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I am the peacemaker. We were raised to help each other if we can. My brother had done a lot of things that have created problems but none of us is totally innocent. Long and short of it, he was living with Dad for 17 years when Dad came to live with me. The house was in the 3 daughters names and one wanted to move in-requiring him to move out. He is a very big man and had health issues and does not work. He was self employed most of his life and his social security is very low (less than 500/mo) and where we live, this won’t get you a room to rent. He was forced out by the courts (evicted) and ended up in a homeless shelter. It broke my heart. I had no room for him and one of my sisters lives with me and they don't get along. He had a friend that allowed him to stay with him but the sold the house and now my brother has to be out by April 1. He has signed up for senior housing in multiple areas but they are either not taking names or the waiting list is so long, he’ll probably die before a place is available. I am so upset. I dont want to see him go to a shelter (especially with Covid 19) and all I have is a couch but even if I offer it to him, do I really want to live with that daily tension between my sister and brother? I am trying to help him but I dont know what to do. I’m really scared for him.. social services tells him to go to a shelter. He has no other family to help. He is coming over soon so I can help him call anyone and everyone that I think might help but I am at a loss. Help. What would you do?

Are you living with your sister or is she living with you?
If you feel badly about your brothers situation and your sister is living with you you can invite him to move in, tell both your brother and sister..."MY HOUSE MY RULES" and lay down the ground rules. If your sister does not accept them she can move out leaving space for brother. If brother does not accept the rules he does not move in. As soon as either creates tension or dissension out they go.
On the other hand if you live with your sister it is HER house her rules so brother will have to find a place to live.
Unfortunately many places are closed for placement. (although Chicago has decided to use now empty hotels for quarantine and the YMCA plans to use facilities for homeless to "shelter in place")
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Reply to Grandma1954
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You've said your brother was a big man - are you avoiding saying he's morbidly obese? Anyone who piles on the weight has issues. Perhaps your sisters who won't have him have laid down boundaries that he won't respect. There has to be an underlying reason for this tension between him and not just one, but all 3 sisters. I would not allow him to crash on my sofa but would allow him to be homeless so he can learn to control whatever it is that is the problem.
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Ahmijoy Mar 24, 2020
True. But after you’re on this forum for a while, you know when an OP is leaving details out, and I’m almost positive this one is. I wonder if Brother has violent or abusive tendencies including anger issues. I wonder if he is at all capable of handling his ADLs or even cares to. He obviously has no funds. How much would it cost to support and feed him? Dumping him out on his own, if he has mental issues, would possibly cause OP more grief than taking him into her home, not that that’s a solution either.

Many unanswered questions.
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Clean, non-smoking, non-drinking senior.

Mm. Not that Katmar has said a word to the contrary, but would brother tick all those boxes?
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Linzy6 Mar 24, 2020
I'm optimistic someone in dire need of a room could adjust his appearance, demeanor, and behavior if necessary.
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Don't give up on the idea of finding a room for brother to rent. So many people have lost income/jobs during this pandemic, that I'd bet some would be eager to rent a small spare room to a clean, non-smoking, non-drinking senior. Even collecting $300-$400/month rent might help a family pay their own bills.

I realize brother would only be left with a small amount for food and medicine, but perhaps he would qualify for other welfare programs (SSI?) and Meals on Wheels.  Could you sisters chip in a little?

I don't know the best place to post for a "room wanted," but I've seen people do so on Craigslist. Maybe he could also put notices on bulletin boards at church, senior centers, and other places. Brother would need to present himself as a model boarder, and it would be helpful if he could offer some services (help with housekeeping, lawn maintenance, dog-walking?)

And brother may not have the luxury of living in his first choice area. Might need to expand his search to nearby towns.
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Katmar Mar 24, 2020
Yes, he cannot be choosy. I am opting that all of our calling will result in something soon. The area we live in is very expensive and I doubt he could ever get any rental unless its subsidized housing. I had helped him file for social security and checked out all available programs that he might qualify for. You would be surprised how limited it is. We have a huge baby boomer population so subsidized senior living is very limited. If he had a drug or alcohol problem, he could get housing. If he had severe mental illness where he was suicidal, he could be admitted for short term care- but he would have to be hospitalized. He really falls between the cracks. I have called the local and regional politicians, and every and any agency I can find. So what do we do with these seniors that are poor, have no assets and not in the best of health. He can barely walk. I have been trying to suggest jobs that he might be able to apply for in this time of need-including grocery delivery for Instacart and dasahound. I am so grateful for your help and suggestions. Thank you
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You might want to expand your search beyond Senior Apartments. If he should wind up in the ER again, ask to see their Social Worker and explain that your brother has nowhere to go. You can also try your local Department of Health and Human Services for help, or even Adult Protective Services. Your only other choice is to have him park on your sofa and accept the circumstances of him fighting with your sister. Unless, of course, you lay down the law to them and explain that if they don’t behave, you’ll be exploring apartments and condos in your area for yourself and moving out, leaving them to themselves and their rancorous relationship.
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Katmar Mar 24, 2020
Good idea about adult protective services. I may look into that. Thanks
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I should probably clarify. Dad went to a nursing home in January. We are all seniors. My sister went to court to evict him. The only way to stop her was to buy her out and its not possible. When I said tolerate, I meant that they are civil enough to him to say hello and good by and not create further problems. I spent alot of time with him calling agencies for senior housing but, there are long waiting lists. I was hoping that loosing housing through no fault of his own might help. He has had his name on these lists for years but the need is so great here that its very difficult to get the help. I have spent the last 20 years caregiving my husband, then my Mom and then Dad for 5 years. I do not want to return to that career. Family dynamics are difficult at best. Dad and my brother had a very difficult relationship their whole life. It was easy for my sister to get him to quit claim the deed to us. Neither myself or the sister that lives with me want any part of the house. It is a run down money pit. I cannot let him go to a shelter. The last time that happened, he was hit in the head by a bottle and ended up in the hospital. Lots of people with mental health issues in the shelters. He is very depressed and being treated for it. Cannot advocate for himself. I know if I can’t find a place I will have him on my couch but I really don’t want this to happen. Prayers needed. Thank you all for the help. It helps to get other opinions
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I agree with Countrymouse. Your family hardly "tolerates" your brother.

That said, both your dad and sister live in ***your*** house; therefore, ***your*** rules. You have a sofa and many, many people would be grateful to have it as a temporary place to rest their heads. I believe in the old saying that charity begins at home. He is your brother and it's your house so it doesn't really matter that your father and sister don't get along with him.

What matters right now, and during this public health crisis, is what *you* feel is the right thing to do toward your brother. If you feel the right thing is offering him your sofa, you *tell* your father, sister and brother that you expect them to be on their best behavior because it's your house and your rules. If you feel the right thing is not offering him your sofa, accept whatever happens to your brother.
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My heart goes out to you as you seem to be a very caring and self less person wanting the best for everyone. Please take care of yourself first and know that you are not responsible for everyone’s life choices and actions. I realize it’s difficult to seem uncaring but utilizing resources and services was the only way I survived taking care of my two aging parents before they passed. My siblings didn’t commit to contributing to their care but we’re high on criticism. After my own health declining my prayers were answered by caring resources. Take care.
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Reply to Vovie1925
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Your father lived in a house.
Your brother moved in to your father's house and lived with him there for seventeen years.
The house was owned jointly by three daughters. The son was excluded. How did this come about, and when?
Your father moved out of the house and moved into your house to be looked after.
One sister then decided to move in to the jointly-owned house. In the process your brother had to be evicted. Legal action was taken, which can only have been with the consent of all three of you.
Brother is duly thrown out.
Sister two is living with you and your father. ??? Why?
Because of this, though I'm tempted to be grateful for small mercies, you don't have room or emotional space to offer your brother a home even temporarily.
He is now physically on his way to your house so that you can help him find shelter.

And what should you do? What would we do?

😶

He DOES have other family to help! He's got at least two other sisters!

What are you not telling us about why they are so determined to wash their hands of him, and yet you're not?

By the way. I'm all for a little irony, in its place, but putting "inverted commas" around a word can only get you so far with it. Having your brother evicted from his home of seventeen years and seeing him go to a homeless shelter is by NO stretch "tolerating" him.
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Has your brother considered applying for Medicaid and going to a facility that accepts it? He has health issues so would qualify for Skilled Nursing.
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Katmar Mar 24, 2020
He has medicaid but would not qualify for nursing home care. He would have had his knee replaced but all elective surgeries are delayed because of covid 19. Thanks for the suggestion
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Many cities are developing special strategies to deal with the homeless with an eye to preventing community spread of covid 19, in my nearest they are actually renting hotel/motel space - contact your local resources to see if there is anything like this available. Even if there is no official program available check out the possibility of working out a deal with a hotel/motel on your own, this industry is taking a huge financial hit and may be willing to make a deal.
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Shane1124 Mar 24, 2020
Perfect answer
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