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OMG ! I hate myself! It seems that I get totally frustrated with the fact that she has "pain" in her vaginal area. I have taken her to the Gyn and there is nothing wrong except some thinning. She told us to do sitz bathes and that was THE answer. We were good for 2 weeks with doing them twice a day and now here we go again. The sitz bath is not helping and I'm supposed the find another answer. She was crying and I lost it! What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm falling apart. I cant' take this much longer and my brother has no time to help out! Pray f;or me.

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Make an appointment for your Mom to see a geriatric doctor.... your Mom could have arthritis of the pelvic bone and tailbone area.... that is what my MIL has but taking over the counter pain pills for arthritis seems to help her [with her doctor's approval].
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You BOTH need anxiety meds. Now go get some.
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Sometimes prayer's all we've got, Linda.

I'd make one more trip to a gynecologist and see if the gynecologist can duplicate the pain. In other words, does it hurt somewhere when something is pressed? Ask the doctor if it's possible she could have an internal abscess in that area. The pain is exquisite. And speaking from experience? It can be missed.

In my case, it was missed by two emergency rooms over an 8-day period. I'm not exaggerating. Missed by TWO emergency room doctors at two different hospitals. I ended up on antibiotic IVs, had emergency surgery the next day, and a two-day hospitalization. Nothing to fool around with. The infection, a nasty one, had spread throughout my body.

Just for the record, they ALSO prescribed sitz baths. Idiots.

If the gynecologist can't find anything, ask for a CT scan . . . or WHATEVER. Pain is a horrible thing. She has no one to speak for her except you, and I have a suspicion that doctors all too often discount pain reports from the very elderly.

If they can't find anything, then get pain medication for her.

Don't blame yourself for losing it. We've all done it. Care giving is a highly (and I do mean HIGHLY) stressful undertaking.
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Start by forgiving yourself for loosing it. Will pray for you.
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Let's start with being glad we have this site to post our anxiety or stress we're experiencing :-)
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Being glad? How about Rejoice? ;) ;)

You're right!
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Go back to the gyno, as Maggie says. Elderly women get sh××ty medical care an awful lot of the time, especially from male doctors. When we switched my mom to a female gyno, mom calmed down, she worried less and there were better suggestions about probity to counter recurring infections. And yes, insist on a CAT scan if this doesn't clear up.
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While you were doing the baths - very conscientiously, I applaud you - did your mother experience any relief from the pain, actually? If not, I'd take her back to the gynaecologist and say "oi, mush, think again please." There are loads of preparation H equivalents that might help, should they turn out to be appropriate, surely?

I suppose it isn't anything daft such as her underpants not fitting her comfortably? Or one of those hidden pelvic fractures, where the 'seam' at the pubic mound separates? Oh crumbs, it could be anything; it can be very difficult to be specific about the various 'undercarriage' regions. For symptom relief you could try one of those 'lifesaver' cushions, with a firm seat ring and a hole in the middle - you used to see them in maternity wards, I imagine they're still pretty easy to find?

As for the yelling bit, my heart sinks for you; but since they don't hand out Pure Reason tablets with our Caregivers' badges I think we've all had our non-finest hours. Resolve not to do it again. What more can you do?

And the can't take it much longer? I will happily pray there will be better arrangements to be made before long, for all of us; but meanwhile here's a good rub between the shoulder blades for you. Big hug.
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Wonder if an urinary tract infection would cause a similar pain? Or even constipation? Sometimes patients are afraid or don't think such things are even related, so they say nothing.
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Thank you everyone !!! I'm regrouping my thoughts. You people are terrific
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From my post "probiotics" not probity! Country Mouse, your response was so eloquent! Linda; I don't know if your mom has dementia, but I've noticed with my elderly mom that she doesn't always process pain the way the rest of us would, can't always tell us where pain is. I would tread very carefully here; is she bearing weight on all extremities? How is her gait? I'm thinking that what she is experiencing could be a fractured pelvis or hip, worst case scenario? Not a pleasent thought, but a trip to the ER can rule out all kinds of stuff if you are insistent enough. Hugs and good thoughts!
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Linda; you are, as we all are, finding our way. forgive yourself and move on. We're all doing the best we can!
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Pain is such a hard one to access because we are not feeling it. My Mother complained constantly about being dizzy. I took her to numerous MD's and specialists and they could find nothing wrong but they were not the ones listening to her constant complaining. On our upteenth visit one of the docs finally said "she is 91, she will have to live with her "dizzy spells" and pretty much get over it. I stopped thinking that there was something that I could do. I did all that I could and it was very frustrating. She eventually forgot about the dizzyness and moved on to another physical complaint. Now I just listen, agree that it sucks to get older and move on to another topic.
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No advice on mom's pain, but for yours, just forgive yourself. I have a meltdown on a regular (daily?) basis. It's just about guaranteed to happen at least once in a while.
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I would at least consider a second opinion from another Gyn (and hopefully a female one as suggested earlier). You've gotten a lot of good advice, both for your mom and for your "losing it". We've all lost it, so do the best you can and just let it go. You are NOT alone in that area!!
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vegaslady, thanks for saying that. I have melt downs, too. I've learned to sympathize with myself. And I sympathize with Lindalouie. If others are like me, we live with stress that would make others run far away. It's remarkable that we don't melt down more often. If this is the first time you've yelled, Lindalouie, you are doing well. I hope that they can figure out what is wrong with your mother, but I know answers can be elusive when it comes to pain.
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Hey, just wanted to say this. My mom gets a hormone cream from her gyn. It replaces some estrogen and prevents thinning of these delicate tissues. She just applies it twice weekly and it keeps her skin healthier down there. Maybe this is helpful information?
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onlyme, my Mom also uses that same hormone cream, I heard it works pretty good. But it cannot be used by anyone who had hormone driven cancers, such as breast cancer, endometrial, and uterine cancers :(
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I so feel for you because I just did the same tonight. mine is because my 79 yr.old mom has been taken in by all these win money scams & I mean tons of them. a man has been calling the last few days saying she has won $4 million +, but to get it he wants her to wire him $500.00 & she is having a fit to do it. daddy got so fed up he took her to the bank & they talked her out of it. now he wants her to get a green dot card & send it to him. needless to say I let her have what far. as a lady I used to work with used to say " I had a JESUS come to meeting with her"" of course she cried & all but I told her if she does this I don't know where I will stand with her. I do almost everything for her as far as taking her places but this will break my heart if she sends this stranger this money. my sister is there now , I guess doing just what I did. pray for my family that this is worked out.
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Dear Nancy, I will pray for all of you. I feel for you as well. I have decided that tomorrow is a new day and I try again. We can only do the best we can. Hang in there.
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Nancy, nicely ask a local policeman, in uniform, to come and tell her about these scams and say "Ma'am" a lot. I'm sure he will use very polite language, whereas my thoughts about those evil xxxx's are not fit to type.
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Has Mom been checked for a UTI? Does she have regular normal bowel movements?
I am assuming the OBGYN did a complete pelvic examination?
Has she had any kind of pelvic surgery at any time? does not matter how long ago it was. Hysterectomy? Bladder support? Prolapse reduction? Hernia repair? was a CT scan of her pelvis suggested?
The rule in my book is that if a loved one says they have pain it has to be believed.
Does anything relieve it? Sitting in a warm bath? A warm pad on her belly?
Is it constant or does it come and go at certain times of the day? Can she sleep at night or does the pain keep her awake? Does she have haemorroides?
In the vaginal area there are three systems to be evalualted.
In the front is the urethra which drains urine from the bladder, this is only about 3 inches long so there could be stones in the bladder which are incredibly painful if they are passed. the tubes (ureters) that drain the urine from the kidneys to the bladder can go into spasm when there are stones present and aginagony which comes and goes and presents as pain in the groin. next is the vagina and the outlet to the utehra is in the front of this and maybe even tucked inside, The vagina of course connects the uterus to the outside. there are numerous conditions than can affect this system which may present as pain which seems to be in the vagina. Finally behind all this is the rectum and there are a huge number of things that can affect this and present as pelvic pain.
Finally trying a pain med stronger than Tylenol may be worth seeing if it relieves the pain. When no cause for pain can be found it is too often believed not to be real and of course this may also be possible in this case. How old is mom/
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Lindalouie, I looked up causes of pain in the vaginal area last night on Google and found many. There were quite a few that wouldn't show up unless someone was looking in the right places, rather than superficially. I do believe your mother has pain. In my experience dealing with my hypochondriac mother, I've learned if she repeats a certain complaint over a long time, there is a problem there.

It can be exhausting for us caregivers running around to doctors searching for some relief for our parents. I don't know about other people's experience, but I have been "put off" by how gynecologists have treated my mother. I don't think many are used to working with the elderly, and many around here won't take Medicare, so it is apparent they don't want to. I wish there were some doctors who specialized in geriatric gynecology. I don't think we have a single one around here. If we do, I haven't found him/her.
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In the state of Louisiana that would be considered elder abuse. Your mom or anyone else who heated the outburst and you would have state agencies knocking on your front door not just once but weekly. Then follow up that with local detectives from the sheriffs office investigating claims of abuse to the infirm. I would suggest you scream into a pillow on your own bedroom. It can get ugly!
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Check for uti. After the warm sitz bath use Tucks Medicated pads resting on top of a pantie liner pad in her under wear. They are safe and soothing. Use often through out the day and in evenings. So sorry your Mom is having this issue. Hope this helps her..Keep in mind this life you are leading is all temperary..just hang on to the love..
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Been there done that.Probably will again. I just keep repeating the mantra...humble yourself, humble yourself..sometimes you can't help it...I didn't want to do it, but anxiety med s helped.
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I love how people just say "get some meds".
Don't. Everyone thinks everything can be cured with a pill these days.

Go to the store, get some Vagicaine (anti-itch cream) -- I know you said she has "pain" but an untreated 'itch' can reach to levels of pain. And especially since the elderly skin thins out, the itch CAN be painful. So try that.

The next solution is a prescription you need from the doctor. Sometimes, if she is not properly dried off or wearing the wrong type of underwear, anyone at any age can develop a yeast infection. A yeast infection doesn't necessarily need to have all the gruesome symptoms if you know what I mean. The yeast on our body can be found even under our breast or if she's a larger woman, under folds of skin. It's a painful rash. Try: Clotrimazole Betamethasone Dipropionate cream. (Ugh such a long name just to say: anti fungal cream.) Don't do the monastat 7 thing. Too much. This cream I'm suggesting will ease her pain and take away the infection (if there is one). Check her temperature too.

I hope this helps.

As far as lashing out? Forgive yourself and each time she is complaining of pain, take a deep breath and just picture the world from her eyes. That's what I do. It's very difficult to keep hearing complaints, but if you seriously cannot tolerate it or you have had it 'up to here' --- is there someone else in your family who can help out?

Good luck……
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i would take to a female doc an it could be anything. now that'I' HAVE HAD A HISTORECTOMY, doctors dont treat me very well either. She could have a cyst, or a facture down there. And for exploding an yelling, i have done this too. Its all part of this journey we go through. i take care of both my parents as much as I can.. Dad has a stomach tube, my mom has lukeimia and diabetes. And they are both hoarders. I even called social services on them. Didnt help. They said anybody can live the way they want. Dads is always in pain from both artheritsidt and uses 2 cains. my mom is also on oxygen. It is hard. No doubt. I will pray that you find a answer for your mom. pray for yourself. God hears us.
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Your mom has depression. Sometimes people who have clinical depression experience physical pain. Is she on an antidepressant?
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I am so grateful for this forum....before I found it, I felt so alone and crazy for some of the feelings I was having...but I am relieved that I am not the only caregiver going through this. I too have had minor melt downs in the past, but this past week I really blew it and yelled at my mother. I am the only caregiver for her (even though I have siblings). My older brother lives away and does come home as much as possible to help and helps out financially, but I am her day to day caregiver. It seems like there is a never ending list to her problems...I run her to the doctor and/or come up with a solution that may last a couple of weeks and then it is right back to the same or a new problem arises. It is frustrating because she will only try things once or twice before giving up and saying it is not working, BUT expects me to constantly come up with ways to help (ie. relieve pain, make her more comfortable). I work a full time job taking care of spinal cord injury patients (who need total care), have two children, one in college and another in high school, plus taking care of my mother. I am being pulled in so many directions that same days I feel like I am losing my mind. I used to feel very guilty when I had the meltdowns, but now I just don't care. I have so many people "pulling" on me but no one to help. It is a shame that I have to get to this point before my siblings will lift a finger to help instead of just coming for a "visit". So my advice is don't be hard on yourself. No one knows what it is like and what it is caregivers go through....
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