My friend is wheelchair bound with one leg. I cook, clean, do laundry every day sometimes twice a day because she wears diapers and she can have accidents at anytime number 1 and 2 on her bedding. I bathe, wash her, put diaper on her and clothing on a daily basis too. I take her to doctor appointments, clean house, dishes, mop and sweep on a daily basis also. I have not gotten or received any money from her or any program since the day I moved in more less the last 4 mths (June 5th) the day I moved in. She gets 1500 from family trust fund and 621 from SSC every month, total of what she gets is a little over 2100. She says she won't pay me cause taking care of her everyday of every month 24/7 is my rent. Half of her rent that I would be paying is 400. I would like and appreciate if you could tell me who and what programs that can help me with my situation that I'm in and what would be my pay or wage for the last 4 months and each month that I should be receiving from her or Programs....
Thank You,

I’m sorry you’ve been used this way. She’s no friend. I hope you’ll move out and move on soon, you deserve better treatment than this
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Daughterof1930

A true friend wouldn’t do this to you. What she is doing is very illegal. Aside from violating state and federal labor laws, she’s using you as a slave. Alva is right, this type of arrangement usually ends with YOU unemployed and homeless. Legally she’s required to pay you for all hours worked. She has to pay you at least minimum wage even if room & board is part of your compensation.
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Reply to worriedinCali
my2cents Sep 30, 2020
I have a feeling this was a two way street - two friends both needing something. Could be that one needed a place to live that didn't cost anything and the other needed in home care. If two people agree to do this, there is absolutely nothing illegal about it. If the one person helping with care has changed her mind about original agreement, move.
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If you take $400 and divide it by the number of hours in a month which is 720, you are getting paid .56 cents per hour to be at her beckon call... 
Find another job.

Tell your friend you don't mind helping her, but she is taking advantage of the situation.
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Reply to Jamesj

This sort of living arrangement and caregiving is often seen on forum. Often it leads to someone being both jobless and homeless in the end.
I would move at once and allow your friend to access the system for her care in future. This is neither a caregiver relationship nor a friend relationship, but it will stymie and put a stop to your life ongoing.
Make other arrangements for job and room and move. Do give your friend a time in which to arrange for care, say a month. Let her know that in a month you will be out and on your way, will remain a friend, but not a caregiver or "roommate".
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to AlvaDeer

Free rent is not considered payment for care. Rent + salary is, and it depends on where you are as to how much you should receive. See if you can get some guidance from an agency I used when my son cared for his grandma. We paid him room and board for him and his son + $1,8000 a month. They handled the taxes too. He did not have to change diapers or bathe and dress my mom. You are doing more, so your room mate might not be able to pay from her salary. You could also just look up a senior center in your area to guide you to an agency to help you get paid. They usually know about the resources available. Be sure to do it all legally, pay taxes on your income, and all. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to ArtistDaughter

Tawnya, I'm sorry to learn that you've found yourself in this awkward situation.    I assume you didn't discuss payment before you moved in?   That would have been the optimum time to do it, but, this is now, and apparently there's disagreement on the issue of payment.

I have a few questions to put the situation in perspective:

1.   Do YOU want to continue in this relationship (a) if you aren't going to receive any payment and (b) recognize that she likely isn't going to change her position?  And if she declines physically and  in health?   Did you enter this relationship as a lifetime commitment?  

2.   If so, then I think you are going to have to make the accommodations, as she doesn't seem interested.   And her staunch position now could be indicative of future positions if other disagreements arise.   That's something to seriously consider, especially if she deteriorates and needs additional help.

3.    Perhaps the first thing you should do is establish what a comparable position would pay.  Your profile doesn't indicate any area, so we have no idea what going rates are for where you live.    You'll have to do that research yourself.  

So do some research and locate care companies in your area that provide 24/7 care.    And remember that an agency would likely provide 3 different people, each for one shift, as opposed to one live-in person.   The rates would include overhead though, so there won't be a 1:1 comparison basis.

4.    For programs that could help, contact the local city or township, county, or state agencies.  This will require some research, but it's something you'll need to do.  We can't do that for you, especially since we don't know your health, age or financial situation (nor would we want to have all that personal information shared online).   Be sure to consider your own health care, as at some point it may change.

5.   Is this woman a Veteran?  If so, she should get in touch with the VA to find out what she may qualify for, and you also should research the VA's programs to see if you can qualify for assistance as her caregiver.  

6.  Ideally, the relationship and financing should have been addressed before you moved in, and a care contract should have been executed between the two of you.  

7.    Calculating what your compensation should have been for the last 4 months and forward isn't something we should be doing, in part b/c we don't have all the details. 
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Reply to GardenArtist

Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to golden23

This is not legal.
You must be compensated for your work. Even if "Free rent" were possible in exchange for the 24/7 care you provide is a gross underpayment. Figure what rent would be for a 1 room (where I live a 1 bedroom apartment, that means you would have your own bathroom and a kitchen is a bit over $1200 a month /more or less depending on where/.) Would you work, doing all that you do for $40.00 a day?
Tell your "friend" that you will be moving out. Give her a date and start looking for an apartment.
the "program" that will help you is YOU.
Chalk up what you have learned in the past 3 or 4 months as valuable and use that to get a job as a caregiver if you want to do that type of work.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Grandma1954

Ask her to write you a reference letter. That you are going to get a nursing home aide job for 10.00 an hour and it would help to get her reference. Tell her that when you get the job you will pay her $400 a month for rent. Then she can hire outside help with that money. Get her to start thinking about the cost. Tell her you could work 2 hours a day (20 dollars x 30 days) each month in lew of the “rent”.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Cece55

Ask for a new arrangement if you wish to stay there. If she won’t agree, start looking for a new place to live and a new job.

Give notice when something comes through. You don’t owe her anything. She owes you!

Personally, I would make a clean break with her if you leave because she hasn’t been a good friend or employer to you.

I am not telling you what to do. You have to come to your own conclusions as to what is best for you.

It can’t be easy for you to stick around. She doesn’t realize that if you don’t treat others with respect and appreciation that they will not respect or appreciate her. If she does realize, then she simply doesn’t care.

Wishing you all the best. If you do accept a new ‘live in’ caregiver position make sure that you will also receive a salary.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

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