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My mom was recently diagnosed with dementia, currently she is living on her own in a senior living apt. She is getting so confused and forgetful. She goes thru spells where she will get mad and start yelling and not making sense, then she will cry. She talks something and I cant understand what she is talking about. (sounds drunk). She says she will NOT go into nursing home. She has a cat (18yrs) and she takes better care of the cat than herself. I do all bills, make sure she has groceries and check on her every day. She is down to 108# (5'6). I make sure she has simple/healthy meals. It's so hard describe.....you almost have to see how she acts to understand. I've had people tell me I should get an attorney and get legal guardianship of her. Right now I have Medical POA. She refuses to sign living will because of her cat. Any decisions she is willing to make seems too be made on the basis of her cat. ANY advice is appreciated.

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I didn't get anywhere with POA for my dad. He had one which assigned me as POA but only one bank would accept it. They all wanted their own forms but he wasn't cognitive enough, at that point, to complete the forms. I did get awarded guardianship and conservatorship about 2 years ago but have also found with that, just because you have it doesn't mean your loved one will do what they are supposed to. My dad has fought me and fought me through this whole thing. It has not been pleasant and has ended up taking a LOT of time and has caused a LOT of problems between my husband and myself. I walk a fine line. I would advise anyone seeking guardianship to seriously think about the time commitment of this and what it will do to your family.
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having a financial POA ,as I have heard, is only good with an institution that will accept it. Some banks will only use their own forms.
If she has been diagnosed with dementia, how do you plan to get signature granting you the POA?
I should mention that any closed relative (sibling,child, etc) can file for guardianship and that would trump your POA of any sort, depending upon the type of guardianship filed for and what is granted.
Also the state at some point just might to file for or be appointed as the guardian.
And that may not be good.
Also , in some states there are those that are called professional guardians.
I would suggest that you look up the story about April Parks, Las Vegas. Although Ms Parks in now in prison for what she did, the damage she did cannot be reversed.
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Its going to be hard getting financial POA since Mom has been diagnoised with Dementia. She has to assign you and understand what she is signing.
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Wow! Caring for both your mom and your MIL while working fulltime? Don't know how you do it but I commend you.

Your first order of business is to read and understand your HCPOA document. Mine authorized me to be my LO's guardian. If yours does, there's no need to seek guardianship.

You might want to get a second opinion on your mom. You say she has been diagnosed with "pseudodementia". That implies a copy cat of dementia and not real dementia. There are over 70 reasons for dementia and some are treatable. Unfortunately, AD is the major cause of dementia, but that wouldn't be categorized as pseudodementia. Another possibility is MCI, mild cognitive impairment, which can lead to dementia but not always. You need a more definitive diagnosis for your mom by a neurologist or gerontologist.
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October23 Jun 2020
My mom was recently hospitalized, another MRI was done.......it shows signs of TIA. So they have now re-diagnosed her with actual dementia. She is still at her Senior Living apt. Shes been having big mood swings, this week the started her on 25 mg of seroquel at bed time. Not sure how much longer she will be able to stay at apt,but I promised her I'd try and keep her out as long as I can. (we now also have a neurologist) My MIL is now in nursing home, we hated to have to do it, but doctors said it was time.

taking it day by day. thank you for the advice :)
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Your situation reminded me of my LO's when she was first diagnosed. She was obsessed with her cat. She worried, fretted and obsessed about the cat all the time. It wasn't healthy. It caused the cat to be miserable, because she wouldn't leave the cat alone. It started acting out. I'd encourage you to go and stay around your mother for a couple of days, so, you can actually see what she is able to to. I was shocked at what I saw. I found filthy bed linens, huge piles of dirty laundry hidden in the closet, spoiled food in the fridge, etc. You might not notice this immediately. I'd make sure I knew exactly what she was capable of and have a list. Are you sure she's bathing? My LO said she was, but, it was a delusion. She had not bathed in a long time.

With this information, I'd consult her doctor and an attorney. (You might first check to see if she has a UTI or some medical issue causing the strange behavior, to rule it out.) Let the attorney review the HCPOA. Some of them provide you with broad powers. See what you can get done using that document. I'd get legal advice on exactly what you can do and what the options are if more is needed. Like, what would you need to prove in court to have her found incompetent and appointed a Guardian. Make sure they are experienced in this and know how her county works in their court system. Knowing what you must prove in court is important. Some places examine if the person is able to run their own household or make their own medical decisions. Her medical doctor may not be aware of how she's not functioning well in the home by herself.
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October23 Jun 2020
Moms, always grooms well, apt clean. Which surprises me. We started with new doc in Jan......had all MRIs.......there was signs of possible TIAs. No UTI, thyroid good, potassium levels great, sugars,cholesterol great, bp little low.

With all this covid stuff appts have been cancelled, then changed, then doc went on vacation, AND literally today found out this doc is leaving.
The neurologist has prescribed Seroquel (this week). I have a journal and I record happening and I have voicemails from her on my cell phone.
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Well, poor kitty is going to be self-limiting problem as it is getting up in age. With your Mom's weight you may be soon looking at hospice. Yes, you should at this point, since you do not have power of attorney for financial but are forced to do it in any case, go for guardianship. When guardianship is conferred the funds for the lawyer can be paid out of Mom's funds, but not until then. This unfortunately can be very expensive. Mom, now with dementia, clearly would not be allowed to confer financial power of attorney on you; guardianship seems to only answer unless someone here has a better idea. See an elder law attorney. It may be worth seeing Mom's doctor first as I see here no indication that your Mom has a diagnosis of dementia.
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October23 Jun 2020
If my mom lost her cat at this point, I'm honestly concern of her reaction. I truly believe she would harm herself. This cat is her world.

Mom took the verbal dementia test and she scored a 10.

Now about the financial POA or guardianship.........I am the only one taking care of this. there is very minimal assets (house hold items), no one to contest anything......could it be done without an attorney?

Neurologist started her on Seroquel 25 mg just this week to try and get the moods under control.
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PoAs can differ: some won't require any proof the person is incapacitated in order to activate it, but others you do have to prove it to activate it. You will need to read your paperwork to figure out which yours is. Who has Financial PoA for her? You will need to communicate with this person. If no one has financial PoA, you should get this taken care of, otherwise you may need to pursue guardianship through the courts in order to make decisions and complete transactions on her behalf. There you will need to prove her incapacity and petition to be her guardian. I don't know what other options are, but some on this forum are attorneys or more familiar with your situation. Also, if she is sliding into dementia she may not remember to eat, even if the food is there in front of her. That's why my MIL needed to go into AL. I wish you all the best in caring for your mom!
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October23 Jun 2020
All of this legal stuff is so confusing, But I know it's necessary. And unfortunately I'm on my own on this.......don't get me wrong....family GIVES me lots of verbal ORDERS, but it ends there. ;). I have the Medical POA, no one has Financial POA or anything else. I think I will take your advice and start there. I would really like to keep attorneys out of it ONLY because I know its expensive and honestly I am the only one caring for her and my mom has no assets, so there is no THINGS to fight over. I just want to keep her out of Nursing Home as long as I can. Thank you for your advice
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You don't have financial POA? If not then guardianship is what you need. Can be expensive but Medicaid may allow you to use Moms money.

Even though you supply her meals, she may not be eating them. The way you describe your Mom, she should not be left alone. She may be in early stages of a Dementia or she could be having mini strokes, this could be the slurring of words. She needs a full physical to rule out a physical problem. She could have a UTI, dehydration, low potassium, diabetes...
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October23 Jun 2020
I am going to see into getting financial POA. My mom is on Medicaid. She does not have many assets (basic house hold items). So I am hoping not to involve attorney at this time.

She was diagnosed with Dementia in Feb 2020 /Mar 2020 MRI showed signs of TIA. No UTI, slightly dehydrated, potassium good, sugars good, bp little low. I am an EMT, so I keep close tabs on her AND her doctors.......I have noticed sometimes geriatric patients get tossed aside because they are "old", but, I'm sorry thats NOT going to happen here :).

Ive cared for MANY elders over the years and they ARE worth our time....they deserve the best care possible. After all they are the reason we are here.
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