I had a blow-out with my mom. How do I avoid this?

My mother is a problem as well, years ago I had to make a decision, I advised her that if she was not courteous and didn't speak to in a decent tone of voice that I would take my things and leave, and I did over & over again. I would also stay away for a week or so and not answer her calls, she would be good for awhile and then she would start all over.

So, 12+ years ago I just walked away and went no contact, it was her or me, I chose me, best decision that I ever made.

Sending support your way.

It’s okay to admit to mom, and to yourself that the living arrangement isn’t working and isn’t healthy for either of you. No one has failed, it just hasn’t worked. Mom would be better off living somewhere else and you’d be better off in your home as you envision it. Time to be honest and make it happen

Why are you allowing someone who "loves to push your buttons" live in your home?

Put her in a facility.

My SON pushes every button I own.

I let him know when he's gone too far and when he goes one step beyond what's OK, I walk out. I don't live with them, we just visit. And we stay in a hotel, so when this happens (and it usually does) I can leave.

If DH isn't with me, I call an Uber. Son knows what he has done and can choose to apologize and do better or deal with explaining to his kids why Nonny walked out of the house crying and is now back at the hotel.

I have to set really tight boundaries with him. He thinks it's beyond hilarious to get under my skin. I hate being teased. He knows it. He can choose to be fun and kind and loving--but often he chooses to be mean and biting. Yes, it may be all in jest, or fun, but I hate it and he needs to respect it.

I would NEVER live with someone who disrespected me all the time. You and mom? DO you WANT to mend the relationship? Because you can only fix you. If mom isn't willing to abide by common rules of kindness and decency, then she can find elsewhere to live.


My own mom also could push my buttons. I would simply say "Mom, that was uncalled for. I'm leaving and I will see you when you are feeling better". And I'd walk away for a few days or a few months.

They say we teach people how to treat us. That could be very true, IDK.

I skimmed your previous posts. Yes, you were certainly taken advantage of.

You may have found her a room to rent? And her SS will be enough?

Do you have POA/HCPOA for her? Does she still make her own decisions? If she still does make her own decisions, what if she refuses to go to the rented room?

Did you ever consult an elder attorney? And are the legal proceedings against your brother and his wife still going on?

Was what you said the truth? If so, maybe its time that Mom heard the truth and thats when it finally happens, when you have had enough. Time to tell Mom its not working and she needs to find a place.

Mom has no choice. She takes the room. You move her things in and her too. You make sure she is all comfy and leave. Like taking a child to the first day of school.

Gracie, you didn't come back to us to answer my question so I did a bit of research of your profile.

Clearly living with you is not working and needs now to change. Until that happens you will continue to feel guilty over "blowing up" at someone who has no capacity for change. She should not have been moved into the home. It is not working. Begin the process of placement now would be my advice. You will NOT change her, and in fact things are likely to get a good deal worse.

You do not want to end looking at yourself in the mirror and considering whether or not you are abusive.

I wish you the best. Don't require of yourself what your limitations cannot deliver. You didn't cause her problems. You cannot fix them. You have a right to your life.

My mother allowed her mother who "pushed all her buttons" to come live with us when I was a baby. All that button pushing turned my mother into a nervous wreck and the 2 of them fought like dogs all day long, which turned me into a nervous wreck with a chronic stomach ache. I moved out the first chance I had, too, and always had a difficult relationship w my mother for the rest of her life as a result of my dysfunctional childhood. I vowed to NEVER ALLOW her to come live with me in her old age and she didn't. It was AL all the way, then memory care AL. Best decision I could have ever made. Oil and water don't mix. You're asking how to force them TO mix when they naturally separate.

The answer is......you move mom out of your house after you admit it was a mistake to allow her to move in in the first place. Cut your losses now before you wind up losing more of yourself and your life to a something unfixable.

Grace, who did she give her money to?

Look up Grey Rock as a technique for not interacting with someone who is a narcissistic. It's NOT just not talking to them.

You should also consider eviction as an option. If she is about to become homeless, that will open a myriad of social services driven options.

As Beatty likes to say, as long as YOU are the solution, there will be no other solution.