs to set up a trust (for her) to secure a Medicaid bed, and perhaps a Lady Bird deed that would move house to your name upon her death. That would probably be the best route to take - at least do a consult with atty to see what he would charge.

If you are military injured, you should be receiving some kind of disability payment for yourself. And being injured does not mean you cannot find some sort of gainful employment. You are going to have to come up with enough income to pay the household bills - talk to your Workforce commission in your state/town and also talk with VA to see if there is any training available to get you back into work. You need income whether you live in mom's house or end up elsewhere.

Does she have secondary insurance? Check to see if they offer home healthcare. Insurance companies are offering this service because so many people are canceling the secondary insurance.

It is initially overwhelming, scary even, when this level of need arises in an elder; and nobody understands the strains and demands and worries of elder care until they've 'been there.' You do have options and I'm glad you're absorbing a lot of the wise and helpful suggestions here in many of these replies. Ignore/dismiss the critical or shaming comments; nobody knows what another person is dealing with until they 'walk a mile in their shoes.' It is very easy to panic, so find a way to calm yourself in a healthy way so you are able to think straight. Do prioritize both your mom's and your needs and line up appropriate supports. Some doctors spout off out of burnout or a blunt-speaking personality; so if you butt heads with this doctor do ask for/find another; my aging and declining mom 'adored' her doctor, would even 'dress up' for doctor appts, but he basically undertreated her for years because nobody was watching/noticing until her sudden decline and I had to step in. This doctor wouldn't even share info with me until a helpful cousin coaxed a 'permission slip' out of my mom so her doc had to talk with me, tell me the truth/facts of her condition so I could take action on her behalf. She was fiercely independent, and Narcissistic, and kept me at arm's length at first but in the end her stubborn streak worked against her. I, too, was faced with potentially letting the State place her wherever there was an open bed, with all the financial steps your mom's doc 'warned' about so bleakly. It is clear your mom is moving into a stage that you are unable to handle, which is not a criticism nor the end of the world, hers or yours, just how these things often play out. So arm yourself with information from all sources for elder care in your area. And get yourself the proper evaluations so you know what is best for your life going forward. You may indeed eventually move out of that house but that does not automatically equal 'homeless'...you will need to create your own home on your own terms when you get your self organized. All the best, for both of you.

(sorry for extra reply, I made an edit but site posted both!?)

You say that you are injured from the military. Have you gone through the VA system. Ask for an advocate or a way to reach a social worker to handle some of this. Your Mother is very very young to be this disabled. Can you tell us a bit more about her? What family is in your area? What friends? Do you belong to a church or is there a community center in your area. Have you tried the local council on the Aging in your area? Are you computer savvy at all? There are so many things that can be done from home right now. I know that YOU know that keeping your Mom at home is at best going to provide inheritance of the home you are currently in. If she is only 67 and already unable to fend for herself, I think that isn't an option, especially if you are yourself disabled. What disabiliity pay do you receive from the services of from SSI? You are on food stamps. Do you have a disability worker/social worker involved from all of that.
Wishing you the best Do know that if your Mother has to go into a Nursing Home on Medicaid they will not take her home from her during her lifetime. What occurs after that is another story, but yes, all of her assets would go to her care.
I think basically what you need, whether you get this info from your own or your Mom's doctor is Social Services help to see what you can access in terms of help that you are not already receiving.

I am wondering why you don't get a job.

Businesses are begging for employees, so you can find something to do with your ability.

I can't even begin to imagine why you aren't considered disabled if you were in the military and got permanently disabled, my nieces husband took a fall on purpose (useless pos) now he gets 3,500.00 monthly, gratis taxpayers.

I guess you are going to have to step up and take care of your mom or face the alternative.

You will feel better being productive.

It won’t solve your concerns, but there’s a Facebook group called buy nothing. It’s been mentioned in morning shows recently.

The idea is to gift things you don’t want. People have gifted everything from a spiral cut ham and Costco desserts to clothes to furniture to a large piece of stained glass. They’ve lent space heaters to someone whose power went out.

All free. It might be a way to add a cheery moment or put food on your table.

The only catch is that it’s porch pickup and therefore localized by zip code, so you need to see if it’s in your neighborhood.

1 - Please start by checking with the VA for all the assistance you qualify for,

2 - Help your mom apply for all the assistance - federal, state and local - that she qualifies for.

3 - If your mom is in a hospital, talk to social services and/or case management for assistance with placing your mom into long term care.

Garden Artist, I don't know the exact requirements. I had two friends who lung disease from Agent Orange in the Vietnam war. They got VA Disability pensions once it was diagnosed by VA.

It actually sounds as though you need to speak to a counselor who is very well versed in issues like yours.

I can understand how terrifying it must be to learn that what you considered “yours” may legally be only “hers”, but in your panic, you may be reacting to “facts not in evidence.

Take a deep breath, put a piece of paper and a pencil on the table, and start making a list of potential “experts” who can offer you counseling and support for yourself, as well as recommendations for the best care possible available to your mother.

Unless your mother's wildly devoted to “the doctor” and willing to comply with “the doctor” in terms of her medical advice, I’d put “the doctor” REALLY LOW on your list of helpful experts, or maybe skip “the doctor” altogether.

SO- local Salvation Army? Local community welfare board? Local House of Worship? Local office of Legal Aid?

On a second sheet of paper write down facts about what your mother owns solely in HER NAME, any property you and she hold jointly, and any resources, if there are any AT ALL, that are solely yours.

When you are contacting an “expert”, avoid comments that reflect your desperate dependence on your mother’s finances. They do not further your position, and they DO portray you as being self serving.

If you get yourself connected to a compassionate and objective source of help, be open to potential solutions, even if they don’t seem “perfect”.

Get to work. Your situation is very difficult and it is very troubling for you, but you will feel better when you get some FACTUAL ADVICE under your belt.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

1. The doctor is wrong.
2. You need to apply for VA benefits
3. Get your mom's Medicaid application started immediately. Call your county social services department or the department on aging and ask for their help in getting mom placed.

4. Find a new doctor for mom.

If you're disabled from an injury sustained while in service to your country, why are you not on disability benefits yourself?
As for needing yoru mother's income and becoming homeless if she was placed, there's not a lot you can do about that. If she's low-income she may qualify for some paid hours of aide help in at home. If you place her in facility care, they will take her income and assets. That's how our system works.
Her house will have to be listed for sale along with her vehicle (if she has one) and whatever her monthly income is and any money in the bank she has will go towards paying for the nursing home. When it's spent down she goes on Medicaid.
Her personal effects like household furniture, jewelry, appliances in the home, etc... is not considered and these things will not have to be sold for her care.
Pretty much your only choice is put her in a home and find another way to survive or make the best of it continuing to care for her. You might be able to get some help with it. Call your state's Department of Social Services and talk to someone.

if he is disabled from the military, why is he not receiving VA disability. He also can apply for SSI or SSDI.. He can apply for housing thru his local housing authority. His mother needs to be on Medicaid in a facility. The OP seems to be more interested in her money to support himself instead of getting her the help she needs.

OP seems to be more concerned about how his mom's money will affect HIM (oh, he's on GA (food stamps) without disability just as many homeless people are. I do not think this makes him an ideal POA candidate as there are intrinsic and immediate conflict of interests going on.

Assuming the mother's mind is still ok, I'd counsel her to bring in aides for herself, if only to demonstrate techniques for lifting, toileting, diaper changes and so forth. As that becomes clearer, son can spend that paid time from her looking for work (he is not disabled) and getting himself in a place where he could live by himself independently. It's only at this point that the conflict will be removed, said conflict being that he's a 30-something completely dependent on Mom with no idea how to help her.

The doctor is so wrong. He is talking about if you allow the State to take over. I think you need another doctor but you may need him. Have Mom evaluated for LTC. If found she needs 24/7 care then find a nice LTC facility. If she has any money, use it. It will help you get her in quicker. The doctor will need to sign off.

Medicaid in my State takes about 90 days. With my Mom I applied in April. Mom had 20k so I placed her in LTC May 1st. This gave me time to get all the info together that Medicaid needed and to spend her down which the 20k helped. She paid May and June. June I confirmed the caseworker had everything he needed and Medicaid started July 1st.

Yes once on Medicaid, Moms Social Security and any pension will need to go toward her care. This has nothing to do with being state run. Any LTC facility allowing Medicaid will require her SS and any pension. Her assets will need to be spent down to the asset cap for your state. Any insurance policies with cash in value need to be cashed in. They can be used, as can any money she has, to prepay her funeral. There are some retirement accts that are exempt. As is her house and one car. The problem with the house is there will be no money for the bills and upkeep. So you may have to sell it at Market Price and the proceeds used for her care.

I suggest you call your Office of Aging to see what kind of help you can get. I know this all sounds overwhelming but not so much when you take one thing at a time. If you feel you need a lawyer, you can use Moms money.

I agree that you call 911 and have EMTs take her to ER. At the hospital contact the in-hospital social worker to explain you can't care for her at home at the level she needs, she would be an "unsafe discharge -- she needs to go into LTC but has to be medically recommended for that. Do not take her back to her home because then you'll be back to square 1 (and the hospital will put the screws to you to get you to take her back home -- DON'T!) The social workers can help you start a Medicaid app for her. Medicaid is your only solution to this situation. My MIL is on Medicaid. Your mom has to medically and financially qualify and it usually takes 3 months for the app to be processed.

If she does qualify, she will go into a facility that has a bed for her, hoping there aren't too many waiting lists. Medicaid is run by each state, so specific rules will vary base on where she lives. All but about $200-ish of her social security will go towards her LTC (that's how much it is in my state). Medicaid will put a lien on the house that will come up when it goes on sale, they won't "seize" it. They won't "take all her stuff" (they don't care about furniture, jewelry, pots and pans, etc, or her car). They don't "seize all her money" but there is a spend-down of her assets in order for her to qualify.

You can talk to social services about the living arrangement, as it is your legal residence, to find out what the state policy is on that. You have horrible-ized this situation in your mind and it's not that bad -- and it's your ONLY solution. You need to get your mom situated so that you can spend your energies helping yourself. FYI if she wants and needs help she can assign you as her PoA, but you will need to download the paperwork for her state and have it signed and notarized per her state's rules. Without this the county will likely need to become her legal guardian once she cognitively can no longer sign such paperwork.

Please talk to social services so that you get accurate information and can stop panicking over it. I wish you peace in your heart!

You need to fight like heck for yourself. By that I mean do whatever you have to do to help yourself. If you are injured and can't work you need to be at the VA and social services, AS OFTEN AS NEEED, possibly meeting with an attorney as well to get you on disability. If you can work, and trust me, this is what you want to do if you can, you want to get a job as it is so much better for your overall well being. Your mom needs to be in a Nursing home at this point. Yes, they will take her ss check and any savings she has, but you may be able to stay there for a while at the home. Yuo need to get whatever help you can from the VA and social services and get on disability if you need to.

If you can't care safely/adequately for Mom & she just got out of hospital - take her back there. If she cannot stand to get in your car, call EMS for transport. Tell them she is Covid pos.

Unless you are wearing N95 mask & your infection control knowledge is medical level, you do have high risk of catching it but as vaccinated hopefully v mildly or no symptoms.

Get Mom safe.

Then find professionals (in person) to help you both. Hospital Social Worker is a good start.

You state you need HER assets to survive immediately. But she already sounds like she's at least at the point where she needs help immediately.

I've known of several men in your position, under or unemployed, who stay with an elder as they see it as their "only option" for their survival.

One died at 55.
One went homeless after the sibs stepped in and removed Mom.
The most "successful" one did get inheritance, but by then he had been an addict for decades.

I do not think you should do this. Rather, you should direct the hospital the next time she gets admitted--and she will--to look for an appropriate rehab. Medicare will pay for at least 21 days for this. And if they can't do anything, then the ethical thing to do is to arrange for LTC before these scenarios happen to you.

The doctor is likely wrong or exaggerating.

Contact your case worker.

Lemon juice, breathe. You sound panicked. Have you contacted the VA? Did you speak with the social worker at the hospital? Do you own the house or is it mom's? Medicaid has special rules when there is a disabled adult child.

Talk to them be honest about your situation. Or contact an elder law attorney. They will often provide you with a free consult.

Doctors normally know nothing about how payment for nursing home works. If the doc actually said these things, check to see if that is actual reality. Maybe doc was just too lazy to work on a facility for mom to rehab?

Just a few thoughts for now...

1.  Are you getting VA assistance?   If so, ask your team's social worker about help for your mother, since you're her caregiver.

2.    Is your mother, or are you, getting Medicaid?  

There are other resources but those 2 suggestions are just for starters.