I hate Christmas! I always have for as long as I can remember. Am I alone in these feelings or do I have company?

I have always enjoyed Christmas, especially with my life partner over the last 46 years, she was 12 years my senior,and we had an awesome loving relationship, but sadly, in 2017 she got dementia and Alzeimers, and her oldest daughter took her away, put her in a care facility,and has totally shut me out of the life!!! I have not seen my Peggy for 1 and 1/2 years, I don't know where she is, I cannot talk to her at all..I am truly heartbroken....so the last two Christmas have been very lonely for me...I love my God and am thankful for all he has given me....I just wish I could see my partner, but it is not be to be...Happy New Year Y'all!!!

I’m sorry you feel that way. I think you need to focus on what will make you happy and not stress. Denying yourself a beautiful holiday like Christmas is not the answer. You need to focus on yourself and by that I mean that u have to figure out how you can enjoy the holiday. You deserve to be happy. If there are specific relatives that are rude or make you feel bad, stay away from them! But forgetting Christmas all together is not fair to you. I love Christmas although I have had my share of stressful ones. Just do t put yourself through that. But make sure u celebrate!

Well, it's over and presumably everybody here survived. If y'all don't mind, I'd like to share how mine went, bc I wasn't really expecting much but I decided to "go through the motions" for the sake of my 90-yo MIL who lives with us and the 2 g-kids my dh and I are raising. I'm a Protestant Christian and know a lot of the trappings of the season are of pagan origin, but the deco and festivities are kind of special to MIL. So we put up a small artificial tree and a Nativity set, and a few nice artificial poinsettias and a garland or two, and she set up her Christmas cards and the place looked festive. Then my daughter and her husband texted to say they would be here- from several states away. This was a VERY big deal! So the kids and I started making cookies and candy. We got the giggles and had a blast. The parents' visit was a lot of fun but too brief. We ate too much junk and played games and the weather was awesome. Yeah... even though my daughter has issues and it made the kids sad when they left, and it wasn't really a Hallmark movie, it was a good time while it lasted. So I guess ... for us anyway, or at least for me, Christmas is a lot like any other day. You make the most of it, take what comes, enjoy it the best you can. I too buried a loved one in December, in 2004, a husband. And almost his last words to me were, "Be happy." I'm grateful to him for that. I strive to be.

katiekat, every year I vow that next year I'll do this and I'll do that. There is a part of me that feels every year that maybe this year I'll go home with that warm, special feeling in my heart. You'd think that by now I'd know better. :P

You should probably go on a cruise the week of Christmas. That's my plan for next year. The stress of this year's Christmas landed me in the emergency clinic with an abnormal EKG.

blackhole - it's ok to have some expectations. Just have the right ones. I have expectations - that others will let me down, that the perfectly planned day will go awry, that some one (maybe me) will get sick and mess up the holiday, that the parcels will arrive later or in bad condition and so on. This way you don't get let down as much. Life happens.

A line in “To a Mouse,” by Robert Burns: “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley, meaning the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Truth!

Having said that I, and I am sure you, have some opinions about those that did not come and visit the family matriarch, that I will not voice, and they are not pleasant.

I know we are not supposed to have expectations. Or create expectations. Or cater to anyone else’s expectations.

But. My guy and I let the extended family know that our house would be “the place” for family to drop in on Christmas Day and see his 83-y.o. mother. A.K.A their mother, MIL, grandmother or great-grandmother.

[She’s a pretty zippy 83-y.o., BTW. Has a bad hip and doesn’t drive, but everything above the ears is firing on all cylinders. She’s a much better conversationalist than most people her age - and a lot of people who are half her age. She does not live with us. She & the daughter she lives with planned to spend Christmas at our house. So we opened the invitation to everyone. Easy peasy.]

Make it convenient for everyone. No pressure. Come as you are.

NO-SHOWS. Every last one of them. Even though they said “yes” during the flurry of calls texts before Christmas.

Awkward and embarrassing. Even tho my guy and I did nothing wrong.

Some context on this crap-out guest list: Two of the households are 10 miles away. One household is 5 miles away. The other household is 5 blocks away.

Sure sure, no expectations. That’s the modern-day advice. I really try to follow it.

But I’m not sure our 83-y.o. matriarch got the memo. 😐

Thankfully it is over. Now on to New Year's

This year was harder than most. My Dad and Mom have been gone for several years as well as my husband’s parents. Two years ago we lost his younger brother, elder brother passed before their parents, and this summer one of his sisters. Gone are the years of 14+ at the dinner table and this year our son could not be there because of being “on-call” for work. I had a really rough time the days leading up to the holiday and struggled to prepare. I was glad to get home to my puppy and return to work and a regular routine. I did enjoy spending time with family I don’t see often and discussing plans for an upcoming destination wedding with them.

Christmases were way too exhausting for me. I was the one who picked out the greeting cards, signed the cards, addressed the cards, and included a hand written letter [this was all before PC's were the household norm].

I was the one who braved the stores looking for gifts, stressing out what to get each person. I was the one who wrapped the gifts but first I had to go out and get the wrapping paper and bows. I was the one who bundled the gifts to stand in line at the post office.

I was the one who baked the holiday cookies thus giving bags of cookies to all the relatives we visited on our trip back to visit both sides of the family. That was tray after tray after tray of cookies made from scratch.

I was the one who decorated the house for the Christmas season. Hubby's job was to go out and buy a Christmas tree off a lot and bring it home for me to decorate.

Then hubby wondered why I was so darn tired on Christmas Day. I was just so relieved when Christmas was finally over.... oh wait, I still had to take down the Christmas tree and the house decorations.

And write out thank you notes [this was before one could text a thank you].

I agree - I hate the commercialism of Christmas and all the greed. Here I have this dysfunctional family and we are supposed to act like the Waltons! I have family members who have lost their spouses and some that, like me, don't even have a spouse - so all the lovey dove engagement ring commercials are like nails on a chalkboard. The siblings who do nothing show up at parents with huge boxes and these over the top cards about how they are the greatest parents in the world and oh we just LOVE YOU so much....Like a competition. Gee how nice to get a little money ONCE a year, when all through the year I am doing, doing, doing.. Sorry about the rant.

My mother told me this Christmas she doesn't want to live very much longer. She has chronic pain and some minor heart problems, but she is more upset about her chronic pain. Merry Christmas to me, my mother wants to die. I wish I were Jewish.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL-OR CHANUKAH OR WHATEVER.
Be kind to yourself, to others and walk the walk of love.

I can truly identify with you. When I was 9, the most important person in the world to me, then and still, my grandfather, died suddenly of an acute heart attack. He never made it to the hospital. That was 12/22. Since then, my grandmother, also close to me died, unexpectedly on 12/26. My father, again unexpectedly died on 12/10. My other grandfather who I wasn't as close to also died suddenly in December. Of course these events all happened years apart, but every year as December approaches, I start thinking of these losses of people who were very important to me and start to get depressed . I am Christian and do believe in the "true" meaning of Christmas. Except for the 12 years that I was married, I have mostly lived alone. Right now I have my 91 year old mother with SEVERE dementia, living with me. Yesterday she thought Christmas was over. So, as you can see, it's sort of hard for me to get in the ho-ho mood. Call me crazy, but I go through the motions for my 2 dogs. They appreciate everything I do for them, and they do enjoy opening their presents. My mother? Well, put it this way. I've taken care of her and paid the bills for the last 1 1/2 years, and I have yet to hear even one thank you. Thank you for letting me pour my heart out.

I agree with you. I feel the following about the holiday:
a) It actually has pagan origins, so it isn't what people assume it to be (i.e., all the "reason for the season" hype).
b) The Bible doesn't command us to celebrate it, and in fact one of the Gospels doesn't even include this time of Christ's life or birth.
c) It is overcommercialized, as everyone knows. As a friend says, it's the "ultimate celebration of retail capitalism".
d) I believe my biggest frustration with it is that the commercial aspect goes on for several months. I've even seen some signs of it at the end of September.

I would say Hate is a strong word ....Sad , Lonley, stressful ,Two years ago my Dad died of cancer in December , 10 years ago my sister died of a drug overdose leaveing behind 4 children end of october, this year Aunt died 3 days before Thanksgiving due to parkinsons I beleive the sadness comes over us because of the people that we all miss so much Christmas time is a time of Giving and these dear loved ones have departed in one way or another we can NO LONGER share with them... leaveing a sadness😢

Wow! The emotions here about Christmas are all over the place. Oh, to be beautifully human! I loved Christmas when I was growing up. It was the one time of year that us 9 kids got some "new" hand-me-downs. Then I grew up and my family split apart. Now we hardly speak to each other and we live all over the world. I found myself starting to (I won't say hate) but become extremely uncomfortable and lonely around Christmas time. But this year, for the first time in years, I decided to "lean into" the discomfort, allow it to wash over me, pay attention to things I feel grateful for and the people I can help and have as much fun as I can. I feel more light-hearted and less dread...not perfect, but a lot less uncomfortable. To my delight some unexpected things have happened- more invites and nice surprises from friends to join them at parties and on trips. Take heart the feeling about Christmas is just that...a feeling. It's not necessarily facts and your perspective can shift. Keep reaching for the good and open yourself up. Not easy, just a start.

Has anybody noticed that even if you have these as "newest first", the posts are not in order and sometimes when people reply the one they are replying to is not next to it so their reply may not make sense...??

I think that it is so funny, that kids are basically threatened and manipulated into being good by saying that santa can read their minds, and that an all knowing fat jolly guy in the north pole is just basically spying on them 24/7 and that if they are bad....look out! Kind of like the religions approach to "teaching love". God spying on us all, Basically, do good and give the big fat church money or else you will burn in hell.
Sanata...God..the church?? All kind of scary to me . I am kidding here, kind of, but just think of what that does to the minds of kids. When my mother told me that the tooth fairy and santa are not real, i lost complete faith in her. She had been lying to me all of my young life and i felt shattered. The easter bunny too. My parents did such a great job at all of that stuff for us girls. It was magical.
I am an agnostic, and not ashamed to say so. But, the one good thing about the holidays is that we can all go out of our way, and try to lift the spirits of others.
It gives us an excuse to care more and to meet up with family, if we so desire. I feel very against forced meetings and forced giving. Chopping down trees for 5 days is a sin to me. The junk that we buy is insane and ruining our planet. We must take back our world and stopping the constant making of and buying basically garbage that we do not need, is where to begin. I say-boycott buying anything at this holiday and just help others in need with food and loving warmth. Go to an animal shelter and help out. Adopt a dog or cat.

I would go to a church or shelter that serves meals and volunteer there. That is very "godly". Or bake cookies for the homeless and pass them out . I skip family gatherings due to the drama excessive drinking and the expense....i feel it is forced and a waste of time and money.

try to interest family in volunteering ... serving food at a shelter ... visiting a nursing home or hospital ... or go yourself.

Every year i save about $ 5-10 a month and buy some gifts for people who are alone. I find them thru lower income housing or rental units. I give them to agents to take so i can remain anonymous.

During festivities i can think about those people who are forgotten at christmas.

”everyone” thinks of kids but i like to think of lonely adults.

My mom abandoned me, my sister and my dad on Christmas Eve, 1978 for another man. Best, yet worst Christmas ever.

Because I was a juvenile, I HAD to go to her house for Christmas. She was a drunk, a Narcissist and a bully.

As an adult, living now just a few hours away, I went to her house every Christmas, but hated it. It wasn’t until she was riddled with dementia that I didn’t feel intimidated by her anymore.

She passed in August and we just got her ashes back last month. We buried her in November.

I don’t have any family left, except my estranged thieving sister. I wasn’t invited to her house and wouldn’t go anyway.

Church at midnight to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, a frozen pizza, a glass of vino, and a nice bubble bath. I bought myself a 23 and Me kit to see if I can find some extended family. That will be exciting waiting for the results. Wish me luck. It’s lonely and depressing and I feel I have no place to fit in now that everyone is gone.

I know that’s not sound advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone with your feelings.

Peace and Gods blessings.

I actually loved Christmas until I was around 6years old. Went to Grandma's Christmas Eve and all the cousins, aunts, uncles were there. Did not really matter if we had presents, we kids just loved being able to all be together with family. Never understood the undercurrents going on. Grandma always kept us kids safe. Then the drinking, fights, and the worst was someone swearing at the big 7 fishes dinner Grandma made. I was so angry at them all for being disrespectful, of course at 6 everyone thinks you are being a smart--s 😞 However many years later I have with my husband decided to make our own traditions with our children(now 25 and 29) many happier memories. More focused on friends, family and love for our Savior. What really matters is it is a day to celebrate Him and his birth. (Not that it is an accurate date but a day set for honoring Him)

Your not alone me to! I'm glad someone spoke up.

I have always hated it too. I had all the communicable childhood diseases around Christmas time when I was young and the only photos I have of myself from those years during the holiday I can tell I was in tears. Then when I was a young mother all the extra effort I put in left me exhausted so I didn't enjoy the meal or the day. My husband at the time expected so much of me as well. I have a fear of being on the roads during the holidays, both for the danger of driving on ice and snow and also worrying about drivers who may be inebriated. (My parents had two separate couples of friends who died in car accidents during this time.) I have asthma and my present husband has emphysema so smokers are not fun to be around so we are content to stay at home quietly with no observance whatsoever.

I am learning so much about life on life's terms. I see clearly, that i am creating most of my own anguish by having expectations of others. I project self pity onto the situation and become angry, and crippled emotionally. When i laugh at the things that make me mad, i am powerful, i am in control of me.
The facts are fearsome, and the feelings feel like facts but they aren't. Feelings aren't facts. But, the self pity, anger, resentments, loss of desire to move ahead, is all on me, and is all my own doing. Self medication with booze, or food, or whatever is harmful, is not the answer. I go for long walks, i do the gym, i sit and stare at the uplifting youtube animal videos till i am crying tears of joy.

What about those of us who want to to have a 'Christmas day" comments link? We could come run and say hi, discuss our plans for the new year, ask for input on something, and just basically be social support on that day?? if someone starts it i will be happy to visit on 12-25. I wish all you well, and peace of mind as we enter a whole new year!

I think that christmas can make depression worse. It is all about buying things we don't need, spending money we don't have, and traveling to places just for a few moments. These holidays that are all about money and forced giving, and the guilt that comes with not buying. The remembrances of family that are not here, or dead. I do not do the holidays. I feel no guilt at all. If i do anything on the time of them i volunteer to cook meals at a church or bake cookies and hand them out to the homeless on the streets of NYC.

I'm not much for Christmas either. I celebrate JESUS birth 365 days a year. Gershun, do something different this year, visit a nursing home, go for a hike if you're able and enjoy GOD's beautiful creation. This should be a time of rejoicing so do something you enjoy.

It's my favorite holiday. One of that rare moments when our family gathers together