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Mom, 80 y/o: Early slow onset dementia, mobility issues, was in an assisted living facility, then they raised the rate 24.7%, in addition being short staffed resulting in sub par care. We moved her to another facility a couple days ago ( happy new year), and the transition has not been good. She passed the “ assessment “ with flying colors , but a call from the nurse today informed me that she isn’t able to transition from chair to wheelchair and it’s taking two cna’s to move her. I spoke with the nurse at length, and while she said she thinks it’s behavioral, but if it doesn’t improve, they’ll have no choice but to give us 30 days notice to move her to another facility.



Mom was great growing up, but the past 10 years or so she’s become hateful , argumentative, and often plays the wounded duck. In her defense, the place she used to be at let her lay in bed almost 24/7, and this new place is getting her up ( at least into a chair), so in think she didn’t have the stamina to do even the slightest thio like sitting up for a few hours. I don’t know…. I just don’t.



I’m scared to death they’ll make her move, again. I can’t have her live with me ( tried that, no Gouda). We can’t afford a nursing care facility. She’s slowing spending more than she has coming in. I’m afraid of it comes to it, they’ll take her house to pay for costs…. Trouble is, I live in her house.



I’m tired, scared, and feeling selfish, and just want it all to go away…



thanks for listening to this jumbled mess of word vomit.

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Your Mom needs more than an Assisted Living. They are limited in their care. Take the money she has left and use it for Longterm care then apply for Medicaid.

With my Mom she had 20k when I transferred her to LTC. I started the Medicaid application in April, placed Mom May 1st. The 20k covered her care for May and June. That gave me time to spend down her money and get together the info Medicaid needed. In June I confirmed the 20k was spent down and the caseworker had what he needed. Medicaid started July 1st.

My State only allows 90 days once application is made to spend down assets, get them info needed and find a place for the recipient. If not done in that time, you start all over again.
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If your mom was left to just lie in bed at the old facility, of course she will now be weak, as we lose muscle strength the more inactive we are. Perhaps it's time to bring in some PT to see if that will help.
And if this new facility doesn't work out you will have to apply for Medicaid for your mom and she will have to be placed in a nursing facility.
And yes her home may have to be sold to pay for her care unless she has done something to protect it. Her money and assets(yes that includes her home)should now be used to get her the best care possible.
Best wishes in getting this all figured out.
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If she has to move to nursing home care, get her on Medicaid. She will be able to keep her house.
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Daughterof1930 Jan 2023
Better check the state specific Medicaid rules on keeping the house. The daughter OP lives in the home now, different states may view this in varying ways
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It really is stressful to constantly worry about the 'what ifs'
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Ask mom’s doctor to Rx a course of PT to get her mobile again. This will give you an answer of whether it’s doable or not. Also, if she’s not on a medication for the extreme behavior, speak to the doctor about this, there are meds that help calm bad behaviors without making people into zombies. If nothing works she will need NH level care, and likely that will come to Medicaid paying one day. Start researching now how your state handles the home you’re living in for that time.
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