I am so friggin scared. I need your help!! She is back in the hospital. She called me at noon. They went to her house at 4:30am and she said she didn’t get to the hospital till 6am. They couldn’t pull in her driveway because nobody had plowed the end of it yet. My son and I had shoveled everything but the end. They couldn’t get in the back door because it was locked. They went in through the front door because it was unlocked. She was upstairs short of breath, and shaking. They helped her down the stairs and cleared a lot of junk out of the way in the dining room. I’m over here now taking pictures of this hell hole. I contacted her primary doctor and they contacted APS and left a message. The social worker at the hospital called me and left a message to call her back. She wanted to meet with me and my mother tomorrow. I called and let a message and said she needs to go to assisted living. I can’t help her anymore!!! I can’t be there in the morning I have to work tonight. I told my mother when she called at noon I would stop up today. Should I go up to the hospital? Should I stay away? What if she calls me at home? Should I tell her she needs to go to assisted living? I am so scared right now. I’ve told everyone everything!!!! Help me please!!!
Please feel peace about your decision. You know that she is being cared for. I think it’s good they have ordered a psych test. Things could be looking up!
Hugs. 💗
Just remain cool, calm & collected tomorrow when you do go to the hospital for the meeting. Your ducks are all lined up now. Mother needs to NOT come home now. She needs placement. That is what you tell the SW as many times as necessary in order for the message to sink in.
Then let go and let God. This is the 'crisis' opportunity you've been waiting for. With God's help, mother will be soon be placed in a care environment where she'll be cared for until she passes. Sending you a giant HUG and a load of prayers that all goes well.
Mother had a crisis about that age (one of several). The more the professionals got involved,the better it went, the better care she got, and the easier it was on me. Did she like it? No she didn't but, nonetheless, it was what was best for her. She got the care and meds that she needed.
Keep us updated.
My mother was a lesser version of yours. Apartment was messy,not very clean,she didn't bathe well,couldn't do her laundry,fell on NYC streets buying groceries and on and on. Finally a fall landed her in the hospital and then to rehab and then to AL. I couldn't have gotten her there on my own. Over 6 years later she is much better off. Stay strong.
I’m so sorry for all that is happening but hoping this is the catalyst to get some awareness and intervention for your mom’s self neglect. I agree with WorriedinCali. Stay away. It would probably be best to avoid her phone calls too, but I recognize how difficult that is. Practice a calm but stern voice, “Mom, I love you and you need help. You need to be in assisted living.” Any attempts by her to argue should be met with, “ Mom, again, I love you but this is not open for discussion.” Hang up and don’t take her calls for the rest of the day. You can do this.
I think you have offered your mom tremendous support throughout her life. You know that you have.
She can’t continue on the path that she is on. Too much clutter, two story home, all alone in that house, etc. It’s not the right place for her. I bet she’s scared. I would be. There comes a time that we have to give up our independence and allow others to help.
You have a job. You have a family. You cannot keep putting all of your energy into your mom. It’s draining you. I lived it. It drains us. I think sometimes we want the pain to stop so we used to take what we thought was the easy way out by doing everything for them. It really wasn’t the easy way out.
We taught them that we were at their disposal at all times because it’s what we feel in our hearts. It’s emotional. We don’t even see how much we are doing until we step away. At least that is how it was for me.
You have grown so much. You put things into perspective but while that brings a certain amount of relief, the concern for our mothers is still in our hearts. I understand that.
Look, call me crazy but I have compassion for my mom and want the best for her even if she mistreated me at times. I appreciate when she was kind and she did many wonderful things for me as well. I still think of her daily even though I don’t see her because I will not allow myself to be near my brothers or sister in law. I hit my threshold of pain. I would suspect that you are at your threshold of pain.
Elaine, you are at the end of your rope and that is perfectly normal! Tell your mom this is the end of the line. She cannot return to her home. It isn’t safe. I think the EMS workers are your best friends right now. They see your mom’s unacceptable living situation. Ask the EMS workers to testify for you. Stick with telling anyone and everyone that will listen to you about your concerns. I wouldn’t bring her home again. If they put her in a cab then it’s on their hands. You know that she shouldn’t return to her home. Stick by that.
Go see her if you like but don’t let them manipulate you. She’s your mom. You have to deal with this. They don’t and if they did, well...they would be complaining too!
All the best to you, Elaine. If you don’t mind I am going to say a special prayer for you and your mom. I know when I was in a fog that sometimes I was hurting so much that I couldn’t pray. I feel God understands that. The greatest of prophets had dry spells and questioned their circumstances. Everything you feel is completely normal! Hugs, Elaine 💗.
You know AL means private pay. If she can't do that it means Medicaid in Long Term Care.
Good Luck.