I made a very nice dinner for my 97 year old mother and she told me she was full, but wanted a fudge bar. Am I being too strict?

She's 97 not 3, what are you trying to accomplish by keeping her on a strict diet? Have YOU never had a day when dinner didn't appeal but comfort food did?
I can pretty much guarantee that the last thing you will be thinking as she lays dying is "dang, I wish I hadn't let her have that fudge bar" .

If I live to be 97 my kids better not be keeping me away from my favorite cheesecake.

97--shoot, if she wants to eat fudge bars for MEALS I'd let her.

I think that you are treating your mother as some people treat their children. "Eat your dinner or no dessert?" "Eat your dinner or go to bed." "Eat everything on your plate or sit there all night" "There are starving children in China who......." Why does it matter how long you took to make the dinner if your mother just simply does not like it? Why must she like your cooking because it took you 2 hours to make it? I think that there are enough losses for our elders. Loss of ability to ambulate without fear, loss of bowel and bladder control, loss of mind. Why must there be a loss of dignity to even decide what they do or do not like to eat, and when? I understand, really. You spent the two hours and you thought it was great, and you are disappointed. But I know you. You are better than this. Give Mom the Fudge bar, and think on the good side. You have a ton of leftovers of that wonderful meal.

My mom is 88, dementia. She can have all the diet coke and chocolate she wants. At this point if it makes her happy I say let her have it. She is not on any special diets though🍩🍫🍬🍦

I really tried to get my husband to eat better, watch his weight when it would drop etc. Now that he's gone, I'm glad he indulged in 1/4# hotdogs at Costco, Klondyke bars and chicken fried steak.

I have no doubt that you have THE best intentions with your mom. You go above & beyond the call of duty where her care is concerned. Now here's the but: she's 97 years old and as such, should not be forced to follow a strict diet of ANY kind (in my opinion). At her age, if all she wants to eat is sweet, then let her. When our kids were little, we made them eat their vegetables before they could have dessert b/c they were growing and needed to develop healthy eating habits which would last for life. With the elderly, that's not the case. Their lives are pretty much finished. So why impose unnecessary restrictions on them at THIS point in time? To extend their lives by a month or two, if even that?

Leave her alone, that's my suggestion. In fact, I just sent my mother a big box of See's candies in the mail, they're her favorites. Who cares if she eats the whole box in 3 days? Those chocolates will make her happy and that's something that's in short supply for her these days. I personally feel that our goal should be to keep our mothers happy nowadays, nothing else. Yes, safe too........but happy first & foremost.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward, my friend. And bravo to you for your huge heart.

Update to all:
My mothers lunch today:
Fudge bar 100% before lunch
Pureed manicotti with marinara sauce 2 large pieces. Ate half portion
Chocolate avocado and banana pudding with dollop whip cream 100%
after her lunch.
Comment from my mother
The dinner was soooo good! Yay!!
Still talking about her lunch, said she loved it.

First thing I noticed was a 2000 cal diet for a 97 year old. I have been counting calories since I was a teen. At 70 I eat 1500 a day. Anymore than that and I gain weight. 2000 cal a day is for a young active woman not a 97 yr old. Then you said this was established 30 yrs ago. In my opinion a 97 yr old does not need 2000 cal a day. I understand about the diabetes, just watch her carb and sugar intake. I would ask her doctor about 2000 cal. I think she may do OK in under 1500 but more than 1000/1200 but her Dr. can tell u better.

Be aware that as we age we lose our ability to taste especially those with a Dementia. Salt and Sugar seems to be what the elderly can still taste. Its instant gradification. Let her have her treat. She is 97 not much she probably enjoys at this age.

At 97, she should be able to eat whatever she wants (within reason).
Kinda seems like she doesn't want to be treated like a child.
I understand that you're just trying to do what's right for Mom, however, at 97 she doesn't have many years left. Let her indulge a little! You'll both be happier.
God bless!!

Earlybird, I'm curious - who has put your mother on a "strict 2000 calories" diet? And whatever for???

My two penn'orth - aside from nutrition, I think you have every right to make the point to your mother that allowing you to spend so much time and trouble on a meal, then decline it, then decide she wants a fudge bar instead are worthy of an overtired three year old. Where are her manners?

I hope you weren't cooking only for her, though? - and again, if a 97 year old wants to behave like said three year old... that's her choice. Just don't join in by treating her like one.