I am the peacemaker. We were raised to help each other if we can. My brother had done a lot of things that have created problems but none of us is totally innocent. Long and short of it, he was living with Dad for 17 years when Dad came to live with me. The house was in the 3 daughters names and one wanted to move in-requiring him to move out. He is a very big man and had health issues and does not work. He was self employed most of his life and his social security is very low (less than 500/mo) and where we live, this won’t get you a room to rent. He was forced out by the courts (evicted) and ended up in a homeless shelter. It broke my heart. I had no room for him and one of my sisters lives with me and they don't get along. He had a friend that allowed him to stay with him but the sold the house and now my brother has to be out by April 1. He has signed up for senior housing in multiple areas but they are either not taking names or the waiting list is so long, he’ll probably die before a place is available. I am so upset. I dont want to see him go to a shelter (especially with Covid 19) and all I have is a couch but even if I offer it to him, do I really want to live with that daily tension between my sister and brother? I am trying to help him but I dont know what to do. I’m really scared for him.. social services tells him to go to a shelter. He has no other family to help. He is coming over soon so I can help him call anyone and everyone that I think might help but I am at a loss. Help. What would you do?
Your brother moved in to your father's house and lived with him there for seventeen years.
The house was owned jointly by three daughters. The son was excluded. How did this come about, and when?
Your father moved out of the house and moved into your house to be looked after.
One sister then decided to move in to the jointly-owned house. In the process your brother had to be evicted. Legal action was taken, which can only have been with the consent of all three of you.
Brother is duly thrown out.
Sister two is living with you and your father. ??? Why?
Because of this, though I'm tempted to be grateful for small mercies, you don't have room or emotional space to offer your brother a home even temporarily.
He is now physically on his way to your house so that you can help him find shelter.
And what should you do? What would we do?
😶
He DOES have other family to help! He's got at least two other sisters!
What are you not telling us about why they are so determined to wash their hands of him, and yet you're not?
By the way. I'm all for a little irony, in its place, but putting "inverted commas" around a word can only get you so far with it. Having your brother evicted from his home of seventeen years and seeing him go to a homeless shelter is by NO stretch "tolerating" him.
That said, both your dad and sister live in ***your*** house; therefore, ***your*** rules. You have a sofa and many, many people would be grateful to have it as a temporary place to rest their heads. I believe in the old saying that charity begins at home. He is your brother and it's your house so it doesn't really matter that your father and sister don't get along with him.
What matters right now, and during this public health crisis, is what *you* feel is the right thing to do toward your brother. If you feel the right thing is offering him your sofa, you *tell* your father, sister and brother that you expect them to be on their best behavior because it's your house and your rules. If you feel the right thing is not offering him your sofa, accept whatever happens to your brother.
I realize brother would only be left with a small amount for food and medicine, but perhaps he would qualify for other welfare programs (SSI?) and Meals on Wheels. Could you sisters chip in a little?
I don't know the best place to post for a "room wanted," but I've seen people do so on Craigslist. Maybe he could also put notices on bulletin boards at church, senior centers, and other places. Brother would need to present himself as a model boarder, and it would be helpful if he could offer some services (help with housekeeping, lawn maintenance, dog-walking?)
And brother may not have the luxury of living in his first choice area. Might need to expand his search to nearby towns.
Mm. Not that Katmar has said a word to the contrary, but would brother tick all those boxes?
Many unanswered questions.
If you feel badly about your brothers situation and your sister is living with you you can invite him to move in, tell both your brother and sister..."MY HOUSE MY RULES" and lay down the ground rules. If your sister does not accept them she can move out leaving space for brother. If brother does not accept the rules he does not move in. As soon as either creates tension or dissension out they go.
On the other hand if you live with your sister it is HER house her rules so brother will have to find a place to live.
Unfortunately many places are closed for placement. (although Chicago has decided to use now empty hotels for quarantine and the YMCA plans to use facilities for homeless to "shelter in place")