I just had a major meltdown and yelled at my Mom who has general anxiety disorder. How do I avoid this?

Nancy, nicely ask a local policeman, in uniform, to come and tell her about these scams and say "Ma'am" a lot. I'm sure he will use very polite language, whereas my thoughts about those evil xxxx's are not fit to type.

Dear Nancy, I will pray for all of you. I feel for you as well. I have decided that tomorrow is a new day and I try again. We can only do the best we can. Hang in there.

I so feel for you because I just did the same tonight. mine is because my 79 yr.old mom has been taken in by all these win money scams & I mean tons of them. a man has been calling the last few days saying she has won $4 million +, but to get it he wants her to wire him $500.00 & she is having a fit to do it. daddy got so fed up he took her to the bank & they talked her out of it. now he wants her to get a green dot card & send it to him. needless to say I let her have what far. as a lady I used to work with used to say " I had a JESUS come to meeting with her"" of course she cried & all but I told her if she does this I don't know where I will stand with her. I do almost everything for her as far as taking her places but this will break my heart if she sends this stranger this money. my sister is there now , I guess doing just what I did. pray for my family that this is worked out.

onlyme, my Mom also uses that same hormone cream, I heard it works pretty good. But it cannot be used by anyone who had hormone driven cancers, such as breast cancer, endometrial, and uterine cancers :(

Hey, just wanted to say this. My mom gets a hormone cream from her gyn. It replaces some estrogen and prevents thinning of these delicate tissues. She just applies it twice weekly and it keeps her skin healthier down there. Maybe this is helpful information?

vegaslady, thanks for saying that. I have melt downs, too. I've learned to sympathize with myself. And I sympathize with Lindalouie. If others are like me, we live with stress that would make others run far away. It's remarkable that we don't melt down more often. If this is the first time you've yelled, Lindalouie, you are doing well. I hope that they can figure out what is wrong with your mother, but I know answers can be elusive when it comes to pain.

I would at least consider a second opinion from another Gyn (and hopefully a female one as suggested earlier). You've gotten a lot of good advice, both for your mom and for your "losing it". We've all lost it, so do the best you can and just let it go. You are NOT alone in that area!!

No advice on mom's pain, but for yours, just forgive yourself. I have a meltdown on a regular (daily?) basis. It's just about guaranteed to happen at least once in a while.

Pain is such a hard one to access because we are not feeling it. My Mother complained constantly about being dizzy. I took her to numerous MD's and specialists and they could find nothing wrong but they were not the ones listening to her constant complaining. On our upteenth visit one of the docs finally said "she is 91, she will have to live with her "dizzy spells" and pretty much get over it. I stopped thinking that there was something that I could do. I did all that I could and it was very frustrating. She eventually forgot about the dizzyness and moved on to another physical complaint. Now I just listen, agree that it sucks to get older and move on to another topic.

Linda; you are, as we all are, finding our way. forgive yourself and move on. We're all doing the best we can!

From my post "probiotics" not probity! Country Mouse, your response was so eloquent! Linda; I don't know if your mom has dementia, but I've noticed with my elderly mom that she doesn't always process pain the way the rest of us would, can't always tell us where pain is. I would tread very carefully here; is she bearing weight on all extremities? How is her gait? I'm thinking that what she is experiencing could be a fractured pelvis or hip, worst case scenario? Not a pleasent thought, but a trip to the ER can rule out all kinds of stuff if you are insistent enough. Hugs and good thoughts!

Thank you everyone !!! I'm regrouping my thoughts. You people are terrific

Wonder if an urinary tract infection would cause a similar pain? Or even constipation? Sometimes patients are afraid or don't think such things are even related, so they say nothing.

While you were doing the baths - very conscientiously, I applaud you - did your mother experience any relief from the pain, actually? If not, I'd take her back to the gynaecologist and say "oi, mush, think again please." There are loads of preparation H equivalents that might help, should they turn out to be appropriate, surely?

I suppose it isn't anything daft such as her underpants not fitting her comfortably? Or one of those hidden pelvic fractures, where the 'seam' at the pubic mound separates? Oh crumbs, it could be anything; it can be very difficult to be specific about the various 'undercarriage' regions. For symptom relief you could try one of those 'lifesaver' cushions, with a firm seat ring and a hole in the middle - you used to see them in maternity wards, I imagine they're still pretty easy to find?

As for the yelling bit, my heart sinks for you; but since they don't hand out Pure Reason tablets with our Caregivers' badges I think we've all had our non-finest hours. Resolve not to do it again. What more can you do?

And the can't take it much longer? I will happily pray there will be better arrangements to be made before long, for all of us; but meanwhile here's a good rub between the shoulder blades for you. Big hug.

Go back to the gyno, as Maggie says. Elderly women get sh××ty medical care an awful lot of the time, especially from male doctors. When we switched my mom to a female gyno, mom calmed down, she worried less and there were better suggestions about probity to counter recurring infections. And yes, insist on a CAT scan if this doesn't clear up.

Being glad? How about Rejoice? ;) ;)

You're right!

Let's start with being glad we have this site to post our anxiety or stress we're experiencing :-)

Start by forgiving yourself for loosing it. Will pray for you.

Sometimes prayer's all we've got, Linda.

I'd make one more trip to a gynecologist and see if the gynecologist can duplicate the pain. In other words, does it hurt somewhere when something is pressed? Ask the doctor if it's possible she could have an internal abscess in that area. The pain is exquisite. And speaking from experience? It can be missed.

In my case, it was missed by two emergency rooms over an 8-day period. I'm not exaggerating. Missed by TWO emergency room doctors at two different hospitals. I ended up on antibiotic IVs, had emergency surgery the next day, and a two-day hospitalization. Nothing to fool around with. The infection, a nasty one, had spread throughout my body.

Just for the record, they ALSO prescribed sitz baths. Idiots.

If the gynecologist can't find anything, ask for a CT scan . . . or WHATEVER. Pain is a horrible thing. She has no one to speak for her except you, and I have a suspicion that doctors all too often discount pain reports from the very elderly.

If they can't find anything, then get pain medication for her.

Don't blame yourself for losing it. We've all done it. Care giving is a highly (and I do mean HIGHLY) stressful undertaking.

You BOTH need anxiety meds. Now go get some.

Make an appointment for your Mom to see a geriatric doctor.... your Mom could have arthritis of the pelvic bone and tailbone area.... that is what my MIL has but taking over the counter pain pills for arthritis seems to help her [with her doctor's approval].