I know that this may be upsetting to ask, but have you as a caregiver, ever contemplated suicide?

Jeanne, I have held the hand of too many people who attempted suicide and FAILED. As a result, they were hospitalized and the nurses (including myself) sat at their bedside as their bodies slowly shut down.

I have also had at least 3 friends (ages 19, 54, 63, and ____) in the last 6 years who committed suicide so I am very, very sensitive.

I realize that "She1934" stated that she will call a hotline and that she has sought counseling. Sometimes I may overreact when someone talks about suicide. There was just something about what "She1934" was saying that pushed an alarm button in me.

I think DeeAnna was responding as a medical professional, and I give her credit for that. she raises a good point. And in fact, it's not irrelevant as there as so many threads that should be addressed to medical professionals instead of being posted on a forum.

I completely missed that approach and thought only of offering support. But I think both sides can offer suggestions as well as plans of action - the two groups can work together as the regular posters typically do, and offer different perspectives. But thoughts of immediate suicide need to be directed toward professional intervention and immediate help.

I too felt that that She1934 was balancing the suicidal option with coping, literally teetering between the two. It's a difficult balance for someone in her situation.

I also recall either my sister, who was a psych nurse, or one of the other psych nurses with whom she worked at the local psych hospital telling me that sometimes people deliberately reach out to others, expressing suicidal intents, so that others intervene and stop them.

Another observation was that sometimes people attempt suicide but do it in such a manner and time that intervention is guaranteed. This would be in situations such as attempting it knowing that someone is coming for a visit, or before a planned event. It's done with a failsafe option.

Hi She1934,

Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we’re happy you have found the support of others here on this site. In light of recent events, it’s important to foster an open and honest dialogue about mental health issues like depression and suicide. However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide.

Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need by calling the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Take care.

She1934, I am terribly sorry you are having these thoughts. I think Garden Artist has good insight into how you feel. Even though I am a clinical psychologist and was aware of my psychological situation, my feelings often reached some very low places. I felt totally trapped. I was bitter towards family members who got to have their lives while I was missing everything because of being trapped with my mother. I had three grandchildren, two of them I barely knew. There were other issues with my situation and I finally made the decision to move away from the entire mess and get my life back. I know that I was harshly judged for moving away, but it was the best I could do for myself. I was fortunate that I had that option, not everyone does.

Reach out to here online. Find a counselor, minister, or friend to talk to about your situation. Try to work out some respite time for yourself. Take care of yourself. I think this is an appropriate topic for this forum. Caregiving can be a dark journey.

DeeAnna --- I understand what you're saying about the suitability of this forum for this discussion. At the same time, I think She1934 is touching on something really important about caregiving and caregivers, and the various responses suggest that this is a good place to get this out in the open. These people, we, understand what She is saying. I would like to discuss it.

"This all seems just like a terminal illness." I think I can relate to that. For my husband, it was literally a terminal illness. And for me it was the death of well-established loving relationship. Now that I'm more than 5 years past that literal death I realize that aspects of that relationship still live on in me. That is a pleasant reality.

"I just want to be gone." I can relate to that, too. I've never contemplated suicide, but more than once I engaged in magical thinking of suddenly just being somewhere else entirely, where I had no responsibility for sick people. I chose to be a caregiver. I knew I could make a different choice at any time. I didn't feel "trapped." But some days, just some days, my fantasy was reading murder mysteries on the beach. Just "poof" and there I would be, without having to make arrangements or planning.

I'm so glad you keep the hotline number handy, and that you are open to counseling.

Come here and tell us about it when you are feeling especially hopeless or overwhelmed. We can hear it all without being judgmental. (But if you are feeling suicidal, call the hotline first!)

She1934, oh there were times when I just didn't want to wake up in the mornings to make everything disappear. And here I wasn't even hands-on caregiving, but the stress of my very elderly parents not wanting to blow the dust off their wallets to hire professional caregivers, or to even think about downsizing into something more manageable.

I felt like I had two full-times jobs, one at work, and one just trying to logistically help my parents. Plus I was dealing with a very illness myself which was exhausting me. And to make matters worse, I was a senior myself... like who's going to pick me up when *I* fall?

I'm so sorry for your pain. It sounds like you are really overwhelmed and need some help. I would talk to your local Area Agency on Aging and your social services department about assistance with your loved one, and for you. You don't have to do this alone.

In answer to your question, I've not reached the point of contemplating suicide but can relate to the feeling of not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But there is one, I promise you. There is a solution, and suicide is not it - but there is help out there, and you are not alone. We are here for you too- so many of us on here going through the same type of thing. That what I love about this site, that people here understand and know how you feel.

Big hugs to you, stay in touch and come back to vent anytime.

No. I had a wonderful caring, (too caring for others) mother. I did not see it as prison. The thing that upset me the most, was her saying she felt bad for me not having a life and when she is gone, I would.

I'm so sorry to read of your challenges. I think that it's not unusual for caregivers to become very frustrated, to want to give up, or leave and escape. While I don't know of any who have actually considered suicide, I know that the frustration can seem insurmountable.

These are the times when we need to draw on all the inner resources we have, to remember that these times will eventually end and we'll be facing a different kind of frustration, that of the grief of losing someone we love and possibly revisiting the care we've provided and found ourselves wanting when someone needed us the most.

I'm glad to read that you're getting counseling, and to see that you have adaptive methods, such as considering T.S. Eliot's play as a life experience I think that's a high level, intellectually adaptive choice), and one which also addresses the stresses and frustration of life (with drugs, as in the play - if I remember correctly).

I find that Shakespeare's plays, especially King Lear, offer insight as well, remembering that old age, caring and uncaring siblings, aren't solely an issue of contemporary life.

Difficult as it is, you have to carve out time for yourself, even if it's just 1/2 hour a day while your partner (?) is resting or sleeping. Down time is mandatory. House cleaning and that sort of stuff can wait; it's just not that important when stress and exhaustion are higher level concerns.

You might try to find a support group, phone, online, or otherwise. Posting here is also a good opportunity to reach out to others.

Many of us have gone through similar challenges with literally no life of our own. Now that I'm past that stage and into the post death stage, I look back and, while I won't say I'm glad that I endured so many challenges, I'm glad that I didn't let my father down when he needed me the most.

That's one way to interpret your current situation, that you've extending yourself at this time when someone you love needs you more than ever. In some ways, I can't think of a greater love.

Today is the second month anniversary since my father's passing; I'm trying to focus on traveling this fall after trust issues are under control, or visiting family that I haven't seen in a few years, of taking classes and restarting my stalled brain. I kept those in mind during the last challenging days, and they helped me get through.

But I won't deny that I'm still having a rough time, with flashbacks, and questioning of what more I could have done. I think that's not unusual.

Please continue sharing your frustrations here so that we can reach out to help you.

I really don't know if this is a good topic for a forum like this because the forum is not being supervised in "REAL TIME" by a health professional like a psychiatric doctor or nurse or Social Worker.

I WILL BE CALLING the AgingCare.com Customer service and telling them that someone wrote about the possibility of committing suicide.

While I understand that you want to talk about this, Suicide is a VERY SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEM and as a health professional, it is my duty to report if anyone I talk to has expressed the desire to commit suicide or to kill themselves. Sorry.