She wants to move back to her own home and care for herself. I do not agree and believe she will not get the care she needs. She wants to terminate my POA
My mother wouldn't have been happy at the Palace of Versailles, complaining the gold and silver was tarnished. Jumping thru hoops to accommodate a person who chooses unhappiness every day will only drive YOU crazy.
You don't mention dementia in your profile for mom, so I'd gladly encourage her to terminate your POA and wish her all the luck in the world moving herself back into her home, without your help.
Yep, some folks love to complain.. it's communication. It's to get a laugh, to gain attention, or just something to talk about. Especially when their world has shrunk & they no longer discuss the news, from world events to local events. Their world becomes them & their daily minutiae.
If your mother is competent you don't have any control over her decision to move home. You just don't have to help. I would inform her to go ahead but you are unable to help care for her. She's on her own with this.
She can’t do much with out me. She can’t drive or unable to understand how to use the Internet even to order food. I would just be dropping her off in hopes my brothers care for her or check on her.
Do not take Mom back into your home . That’s worst thing you could do . I read your replies to others. I can’t see her being able to coordinate getting herself back to her house either. If she thinks she’s independent let her try to do everything for herself . A wise social worker told me to “ stop helping your mother , let her fail “. Sometimes this is the only way to prove to them that they are not independent. Stop helping her . You are propping up her false independence . CHF and stage 4 renal disease . Mom sounds like a candidate for hospice .
One of your replies state that you “ would be dropping her off in hopes my brothers would be caring for her or checking on her “. NOPE. Do not drive her back to her house or your house . If your mother wants to go home she has to get there in her own . DO NOT help her or support her decision to move home.
Honestly I would give up POA of anyone who goes home without proper care in place . And NO , your brothers do not “ have to step up “. If your mother is competent . No one has to put up with these ridiculous behaviors of your mothers .
HotHouseFlower is correct. Your Mom's future placement or lack of it is dependent on whether or not you are her POA and are so acting according to her documents because your mother is no longer competent to safely make her own decisions. As long as there is no court actions declaring your mom incompetent she has a right to change her POA to anyone else at any time, and to remove herself from care.
I would make it crystal clear that if these threats continue you will not only be glad to be fired, but you will RESIGN by letter, and that you will step away from any and all care. Do not enable an unsafe action. Often seniors are not judged incompetent. Courts are VERY reluctant to take a citizen's right from them. She may soon endanger herself and she needs to know if she does that you will not participate.
If Mom is competent, she can move back home like said, without your help. You have done enough. You can't help a complainer. Just tell her she can do what she wants but you will not be helping her this time. She can inform the facility she will be leaving. She can pack herself up and find movers. When she returns home, she can hire help because you are not caring for her.
Good Grief, don't even consider taking her back, she is playing you, she knows that you will do what she wants eventually, like moving her 3 times, why would you let her manipulate you like that?
Let her be, if she wants to move somewhere else let her do it all by herself, you do not help her.
Let her give the POA to your brother and be done with it, visit her on your own terms.
Actually, this is your issue not hers as you keep condescending to her, maybe therapy would be of help to you.
I am with Needhelp. Again, tell Mom she can do whatever she wants but you will not be helping her in any way since she feels she is independent enough to do it on her own. If she does get herself back to her own home, she will see that she can't do it by herself. You could leave her info on how to get the Senior bus or an uber. How to call in a grocery order and have it delivered and the cost. A name of a guy to mow her lawn and how much it will cost.
Make it plain that you mean "not helping in any way" means no rides to apts or shopping. No coming over to clean up her house. No cooking for her. No driving her anywhere. No being at her beck and call. Being independent means she is capable of doing for herself. If she feels she does need help when she gets home, she hires it. There are Home Health aides that do the cooking and cleaning. Will fix her breakfast and lunch and dinner. Can even help her with a shower, apts and errands. There is a slight difference between their responsibilities and a CNAs.
Stop moving her from assisted living place to assisted living place. She will never be happy anywhere she is. Be happy she is no longer in your house and never entertain the notion about moving her back in with you. She will be a miserable complainer until she dies.
It's emotion. No need to fix or take action. Meet emotion with empathy.
I'm hearing you want to move back home. Why is that?
She may feel sad about the loss of her previous home & her independance. (I guess I would).
She may need a safe place to feel sad. A safe person to be with to disclose this to.
I can hear you are sad 😔 Make comforting noises. Hold hands or hug if you are close & it feels right. Offer hope: Chin up now. You'll be fine. You can make the best if it. You are pretty tough. Redirect: Now what do you want to do today?
As for all those moving plans.. ah maybe you will! She can plot & plan. Some stay quite happy with that. Making their grand plans.
I'm happy to HEAR the grand plans... play the game. I have no intention or responsibility to do anything about them 😜
Her wants are demands and if she doesn’t get all the attention or what she wants she pouts and makes things miserable. Refusing to eat or take her meds. I really want to know if I choose to take her back that I can legally walk away from the non-court ordered POA without legal issues from walking away. My brothers will be near her and will have to step up.
You don't mention dementia in your profile for mom, so I'd gladly encourage her to terminate your POA and wish her all the luck in the world moving herself back into her home, without your help.
Yep, some folks love to complain.. it's communication. It's to get a laugh, to gain attention, or just something to talk about. Especially when their world has shrunk & they no longer discuss the news, from world events to local events. Their world becomes them & their daily minutiae.
I read your replies to others. I can’t see her being able to coordinate getting herself back to her house either. If she thinks she’s independent let her try to do everything for herself . A wise social worker told me to “ stop helping your mother , let her fail “. Sometimes this is the only way to prove to them that they are not independent. Stop helping her . You are propping up her false independence . CHF and stage 4 renal disease . Mom sounds like a candidate for hospice .
One of your replies state that you “ would be dropping her off in hopes my brothers would be caring for her or checking on her “. NOPE. Do not drive her back to her house or your house . If your mother wants to go home she has to get there in her own . DO NOT help her or support her decision to move home.
Honestly I would give up POA of anyone who goes home without proper care in place . And NO , your brothers do not “ have to step up “. If your mother is competent . No one has to put up with these ridiculous behaviors of your mothers .
Your Mom's future placement or lack of it is dependent on whether or not you are her POA and are so acting according to her documents because your mother is no longer competent to safely make her own decisions.
As long as there is no court actions declaring your mom incompetent she has a right to change her POA to anyone else at any time, and to remove herself from care.
I would make it crystal clear that if these threats continue you will not only be glad to be fired, but you will RESIGN by letter, and that you will step away from any and all care. Do not enable an unsafe action. Often seniors are not judged incompetent. Courts are VERY reluctant to take a citizen's right from them. She may soon endanger herself and she needs to know if she does that you will not participate.
Let her be, if she wants to move somewhere else let her do it all by herself, you do not help her.
Let her give the POA to your brother and be done with it, visit her on your own terms.
Actually, this is your issue not hers as you keep condescending to her, maybe therapy would be of help to you.
I wish you the best.
Make it plain that you mean "not helping in any way" means no rides to apts or shopping. No coming over to clean up her house. No cooking for her. No driving her anywhere. No being at her beck and call. Being independent means she is capable of doing for herself. If she feels she does need help when she gets home, she hires it. There are Home Health aides that do the cooking and cleaning. Will fix her breakfast and lunch and dinner. Can even help her with a shower, apts and errands. There is a slight difference between their responsibilities and a CNAs.
It's emotion. No need to fix or take action. Meet emotion with empathy.
I'm hearing you want to move back home. Why is that?
She may feel sad about the loss of her previous home & her independance. (I guess I would).
She may need a safe place to feel sad. A safe person to be with to disclose this to.
I can hear you are sad 😔
Make comforting noises. Hold hands or hug if you are close & it feels right.
Offer hope: Chin up now. You'll be fine. You can make the best if it. You are pretty tough.
Redirect: Now what do you want to do today?
As for all those moving plans.. ah maybe you will! She can plot & plan. Some stay quite happy with that. Making their grand plans.
I'm happy to HEAR the grand plans... play the game. I have no intention or responsibility to do anything about them 😜