I have durable power of attorney for my father. Every decision I try to make is met with extreme opposition from my siblings.

An interesting question. YOUR "LEGAL" RESPONSIBILITY IS ONLY TO YOUR FATHER. I was (mother passed very recently) DPOA for my mother. I have 3 brothers and no sisters. This is not a simple task, but please remember your father choose YOU to represent him, not your siblings. His trust is in you. You, by law, do not have to explain anything to your siblings.


While taking care of Mom, I found that keeping my siblings informed on developments directly involving her care was a good thing. This is not always true for every family. However, it was after Mother passed that I got flack from the brothers (actually only the youngest one). Once Mother passed I also had legal responsibility to take care of the "trust/estate".

What happened is not as important as the fact that "legally" you do not owe them explanations, information, etc. The DPOA gives you all the power. Just "inform" them to what you see important on your fathers welfare. ie., health, living arrangements, nothing else is appropriate under a DPOA.'

Good luck, as this is not easy. Remember at all times to take care of yourself in this process. As this is a process. Keep good records of everything you do, and share what you feel they need to know. Do not take personally anything else.

The doctor’s letter gives reason why your father cannot make safe and responsible decisions any more, but you must have a proper legal Power of Attorney signed by a lawyer and witnesses and probably noting the doctor’s statement. Each State has slightly different laws, but they are basically the same. If you have POA drawn up by a lawyer, then you have 100% power to make financial decisions. You may also be your das’s HealthAdvocate, which means you can make decisions with regard to his medical needs. These documents may have some qualifiers or restrictions. This is decided when the document is drawn up.
I would speak to the lawyer who drew up these documents. If you didn’t have a lawyer, I would speak to one now to clarify what you have.

Any hospital, nursing home, senior center can advise you on this, but I would settle it by speaking to a lawyer.

The doctor’s letter gives reason why your father cannot make safe and responsible decisions any more, but you must have a proper legal Power of Attorney signed by a lawyer and witnesses and probably noting the doctor’s statement. Each State has slightly different laws, but they are basically the same. If you have POA drawn up by a lawyer, then you have 100% power to make financial decisions. You may also be your das’s HealthAdvocate, which means you can make decisions with regard to his medical needs. These documents may have some qualifiers or restrictions. This is decided when the document is drawn up.
I would speak to the lawyer who drew up these documents. If you didn’t have a lawyer, I would speak to one now to clarify what you have.

Any hospital, nursing home, senior center can advise you on this, but I would settle it with a lawyer.

Great advice below. Unless your father specifically documented that you must consult with your siblings regarding POA matters, your only duty is to him.

I dealt with a situation in my family as enduring POA for both my parents. A grand daughter who hadn't been on the scene for decades suddenly showed up a couple of years ago, as my mother was dying. One of her cousins said to me "why has she suddenly turned up? poking her nose in, why now?" Good question huh. She was quite threatening toward me, stating, among other things, that she had "concerns about transparency". My approach in dealing with her was to ask her if my father, her grandfather, had EVER discussed his financial dealings/decisions/situation with her in the past. Well, no. He is a very private man who did not discuss his finances with ANY family members - just his bank manager, accountant and his lawyer. So that is what I am doing too, on HIS behalf. Not HERS. That seemed to shut her up.

Spotlover
it sounds like you’ve figured out that you don’t owe your siblings squat but I do wonder how your dad is holding up under all that noise from the siblings that sounds bordering on abuse?!
it may or may not be good for him to be near them.
I do hope things settle down for his sake as well as yours.

It just isn't that straightforward. If the parent concerned was not in the habit of discussing his or her finances with all of his/her children, then the POA ought to continue the parent's practice unless the parent has had the foresight to direct otherwise when drawing up the POA.

Financial information is generally treated in confidence. You can't go blabbing every detail to someone only because it would be nice or courteous to make him or her feel included.

If sibling that doesn’t have poa is the one caring for parent then everything should be out in the open. When secrets are kept they’re usually up to no good. Parents sometimes just give poa to their oldest or the son not because they’re better at handling everything or they trust them more.

I'm in Missouri. I don't think you have ANY legal obligation to your siblings.

As Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA), your only LEGAL obligation is to act ON BEHALF OF your father with HIS best interests at heart.

A MEDICAL DPOA, (assigned when the person is of sound mind), states HIS wishes and instructions as to his ongoing medical care, ie, make heroic efforts to continue his life or do not resuscitate (DNR), etc. YOU may not have any real DECISIONS to make here, as HIS instructions for his care are normally all spelled out on the document.

A FINANCIAL DPOA is a completely separate assignment (also assigned when the person is of sound mind). This means you must RESPONSIBLY use HIS assets for HIS care and expenses related to his care. For example, pay HIS mortgage/rent and utilities from HIS assets. You can RESPONSIBLY sell his assets, (including vehicles and homes), as needed, to pay his for his ongoing care and expenses, etc.

Upon his death, ALL POAs and DPOAs IMMEDIATELY expire.

If there is a will, once the will is filed with the court, (and after a period of time for objections), the court will send out a Letters Testamentary to the Executor/Personal Representative mentioned in the will who then take over the administration of the estate.

Depending on the value of the estate, sometimes all decisions are court supervised, sometimes not (Note: Siblings can typically sign off to waive court appointed supervision in order to save court costs).

Any JOINT assets held, bank accounts, stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit (CD's), etc. IMMEDIATELY go to the joint account holder and are NOT part of the estate. Consider that money gone.

Life insurance claims can be redeemed ONLY by the named beneficiaries (with a certified copy of the death certificate). These funds are NOT part of the estate.

ALL accounts in HIS NAME ONLY will be FROZEN upon his death. Only with a death certificate and court appointed letters testamentary (which can take months to receive), can the Executor then transact any estate business, such as closing bank accounts in his name only, cancelling utilities, opening an ESTATE checking account, etc.

Pay bills with estate funds ONLY!! You do NOT, and SHOULD not, pay ANY bills with your personal money. Estste bills, including mortgages, utilities, e.t.c., WILL go unpaid, sometimes for MONTHS that is COMPLETELY normal with estates. Creditors know and are used to this.

If there is NO will, then ANY assets not held JOINTLY must go through Probate Court for ALL the decisions to be made.

In Missouri, even WITH a will, an estate goes through Probate Court and my narcissistic siblings did whatever they could to make the process more difficult, but I just did MY job as DPOA (Med & Fin) and eventual Executor to the estate. I have NO regrets! Though, I DO have less siblings in my life now, and I'm COMPLETELY okay with that!!! I found out that they are not the kind of people I choose to have in my life anyway. Good riddance. Blood is NOT always thicker than water.

You do what's right for your father. FORGET the siblings if they are just trying to cause you problems. You can't always please everyone, so do what's best for your FATHER, what HE would have done if HE were able to. Your siblings are likely just jealous and possibly greedy.

Best of luck to you in the coming years.

Keep asking questions here, because there's ALWAYS someone on here that has been through EXACTLY the situation you're finding yourself in at the time. <3

This is a bit different from most of the answers, but might be worth considering. You tell us that your siblings are opposing all your decisions, but you don’t tell us what sort of decisions you are making or why they are opposing them Unfortunately, on this site we read often two completely different stories.

The first is that the POA is doing all the work with the best of intentions, the siblings refuse to help, they want to avoid any sort of paid care that will diminish their own inheritance, and that they have been and continue to be very unpleasant in a dysfunctional family.

The second scenario is that the POA is acting as a mini-tyrant totally in charge of the parents, providing no information to siblings, making decisions that don’t seem in the interests of the parents, and causing real worries about financial misappropriation.

It’s not possible for us to know which scenario is correct, or whether there are bits of both going on. For the short and long term sake of every body involved, irrespective of ‘rights’, it would be far better if you could calm down and work out what you can share and explain. Yes you have the POA, but your siblings are also your father’s children and are just as likely to care about what is happening to him. You might feel the same as them if your father had happened to make one of them his POA instead of you, for example if you were on the other side of the country when the document was prepared.

The benefits of co-operation to you are less likelihood of legal problems, certainly less likelihood that litigation would go against you, and better relations long term within the family. Think about it.

YOUR LEGAL OBLIGATION TO YOUR SIBLINGS IS ZERO - you may consult but you are not obligated to do as they ask - keep all dr's records etc

Your dad made you POA not them - however just a word to the wise make a paper trail a mile wide & do not use anything but a paper statement to back up your documentation because you will pay big $$$ to get back copies so it is best to get the ones from any transactions in original print not Xerox/printer

If they still object have the lawyer send them a politely worded letter that basically says you are in charge & they are to 'shut up' - you may have him/her include a bit about 'while you will appreciate input however once a decision is made then that's it & don't continue bothering you' & again in polite wording but with a stern overtone

It would seem your dad picked well as you seem to be the one with some heart & don't let them wear you down - good luck

Tell them to back off as you're the agent.

as long as the POA YOU HAVE IS OFFICIAL, YOU HAVE THE FINAL SAY. IF YOU HAVE ANY CONCERNS, YOUR BEST BET IS TO CONTACT AN ATTORNEY - PREFERABLY ONE WHO SPECIALIZES IN ELDER CARE.

Of course you do NOT need their permission. If you are a family that works together, you may ask for their input, but that is only if you choose to do so. Did your father sign the paperwork? Just interested.

You have full decision rights. If your siblings want to play nice, then you can tell them that you will consider their arguments, if they are nasty, tell them to play nice, you have the authority! Period.

Your father's doctor said it's necessary. His financial advisor said the same thing and thst everything is in order. No, you shouldn't have to include them on every decision. They may be concerned that you have access to monies that they don't. This can be remedied by providing a year end list of all expenses. This way everyone can see where the funds are being used for.

Print this out for anyone who needs to know:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/things-you-can-and-cant-do-with-poa-152673.htm

Question asked on avvo.com
(https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/does-a-poa-have-the-right-to-withhold-all-financia-741543.html):

"Does a POA have the right to withhold all financial information from the siblings
POA has all financial institution account balance and information sent to them and is refusing to share with other brothers and sisters."

Answers:

1.) A Power of Attorney has a fiduciary duty to the principal, not to the siblings. Thus, a POA is not obligated to share financial information with you and, arguably, if the POA did, he may be in violation of his duty of loyalty to his principal. If you feel that the POA is not acting in the best interest of the principal you may petition the court to review the conduct of the POA.

2.) The terms of the power of attorney itself may specify the level of disclosure of information, but Ohio also has a law that specifically permits certain interested persons (which include children of the principal) to request accountings from the agent. That information is different from "all financial information." The children have no more right to ask the agent for the parent's bank account and investment account balances than they would to ask the parent directly. However, the POA should not be secretive as far as use, expenditure, or transfer of the funds. If there are facts present that suggests the agent is abusing the authority granted under the POA, then you should retain counsel and pursue a court-ordered accounting if the agent refuses to provide one voluntarily. Also, this does not mean that the children are entitled to receive contemporaneous or monthly information. Please bear in mind that your parent continues to have a right to keep information regarding their financial situation secret and the children have no right to that information. (there is more on the web page.)

3.) My colleagues are both right. It is usually correct to be worried when one sibling keeps all the others in the dark about the affairs of an aging client, and lots of damage can be done with a power of attorney. Several years ago the School of Law and Government at Albany University revealed that 92% of Powers of Attorney are misused by the agent holding the power.

Despite that answer #3 (don't know how they came up with that high a percentage!), providing basic information to siblings if requested nicely should be fine (per the attorney who posted a response on this thread), however decision making and details are for the POA. Certainly if anyone has GOOD suggestions or GOOD questions about finances or care, then take them into consideration, but the actual decision making, medical and financial, are to be made by the appointee. Sharing basic information and being open to suggestions should be enough to qualm concerns of siblings, but many of us are aware that this is certainly not the case in many instances! If it were me, I would try once, generally twice, to share relevant information, but if they chose to ignore it and continue unreasonable demands, that's it. No more from me!

Do keep good records. There are those who will seek legal advice and try to wrest control from you. If you have good records, both medical and financial and anything else that might be relevant, they will likely not succeed. In reading more about legal fees in cases like this, it appears that the general rule is each side pays its own legal costs :-( There may be exceptions, so I would think if you have VERY good records, it can be shown that the case was frivolous, especially if you presented the basic records prior to the suit. It might even be enough to pass them from your attorney to theirs - if they can then "See the light", perhaps they would back off.

If anyone does sue for guardianship and wins, it will override any POA. So, you want to ensure there is no way for them to win!

Your legal obligations are your duties as POA for your father. You don't have legal obligations to your siblings.

Being POA is hard enough without sibling drama aggravating you. You are under legal obligation to your father, *not* to your siblings. Stop explaining yourself to anyone whose not directly involved in your father's care. If he wanted them to know, he would have told them himself or appointed one of them. Ignore their requests for his private information. Just because your siblings ask does not entitle them to an explanation.

So many difficult situations. I don't have an answer. My situation turned out awful. I offered to move back home and take care of my Mom as my siblings were not in a position to do so. (I am eldest). I tried to keep them informed. My dad became increasingly suspicious of me. y sister never really trusted me, and neither she nor my brother would return calls when I wanted to inform or ask advice about situations and what to do. None of us at the time had POA. sometime during my tenure (before I gave up) my sister obtained POA over my dad, but did not inform me. I finally walked away because the whole situation was so volatile. Sadly, my Mom was caught in the middle: Dementia, and some medical problems that my dad was not equipped to deal with (I am an RN). My siblings refused to speak with me. A year later Mom died. about 16 months after that I was served with a lawsuit from my sister, claiming elder abuse. We went to court. fortunately the Judge saw it my way. I had excellent documentation for everything I did every time I went to my parents house and for everything I spent. The judge was very annoyed with my sister. And she found in my favor. (My sister is a lawyer, and at the time of the lawsuit a sitting judge in the state of California--it was the only legal case she lost in er lifetime as a lawyer). Sadly, I never spoke with my Dad again, and to this day I have no idea where my mother or father's ashes were scattered. I have not spoken to my sister since Mom died, and my brother for more than 3 years. Mom died in 2010. I tell this story so that you understand, that despite the best intentions, for some reason, siblings are at each other's throats. I have watched this for decades in my professional work as a hospice nurse, and working with those with chronic illnesses. So, regardless of whether you choose to keep them informed--keep meticulous records. You never know if you will need them. Some families do well and work well together, but with the contentions that you have, either be well prepared, or choose to walk away as I did. Both are very difficult. I am sorry that you are in this situation. ( My sister did manage to break my mother's will, and I received nothing, she was that vindictive.)

Your dad gave YOU his power to make his decisions. He didn't give it to them. In my state, communicating with them is a courtesy and not required of you. They may be able to legally ask for an accounting and they definitely can hire an attorney to petition the court to become his guardian.

Looks at this point like a lawyer in your own state should be asked if you can send a monthly accounting. A lawyer on the thread has said he knows of no laws that forbid you sharing information with the siblings. For myself I was told you cannot, as it shares the information of the person I serve without his capacity to give permission.
Dealing with siblings can be awful. I will say that POA and/or Trustee of Trust isn't a piece of cake either. It requires meticulous record keeping, no muddying of your name or monies with your loved one, careful accounting in case there are ever questions.
Do be certain before you invoke the DPOA that you want it. And if there are siblings you cannot trust you may want to get a court appointed guardian and let that money be paid out before something bad happens to Dad's money. See an Elder Law Attorney is my advice, to find out what your duties would be, and what you fears are.

As POA, you asking your siblings is just a matter of courtesy.

Stop telling them what you're doing and hopefully they will stop getting ugly with you.

You are the only one responsible for these decisions and do not need their approval or input. So take a big breath and sign in relief.

Now, that You are off the hook. Keeping relationships intact is hard to do. If you want input from the rest of the family - ask for suggestions. Tell them you will keep their "suggestions" in mind while making decisions. Keep everybody in the loop on what is going on - I send monthly letters to all my family. If they are concerned about the finances, send a balance sheet that shows what comes in and where it goes. Your loved one chose you because he/she trusts you to have his/her best interests at heart.

It’s been 8 months since my moms passing. I recognize it’s not just my mom and we are all individuals with unique relationships.
I no longer speak with 4 siblings. Yet being executrix if you also hold that position becomes even more challenging. It is not a great place to be.
I agree with the others. Your parent chose you. I also agree keep great records. And get a bonding and release form filed. I did have to get some funds back for ira taxes. Don’t think that was easy.
I also agree wholeheartedly, there wasn’t any financial contributions over the past 24 years to their home or lives. My parents only paid minimal utility bills. $300. A month. My personal income paid the rest upkeep, plus rental, tenant turnover. Now they want to eat the pie. The property where they lived was owned jointly with myself only. They come out of the woodwork with opinion and criticism.
Poa ends when the person passes. That’s when things really hit the fan. Had to clean out the apartment, inventory and present all possessions . Lots of visits to the post office while nasty emails were hurled my way.
Even an easy estate as this was, none of this is easy. Take the executor fee. My mother told me to. I wasn’t going to. But it is alot of work!!
I took half. It was minimal.
For me it was a gang up of bullies. My mother always said I think your going to have a problem. They’ve held this resentment in for a long time. It is family dysfunction stuff.
All this is to say. I would keep it all business. Keep meticulous records. Submit the documentation because it’s not going to get easier. Communicate on paper. You need to take care of yourself. Prepare yourself , these lifelong relationships are over. Remember it’s their stuff they are unhappy with.
If you are/were your parents go to person, you have spent countless hours being there for them. Cherish those memories.
Just now am I starting to be able to deal with my own grief and won’t be truly free till taxes are filed next year and I can close the account out.
It is what it is. This will minimize your time being wasted if you communicate and document.
And if you are the executor be prepared. You will already have started the ground work.
Good luck. Peace.

Bad situation, exactly what is it they expect to do and how is this helping your father? And they won;t agree to anything? No compromise? Other people here seem to think it is inheritance, and maybe it is. It seems to me being the poa you don't need their permission for anything. You are obligated to help your father, do what you think is best. Good luck

I am sorry your sibs are giving you so much trouble. It is probably because they worry that you are doing something weird with the money that will effect their inheritance. There are alot of scams out there that could eat up all the money. Maybe just putting everything in CDs would be easier for everyone to follow.

My older half brother had POA on my mother. He also had his name on her checking account. He developed dementia and died a year before my mother from COPD. He was not a very good financial person and one year he cashed all the investments and gave her a horrible tax consequence. His wife was in denial and said "he will be ok if he is with me". However she would push me into the room of the nursing home with him. I had no legal power so I would beg the managers to not make any decisions until they talked to me. My step brother even denied signing the papers to put her in the nursing home.

It got so bad that my sister in Florida and I mounted a takeover where we took her into her lawyer where she signed to take him off, and put us on. I was actually surprised that she signed because she was so close to him, but even she knew he had dementia. The sister-in-law gave me all the bank statements and I spent a week untangling them. They had siphoned off quite a bit of money, but I decided I wasn't in the bill collecting business.

Going forward I had my sister in Florida (retired nurse) take her in, and sold her house (which my mother no longer recognized). After that everybody was just happy that somebody was handling it. It's a lot of work. It is unlikely that your siblings would want the responsibility for it.

My mother died 3 years ago (age 97). Mistakes are easy to make (there is still some money stuck in a checking account that I am waiting to go to unclaimed funds). Please be careful and don't do anything without consulting a lawyer.

If your father has an investing manager, there can be a churning problem where the manager is constantly replacing stocks to earn himself commissions. That happened to my husband's insurance which was abbreviated (paying for itself). He lost all his life insurance because of that. .

My sister lost her entire nursing pension because she invested it in a special fund that was taken over by the investing manager. He moved it and took it all out and spent it on himself (over $120,000).

Don't forget about the 70 1/2 rule for taking out a percentage of 401K IRA invested money. The penalty of not taking it out is 50%. I looked on the internet and fold a table by a lawyer that said the first year it was 27% that had to come out. Turned out that was false. I found a IRA table where it was much, much less. 50% is a huge penalty!.

Your siblings know of these scams and mistakes and are worried. Please be careful and conservative.

They can force you to be removed if you are making questionable decisions. I’m coming from the other side of the issue. My sister has financial POA, I have medical ( imo bad idea to split them as it is to have more than one listed) . Lately she has been trying to stop my mother’s medication to “ save money”. My mother has plenty in the bank but in sister’s words it’s “ effecting our inheritance “ . Fortunately my mother insists my daughter is on her bank account so my daughter is keeping track of her account. First questionable expenditure from my sister and we are suing to get a guardian to take over .

My husband and his sister together and or individually have power of attorney over their parent's affairs. They also have durable Medical Power of Attorney. That way if one or the other is out of town and an emergency arises they can solely make financial or medical decisions. There are four other siblings and their spouses and so far it is working well. However, they are of the mindset that because my husband and his sister have POA that gets them off the hook, so to speak. None have them have lifted a finger to help with anything pertaining to care or upkeep of the family home. Both parents are now in a facility and the house is being sold to help them financially. The complete burden of going through 60 years of stuff and cleaning out the house has fallen on my husband and his sister, her husband and me but they all want their piece of the pie. I don't know the answer as far as what's better having them help make decisions and help with the work or doing it all our selves. I am finding that every family is different and our goal is to keep the parents healthy financially and medically. I do all of the paperwork and pay all of the bills and I am very strict about keeping records. Just in case. I am not being paid for my services and do not ever expect to get anything but I don't want anyone to come after me in the end. Families can be difficult and wonderful but when it comes to their parents end of life the emotions kick in and no rules apply.
My advice is keep records and follow your heart. You do not have to legally share anything with anyone else. Your parents have trusted you to make the right decisions for them and when they are gone you can rest easy having done so.

First off, I'm an attorney with over 30 years experience in that area. Your obligation is to your father and decisions are made with his best interests in mind. The duty to provide information is a matter of local law, but I have never seen it said that there is a duty to keep matters private. I usually recommend a level of basic reporting similar to what others have suggested. You can be sued both during your father's lifetime and after his death for a breachvof fiduciary duty. That is worth avoiding even if the claims are bogus. Transactions that involve you or your family are different. In my state payments to you are presumed to be fraudulent and should be documented especially well. I find that family members react well to up front communication. You should consult a local attorney to help you understand your specific duties.

No, you don’t have to do anything they want if you have power of attorney. Now, if your father passes, you may have to show what you did with his money.

My response to my older brothers and SIL when I was on the receiving end of this sort of nonsense was 'I have been tasked with representing our parents interests and since they have always kept their finances private I will continue to do so. I am making decisions on their behalf based upon information that I have as their POA and Executrix, information that is necessary in order make appropriate decisions'

When my SIL attempted to compare how her brother handled her parents and later their estates (forwarding monthly statements on their investment portfolio from the accountant to siblings while her parents were still alive) I pointed out that each family may approach this differently but the law is on my side and since this pertains our parents any further conversations to be had will be had with my brothers and not their wives or children.