I have 4 older siblings (all retired) and then there is me, the baby sister at 54. I had been caring for my mom every other week and alternating with my sister. We did that for almost 2 years. However, I was driving an hour each way and had to let go of my job.
Fast forward, I got offered a job that I have wanted for 2 years. I accepted the offer. That week I was caring for my mom. I immediately sent a group text to my siblings to let them know and see who would be coming to take my place within 8 days. I heard from no one.
16 hours before I would go to my dream job, still no one had stepped up to relieve me. I talked to my mom, who agreed to pay me close to what I would have made at the new job. Nobody stepped up, and I withdrew my application.
I had nothing but a verbal agreement with my 89 year old mom. Boy, that was a mistake. After the 1st week, my pay dropped. After 3 months, it dropped again, and 2 weeks ago it dropped even more.
So I guess I’m asking, why am I still doing this? I love my mom and want to help but my family and mother are so controlling. $125 for 24 hours under the table is equivalent to how much an hour? Under $6 per hours if my math is correct. Does anyone think this is crazy, or is it me?
Anyway, my boss intervened and told me I needed to stop family calls immediately which I did.
The home health aide who was taking care of my sister years ago told me to get back to work. She said that no one was going to take care of me if I lost a job. She was right!
Continue to be on the upward bound and get as much training as you possibly can. That dream job will come to you, but you must keep working towards it. Keep applying for jobs. I'm getting ready to do the same.
To stop all that we pay $32.00/hr, while most agencies pay HHA or CNA workers $17-22/hr. The cost after benefits is $40.44 /hr....with holidays, pto, and. SEP-IRA, and some insurance.
Agencies in N Texas charge from $34.00/hr to $50/hr. We are on 24/7 care with my wife providing care for free daily...meals, support, part of a shift, shopping, meds, cooking.
Despite the free care for 2 (father-91 and mother-94) our costs have risen from $46,000 to now around $289,000.
Their money will now only last 2more yrs. This is my plug for LTC insurance....don't be fools and push this burden on family members.
One sister supports 10days a year, and makes 2 visits for a total of 6 days, and my wife with 2 PhD's and gave up here career is on her 6th year, at a personal cost to us from not working over $700,000 plus all my hiring and payroll and estate planning, tax planning, and financial mgmt support.
To lower costs we have convinced one sister to help my wife, but she won't without replacement income. They don't have much money. We have agreed to pay her 5,000 /mo after taxes and deductions., and provider her living space....
My wife gets no respite care and we spend nearly no time together or have time for vacations...so we are willing to do this. So I'm going to hire her through my company and bill her parents.
That should lower the costs from $289,000 to about $140,000.
A guy I hired yrs ago at a large Aerospace co before I retired was telling me about his Mother in Indonesia needing 24/7 care and his brother was arguing with him about the costs.....get this...$400/mo. Yes you heard that right...$400.00 per month for lives in full time support.
II told my wife we are shipping her parents to Indonesia.
Last year I helped my mother in FL, away from my wife, for 9mos...when she got a brain tumor.
We are "so over" all of this but it goes on and on. I now have a CSA and HHA certification....to teach me how to manage all of this, and OUR ONLY HOPE after $215k in LTC policies is find a way no never burden my 3 children.
The USA has huge care issues! This destroys lives and retirement, but we are obligated out of love. Be responsible...instead of that home and car....step down your costs in life and buy LTC insurance.
Add to this, if you have LTC insurance some policies are in impossible to access and implement when needed because of "rules" in the small print; for instance, facility needs to have RN on premises 24/7. THAT doesn't happen.
Another problem, LTC (reverse mortgages also) can increase your monthly "income" not enough to afford a facility, but just enough to make your income so high that you cannot qualify for Medicaid. Then you are faced with Miller Trusts and Q.I.T. Trusts which most Americans don't even have a clue about, and some states don't allow.
There is a whole wealth of issues, and we in American, thinking we have the best care in the world, have often the worst and the worst mortality, cannot see anyone but an RN or PCP, and have wait times that are enormous.
This is all coming to a head now with many Americans aging, their children desperate, and programs being on the chopping board to cut in terms of Medicaid and Disability programs. If anyone thinks that any political party is ever going to care about the problems of the old and disabled or their families they should think again.
We will see how all this works, but you sure give a good solid picture of how it MAY work, and how much worse it might get.
I myself just wish they would issue us a pill; let us decide when we would like to exit for the good of all.