I’m in desperate need of advise. My 90 year old Mom is a resident in a nursing home in NJ. I live in Florida. The social worker has been bringing up the subject of the patient’s wishes if she goes into cardiac arrest. My Mom has been declared mentally competent since the day she was admitted by the staff psychiatrist back in March. There is no POA because my Mom was declared competent since day 1 and has been up until now being reevaluated throughout her residency. Now the subject of my Mom being a code patient is being brought to my attention. The social worker I feel is worthless and I’ve caught her lying on several occasions. Today she told me that she spoke to my Mom about what her wishes were if she arrested. She said my Mom understood the conversation but she felt my Mom really wasn’t 100% with what happens during resuscitation. Now the social worker tells me that her doctor needs to sit with my Mom and explain at length what happens during a code. She said it’s the doctor’s responsibility to go over everything so my Mom is fully aware on how to make her decision. The social worker then tells me that I need to call the doctor and demand he visit my Mom and go over everything with her. My honest sentiment is “go to hell” it’s your job not mine to coordinate who meets with my Mom and make sure she is fully aware of everything. I held my tongue because I love my Mom and all I want is what’s best for her. I don’t want to piss anyone off and possibly hinder my Mom’s care. I’m in Florida and my Mom is in NJ and the COVID situation makes the situation that much harder. No visitors in person and everything is done over the phone. I’m crystal clear to the social worker that it’s her responsibility to handle this situation not mine. I have no POA. She needs to get the doctor to come out and talk to my Mom. Am I right? I’m at my wits end and I’m not familiar with the mechanics of nursing homes. My Mom is not one to discuss life and death issues and never has been. It’s like a taboo subject and would rather avoid the subject then speak about it. I’ve had no luck trying to discuss it with her as her daughter. I’m prepared for the worst and have already taken care of funeral arrangements because I know my Mom is not going to leave that nursing home. Can someone please help me?