I may be a step-mom but I’m a full fledged wife of 35 years. Hubby diagnosed w/Alzheimer’s, moderate-severe. Step kids run right over me.

It is time to seek an elder care lawyer now, you and your husband. I am praying if you paid on this home that your name is on the deed. You need guidance now that has no stake in the game. If your husband doesn't want to do this, and says "The kids will handle all this" then YOU need to go on your own. Take a list of all assets and the name/s on the assets.
There honestly is no other answer now, particularly with step kids planning away with a Lawyer already IN the family. You say there is excellent health "except for Alzheimer's and glaucoma and osteoporosis". Quite honestly, that not excellent health. You need good guidance now, and may need to make a Fiduciary your POA to handle finances, division of finances if one needs care before the other, and protection of assets for the two of you.

What Alva wrote, 100%. My husband comes from a post-divorce blended family when he and his brothers were in middle school. The divorce was ugly (too much drama to elaborate on here) and after decades an emotional wound was scabbed over but never fully healed for 2 of my brothers-in-law. When their dad (my FIL) died, these 2 BILs were astonished that they didn't get an inheritance. My FIL wisely created a trust and made my DH and the most well-adjusted step-brother co-trustees to ensure that the step mom was protected financially and prevent infighting. There may well be an inheritance, but not until step mom passes. Unfortunately, one cannot underestimate the unhealed wounds and dysfunction that can be created in blended situations, even if you were the world's most perfect stepmom. Your husband is not putting you first, and this may be residual guilt from whatever the circumstances were that created the blend. A wise, experienced elder law/estate planning attorney can come up with a solution to mitigate future financial and emotional disaster and will be well worth whatever the cost is. You're not the first people to have this challenge. Do act to protect yourself if he won't.

How old is the will your lawyer step son wrote for his father?

Who did your husband list as the beneficiary on his investments such as savings accounts, retirement plans, life insurance, etc.?

You need to ask an attorney a lot of questions. Before taking your husband along with you to an attorney, I think it would be wise for you to have your own personal consultation considering what your stepson did, which I find appalling BTW.

Bonnie, is the son who drafted the Will an elder law or estate planning attorney?   If not, then (and based on my experience), he may not be up to standards on end of life issues, including spousal protection.  That's not an excuse; it's a suggestion that putting it bluntly he may not know what he's doing in terms of marital common sense as well as estate planning standards.

Beyond that, I wonder how much influence he may have exerted over your husband.  And, I assume this was your husband's Will and not a joint will by the two of you?   If this is true, do you have your own Will, and other end of life documents?

If this is in fact your husband's desire, I too would get a will done, ASAP, just to be on the safe side.   And you don't need to consult your husband before you do this.

I agree with Alva on the issue of health; glaucoma can be a real threat to independence as well as care issues.   

But I would confront your husband before doing anything, just to assess his position and know where you stand.

There's another possibility and that's that your husband may need care before you do.    If his Will stands, and he's firm that he won't provide more for you, I'd think not twice but just once on whether or not I'd stay in the marriage and provide free care for him. 

Do you have children from your marriage, besides those from his other marriage?

I just realized something I completely missed when scanning your post:  your husband has Alzheimer's, "moderate-severe."   He may NOT have been mentally qualified to create the Will that provided you with little of his estate.

If so, there's a question of the validity of the Will.

When was he D'X'ed with Alzheimer's?   Before or after the Will was made?

Your husband can’t write a new will because of his moderate-severe Alzheimer’s. So forget about that. If you think the new will was written under duress, you can hire a lawyer & challenge it but it’s going to be difficult to prove unless the Will was written after his diagnosis & there are medical records documenting his competency at the time the Will was written.

Other things to consider:

Undue influence: You can move to have the will declared invalid if your attorney proves in court that it was procured by undue influence. Undue influence usually involves someone who occupies a position of trust, such as an adult child, who is manipulating the vulnerable person to leave all, or most, property to the manipulator instead of to those who would have been expected to receive it i.e. you, the wife of 35 years. In other words, the will accomplishes the manipulator’s goals rather than the goals of the will-maker.

Improperly executed wills: A will must be dated and signed in the presence of at least two adult witnesses, who also signed the will. In most states, the witnesses cannot be people who are named to inherit property under the will. Who witnessed your husband's will?

Agree with worried, that it is too late to write another will, but you may want to look into when the current will was written.

In most states, absent a prenup (did you have one?), the ability to disinherit a spouse is limited, and that generally a portion of the community or marital property must go to the surviving spouse.  However, whether the house is marital or community property (vs. separate) can be tricky.  You may want to consult an attorney regarding the house, but do you homework first,  whose name is the house in, did you help pay for, etc.

Maybe your husband wanted the will written that way. A friend of mine got nothing. They had been married 42 years. He wanted their children to get his money. He feared she would get remarried and he didn’t want another man to be benefitting from his long years of work. He was the primary breadwinner. She got remarried about a year after he died.

I agree, get your own lawyer. Someone well versed in Medicaid. IMO You are entitled to half of the marital assets. And what you brought into the marriage and husband too, depends on the state you live in.

When it comes to pension, not sure if a Will can dictate anything concerning it. This is determined by the employer. Usually when a person retires the pension payout is determained at that time. If pensioner wants survivor benefits (meaning the spouse will get % when other pensioner passes) then the pensioner receives less pension. If pensioner doesn't opt for survivor benefits, the pensioner gets more pension and the spouse receives nothing when pensioner passes. This is done at time of retirement, and from what I have been told, can not be changed. Ex: lets say the husband retires and the wife is set up to receive a portion of his pension. But the wife dies before the husband, he cannot ask to have his full pension because she is no longer living.

Since your husband has Dementia, you may need Medicaid to pay for his care sometime in the future. It would be wise now to split what assets you have. Under Medicaid you are considered the Community Spouse. You can continue to live in the house and have a car. You will be allowed enough to live on. Social Security split will be determined by that. Your husbands half of the assets will need to be spent down and then u can apply for Medicaid. By doing this, not all you have saved will be going to his care and leaving u out in the cold. After he passes, u can still remain in the home but a lean will be placed on his half. Which will need to be satisfied if u leave, die or sell. I am giving you the basics here. But as the "step" in this marriage you need to protect yourself.

You are wrong in thinking that your husband can write a new will UNLESS he was also perfectly well able to understand what he was signing when his son wrote the last one. And if he was able then, and was content with it, and you attempt to induce him to write another more favourable to yourself now (especially if it excludes his children altogether), your stepson the attorney will have no difficulty in alleging undue influence on your part.

How on earth did this situation get so far along? Did you and your husband not discuss your wills with one another? When was the most recent one done?

I hope this isn't an indelicate question, but is the children's mother still alive?

Bonnie; my ex has been re-married for nearly 20 years. His will states that his wife gets all of his retirement benefits, but that his/our children inherit what remains after she has passed.

I'm curious what you and your husband discussed when this will that son in law wrote was made. Was there a conversation about what you might get?

Were your own earnings lessened by marrying him? What are your SS benefits likely to be (both your own and spousal benefits).

WWW.Bogleheads.org is a grea place for financial advice.

When was this will written? Why did your husband agree to this?

It is my feeling the estate should be shared by everyone. The 'kids' should not be disinherited because dad remarried and the wife should not be left with nothing in favor of the children.

Bonnie has yet to answer anyone's questions. There's little point in making assumptions or declarations about what may or may not be possible.

My SON is a lawyer and did we use him as ours?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!

DH fought me on this for years, until I simply called a lawyer I knew and trusted and started the paperwork. Long story short, I made it happen, and when we sat down to finalize everything, DH reluctantly agreed it was better to NOT use our out of state son---he's a little bulldog, not very nice, and I didn't want him to know all the ins and outs of our business. He lives 1000 miles away and pretty much has no clue what goes on in our day-to-day. He'd drive his sisters crazy if he were executor and/or had handled the will. My OD is executor, 2nd OD is 2nd in line. Son doesn't have anything to say or do about our wants and wishes. It's best this way.

We're set up to live independently, as long as possible, but neither of us have 'longevity' in the genes. He is a liver transplant recipient and I just beat cancer. If I get 20 more years, it will be a miracle. DH probably has 15 or less.

Our lawyer asked if we wanted to A: live comfortably on our own or B: leave the 5 kids a very nice chunk of change.

Duh. We opted to take care of us. IF there is anything left over, the kids will know what to do, as per the will.

IMHO, NOBODY should 'expect' an inheritance. Did you earn that money? If not, you're not entitled to anything.

Even with his'n'hers families--I don't know. each case is different and the dynamics should be addressed in a will/trust.

No matter how a will is written, somebody will be mad, that's a for sure.

Son HAS done the wills for his wife's family--they are mixed with plenty of divorces to go around. Nobody has died yet, but he fears the hot mess that will ensue when they do.

If he has alzheimers, forget about getting a new will. That won't happen, legally.

You might talk to an atty about what happens to you upon death. In my state, you would be allowed to remain in the home as long as you live - those who inherit the house would have to maintain it and pay taxes for as long as you live.

If you will have to walk away with only the money you brought into the marriage, how much is left of that money after 35 years?? Or will estate pay you the amt of money you had when you married?

Actually, why can't you move the savings into your own name now? You're of sound mind and need to manage it for both of you - he has alzheimers and could possibly be talked into giving the money away without you knowing it. Why not ask an atty best way to protect yourself.

You need to see a local lawyer, and please don’t take for granted the ‘legal’ comments above. Our site’s medical advice is usually more reliable than the legal comments, which should be checked in your own state. If there is undue influence, it is unlikely to be ‘waived’ just because it’s obvious.

Another important issue may be not whether the will is technically valid, but whether the stepson/lawyer was in breach of his professional obligations in drafting it to benefit himself. Getting grilled by your professional body is very unpleasant, particularly if you might be struck off the roll for unprofessional conduct.

The first issue is what any previous will said, and whether DH was competent when that was signed. The next is whether your husband was competent at the time this current will was signed. The third question is whether he is now competent to make a new will to replace it (probably not). The fourth question is whether the current will can be challenged if DH was competent when it was drawn up. Your lawyer will want you to collect up evidence of most of these steps, so get some independent legal advice about what you need to do right now. Depending on the answers, the prospect of a complaint to the legal professional body may be an important issue.

Please see a lawyer that specializes in family law. He/She can guide you in your process to find parity. Don' expect miracles but expect to find out what local laws say and how they relate to your interests. You may need to start putting some assets in your name only if his original will will enforced as stated.

I would get into a certified elder law attorney as soon as possible. Please make calls/ask questions prior to going. The first one we used had an excellent reputation, recognitions etc. and was dreadful. She billed for nearly every breath you took and failed to adequately educate. The second one is absolutely wonderful. She charges a flat rate for consultation, wrote down what was needed, what they would do/what I/we needed to do, and her fees for each item are clearly stated. Even if your husband has a will, you are still entitled to protect your own well being and get advice. Don't wait.

You are the wife, therefore you come first! You are not wrong. Your husband should accommodate you. Don’t give up on this. See an attorney to put everything in writing.

Sounds like Hubby is still with you at home. I am suprised your attorney son has not gotten you to see a elder law attorney. You have so much on your mind you are worrying about and you must get some relief or it will break you down. When he is in a facility...
You can apply for medicaid and 90,000 can be transfered to you as his wife. The plan...when he is in a facility is always...return home even when that will not happen. The current will...sounds like you are going to dispute it when he passes. Get with your attorney son and he knows how to avoid probate by getting a estate plan done now. It sounds like he is the son of your hubby. Be honest with him and insist on a estate plan. If your hubby is incompetant then it sounds like your headed to probate court when your hubby passes. If the son can determine your hubby is mentally capable in a new will that will give you what you want.....Sounds like the son and that half of family want everything but money. That is understandable. Do not get angry with the son but, ask him if there is anyway to avoid probate and lose a chunk of your inheritance on probate lawyer and court costs. Tell the son...if I do not see my interests at stake, I will hire an elder law attorney to consult. You must have a plan and get this worry stuff from messing you up....it is not worth it.

You need to see an elder care attorney ASAP.
Problem is if the Attorney thinks that your husband is not competent to change his will there might be problems. But you need to protect yourself as much as possible.

Yes, get that done, quickly and quietly... Please. May the force be with you.

The OP has never returned to answer any questions.

Remember the Will May say who the money goes to BUT the beneficiaries on the checking account, savings account, IRA, annuity life ins ,,, anything with a beneficiary surpasses the will, have hubby Make bene changes now

Hubby should have chosen Atty that was not related to him ...maybe see Elder law Atty on your own? The grown “children” should be happy that their Father was able to find love ❤️ & be happy so many years! Wills are changed many times...
perhaps put house in trust or have life estate which is he can live there as long as it’s safe but you’re on deed ...are you on deed now? Atty can help you. Protect yourself too as well as hubby. Hugs 🤗