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I am very active and try to stay healthy. I have volunteered as a dog walker at our shelter for 12 years. Everyone knows me well and it is like a real job. In Jan, a young woman began working there. We were friendly as I am with everyone. I heard that she had a minor injury with a dog. I asked another staff how she was. A male staff member loudly approached (verbally attacked) me in the lobby and yelled that the injured person is a he (transgender) and I am insensitive ( after caring for injured and lost dogs for 12 years). I am also a healthcare professional.
I got upset and said I didn’t know anything about a person’s sexual business and pronouns and I would not be discussing it in the main lobby, and left crying. I have been removed from volunteer dept and put under the HR guy. I had to meet with HR, a board member (nonprofit), and the shelter director. I was to return in May. Now I got an email that they want another mtg before I can return.
I feel destroyed. Apparently they have informed staff about pronouns (not volunteers). Whoops! They screwed up. I’m really not very accepting of the trans stuff, but could have gotten by. This has been 4 mos. I’m very sick to my stomach and can’t eat. I loved working there and did important work. I was able to get through to fearful dogs and am proud of that. It’s all ruined and I am supposed to have another meeting where they can further humiliate me. If I have a chance to return, how can I work with the people again. To reiterate, I have 12 years, 450 hrs, and have done enough work to be equivalent to $65,000.
I mostly sent this as a warning to other older volunteers as to how they can really get in trouble with this woke stuff. Thanks for listening. I don’t know if they did anything to the guy who yelled at me.

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I am so sorry this happened. It seems like an innocent mistake has become the occasion for a witch hunt. There is a real problem right now with some non-profits and this kind of behavior, apparently. An educational non-profit in my area that has a summer camp wound up having to cancel camp last year at the last minute disappointing a whole bunch of kids because of something similarly ridiculous that a few younger staff people whipped themselves up into a frenzy about:

https://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/2022/06/13/hate-symbol-or-buddhist-emblem-hidden-villa-cancels-summer-camps-for-1000-kids-after-staffers-resign-over-swastika-tiles

I would politely decline more HR meetings and advise this organization that you are sorry for the initial mistake and are moving on. I would then find another place to volunteer.
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
These woke people would destroy temples in Seoul. Historical relics. It’s not their fault the swastika was appropriated.
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This is all about choice. YOURS.
In order to volunteer we must adhere to the rules of the institution we are volunteering at. That is just a simple fact. You have two choices:

#1. Go to meeting and say (with a huge smile plastered on your face): "Golly, I wish we had been called into meeting like the employees; the information would have been so helpful to me. I am more than happy to comply. I never should have become emotional in the lobby, and I can promise you I will never do that again. I hope you will give me a second change. I love volunteering here."
OR
#2. "Quite honestly I just can't keep up. I am afraid I am not "woke" and may NEVER awaken. For me this is all nonsense. I love volunteering, but I simply cannot keep up, and I find that free speech seems to swing too one way for me. I wish you all good luck in future."

There isn't an option three.

It's up to you. Swallow your personal opinions (we ALL have them) or tell them your opinion (they don't care).
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cwillie Apr 2023
FYI - If you want to deescalate using the word woke is not the way to do it, it has become a very controversial term and is often dragged out as a put down (similar to the way pinko or commie were back in the day)
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I’m sorry this happened.

I worked at a shelter for 10 years. Unfortunately, your situation has snowballed to the level where I recommend you just quit. There are other shelters, rescue groups, no kills, etc. that would love free labor.

In the future, refer to everyone as “they/them” until you know otherwise.
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I'd volunteer my services elsewhere, if I were you. Devote your time and effort towards people who respect and appreciate you instead of those who want to virtue signal about something inappropriate to begin with! Since when is a person's sexuality up for discussion in the workplace? If this individual has pronouns they like, then let others know those preferences honestly and w/o creating a ridiculous scene or throwing a hissy fit.
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It sounds as though you had a good relationship with the person you misgendered, I think speaking to them directly, telling them you hadn't been informed and offering a sincere apology could go a long way toward healing the rift. If that goes well then perhaps the two of you could speak together at the meeting. If that isn't practical send a formal written apology and explanation to the organization before the meeting so that there are no misunderstandings.
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
“misgendered.” Uh no CWillie, this is mostly a post 2015 thing.

I’ve gone in showers and spas completely naked. I have the right to not have a penis in view. Women weightlifters and swimmers have the right to not see that too.
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This whole world has gone crazy since Brandon took office.

Its like we are living in a woke nightmare of ridiculous morons who want to be referred to as they or them rather than their first name.

It seems to me calling yourself they is not only dehumanizing to yourself but also hints at a new schizophrenic disorder since they are referring to yourself in the plural.

The worst part is reading an article where the subject of said articklle is referenced with they/them pronouns instead if by their last name. English teachers all over the world should be protesting these grammatical infractions committed by journalists who should know better.

And don't even get me started on the CDC and others calling pregnant women pregnant people. As if....
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LoopyLoo Apr 2023
Trans people existed long before Biden. Believe it or not.
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This male staff member was out of line. It is so hard to tell who is who now a days. At 73 I refuse to play the game. If your born a male your a he, if your born a female your a she. Identify with any sex you want, but don't expect me to know which one you are. If your dressed as a woman, I will consider u a woman. If you want to be called a he or she then express that. Don't expect others to know that.

I would just hand in my resignation with a nice letter saying how much you have been humiliated for something you were not aware of or told about. That your a volunteer not an employee. That you feel your "slip up" was taken way too far. The staff member could have handled it much different by saying "were u aware that she is a he?" Not barrating you like a child.

There are other shelters.

P.S. Just want to say that I feel everyone should be who they want to be. I just think things have been taken too far. Teachers reprimanded because they called a student a he when he identifies as a she. A girl identifying as a cat so the teacher has to treat her like a cat. Its just too much.
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Catskie62 Apr 2023
I agree with you 200%!!
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Thanks for all your kind answers. I feel that I’ve known some of you for several years. I just want to clear up a few things. I don’t need any man “straightening me out” about a woman’s sexuality no matter how nice he is about it. I gave my personal opinion on trans stuff here only, not at the shelter. My response was crying in shock at the info and situation. I am a physical therapist and am pretty good at telling a man from a woman. The person in question was not even there that day. All I wanted to know was if she was ok after a dog incident.
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bundleofjoy Apr 2023
that man who verbally attacked you is totally silly.

there are many silly people in the world. it -- won't -- be the last time you (or i) bump into silly people. by the way, they exist online too. people who have a chip on their shoulder, and who want to throw their bitterness at you.

the guy in your lobby was in a bad mood. he took it out on you. he made it look like it was about you (typical strategy), but it has nothing to do with you.

if he had been in a good mood, how would he have spoken to you? probably something like this:
"he'll be OK, the injury is healing. so sweet of you to be concerned. by the way, he's actually a he."

and you probably would have said:
"oh, he's a he. thanks for letting me know. so glad he'll be OK."
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Thanks for all your understanding. I have a decision to make in a few weeks. I probably won’t return.
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I get where you are coming from and I would be devastated too, that kind of conflict is one of the reasons I chose early retirement. But take a deep breath before you decide to let one a$$hole chase you away from something you love and are good at, in the end it doesn't matter who was wrong or right as long as you are able to put it behind you. I'd go to that meeting curious not furious (as Dr Joy Browne used to advise), you really do have nothing to lose 🤗
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
The whole hr dept is involved now over this volunteer. This is a no win situation for her. Just leave and go to a shelter elsewhere.

Id also suggest to op that she not have social relations with staff. It really complicates things.

Nothing to do with trans, but my shelter used to have a big prime rib feast for Christmas and only for staff. A volunteer took it upon herself to complain to her, and now we had some cold noodle thing. This volunteer was like shunned for life.

Interactions between u and line staff, anywhere, should just be about the dogs and your specific role.
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So sorry this happened to you. To be verbally attacked, yelled at by a staff member in the lobby over anything is not acceptable.

If anything I would say you have a legitimate complaint to HR. Not that they would necessarily see it that way, but they might.

On the other hand, who wants to volunteer at a place who treats their volunteers like you have been treated?

Kudos to you for all the time and effort you have put in. You don't have to go to another meeting if you don't want to, but you can volunteer somewhere else.
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The guy who yelled at you is a jerk and the Human Resources department is made up of cowards. Really is that simple. Personally I would go to the meeting and ask what are the consequences of an employee yelling at a volunteer? I would tell them that due to the emotional distress caused by their employee you can no longer volunteer and are struggling with mental issues. I would just be curious as to their response as they are so concerned about the mental issues of the person that was not even there. Volunteer somewhere else.
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”These woke people.” Haha.
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sp19690 Apr 2023
I could call them something else but I won't.
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Volunteers have a lot of power, since what they provide is so important to organizations. I would not take this level of disrespect from this shelter. You have a lot to offer; go elsewhere.

Paid workers often have to put up with a lot, but that is something volunteers do NOT have to do.
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It sounds like the loud mouth has a problem.
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As dedicated as you have been I am surprised this went as far as it did.
That said when you return for the second meeting express yourself as eloquently (and from another post I replied to) as succinctly as possible.
If they still have their "tighty whities" in a knot your Volunteer services will be welcomed by any number of organizations.
* and if you want to get "nitpicky" if the staff member did inform you as to the medical status/health status of the other Volunteer the staff person may have been in violation of HIPAA rules.*
AND..if the Volunteer that you were friendly with never informed you as to the pronouns that were preferred you have no way of knowing. I don't know about you but I do not ask anyone about their sexual preference or their gender. The only time it would concern me is if I intended to have a sexual relationship with that person only then would it matter.
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People tend to react when faced with something they know nearly nothing about. Throwing out insults (including 'woke') and blaming Biden accomplishes little. Too few people are making any attempt to understand, and attack instead.

Transgenderism is not a 'thing' or a trend. It's more openly discussed and seen, but it's always been there.

I know two transgender people. Both were men and are now women. One had surgeries and one did not. I will admit I can't totally wrap my head around it. But I can assure you this is not an easy process and you have to be in bad shape mentally to transition. To feel you were born in the wrong body is a heartbreaking way to live. I don't understand how that feels, but people who are like that are suffering.
They aren’t trying to be weird or edgy.

There's hours upon hours of therapy. Lots of discussions with doctors. The therapist has to give the doctors a report on if the person really is transgender, or if they're just confused and not thinking it through. Even if one doesn't have any surgeries, the hormones are insanely permanent, even if they stop taking them. This isn't something a person can easily fix if they change their mind. They know transitioning will make them an open target for people who will hate-- or even kill-- them for simply existing. They don't want to bully or hurt anyone else. Or make anyone else feel threatened. They understand that they could be mis-gendered by people who truly don't mean any harm. The ones who get all mad and yell at you for misgendering are not the majority, and to do so is rude.

As for "if they have a penis, they're male"... how do you know someone does have one? Unless you look for yourself, you're not going to know!

Please stop throwing around "woke". Woke is not a code word for liberalism, Democrats, atheism, or socialism. I'm not sure why the word became a thing, but whatever. It comes down to not trying to eliminate people that are often treated poorly in society for something they don't have control over. That even if you cannot understand why someone lives the way they do, it's not okay to treat them like crap, exclude them, or ignore them. Basic kindness and courtesy that we ALL want.

(As for the story of a teacher/kid who identifies as a cat in schools, that is 100% not true. Sheesh.)
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
You say here that they were mentally ill. And the ones that are tend to be the ones that yell loudly about their identity. Them and their friends who’d go as far as to verbally abuse or hit an elderly woman.

Like it or not, trans ideology is abusive, most especially to women and children. There are state policies that force homes to place these people with penises in beds next to a poor senior woman on Medicaid. It’s all about his gender euphoria in thinking that his penis and scrotum are, uh, somehow “female”

There are 14 states meanwhile who’ve outlawed trans puberty blockers, hormones and surgery for those under 18. The trans doctor who did Jazz Jennings surgery said themselves (hate mangling the language) that no one who goes through Jazz’s med and surg routine can have an orgasm. They are all sterile. Jazz’s neovagina is made up mostly of colon tissue as there wasn’t enough penis as, again, puberty blockers. This all happened before Jazz was old enough to drink. And this ideology fully supports this with dumb, woke rhetoric like “right to exist.” Yeah, and be sterilized.
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Let me start by saying that you're doing a wonderful thing helping to look after the animals for free. It's put of the goodness of your heart.
The fact that you do it for free gives you a special advantage too. As a volunteer, you do not have to deal with any of the "woke" or "equity" nonsense. You don't have to play those ridiculous over-sensitivity games when you aren't getting paid.
You should file a complaint bout the HR guy with the director because you were abused and unfairly discriminated against. Can you throw in a little "Me too"? Maybe the folks from that cause can help you out.
I suggest you have a free consultation with an attorney. One who understands civil liberties.
If I were you, I would not let this go. I hope you don't.
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PeggySue2020 Apr 2023
She’s a volunteer and thus not under employee workplace laws. That’s the whole problem.
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I would walk into the meeting with a lawyer. Be proactive - don't let them intimidate you. As a senior citizen you have rights too -- not to be verbally attacked. As I read your posting, you had no way of knowing that the person was trans. Seems to me your HR department has 'gone round the bend' with this. HR didn't provide any training to volunteers regarding how to speak about trans people....serious mistake on the HR department. Through the lawyer, I would demand a public apology from the person who verbally attacked you. Please don't crumble -- you are a good person. You should not have to suffer becuase of an inept HR department and a verbally abusive bully. I'm not saying you have to stay at the organization. As others have mention there are other places that would love to have your talents. You might consider letting the lawyer take your situation to the local news outlet.
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