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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Check your health insurance policy for low cost or no cost therapy. I'd avoid a life coach like the plague and besides, they're not free. Nothing much is these days.
Lea, there are therapists who take insurance. So easy on line. Better help is one. Do not go to a life coach, there is no education or licensing board. It’s a farce.
Nope. Unfortunately, there is nothing, almost nothing, in this life without cost. I would speak with your MD now about your needs and ask how best to pursue help and options.
I am understanding that you are a caregiver for someone else and you want out. If the person you are caring for is on hospice, you should have access to a social worker and counseling and therapy support through hospice. If the person you care for is not on hospice, I might still call and ask for assistance and see if they can provide what you’re looking for at a reasonable cost. You are correct in knowing your limits and level of fatigue and when it’s time to make other arrangements. Put yourself first.
Or more than a couple. I contacted my insurance company when my friend-companion died and didn't even know mental health therapist / insurance is an ongoing benefit. And, it doesn't have to be grief related. I had no idea I had this benefit. Worth it for everyone to check ... before the insurance companies need / change their policy/benefits with the government changes to healthcare.
My local council on aging had a caregiver support program run by older volunteers. I had conversation with a lovely woman who tho I didn't end up staying with the program would have been more than happy to continue to talk with me and problem solve. She didn't just refer me to other agencies either she talked through actionable steps from the view of ME as the person who needed help not my mother.
Most COA's have caregiver support programs that don't charge. I would try there.
You’re not likely to find any sort of counseling or therapy for free. You wouldn’t expect a plumber to fix your sink for free. People deserve to be paid for their work.
That said, you might want to look into local churches, even if you’re not religious. Many churches have support groups that don’t cost anything or maybe on a sliding scale.
If you truly want out, get out. In this life, every decision we make is going to have pros and cons. Negatives and positives. You weigh one against the other. If leaving caregiving will be the healthiest choice for you personally, then the positives outweigh the negatives.
You may have to deal with mixed feelings if you place your LO into residential care. Feelings like guilt and personal failure, or regret for going with placement. Your LO may not forgive you for placing them. When these feelings arise, let them come. It's okay to let yourself have negative emotions. Don't try to keep them down. Let yourself have these feelings because that's how you will process them, deal with them, and move on with your own life.
Getting yourself into some kind of therapy to help deal with these feelings is also helpful. There are many caregiver support groups that are free. If you need one-on-one services your insurance will probably pay for some kind of mental health care.
If you need to walk away from being a caregiver, you can.
Not enough information about the person you’re caring for..are you related or an aide? What is patient’s age and condition? If you have health insurance, they should be able to cover mental health treatment. I can use it too!
Check out charities- they may be able to advise you You may just be tired and need a break - maybe have a decent break and you may find the answers come to you on what you want clearer mind speak to your doctor best wishes
If you have insurance, you can look (online or locally) for a therapist or counselor who accepts your insurance. If your care giving responsibility is too much for you, you need to note help or find placement for your LO. Counseling will not make care taking any less demanding.
Is this the writer's loved one? We don't know. However, this person needs support to get out of this situation. Even if it means hiring caregivers 24/7.
As others have asked, are you a caregiver for hire or are you a family member thrust into this work / position - and had enough? It wouldn't surprise me if you are a spouse (and not telling us). It is so very difficult to be thrust into this situation - and end up feeling beyond overwhelmed and exhausted with no life. And torn with guild, duty, and no energy left to do anything.
Get support any way you can find it.
Mental health support: * free peer support groups available. Contact Associations, i.e., Alzheimer's * If you are a family member, as that person's MD for referrals or his/her social worker at a hospital (if s/he has / had one). * Research local avenues, as suggested: Churches. And, all networks (Facebook, Next Door, wherever you can). * You might be entitled to therapist support through your insurance company for free or a minimal fee.
The choices are: * You either cold turkey STOP * You learn to set boundaries of your time / energy and let the person know - - and stop anyway or for a few weeks / take a respite. * You discuss with the person managing legal affairs for the person. And, let them handle it. If this is you, find another family member to take over. * If you / the person has funds, and you are a family member in need of legal advice, make an appt. There are pro bono attorneys out there - it would take a bit of research to find someone ... and/or there may be a Legal Aid organization you could call (for low income).
I support everyone to not do this work and run themselves in the ground with a breakdown or total exhaustion. Maybe you are there now. We all need to weigh our individual renewal needs (and quality of our own life) with the needs of the person. If guilt or the "I shoulds" are running you, pay for a therapist to sort out how you feel and what you need to do. Even a couple of sessons to get you going w/c/ould help you.
Answered Jun 25, 2025 What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving? "In my story I was doing something for “the good of the family”….. I feel abandoned by a mother who has not seen my “grandmother” (her mom) in years and feels that talking on the phone is fine..(she lives in another state) I feel neglected by my grandmother because she thinks I live for her… bookkeeper, errand runner, house maintenance, and yet work a full time job to maintain my part of the bills.. I am miserable and I want out!! I dnt like when I speak to the ONE person who needs to step up and at this point take responsibility (sharing is out of the question now) they get emotional on me.. and become Manipulative!!!! as to redirect me from the topic…"
The next time you speak to your mother, tell her that you can't be responsible for your grandmother any longer and that she needs to make arrangements asap. I sure hope you aren't living with your grandmother, because that is going to make things very difficult. You are as dependent on Grandma as she is on you. So, if you are living in her home, then you need to move out on your own.
"Come unto Me and I will give you rest." "My yoke is free, and My burden is light." "Cast your burdens on the Lord and leave them there." He is the comforter. No charge.
Good therapy and life coaches are rarely free. However, local communities of faith usually have counsellors that are very reasonable.
In addition to working with a counsellor/therapist: 1 - Read and apply the steps found in any boundary book written by Townsend and Cloud. 2 - Talk to loved one's primary care doctor and ask for referrals/help. 3 - If loved one ends up in the hospital, ask to speak to case manager/social services with help placing loved one into a residential facility.
Please reach out to local churches. Many have support groups, offer financial assistance for those in need, offer support for those without insurance or are low income. Some may offer local, high-energy, with-it elders to give you breaks so many hours/days per week/month. Reach out even if it is or is not your denomination or church. There are many people put there looking to do volunteer work, want to help out. Contact your local Senior/Elder Services/Dept. On Aging to ask if there are any programs or assistance for you as a sole care-taker. Research all avenues to get assistance.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would speak with your MD now about your needs and ask how best to pursue help and options.
Tell us more, who your caring for?
How many hours a week?
Do they live with you, or you with them?
There health issues?
Fill us in more, and maybe we can lead you to better information, books ECT....
Most COA's have caregiver support programs that don't charge. I would try there.
The age of the person your caring for. Spouse, parent, child?
Living with you or you with them? Or needing to go to them all the time?
What is their illness? How are their finances? Can they afford care? Are you POA for financial and Medical and is it invoked?
By giving us this information we could point you in the right direction at least.
That said, you might want to look into local churches, even if you’re not religious. Many churches have support groups that don’t cost anything or maybe on a sliding scale.
You may have to deal with mixed feelings if you place your LO into residential care. Feelings like guilt and personal failure, or regret for going with placement. Your LO may not forgive you for placing them.
When these feelings arise, let them come. It's okay to let yourself have negative emotions. Don't try to keep them down. Let yourself have these feelings because that's how you will process them, deal with them, and move on with your own life.
Getting yourself into some kind of therapy to help deal with these feelings is also helpful. There are many caregiver support groups that are free. If you need one-on-one services your insurance will probably pay for some kind of mental health care.
If you need to walk away from being a caregiver, you can.
You may just be tired and need a break - maybe have a decent break and you may find the answers come to you on what you want
clearer mind
speak to your doctor
best wishes
However, this person needs support to get out of this situation.
Even if it means hiring caregivers 24/7.
Get support any way you can find it.
Mental health support:
* free peer support groups available. Contact Associations, i.e., Alzheimer's
* If you are a family member, as that person's MD for referrals or his/her social worker at a hospital (if s/he has / had one).
* Research local avenues, as suggested: Churches. And, all networks (Facebook, Next Door, wherever you can).
* You might be entitled to therapist support through your insurance company for free or a minimal fee.
The choices are:
* You either cold turkey STOP
* You learn to set boundaries of your time / energy and let the person know -
- and stop anyway or for a few weeks / take a respite.
* You discuss with the person managing legal affairs for the person. And, let them handle it. If this is you, find another family member to take over.
* If you / the person has funds, and you are a family member in need of legal advice, make an appt. There are pro bono attorneys out there - it would take a bit of research to find someone ... and/or there may be a Legal Aid organization you could call (for low income).
I support everyone to not do this work and run themselves in the ground with a breakdown or total exhaustion. Maybe you are there now. We all need to weigh our individual renewal needs (and quality of our own life) with the needs of the person. If guilt or the "I shoulds" are running you, pay for a therapist to sort out how you feel and what you need to do. Even a couple of sessons to get you going w/c/ould help you.
Gena / Touch Matters
Answered Jun 25, 2025
What is the one thing that bothers you the most about caregiving?
"In my story I was doing something for “the good of the family”…..
I feel abandoned by a mother who has not seen my “grandmother” (her mom) in years and feels that talking on the phone is fine..(she lives in another state)
I feel neglected by my grandmother because she thinks I live for her… bookkeeper, errand runner, house maintenance, and yet work a full time job to maintain my part of the bills..
I am miserable and I want out!!
I dnt like when I speak to the ONE person who needs to step up and at this point take responsibility (sharing is out of the question now) they get emotional on me.. and become Manipulative!!!! as to redirect me from the topic…"
The next time you speak to your mother, tell her that you can't be responsible for your grandmother any longer and that she needs to make arrangements asap. I sure hope you aren't living with your grandmother, because that is going to make things very difficult. You are as dependent on Grandma as she is on you. So, if you are living in her home, then you need to move out on your own.
Grow Therapy is covered with Medicare Advantage Senior Plus for free. I’m not sure how it is covered for health insured under age 65.
In addition to working with a counsellor/therapist:
1 - Read and apply the steps found in any boundary book written by Townsend and Cloud.
2 - Talk to loved one's primary care doctor and ask for referrals/help.
3 - If loved one ends up in the hospital, ask to speak to case manager/social services with help placing loved one into a residential facility.